- Joined
- May 17, 2016
- Messages
- 1,513
- Reaction score
- 3,018
- Points
- 403
- Age
- 26
- Location
- Regalia.
- Website
- conflee.tumblr.com
Hello! I've been here a while and I think I already have a thread in this mess somewhere, but I figured, I've made myself look really stupid a lot recently with poorly worded suggestions, or random poor RP moments that im low-key self conscious af about lol. So I'm here to kind of, ramble a little about how I go about suggestions, discussions, etc and why they probably infuriate some people lol, as well as talking a little about myself, because that is sure to hep the whole 'self centered pretentious' thing a lot, lol. And clearing up random misconceptions I've heard about me thrown around a little.
No hate to anyone specific- I try to be easy going and not give a crap and most of the time it works so yea.
Firstly: My Millions of Threads
I said something about it in my profile a bit back but it was at 5 am my time so nobody saw. But essentially, I think even the most minor things can warrant discussion and that discussion, even if the topic goes nowhere, can spark other interesting thoughts and discussions. And even if the idea I suggest is nonsensical- like the Lampar Vampires thing- the feedback from that half baked idea can lead to a better, much more solid idea in the future- such as instead of making Lampar Vampires im now batting to get a new rabies-esk affliction added.
I also come off as a bit of a pretentious tw- *cough*, person. At times. I like to go about discussions in a simi-formal manor, which leads me to, without thinking, type things in a very annoying sounding way sometimes. Usually thats when im the most engaged in the conversation because i'm putting more effort on it.
Beyond that, bad suggestions or topics can lead to other things- like me realizing I was being dumb, or if I didnt have all the facts on a situation, gaining more of the facts.
I have a lot of free time at work, its slow, menial labor that doesnt require much mind power. So I have ten hours minimum each day with nothing to do but think about things. Good thing, and bad thing, since I get stuck on topics, which can lead to well thought out threads- like the Value of Life one I put out that was added to rules more or less- but it also has me obsess over things I screwed up. Hence this thread because I feel bad about a lot of it lol.
I've realized while typing this its a bit ironic given, big thread with pretentious wording at bits. Oh well.
Secondly: Impulsive
Im fairly impulsive, which is where a lot of my screw ups come from. I get an idea in my head sometimes sitting here, and I think "That's amazing I should tell everyone now!" and I post it without thinking it over much. Thaaaats the sort of area the "Necrothor - Why" threads come from. In Roleplay, this has garnered me a poor reputation among a few as a Win-RPer, though usually honestly, it comes down to impulsive crappy decisions rather than any urge to 'win' a roleplay. Fear RP is especially difficult. I get very emotionally invested in my characters, and when they are in situations where things are going very very badly, such as the Fort Loyalty bit, I get a rush of adrenaline. Fight or Flight style. And it leads to some.. well. 'Moments' to say the least. Im aware of it, so im trying to keep it under wraps and sort my crap out. But... yea. Not really an excuse as much as an explanation, though they blend together I guess.
Thirdly: General Misconceptions
These are more, random things that I have heard around, that I don't quite understand where they come from, but I feel like I need to address them because if I've heard them that probably means they've spread around a lot.
* Hates Nobility or Noble RP: I was a part of Noble Roleplay for a fair while, I would say eight months. Not as long as most families, but it wasn't bad. Apparently in that time I said "XD" like a few thousand times which annoyed Marty but besides that good time, lol. It was a phase I dont say it AS much now. I found Noble RP to be, unfulfilling for me though. I had some fun with it, but for the most part I used it to facilitate my character's backstory more than anything. It added to the theme I was going for with Conf, of a 'Double Agent' of sorts. Working with Regalia and the Crime side of things both. I dont hate it though, its just not my cup of tea. I know it does a lot for the server, nobles host the majority of events and such. Part of this is fueled by...
* Was Kicked Out: Technically speaking I was expelled from Nobility- what people fail to realize when they bring this one up is, so was literally every other noble. It was when Marty did the Noble Purge to rework the system and require registry for all titles. There was also a requirement for event hosting, to purge inactive people from leeching off the system. Ill admit I handled the situation very poorly- I agreed and thought it was the best approach for the server, Merchant Guild chat people can attest to that if they remember my ramblings, but I was also pissed because I realized that 1- I wasn't really in a state to fit those requirements (my motivation to do anything was at an all time low due to a break-up, bleh bleh life crap) and 2- I didnt really do much for the system anyway, I was one of the leeches the system was made to sort out. I could push through and attempt to host events and get back in, but I didnt think it was right. So I didnt even attempt to apply again. I was extremely upset over needing to rework so much of my character, retconning months of roleplay, and all kinds of crap. I threw a hissy fit to but it bluntly. But, yea.
Finally: Wrapping it up with a hello, im me!
Sounds sassy depending on how you read that but its not intentional. Basically, this is a little look into the mess that is my brain. I live in America, our education system didnt teach me how to learn or remember things unlike most of the world's, I was taught the water cycle six times instead of anything important. I was bullied in school consistently for years. Im introverted, but I project a kind of, confident care free image generally because life sucks and if you worry about it sucking it gets worse. Like a black hole that gets stronger the more you pay attention to it. DONT MAKE EYE CONTACT with the black hole.
Im a huge nerd, I love D&D and Roleplay, duh im here arent I?, youtube, gaming of all sorts, reading, drawing, art, making textures, building, game design theory, analyzing films and tv shows, im a THEORY MESS who likes to dig details out of nothing and make something of them. Which sadly reflects in my own actual life because I tend to obsess over things I or others say and think "oh god why did I do that" or "oh god why what did I do wrong". Hence me trying to not give a single shit about literalllyyyy anything cause if I let myself worry then Id go mad.
A lot of me coming off as a prick is literally just me overcompensating and trying to not be depressing.
Im pretty much always stressed out, so I scrape what I can out of the barrel and try to relax when I can.
Forwards!
In the future, im going to be trying to quell my less productive or more obnoxious traits, as per usual. Ill still probably make a lot of threads, I like writing them and talking things out after all even if they do make me look like a moron.
Also again oh my god the irony is so strong in this thread but whatever lol
YOLO
No hate to anyone specific- I try to be easy going and not give a crap and most of the time it works so yea.
Firstly: My Millions of Threads
I said something about it in my profile a bit back but it was at 5 am my time so nobody saw. But essentially, I think even the most minor things can warrant discussion and that discussion, even if the topic goes nowhere, can spark other interesting thoughts and discussions. And even if the idea I suggest is nonsensical- like the Lampar Vampires thing- the feedback from that half baked idea can lead to a better, much more solid idea in the future- such as instead of making Lampar Vampires im now batting to get a new rabies-esk affliction added.
I also come off as a bit of a pretentious tw- *cough*, person. At times. I like to go about discussions in a simi-formal manor, which leads me to, without thinking, type things in a very annoying sounding way sometimes. Usually thats when im the most engaged in the conversation because i'm putting more effort on it.
Beyond that, bad suggestions or topics can lead to other things- like me realizing I was being dumb, or if I didnt have all the facts on a situation, gaining more of the facts.
I have a lot of free time at work, its slow, menial labor that doesnt require much mind power. So I have ten hours minimum each day with nothing to do but think about things. Good thing, and bad thing, since I get stuck on topics, which can lead to well thought out threads- like the Value of Life one I put out that was added to rules more or less- but it also has me obsess over things I screwed up. Hence this thread because I feel bad about a lot of it lol.
I've realized while typing this its a bit ironic given, big thread with pretentious wording at bits. Oh well.
Secondly: Impulsive
Im fairly impulsive, which is where a lot of my screw ups come from. I get an idea in my head sometimes sitting here, and I think "That's amazing I should tell everyone now!" and I post it without thinking it over much. Thaaaats the sort of area the "Necrothor - Why" threads come from. In Roleplay, this has garnered me a poor reputation among a few as a Win-RPer, though usually honestly, it comes down to impulsive crappy decisions rather than any urge to 'win' a roleplay. Fear RP is especially difficult. I get very emotionally invested in my characters, and when they are in situations where things are going very very badly, such as the Fort Loyalty bit, I get a rush of adrenaline. Fight or Flight style. And it leads to some.. well. 'Moments' to say the least. Im aware of it, so im trying to keep it under wraps and sort my crap out. But... yea. Not really an excuse as much as an explanation, though they blend together I guess.
Thirdly: General Misconceptions
These are more, random things that I have heard around, that I don't quite understand where they come from, but I feel like I need to address them because if I've heard them that probably means they've spread around a lot.
* Hates Nobility or Noble RP: I was a part of Noble Roleplay for a fair while, I would say eight months. Not as long as most families, but it wasn't bad. Apparently in that time I said "XD" like a few thousand times which annoyed Marty but besides that good time, lol. It was a phase I dont say it AS much now. I found Noble RP to be, unfulfilling for me though. I had some fun with it, but for the most part I used it to facilitate my character's backstory more than anything. It added to the theme I was going for with Conf, of a 'Double Agent' of sorts. Working with Regalia and the Crime side of things both. I dont hate it though, its just not my cup of tea. I know it does a lot for the server, nobles host the majority of events and such. Part of this is fueled by...
* Was Kicked Out: Technically speaking I was expelled from Nobility- what people fail to realize when they bring this one up is, so was literally every other noble. It was when Marty did the Noble Purge to rework the system and require registry for all titles. There was also a requirement for event hosting, to purge inactive people from leeching off the system. Ill admit I handled the situation very poorly- I agreed and thought it was the best approach for the server, Merchant Guild chat people can attest to that if they remember my ramblings, but I was also pissed because I realized that 1- I wasn't really in a state to fit those requirements (my motivation to do anything was at an all time low due to a break-up, bleh bleh life crap) and 2- I didnt really do much for the system anyway, I was one of the leeches the system was made to sort out. I could push through and attempt to host events and get back in, but I didnt think it was right. So I didnt even attempt to apply again. I was extremely upset over needing to rework so much of my character, retconning months of roleplay, and all kinds of crap. I threw a hissy fit to but it bluntly. But, yea.
Finally: Wrapping it up with a hello, im me!
Sounds sassy depending on how you read that but its not intentional. Basically, this is a little look into the mess that is my brain. I live in America, our education system didnt teach me how to learn or remember things unlike most of the world's, I was taught the water cycle six times instead of anything important. I was bullied in school consistently for years. Im introverted, but I project a kind of, confident care free image generally because life sucks and if you worry about it sucking it gets worse. Like a black hole that gets stronger the more you pay attention to it. DONT MAKE EYE CONTACT with the black hole.
Im a huge nerd, I love D&D and Roleplay, duh im here arent I?, youtube, gaming of all sorts, reading, drawing, art, making textures, building, game design theory, analyzing films and tv shows, im a THEORY MESS who likes to dig details out of nothing and make something of them. Which sadly reflects in my own actual life because I tend to obsess over things I or others say and think "oh god why did I do that" or "oh god why what did I do wrong". Hence me trying to not give a single shit about literalllyyyy anything cause if I let myself worry then Id go mad.
A lot of me coming off as a prick is literally just me overcompensating and trying to not be depressing.
Im pretty much always stressed out, so I scrape what I can out of the barrel and try to relax when I can.
Forwards!
In the future, im going to be trying to quell my less productive or more obnoxious traits, as per usual. Ill still probably make a lot of threads, I like writing them and talking things out after all even if they do make me look like a moron.
Also again oh my god the irony is so strong in this thread but whatever lol
YOLO
