Vulren leans against the bar leaning toward her, flashing a hollow but charming smile "Hey~" Here is my review! Main Ambition is a bit too generic, what you have right now is more of a means to an end rather than the end itself. To drive this character forward a main ambition with a little more depth. Based on your life story things like making her parents proud of proving them wrong or something may be candidates. Loyal is more of a personality trait than a strength. I'd move this to personality and replace it with another strength. Make these edits and then tag me @TheOverseer__
Alright! I have completed my edits, all made in blue. Tell me if I need to change anything else!~ @TheOverseer__
The new strength looks fine. I still feel like the Main Ambition is lacking, however. The basic question is I have is why does she want to learn Water Magic? That is probably really her Main Ambition. Think of it like this- if somebody has a goal to go to college for cooking, they aren't going to college because their goal is to go to college, they are going to college so they can excel at cooking and open a restaurant or something. The restaurant is the main ambition and knowledge in French Cuisine is the vehicle by which they are trying to accomplish this.
All right, I edited (or more of added to) her main ambition! Tell me if it's still a little bland~ @TheOverseer__
Seeing as Overseer is currently on leave, I'll be reviewing this character sheet. Expect a response soon.
Staff Review- Visual Information Less so of a required change but a notification: the levels of magic Merina boasts are fairly impotent in any combat situation. It seems like you have this base covered, though- just ensure you adhere to it should CRP ever arise. Talents Elaborate more on how Merina acquired her skill in agility- I'd also suggest breaking this down into two sections, seeing as agility and stealth are two different skillsets. Regardless, either prune one of the traits or split this into two separate traits and go about explaining how she honed these skills properly. Weaknesses Anti-social tends to be a copout weakness. Merge this with your personality section or add it under additional personality information if you wish to keep it. Life Story Expand further on Merina's studying of magic. Why did her grandmother decide to teach her it if the general family consensus was to dispose of her? Furthermore, how did her grandmother react to her parents wanting to sacrifice her to the Fae? This seems like a conflict of interest and something that would be a crucial part of her story, yet there's not much detailing such an internal conflict. Flesh out at what point of her life she started training in the aforementioned agility and stealth skills. Keep in mind that a frail individual generally needs some muscle to pull off the footwork required for agility. Mark all additions / changes in blue and tag me once you're done.
Took Anti-social out of Weaknesses and Agile out of strengths, as well as added onto Stealthy. Change the 'mother and grandmother teaching her magic' to just her grandmother as well as added in a reason that I can be more descriptive with if you want.~
Edited the first paragraph for appearance towards strangers and added onto her life story and relationships. All edits made in blue! @Fatherland
I added a line to paragraph two concerning that she's been recently educated/is still being taught. I added the weakness Gauche to replace Uneducated as I realize that was something that I've always played her to have. (She's clumsy). @Fatherland @HydraLana
Omit the roll system you've added for Gauche from that specific subsection on your character application. It's fine to put it somewhere under additional information, but for the sake of formatting it should be absent from the weakness bullet points.
