Preserved Sheet Repost: Noctis Altman

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Pantheizm

Ugly Bastard
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Sep 21, 2016
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Location
In your shoes.
Basic Information (Required)

  • Full Name: Noctis (Or Notte) Horace Altman (Might go by 'Nox')
  • Age: (Age in Alorian years) 23
  • Gender: (Male, Female, Agender) Male
  • Race: (Full Race or specify mixture) Ailor-Physically New Ceardian. Mentally New Ceardian and Dressolini
  • Main Ambition: (Wealth, Power, Knowledge, Love, Popularity, etc) Wealth, Power and Love
  • Special Permission: (if applicable, if not, leave this out, mandatory section below in Skill info)


Visual Information (Required)

  • Eye Color: A light brown color
  • Hair Color: Darker shade of brown.
  • Hair Style: A messy style that naturally almost covers his right eye.
  • Skin Color: Very slightly tanned with dark circles under his eyes.
  • Clothing: A red dyed wool coat that reaches almost to his ankles. It has tight sleeves and hood that he usually keeps on but doesn't shadow his face. He wears dark trousers and shoes but then has a blood-red loose shirt underneath the coat.
  • Height: 5'7''
  • Weight: 147 pounds.
  • Body Build: Slim but sort of athletic.
  • Weapon of Choice: He is skilled with Distortion Anti-Magic and he is Caster level.

Personality and Abilities (Required)
The following is required when filling out your character application. Please use a Bullet Point list. Try to keep the information here as simple and confined as possible, it's supposed to be a short list.
Personality Traits
  • Calm: He is usually calm in most situations. This is mostly because of his merchant father who had taught him to be calm so he could still interact with angry consumers. In memory of him, Noctis tries his best to not get angry or overly excited with things.
  • Tired: For some reason he almost always looks tired. Even when he is filled with energy (which honestly isn't very often) he has an outward appearance of looking droopy. His eyes have dark circles under them hinting at insomnia. Noctis also is tired from the many hours of him trying to perfect Anti-magic. His calmness might stem for him being tired...
  • Addictive: He is constantly either smoking or chewing tabacca. Although he is trying to get himself off of the drugs knowing they're dangerous, he just can't seem to stop. He might cough sometimes, but he usually is alright. His usual calmness is thrown out the window if someone forcibly takes away his tabacca.
  • Cynical: Noctis believes most people only do things for their own benefit. It stems from just life. Most people he has encountered only do things for themselves.
  • Sadistic: He happily watch another man get maimed. To Noctis seeing another person in pain takes away from his own pain. Slicing open someone, seeing someone bleed and cry out for help gives him a sick feeling of pleasure. Of course he usually won't just attack someone at random, but if you give him a job to torture someone. He'll happily accept.
  • Humorous: Noctis is surprisingly humorous despite all the things that happened to him. Although it is more a sarcastic or dry type of humor it is there. He won't be very loud about his jokes though. They would be very subtle.
  • Compassionate: Noctis can be very compassionate towards children and/or teens. That does not include adults, he thinks that they can take care of themselves just fine. He doesn't want any child to feel as bad he did when he was
Strengths
  • Intelligent: Has a high amount of intelligence. A lot of the time he can manipulate and make somebody be on there toes when thinking tactically. He also has a decent uptake on math from his merchant father.
  • Deceptively Strong: He is actually very strong for someone of his size. This can easily cause someone to underestimate him, which can help him in fights. He can actually pullback a longbow with very high draw weights but lacks the aim to shoot.
  • Skilled Climber: Noctis is a very skilled climber. He can easily climb trees, buildings and other objects. His slim but tough fingers can find a crevice in a wall and scramble up it in a matter of seconds. This was developed a lot throughout his childhood.
Weaknesses
  • Smoking: Naturally it makes him not be able to run for long distances. It affects his climbing a lot making him only able to climb in short bursts (around four meters), having a long drawn out fight will drain him. He's only able to make about three dodges before he starts to get noticeable slower and will start to take longer breaths. You might be able to smell him coming.
  • Vision: His vision isn't very good in his right eye, making his overall vision a little bit worse. This obviously makes things difficult on a daily basis. His vision makes him nearsighted. Also he sees things that aren't really there. These hallucinations take him in and out of reality.
  • Naive: He doesn't see the seriousness in something until its too late. Two people of different race arguing, he might not see that a murder will go down. This doesn't mean he isn't intelligent, this means he lacks judgement and experience on certain things. In most cases it can lead him into trouble by getting him into fights that he might not win and not having the experience of a fighter or farmer or anyone that has had it worse then him.
Likes
  • Eating: He liikes to eat because... food is good, nuff said.
  • Smoking: He likes it because it makes him feel good and bad at the same time.
  • Climbing: Makes him feel accomplished for once in his miserable life.
Dislikes
  • Smoking: He knows it is destroying his insides.
  • Formal: He hates going to anything formal, he sees it as annoying and boring.
  • Questions: Too many damn questions will quickly annoy him.


Life Story (Required)

Noctis was born in to a middle class family of Ceardian decent. In this family Noctis was an only child due to his mother dying after he was born. His father was devastated and tried to kill Noctis, seeing him as a demon child. Noctis as a baby was saved mere milliseconds before death because of a man who threw a rock through the window and hit his father. His Father was killed for attempted murder and Noctis was taken in by the man whose name was Karmanion Altman. Karmanion's father was from Dressolini and his mother had Ceardian decent.

When Noctis was 12 he was bullied severely by the other boys nearby, due to him being painfully skinny. In order to get away from these kids he always had to climb. Since the kids were always bigger and clumsier than him, he could always fit his hands and feet into places they couldn't. He never told his adopted father, who was a simple merchant and could pretty much do nothing about it. After about another year of torment... Noctis snapped due to his anger. He indirectly killed one of the boys by accidentally kicking a spade as he was being back into a corner. The spade fell down and cut a boys neck, it had cut a vein and the boy died from shock and blood loss. This lead him to liking to see the pain of others. Especially those that hurt him first. The children ran away from him and told their 'big shot daddies' what had happened. In return the father of the dead bully kidnapped Noctis saying that he wouldn't let him go until money was given to pay for the death of his son. He spent a few months with the man as his Father scraped up a ridiculous amount of money to pay for the ransom. By then Noctis was 14 and became what in modern terms would be an "emo".

Noctis lived in a cloud of darkness from 14 - 17 and on his 18th birthday was back to his old cheerful self. Until he saw his old man die... Noctis saw his adopted father die right in front of him. How? Well a man felt cheated out of his money. You see, Karmanion was severely in debt because of the large sum of money that he had paid to get Noctis out of prison. The man was a fire mage, so he completely burned Karmanion alive. The man was never found and Noctis saw the only man who had loved and cared about him die.

For years afterwards, Noctis had a strong hatred for mages. One day though, he was traveling through a shady part of Regalia with money his father had left over. A thug of some kind was trying to sell him this weird book. The thug had said it was the way to subdue magic users. Noctis was excited with the idea and payed the thug a huge amount of money for the book. Like Father, like son, he spent all of his money on thing and now was 'bankrupt'. He would study the book for hours trying to decipher everything about it. He did this for about two years and one day while he was sleeping in an alleyway, he was pick-pocketed and the book was stolen. Now with just the clothes on his back, a little bit of money and a tiny bit of knowledge of Anti-magic. He now was exposed to the world and everything in it.
 
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Here is my review!
  • Race: Ailor is too broad. Specify the subculture on the race statement. Based on your life story it seems you are Ailor - New Ceardian
  • Your personality as a whole is too heavily toward negative personality traits. Right now you are at 1 positive personality trait and 5 negative. Rework this a little bit to get a more even spread. Maybe add one brand new positive trait and replace one of your current negative ones with a positive. This would give you a decent 3/4 split which is more balanced.
  • Smoking: As a physical weakness, the concept is acceptable, but it just needs a little work to round it out. A few notes on this:
    • No matter how skilled he is at climbing it is still a highly athletic activity. If this is going to be your weakness, he would probably have to be winded after climbing anything that is more than 12 feet tall (4 blocks) where he could basically always get this high, but he would be a bit winded when he got there. Then he should have some chance at failing while climbing anything over 18 feet (6 blocks). The fail chance could maybe be implemented based on a /roll 1 6 where you will get winded and stop climbing at 18 feet for rest or fall down if resting is not feasible. Fails could be triggered on a sliding scale of 1 chance per block over 6 such as 24 feet (8 blocks) would fail on rolling a 1 - 2 or climbing 30 feet (10 blocks) would trigger a fail on 1-4 etc.
    • Long distance travel is generally not played out in RP, 99% of long distance travel is time skipped where whoever you are traveling with says "Okay meet you there" and everybody TPs. It can be a part of the weakness, but since it can't really play out it, it doesn't provide any balancing.
    • The part of this that provides him a weakness in battle is probably the most crucial in terms of balance is CRP can be a point of contention between players. Create a more finite trigger and consequence "After blocking or dodging 3 attacks, he begins to slow down and is easier to hit" or "After 3 attacks, he begins to slow down and blows would do far less damage." This could play out by baking it into the emote that the hit was slower or weaker because he was winded.
  • Naive: Give me 1-2 more sentences on this. How does this negatively effect him?
  • In the life story it says that he killed the other boy in an indirect way? How so? What did your character do exactly?
  • Jails and jail sentences don't really work the same way in Aloria as they do in real life. For instance, I had a character who was captured by the guard after committing cold blooded murder on somebody who was even of a higher citizen class than me, and my character was locked up for 25 days. Most jails are also practically impregnable, it would take a lot more than bribing one guard to get you out. Even if nobles are arrested tend to just serve out their rather short sentences. You could probably morph this bit into a thing where the kid he killed was well connected and he was abducted by the kid's family and your father paid ransom for you. That seems like the most logical way to get around the logical inconsistency posed by the guard interactions, but maintain the same sort of motivation and development.
Make some edits and then tag me @TheOverseer__