Rejected Sheet Rethal

Discussion in 'Character Applications' started by Kyriosus, Jul 3, 2019.

  1. Kyriosus

    Kyriosus yes

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    ╭─┉┉༻༺┉┉─¡! • !¡─┉┉༻༺┉┉─╮
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    Freak on a Leash﴿

    “Do you feel it? Your life, your very essence,
    all in the palm of my hand.”

    ╰─┉┉༻༺┉┉─¡! • !¡─┉┉༻༺┉┉──╯

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    Full Name: Ryghnareval Aghredelis
    Alias: Devaelus Aeralavah
    Nicknames: Rethal
    Race: Pureblood Kathar
    Subrace: Oscithar
    Affliction: Crimson Witch
    Age: Seventy-four

    Birthday: Feb. 24th
    Sex: Male
    Gender: Male

    Pronouns: He/Him
    Eye color: Black with flecks of red light
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    Religion: Rethal firmly accepts Odella, the Mother, as the single being to whom he owes indefinite worship; if not for her, he would never have grasped the peak of evolution: the Crimson Witch affliction.
    Identity: Rethal is a curse-wielding agent of secrets, devoting himself to both their discovery and to their secrecy. While he seems an easy-going fellow with an ego that might outbound his intelligence, he is savage in his pursuit of the occult and the safety of his Cabal, pursuing them both with two things: relentless determination, and his fists.

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    Total Points: 50/50
    Unspent Points: 0
    Core
    ⊹ Sword combat | +5 Points
    ⊹ Fist combat | +10 Points
    Special
    ⊹ Bodycare Training | +5 Points, +5 Racial
    Hobby
    ⊹ Sculpting Art | +5 Hobby
    ⊹ Wooden Art | +5 Hobby
    Point-buy
    ⊹ Arcanology | +3 Points
    ⊹ Linguistics | +3 Points
    ⊹ Void Sorcery | +15 Points. +Sorcery 1
    ⊹ Roguery | +6 Points
    ⊹ Conning Alchemy | +3 Points

    Body shape

    ⊹ Physical Stat: 25
    ⊹ Sculpted & Average
    Languages
    ⊹ Common | Learned
    ⊹ Katharic | Native
    ⊹ Altalar | Learned
    Prog talents
    ⊹ Sorcerer | Level II
    ⊹ Rogue | Level I

    Special Abilities

    Kathar Racials
    ⊹ Body Scripture I
    ⊹ Emotion Sense I
    ⊱ Crimson Witch Kit (11)
    Sorcery
    ⊹ Dark Curse I
    ⊹ Shadow Curse I
    ⊹ Binge Curse I
    ⊹ Element Control IV
    ⊹ Darkness I
    ⊹ Darkness III
    Arcanology
    ⊹ Ward Knowledge
    Roguery
    ⊹ Burglary Pack
    ⊹ Sleight of Hand Pack
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    Mutations: Rethal has eyes of the abyss. Where only a pitch-black void can be peered into, red flecks of blood seem to dot his eyes like a sky of bleeding stars. His hair is a stark black, and running down the sides of his head a bloody crimson red slowly bled into it. Running along his back, arms, sides, legs, and towards his chest and neck are dark-gray tiger-like stripes, nearly akin to wisping shadows.
    Appearance: Rethal stands at an average six foot two, his musculature bordering between ripped and muscular. He is slimmer than most, but keeps in perfect shape what he does have. He wears a military-like outfit with a red pauldron on his shoulder.
    Abyssal Body II: In his alternate identity, Rethal wears an unassuming, simplistic blue coat, and his musculature seems on the average side. His eyes are a sky blue and his hair is a stark black, complementing the rest of his Fin’ullen-like features. He looks entirely mundane, his skin a soft peachy tan, and his facial structure is much softer than before.

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    Childhood: Rethal grew up in Charcarath, capital of Rokh Vanteer Ombaal. He was born to a prestigious military officer and a wealthy politician, and as such, had their demands and expectations drilled into him from an early age. Doing everything they asked, eventually, as he grew older, he was crushed under growing demands.
    Adolescence: He fell from any status he had as a “prodigy.” His parents shunned him, and in his teens, he grew rebellious. Too rebellious. He picked a fight with the wrong person, and his parents, beyond angered, ordered that he was to be sent into the military to be whipped into shape. Naturally, he was outraged.
    Adulthood: Rethal excelled in battle. So much so that he grew bored, and with each person slain, unstable. He had thrived off of the fear of his enemies and his control over their life, and dove into the occult to satisfy that lust even further. Eventually he grew so wicked that his fellow soldiers turned on him, and after a single betrayal, he was hauled off as a prisoner of war by retreating enemies. But to his surprise, on one auspicious day, a Crimson Witch of The Cabal offered his escape in exchange for service. Along with the Witch, he fled the fort and began his training.
    Regalia: As Rethal completed the ritual to become a Witch, he voiced his interest in pursuing occult matters in Regalia. The Clicker Crisis, the Sanguine Occupation, and many other events interested him, and the Cabal supported his decision. It wasn’t long before he set foot in Regalia.

    Childhood: Rethal grew up in the capital of the ancient and renowned Rokh Vanteer Ombaal: Charcarath. Born to a prestigious military officer and a wealthy politician, he had all of the luxuries he could have ever wanted. Except for one: the luxury of freedom. His parents, by the time he was sensible enough to understand them, quickly drilled into him the multitude of things they expected of him, and his responsibilities. At first, he did everything they asked, all for a smile and a pat on the back. But eventually, as he grew into adolescence, he was crushed under the weight of all of his parents’ demands.
    Adolescence: Rethal fell further and further from his position as any type of “prodigy child,” as he was once considered, and with each tumble his parents shunned him. Now, in his teens, he started to fight back against their demands. He grew rebellious and took his frustrations out on those around him, and eventually, he picked the wrong fight. Bloodied and bruised by the son of the military commander, a “real prodigy,” his pride was shot and finally, his parents cast him out. Their order, as they closed their door on him, was that he was to be whipped into shape in the fields of war. He was outraged, and again, took his anger out on the people around him. He would murder them in war.
    Adulthood: After about two years of basic military training, he was deployed into battle. Surprisingly enough, he excelled. He skewered through his enemies, becoming a terrifying reaper of flesh and blood. But as years of bloodshed went on, he grew unstable. He grew bored. His comfort had been the control he had over others’ lives, and their fear of him. Nobody would have control over him ever again. He wanted more than metals and blades. He cast aside his weapons in favor of his fists, all so he could feel every impact. But that wasn’t enough. He wanted to control them. Turning to the occult, he sought out every method of sorcery and magicks that would satiate his lust, and eventually he started to abandon his duties as a soldier. At every opportunity he stole into the houses of every mage or sorcerer he encountered, looted their corpses on the battlefield, conned them, and stole anything remotely occult-like directly out of their pockets, all for the knowledge he gained from it. His rewards were illustrious. He revelled in curses, toying with and, to an extent, controlling his enemies with ease as time passed. It was pure wickedness. The soldiers that fought alongside him were quick to steer away from him, fearful that he might fall even further to his obsessions and toy with them, too. They turned their backs on him, and he them. And on one darkened day, as he was bruised and bloody but still fighting like a savage, he was wiped off of his feet by a harsh kick to the back of his plate mail, and he fell to the ground alongside dozens of other bodies. It never occurred to him at the time that he had been betrayed, as there was only a second before his consciousness went completely blank, right after a shoe collided with his head.

    To be continued later...

     
    #1 Kyriosus, Jul 3, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2021
  2. TheBioverse

    TheBioverse ❖ Prince of Thieves ❖
    1. --==:: Sylvan: A Breeze Through the Leaves ::==--

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    I'll be reviewing this application!
    @Kyriosus
     
  3. TheBioverse

    TheBioverse ❖ Prince of Thieves ❖
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    Review!
    • Crimson Witches are only able to take four mutations instead of five, as mentioned on the Kathar Page - due to the immunity to common Sunlight Damage. Please remove one of the five you've listed.
    Tag me once you've made the necessary changes, @Kyriosus !
     
  4. Kyriosus

    Kyriosus yes

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    @TheBioverse Changes made in RED!
     
  5. TheBioverse

    TheBioverse ❖ Prince of Thieves ❖
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  6. TheBioverse

    TheBioverse ❖ Prince of Thieves ❖
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    @Kyriosus I've just found out that Crimson Witches do not lose 10 Points as a result of Vampirism. As such, you're free to distribute another 10 points as you wish.
     
  7. Kyriosus

    Kyriosus yes

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    Changes to proficiency points made in RED! Thanks @TheBioverse !
     
  8. TheBioverse

    TheBioverse ❖ Prince of Thieves ❖
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  9. Kyriosus

    Kyriosus yes

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    Changes made in RED due to changes for Vampirism and Crimson Witches! Also, the name Nelaeryn has been removed and replaced with Wyrann. @TheBioverse
     
  10. TheBioverse

    TheBioverse ❖ Prince of Thieves ❖
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  11. Kyriosus

    Kyriosus yes

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    Changes made in RED to languages! Rethal was recently taught Modern Altalar by a friend@TheBioverse !
     
    #11 Kyriosus, Jul 28, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2019
  12. TheBioverse

    TheBioverse ❖ Prince of Thieves ❖
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    @Kyriosus Your character will need the Literacy Points, though it is good to see it being achieved IC instead of written in.
     
  13. Kyriosus

    Kyriosus yes

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    @TheBioverse I removed the language. Sorry I took so long, I was on vacation and it wouldn't let me log in.
     
  14. TheBioverse

    TheBioverse ❖ Prince of Thieves ❖
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  15. Eccetra

    Eccetra Rat Mumther

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  16. Kyriosus

    Kyriosus yes

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    @Eccetra Sorry I forgot to mention this when I changed it, but it was already changed. The proficiencies should have already been updated.
     
  17. Chapstxcks

    Chapstxcks Knight

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    hey ! i am Chap and this is my peer review
    to try and help with the crazy amount of apps being reposted / posted I will look at prof points and body stat but thats it . my thing is numbers not words !
    https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/proficiency-system-rework.78847/

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    ★ your physical stat should be 39 (12 athletics x 2 + 15 fast blades)
    @Kyriosus
     
  18. Kyriosus

    Kyriosus yes

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  19. Kyriosus

    Kyriosus yes

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  20. Ascelus

    Ascelus Professional Rat

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  21. studsonsc

    studsonsc the only son.

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    Hey there! Approved.
     
  22. Kyriosus

    Kyriosus yes

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    Updated the proficiencies, abilities, and the eye/hair color! @Katiesc
     
    #22 Kyriosus, Feb 23, 2020
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2020
  23. Messtro

    Messtro Flower Goblin Staff Member Lore1

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    Approved.
    You also have 10 hobby points to put towards the art profs.
    @Kyriosus
     
  24. Kyriosus

    Kyriosus yes

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    @Nesstro I updated the sheet for the Kathar update. Also added hobby points.
     
  25. Messtro

    Messtro Flower Goblin Staff Member Lore1

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  26. Kyriosus

    Kyriosus yes

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    Reworked the character drastically to fit recent Crimson Witch changes. Looking for a new reviewer, or @Messtro can pick it up again if you want.
     
  27. sonofthestars

    sonofthestars chaotic stupid Staff Member Lore2

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    Claimed for review. Expect a response shortly.
     
  28. sonofthestars

    sonofthestars chaotic stupid Staff Member Lore2

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    @Kyriosus Please put how many Core points remain unspent, if any, somewhere in your Proficiency Points section. This is purely for ease of review. Do that and you'll be all set.

    Tag me when edits are made.
     
  29. Kyriosus

    Kyriosus yes

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    Done! It's right under "Points Spent: 50/50." Hopefully that should work.
    Thanks @sonofthestars !
     
  30. sonofthestars

    sonofthestars chaotic stupid Staff Member Lore2

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  31. Kyriosus

    Kyriosus yes

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    After some consideration, I have removed Warlash Combat completely. I don't think it's all too fun to interact with. I replaced it with +5 swords. In addition, I gave him Conning Alchemy to help him in being a "shadow rogue."
    Let me know if you want anything changed.
    @sonofthestars
     
  32. sonofthestars

    sonofthestars chaotic stupid Staff Member Lore2

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