Basics · Name: Nathan Tov (Fuse) · Age: 107 · Gender: Male · Race: Velheim Ailor · Sexuality: Straight Proficiency (35 total points [10 go to School of Undercroft], 24 vampire mutation points) · +10 Quick Fingers (+10 School of Undercroft) · +10 Syndicate Contacts (+10 School of Undercroft) · +25 Sneaking (+10 School of Undercroft, +15 from points) · +20 Crossbows (+20 from points) · Survival tree (+3 vampire mutation) · Vampiric Healing (+3 vampire mutation) · Usability (+3 vampire mutation) · Blood’s Lust (+3 vampire mutation) · Feeding Delight (+3 vampire mutation) · Shadow Flight (+3 vampire mutation) · Disguise (+3 vampire mutation) · Shadow Mask (+3 vampire mutation) Culture (60 total points) · +10 Carving (+5 from race, +5 from points) · +18 Vocal Music (+18 from points) · +37 Smithing (+37 from points) Languages · Common · Modern elven Visual · Eye Color: Blue · Hair Color: Black · Hair Style: Crew Cut · Skin Color: Fair · Clothing: Generally wears a brown coat and pants with a blood red belt · Height: 6’2” · Body Build: Toned Personality · Others: Others tend to view Fuse as a man that does what it takes to get a job done. Many do not know he is a vampire as he usually tries to stay disguised and keep it under wraps as much as possible to make his jobs easier. His confidence often causes others to have some higher level of respect from just a first impression. However, many notice something about him that causes fear, whether it be his confidence or his lack of fear towards most situations. · Self: Fuse tends to think of himself as one of the better assassins around due to him being willing to do almost whatever it takes to finish a job. He also tries to keep quiet about personal matters due to an oath he made earlier in life and carried through his years as a vampire (which is in his backstory). · Friends: Fuse shows respect to those that show him respect. He is not above manipulating others to his advantage, though, including those close to him. This comes from the mentality changes from being a vampire. Due to this, any respect he shows is a facade, though most people do not realize this. · Morality: Fuse works to get ahead in the world. He will trick, murder, and rob as long as he sees an advantage in doing so. He has very strict criteria about trusting others, and very few ever fit the bill. He is more inclined to trust someone and refrain from betraying them if he respects them, but as previously stated he must first get respect himself. One must then do incredible feats to gain more respect from him, but in general he will refrain from being rude whether he respects someone or not (this will be in story). Life Story Nathan Tov was born to a high ranking member of a powerful crime syndicate in his home city of Alberta in Corontium. He grew up being taught in the ways of thievery and murder (aka School of Undercroft). He also grew up speaking both Common and Modern Elven as it came in handy for various situations in his line of work. His father was very cruel and strict, demanding utmost respect for himself and his comrades from Nathan. As Nathan grew, he became more aware of his situation and skill at assassination. He was sneaky and unwavering, making him a great asset to the syndicate. However, one day, at age 20, Nathan learned that his beloved mother was ordered to be killed by his father and his father’s associates. Unbeknownst to Nathan, she was secretly leaking information to rival organizations, revealing gang secrets. He rushed home and found his mother already dead. Without waiting for his father to come after him, he sneaked into his father’s room as he slept, slicing his throat. After doing this, he fled to the city of Axford. There Nathan met a woman, fell in love and got married. Soon, however, they began to run out of money. Nathan got involved with local crime organizations, doing assassination jobs to earn enough money to sustain him and his wife. About the same time, they had a son. At this point he made an oath to avoid including anyone who happened to get close to him in his work so he doesn't go through the same events again. It was at this time that he began going by the name of Fuse. This was to keep his family from becoming involved with his work. He also began learning how to effectively use a crossbow to help taking out targets from a distance, being quite gifted to start with anyway. After many years of scraping by with the money he got from these murders, he was approached by a man offering more strength to help his family, as he now had a son. He was 35 at this time. After stating clearly that his family was all he had left and that he wanted to protect it, the man’s eyes glowed red. The man pounced, biting down on Fuse. For the next several days, Fuse rolled in bed in total agony, quickly becoming a vampire through and through. For the next several years, Fuse raised his son, teaching him how to protect himself, seeing his son's potential to be a powerful asset in the future. However, after many years of assassinations and murder, somebody put a massive price on Fuse’s head. The only man Fuse trusted in the organization he was in at the time couldn’t resist the high bounty, and also knew where Fuse lived. Fuse came home from a job to find an ambush awaiting him. Hearing the struggle from inside, his son came outside, ready to fight. Before he could join in, though, Fuse yelled at him to take his mother and run until they reached a safe place. Being obedient to his father, the boy ran back inside, woke his mother, grabbed a large sack of money, and ran. Fuse killed all of the attackers, but didn’t want to endanger his family again. He left a trail of blood to an area known to house many vampires, and because nobody knew for sure if he was indeed a vampire, they assumed him dead. At this point he decided it best to flee. He spent many years roaming through different major cities, joining many crime syndicates, before ending up in Regalia, now 107. At this point he had gained the ability to mask most of the giveaways for being a vampire, making it easier to hide from guards. He never found his family, and deciding to stop searching thinking they were probably dead by now.
Hello! Here is my review! If the character was turned at the age of 35 and is now 59, he would only have around a maximum of 2-3 mutations, the person would have to spend around 60 years to 90 years as a vampire to achieve that many mutations as he presently has. Additionally, the cap for vampires is essentially the amount of proficiency points they have left, where as a vampire who has been one for 90 years only has 30 points left, and that is considered their point cap, meaning they cannot go beyond that and this includes schools but not racial bonuses. Meaning that the character could learn only the school and nothing more, I would like to ask that if you plan on keeping the character's mutations to drastically age bump him past the 100s or sort out the math and details on exactly how many points or mutations he would have! Vampires default to their normal eye color unless feeding, it's unnecessary to keep it listed but that's fine either way I'd like to request that you add another sentence and iterate more on his personality, describe a way people may view him negatively and go into a bit more detail on how he conducts himself towards others. Please add more negative traits to create dynamic and fuel character progression, it's unrealistic to say the character has never failed a job, additionally I'd suggest removing mentions of his work conduct, as this paragraph is intended for how the character regards or views himself, is he confident in his abilities? is he insecure over something? Elaborate! Vampires seldom truly respect anyone or anything other than, of course other vampires, especially those older than they. Most vampires will almost exclusively go out of their way to manipulate and use others. Like the first paragraph, this is also intended for how he behaves towards family- as opposed to strangers, go into detail about how his vampirism has effected his relationship with his previous loved ones. Why did his father have motive to kill his mother? Please explain this further! This is not appropriate, please remove or mention that she was merely killed instead. Vampires cease caring about their family and begin to usually see them little more as pawns or objects, something to manipulate and all together lose sentimental attachment towards them while they are infected, there is some good potential to write in a dynamic of how he may of drifted away from the family he wanted to protect or- the more likely case, fed from them or killed them with his new lack of a proper morality. Vampires are very unlikely to regard putting the uninfected in danger. Usually vampires who develop the mutations to conceal themselves under the guile tree, are usually those very manipulative and charismatic, something to consider when adding new additions to the back story or personality! Be sure to tag me and highlight edits in blue when you're done!
I don't mean to be rude in anything I am about to say. I would just like to explain my thinking on several of your points before I change just about the entire character to fit your corrections. In terms of him respecting others, I put end of story there for a reason. All people think differently, and this is no different from vampires. Yes turning into a vampire changes the way of thinking of an individual, but Fuse goes by this rule out of respect for his earlier life as a human. He believes others are inferior, yes, but he understands that one can get much further in life by being respectful than being an ass to everyone. Nathan did not know the reason that his father had his mother killed, only that it happened. So I thought it had no premise as to how he grew from it. That's why I didn't put any reason behind it. I was thinking of moving this elsewhere in the story to before he was turned, and then he just decided to keep the oath, so I can understand this one. Same point as the first one. Maybe I could include that he saw it advantageous in the long run to raise his son, but in my opinion I don't think it right to just change the story of that too drastically. Again, I can understand never failing a job can be a bit too pretentious, but his success through his work makes him a very confident assassin and person in general, even more so after becoming a vampire. Thanks for reviewing my app, but I just thought I should throw my thoughts out there just in case it might explain some of the things going through my head. Just some food for thought.
I would recommend having a read through the mental characteristics associated with vampirism, becoming a vampire would drastically alter and make formerly good morals take a sharp U-turn in the opposite direction, while it may not necessarily change them entirely as a person, they become much more hedonistic and respect little beyond their elder vampires. Additionally, it may be worth clarifying if his outward demeanor of respect for others is faux or not! I would like to ask you to clarify on how his vampirism has effected his life with his family and how they would of reacted to his sharp turn in personality and taking a more taking approach rather than giving, and becoming more hedonistic and possessive. The character app is intended to list the information whether Nathan himself is aware of it or not. You could pretty easily tie in that he began viewing his son more as property and continued to raise him, not only to keep his guise as a vampire under wraps but to essentially manipulate or use his son, perhaps he planned to share his newfound 'gift' with his son? Over -all, well done and there is a lot to gain character progression wise for him, especially if at some point he was potentially cured of vampirism, he has a lot of potential to progress as a character.
Sorry I’ve been busy lately. I’ve fixed a few things but I’m gonna respec some stuff before I’m done completely. Thanks for checking in though.
