Melanie "melody" Varien

Discussion in 'Character Sheets' started by MarshmellowKasuu, Apr 1, 2017.

  1. MarshmellowKasuu

    MarshmellowKasuu Wait, Who is this?

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    Melaine "Melody" Varien
    {Maiden name - Lockwood}
    Twenty Years
    Feminine Female

    Ailor
    New Ceardian-Balltarc mix {*}

    To learn more about the place that her family loved;
    To send money back home to her home province within
    the rural sections of forested lands.


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    : Eye Color :
    Pale Blue
    : Hair Color :
    White-Gold
    : Hair Style :
    Upper section pulled back with the lower
    portion hanging down
    : Skin Color :
    Warm-toned pale skin littered with freckles
    : Clothing :
    {Current} Dusty brown button up blouse with a
    muted blue skirt that starts at her hip indent and
    drapes down to her feet- overall very modest coverings

    : Height :
    Five feet four inches {5'4 : : 162cm}
    : Body Build :
    Stocky Build {*}
    : Weapon of Choice :

    Axes {*}

    ________Melody's face is round and soft, having little to no harsh lines along it. Her soft features are very dainty in appearance due to their youthful state. Like much of her body, it holds the status of being very plump and almost cherubic but not overbearing so. Her nose is faintly tilted up as well as rounded out along the nostrils and the tip. Her lips were full and faded out into her pale skin, being peachy in tone. Her eyes were round and framed by light brown lashes that framed her pale blues. Her brow was soft and surprisingly expressive, though they always make her look vaguely worried about something. The physical parts of her body she does show, that being her hands and face, are covered with a light splattering of freckles- primarily being on the parts of her that receive the most sun. Her hair is tied back and out of her face beside from some hair showing in front of her ears. It hands down in heavy troves, being very thick and voluminous- typically moving in waves before eventually ending in loose curls. She ties back her hair with a dyed blue velveteen ribbon with a light blue silk underside. It is one of her most precious valuables. But by far the item she cherishes the most is a ring that is rarely seen by outside eyes other than her own.
    ________Melody's body is always adorned with modest clothing, being rather reserved in nature. She comes off as shy upon first meeting her. Her clothing is a fitted blouse with buttons running up the front portion. The muted brown shirt is tucked into a long skirt that runs down the length of her that is rather long to allow for greater comfort and mobility. She stands at a stout five feet and four inches, most of her being legs than torso but due to the skirts she wears being at her waist, it is difficult to notice as such. Her legs are built and strong as she is well versed in animal husbandry and care- peculiarly breaking in wild horses brought to the stables she worked at for the majority of her life. Her endurance is not the strongest as she was unable to partake in the lumberjacking trade alongside the rest of her family due to a breathing abnormality that she had since she was a child.
    ________She is a reserved woman and her entire presence shows as such. She prefers muted colors due to their lack of emphasis on her being. She loves muted blues and pale yellows as they are some of her favorite colors as well as not being too gaudy to the eye. She doesn't wear jewelry or other such things and prefers to be simple in appearance. She does not try to enhance her physical self, but rather uses it to try and hide from too much observation. Her voice is very soft and melodic in tone but doesn't hold much power even when calling out to someone. She chooses not to yell as it can cause her to become out of breath someone rapidly.
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    {+} Embracing
    • Unlike much of her family, she is not very bold or brass headed. She does not tussle with authority and prefers to remain under the safety of government and their policies. She is very willing to try and accept anything at face value and because of this, she can be very warm when trying to understand someone or the plight one might have.
    ___________{TL:DR - She is not quick to judgement.}

    {+} Attentive
    • With her skill that she has, she is known to be very entranced with the work she produces, making sure to be very in tune with herself and the things she is trying to accomplish. She loves making sure something she is doing and will try to be as sure about her work as she can be. Her attentive trait does not apply to other scenarios such as with social situations, but she does try her best despite not being the best at such.
    _______{TL:DR - She is a perfectionist at most things.}

    {+ : - } Curious
    • She loves learning as a whole. Being able to learn how to do things and accomplish others brings an excitement to her. She is a quick learner and loves tall tales of all kinds, particularly those with far off lands and places not personally unknown to herself. But due to her curiosity knowing little to no boundaries, it can lead to troublesome events unfolding should she inquire about something being out of her limits. She will always push to know more and yearn for even the smallest amount of extra knowledge. She has a slight obsession with maps.
    ______{TL:DR - She loves learning about any and all things.}

    {+ : - } Untrusting
    • Due to the way she was raised, she is very timid and unyielding to social situations. She does not open up to new people under any circumstances. She does not find satisfaction among people and obtaining physical trinkets but prefers to drift among her own mind. As a result of her mistrustful nature, she does not drink enough to hinder herself in any physical or mental way. But she doesn't mind the way she is, instead of seeing it as a way that she keeps herself out of trouble and keeps people from abusing her.
    _______{TL:DR - She does typically not open up if at all.}

    { - } Reserved
    • She thinks of average people in a very precise manner. She is not the most social of people and will ultimately choose to refrain from such if she can. When interacting with Melody, they might find a sheepish woman and this is simply because she chooses not to interact in a manner that is deemed 'polite.' She keeps contact to a minimum when it regards her personal being and addresses things in a formal manner.
    ______{TL:DR - She comes off as cold when initially meeting someone.}

    { - } Stubborn
    • She is very sure of herself and her beliefs. She is very hard to convince of something if she already previously had an idea and state of mind about something. Despite loving to learn, she can come off as condescending in some instances. She doesn't like for her beliefs to be challenged and she prefers to learn at her own pace. When it comes to people telling her otherwise, she tries her best to fight for her side. Unless it is someone she is certain that the person telling her such a thing is someone that she can fully trust, she is going to come off as bitter due to her personal reluctant behavior.
    ______{TL:DR - She is very persistent in her way of thinking.}

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    Strengths
    {+} Dedicated
    • Melody will always try to finish something she had started. Her dedication shows when she is trying to learn a new trade or within a working environment. She is very sure of herself and knows exactly what to do should the time come. This dedication can be shown socially, though only to someone who earns her full, unyielding trust.

    {+} Versatile
    • She is adept at learning a vast amount of things given the time. She is always willing to learn and take new experiences into account and this adds onto her ability to make due with any situation. She keeps herself vigilant with each new skill she learns which adds onto her self-value and ability to mold with any situation.

    {+} Honest
    • She holds herself accountable for each word she says, so she values being honest above all. She can occasionally come off as being cold and calculating, but this is simply because she doesn't sugarcoat the hard truths that she occasionally must say. But she sees this as a positive of herself as it keeps her out of harms reach- usually.

    Weaknesses
    { - } Impulsive {*}
    • When confronted with situations that might be previously unsettling, she is quick to rush to find any type of source of consolement to let her know that the thing she was about to do would positively impact. As a result, she usually comes up with sloppy plans and ideas to begin and form into tangible words without truly thinking through it. She is very crude with the way she brings about thoughts straight from her head to her bodily being. When placed in a fast paced situation, she will often become flustered and begin speaking gibberish- as it processes information immediately.

    { - } Physically Weak
    • She is unable to exert herself physically with the fear of triggering an episode of her breathing issues, of which we know of today as asthma. She is unable to truly work her body with cardio and as a result, her endurance is low but her initial strength is rather intense. She is able to move with vigor but unable to make haste in such a way that might exhaust her. She is able to lift things and handle items without it causing an episode, but rushed, sudden movements, or intense activities are uncertain for her.

    { - } Uneducated {*}
    • She never had traditional education and simply learned from her mother the basic skills of being a woman, cooking, cleaning, and general home maintenance. But as a result of a lack of proper education- she is as illiterate as they come. She finds it a struggle to look at words of any kind- finding them to be troublesome for her because she desperately wishes to be able to know the meaning behind them. When she looks at a book and is asked of something among the contents, she will get flustered and embarrassed and possibly tries playing off the situation by pretending to know; however, the results from her plight are rarely, if ever, in her favor.
    • Not the best at working with numbers though she has a basic understanding of them.

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    Quirks
    ________Melody's quirks are very obscure, though one of the ones anyone can notice would be her likeness to hum whenever she is working on something she considering a 'project.' She does this to help her tune out white noise and people if they are around her. She is very expressive with her hands. She is a hands-on learner and projects with them as a result. When she is uncomfortable or bored, she will begin to braid the portion of her hand that is draped over her shoulders to keep herself focused on something that is not the situation unfolding or nothing at all in some cases.

    Skills
    ________Melody's skills can range from a certain few things, of which are, sewing, animal care, and general handiness. She is skilled in sewing is frequently doing as such, finding the looping behaviors to be relaxing for herself and keeps her busy. Since she began this hobby when she was young and found solace in it- she greatly enjoyed the aspect of it. Her animal knowledge is great, though as she grew older she frequently found herself drawn to horses and sheep and her family's chicken coop. She took a particular fondness for horses and worked in the stables part time and full time during the fall when wild horses occasionally broke off after the mating season went by. She didn't ever try to catch wild horses but she did help break them in when they came to the town stables. Her sheep skills come from helping a farmer in a town over during the spring when the sheep were ready to go out and able to safely shed their wool. She learned about the migratory habits in the fields where she would watch over the herd on one of the farmer's horses. As she is adept at trades involving handiwork, she is able to decently do most things involving them as a result. With a bit of practice, she can do a number of things, albeit not to par with people who do it for a living. She doesn't tend to do more than small projects and doesn't influence her skill much.

    Talents {*}
    ________The talents she has been ones she began to do and thenceforth continued to build upon them. As she is a very physical person, she has a natural affinity for such tasks. She has the ability to be a capable seamstress and stable hand due to the ability to read animals with careful and caring eyes. The talent that has always been with her and never needed much help influencing would be her musical talent. She takes particular pride in her lute-playing and occasional singing, but she only does either for close friends of whom she trusts.

    Likes
    • The color blue
    • Cloudy mornings and clear nights
    • Fireflies
    • Horses and other farm animals
    • Sewing
    • Playing music
    • Adventure

    Dislikes
    • Stormy days
    • Ill intentions
    • Roosters
    • Anything that buzzes- particularly wasps
    • Crowds
    • Gawdiness
    • Overly rocky regions

    Relationships

    Lockwood Family

    Wallace Lockwood {41} - {Alive}
    Melody had a very strained relationship with her own birth father- finding him to be difficult to understand and communicate with. Her father didn't akwnowledge her often, though when he did she took it as a great thing to be proud of. She cherished the words he might speak to her that were of a postivie light. Though reaching adulthood, she came to understand that he might not have been the greatest father t her- prefering her brothers- but she wouldn't change a thing. She turned out how she did thanks to him and the way she was raised. Without him, she wouldn't know the things she does- and for that she cherishes the memory she has of him.
    Mariam Lockwood {39} - {Alive}
    Mariam and Melody had a mutual relationship since her mother slowly began to deteriorate as she grew up. Melody never knew the reason why her mother could be so loving and considerate to bitter and resentful the next moment. After time, she grew accustomed to it and learned what made her mother tick- eventually coming to avoid the wrath her mother held within her. If she could tell her own mother anything, it would be that nothing that happened was her fault- despite what her father said.
    Nathaniel Lockwood {23} - {Alive}
    Her brother was her rock- keeping her anchored to the family she would have drifted off from otherwise. She greatly respects him and cherishes him with all the knowledge he had given to her. She consistantly brought herself to him when she needed soething occasionally enlisting his help with something her father would have otherwise. At a later point in her life- she rememebred considering him her father figure since hers was so absent. She always knew she wanted a man like him to help take care of her- and his strength- when seen in others- is something she will always graviate towards.
    Alexander Lockwood {16} - {Playable!}
    Alexander is one of the few people she would consider sending gifts- as Nathaiel and Fredrick said not to send them a thing. Giving her 'little' brother something was somethign he greatly looked forward to. She would have taken Alexander with her to Regalia to show him the sights, though sadly their mother wouldn't hear of it. He had stated that once he had turned 19, he would set out to find her and sightsee with her- whether she liked it or not. He was simialr to her- where hey both had a natrually adventurous soul- only except his body was much stronger physically.
    It is by 'tradition' that the maiden families do not contact their original homes once they marry, so contact with grandparents is limited. But it was said to her likely because her mother is a Balltarc refuge who abandoned her tribe in the hopes of living peacefully with the New Caerdeian man she had seen on several occasions. Due to the blend of the families, Wallace doesn't have much contact with his own parents, though the original head of the Lockwood family, Wallace's father Henrik, passed only a short while before Melody had traveled to New Regalia. It is likely that the Matriarch of the Lockwood family is spending time with the Wallace teir of the family sicne her much more conservative husband had passed on. The children of Mariam do not know who her parents are or if they are still if the land of the living.

    Melody is an 'exception' to the 'tradition' of the maiden families due to her status as a Widow.
    Varien Family

    Fredrick Varien {39} - {Alive}
    Melody's relationship with her Father-in-Law is one of mutual respect and quite a bit of admiration on her part. She never knew much of the man's past- but she learned her lvoe of learning and storytelling from him. She listened to him for countless hours infront of the family fire- hearing about his time fighting under the Regalian Crown to being a shopkeep and falling in love with his future son's mother- Emaline. She loved every word he ever stated to her- knowing he never wanted to wish ill of any person- not even those who had wronged him. He was close to nothign like her own father- and it was a pleasant expirence. Her home was always so quiet but he made her feel alive. She appricated him more than anything she could have before- more than anything physical.
    ~Melody had gotten her blue-velvet ribbion from Fredrick as a keepsake. He had previously worn it around his wrist in rememberance for Emaline- but due to Melody becoming his new daughter- be gave it to her as a wedding gift. She has cherished it more than anything she had previously owned.
    Conrad Varien {23} - {Deceased}
    Conrad was the man Melody had willingly given herself too. She was naturally a very quiet person, but he had managed to worm his way through into the most important and influental person within her life. He lingers within her, knowing that where she goes- he's there to cherish the happiness she gets. She believed she was underserving of the life he gave her- being the stoic figure she had needed to cling too. Everything changed with the man who would come to be her husband and she adored him. He was like his father- being an avid storyteller- about how he served for a while but then chose to come with his father. She was thankful for his strength he bestowed onto her and desperately misses him. She knows that if she dwells on it like she had in the past, she wouldn't be going by what he would be want for her. He would say that she's still young, like him when he passed- but she would still go out and try to make something of herself as he did.
    She just wishes she had gotten to say goodbye.

    ~Melody's wedding ring is the one thing that can bring her to tears. The tears brought on by the gold ring can be of rememberance or agony, but they still hold the same value to her. She holds onto it for strength as if it is her hushands hand she is holding at least once more or the last breath she saw him breathe. But most of all, it is her lifeline. She neer wears it on her finger- instead it is always underneath her modest clothing- mostly so people do not ask of it.
    Fredrick II Varien {2} - {Deceased}
    Conrad and Melody's only son, Fredrick, was their pride and joy. He was so strong yet so weak. He was like her and had astma, though due to Conrad's strong genes- their son was much better off than she never could be. She was thankful for the life she had and the son given to her- and even thinking about him brings her great joy although his life span was cut short. She knew that with her, he would always be near and dear to her. Though as a result to the way he died, she doesn't sing or preform music as much as she had in the past. Occasionally she is known to hum- one of them being a Balltarc lullaby- the same song she sung when her child passed away in her arms. The memory will always pain her, but it can also comfort her in some unforseen ways.


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    Life Story {*}

    ________Melaine Lockwood was born to a family where she was wanted originally. She was Wallace and Mariam's fourth child and second daughter. She was loved, though as she was growing up- she never quite understood why things were the way they were. She had a volatile relationship with her father and her mother always looked at her with guilt. She never knew why everything was so disconnected in her family because she knew something didn't feel right. She watched her mother desire more children other than she- never knowing why her brother and she were never enough. Occasionally, when her father was drunk, she heard something she wished she hadn't. Something about not saving the failure of a child her mother created otherwise someone named Madeline would still be alive and another name that was unfamiliar to her. Someone named Mason. She never really understood why her father consistently brought it up or why she was associated with it, but at the same time, she had a gut feeling that she wouldn't wish to know. Among her, there was her brother, Nathaniel. She looked up to him, he was like their father, just without the bitter resentment. He was strong even in his youth, being able to help their father go and cut trees when he was just eleven. She had always wished to be able to get as strong as he was, despite knowing she couldn't. So she stayed with her brother and used whatever allowance she had gotten to buy yarn, knitting him scarves from the soft material to keep him warm, always.

    ________When she had gotten to be around twelve, she began to seriously delve into sewing, the hobby keeping her from resenting the forced nature of what she saw was "captivity." She began to sew her mother and herself dresses, keeping them well clothed. She once took a previously useless hide and turned them into a pair of slippers for her father to show her gratitude. She remembered that as the moment when her father first smiled at her. Several months after, she had gotten a gift from her mother, but said it was from her father. It was a lute as well a something stout enough to travel with. When she wasn't sewing, she would begin plucking at the lute's cords, always trying to learn new things about it, testing and playing with it. She had a knack for it, and snide comment left her father's lips, her father called her "Melody." But the way he said it was important to her because it meant she was decent at something enough for him to verbally acknowledge it.

    ________After a number of years of years, her father had begun asking if anyone in the town would accept her in their homes for dowry. She didn't really mind getting passed around for dinners with some of the families in the town, though some were more unsavory than others. She could feel their eyes looking her up and down like vultures, though three people stood out among them. But she came to be placed with a shepherd and an out-of-town Stable Hand. She knew he chose those two because of the objects they could give up payment, so she made sure to be as polite as she could. Over the course of two years, she stayed with both families, waiting for her father to choose for her. She had stayed with the Bennett's, the shepherds during the Spring and Summer and then moved into the town with the Varien's, the stable hands. Lionel Bennett had tried to woo her, but she was never too fond of himself- because he always seemed to be wooed with himself. Conrad Varien, on the other hand, was someone she could never get enough of. During the times she stayed with Conrad and his father, Franklin, he was amazed. They had come from a more prosperous part of the world, coming here after Conrad's own mother had passed on due to unforeseen circumstances. She had always wanted to live elsewhere, so taking some of the ashes from her pyre, they came here to scatter them along the fields and the dense woodlands. From them, she began to learn, albeit slowly. She learned bits and pieces of the Regalian tongue and how beautiful something so foreign had sounded to her. Simply put, she could a friend and a lover in Conrad, and eventually asked her father herself to accept the dowry they offered in exchange for never having her ask for anything else. He accepted, and within a year, Conrad and Melody were wedded, and she was given Conrad's mother's wedding band.

    ________She had a happy marriage to Conrad. Initially, she had found it difficult to get have a child and as such, it took two years before she finally had gotten pregnant. Within a year, she had given birth to a son which they named Fredrick. As time passed on, she found he had the same ailment as she, and it would eventually come to take her son's life at the tender age of two. Distraught, both her husband and she suffered the loss of their child. Though as her life unraveled before her eyes, she saw her husband's own life fading away from him when the stallion took his life from him.

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    Life Chronicles
    ________Melody's childhood was one that was shrouded in mystery to her until she reached her early teens. When she was about four years old, her town had been ransacked by a small horde of bandits. Among her at the time, was her family members, her father, mother, and two siblings, both being older than her, and then finally her younger brother. The night was explained to her by eldest brother as being the day their father snapped. On the family wagon, they had to rush out as the bandits were attacking the homes in the more secluded areas of the towns regions. They were one of them, and they had to rush out as soon as possible. After about half an hour on the trail, they had thought they were safe and began to slow down. They had already known that their home might have been looted, but they had taken their most valuable possessions, of which being their children.
    ________After the half an hour passed, the bandit hoard eventually caught up, finding them and began to increase their speed. Wallace, Melody's father, suddenly increased their speed. When he had, it caused them to rustle rather intensely, causing all three children to jostle back and brace themselves, all except Melody. Melody was a small child, already having developed the symptoms of asthma. Her brothers tried to hold onto her, but they were too small and their hands began to lose grip of their baby sister, that is when Melody's mother, Miriam, left her 6-month-old son in the arms of the youngest oldest daughter. She began to pulling up their child, but Melody's sister had put down what was her brother to try and help her sister up. But within a matter of seconds, the swaddled infant began to get jostled himself.
    ________The rest of her childhood, she always wondered what became of her sister. Later that month, her father came back home with her big sister in his arms, being limp. Supposedly she had come under with what Melody herself had, asthma. But as her brother was explaining this to her later on, she highly doubted that was what happened to her sister. She was always seen as a hassle by her father, the catalyst why his son had been lost in the confusion of that night. She had a childhood, a nice one, but her father was primarily absent during it- almost acting as if she was never there- so she relied on her eldest brother, Nathaniel, for that fatherly figure in her life.
    ________When she had turned twelve, this was the breaking point. After working with the horses, she had come home to her drunken father. About two months had passed after her first bleed, signifying her worth as an ability to gain dowry for her and her virtue. Wallace and Miriam had three more children since that fateful night, of which only one survived since. Melody's little brother Alexander was her pride and joy. But she knew that the children that her mother lost over the years began to wear on her immensely. She had to work to keep her mother healthy and her father from drowning in his ale, so upon hearing that she was to be sold for dowry, she knew she must oblige to keep her family stable.
    ________She was placed between two homes, one being with Henry and Danielle Bennett and their son Lionel and Fredrick Varien and his son, Conrad. Among these two families were the suitors that her father had chosen for her in the hopes to gain a horse or some sheep from either of them. Among the two homes, she stayed with the Varien's in autumn and winter helping to tend and break in horses for the spring logging season and stayed with the Bennett's during the spring and summer for the sheep's wool and breeding season. She loved having the ability to see what a family should have been like, not the broken one that was her own. She struggled with the reality she was placed in and realized that either way, she wasn't going to belong to her family any longer, she was going to belong to either the Bennett's or the Varien's when her father finally decided to give her away.
    ________She was betrothed to a stable hand's son at the tender age of fourteen. It was a number of years before they would actually wed out of her own volition. Coming to fancy her own betrothed, she came to be greatly attached to him. After the years had come and gone, she worked in various places but had finally found a home within Fredrick and Conrad. Among the number of years she was married to him, she had only one child eventually come to term and that would be her son, Fredrick- named after the father figure she only found later in life.
    ________Upon turning 19, she had realized the life she had begun to rise up was beginning to crumble. Her son had conflicted the same ailment she had herself. During the spring when the trees began to let off the spores to recuperate their numbers, her son was out in the fields with his father until Conrad came back with the body of her son, wheezing wildly. She had miscarried twice before finally having her son, and here he was, so small before her eyes. She brought him to her, raising her two years old up to her chest, beginning to walk around with him to her chest, rubbing circles on the back of his chest, trying to calm him so he would breathe, so he would keep breathing. When Conrad had come back into their home, Melody was crying as she sung to her son, as he was limp in her arms, trying to see if just holding him would bring her back her baby boy, but it was no use. The doctor came too late and the child was already gone.
    ________Among the time she had grieved, she had found herself in a loop of pain- thrown in again. During the fall, a particularly rowdy horse had been brought to their stables, where they would try and tame it. Conrad had refused to give up on the beautiful horse, the sleek black color still in her mind clear as day. Conrad had approached to try and tug on the reigns to pull it round, but it took only a split second for her to lose the most important person in her life. She remembered watching a body get tossed back like a rag doll and then slumping as if it was made of sand. She was mortified and found that the doctor could do nothing for him. He wasn't dead, but he wasn't living either. She was in a state of limbo, where she would take care of her husband's body in the hopes of him returning to her, but after she turned twenty, she knew that she would have to let go. She waited and waited, but he would never come. She just wished to be held, but even though his hand was warm, it wasn't there. He wasn't there.
    ________After letting him pass on officially, she found herself a widow, with nothing to show of her marriage except the stables that her father-in-law passed on to the duo. She wished for him to have the best, so she would have to go elsewhere. She wasn't meant to be there, she had to let go, and she did not want to. So she didn't. She had eventually come to decide to go to the capital, venturing into the larger world, to try and make enough money to try and bring Fredrick the life she knew he deserved, he was a good man. He raised an even better son. She had to try something to keep them afloat.
    ________After some time, she had decided to go off with the blessing of Fredrick to try and find something to make due with herself and her future. She is ready to try and make an impact on her own life, something she never really thought she was capable of doing.
     
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    #1 MarshmellowKasuu, Apr 1, 2017
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2017
  2. Magivore

    Magivore No Rest For The Wicked

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    I hereby claim this application for staff review!
    I will supply my criticisms below later today when I find the time to. However, as a starting statement, I recommend you not doll up reviews before they get approved (for future reference). It looks really cool, but there's always a chance it becomes harder to read and consumes valuable time.
     
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  3. Magivore

    Magivore No Rest For The Wicked

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    I will be doing a staff review for Melanie today. Remember: these are criticisms to help you improve, not to discourage you! As always, make your edits in PURPLE and give me a tag when you're done.

    If you examine these bullet points here, they seem to fall in line quite perfectly to make a concise, planned description that makes it easy to separate from the title. That is the case until you view it on mobile. By clicking this link here, you can see all of that becomes uneven, unbalanced, and almost as though it has become a boiled noodle. I recommend changing the format of your ~ points to be an actual bullet point (found in the top tab whenever you make a post) to ensure that readers both on and off the phone get the best view of what you have to offer.
    You've actually made her too weak by giving her this body build. In order to have strong arms and legs, but a thick frame, she would have to have the 'stocky' body build to show she has slightly above average strength, and slightly above average body fat. If she were 'chubby', she would only have an average Ailor level of strength with higher levels of body fat.
    I understand you have a character that's caring and not willing to hurt others, but you're in a dangerous world where the only separation between the proud populace and a bunch of murders are the streets beneath your feet. As such, she'll still have to have a listed 'weapon', even if it's only flailing or silver-tonguing her way out of things.
    These actually aren't weaknesses. To be very cautious of one's surroundings is a useful trait to have (even when unable to focus), and to be passive isn't a weakness either. Both of these should be changed. How about how her personality traits (Embracing, Stubborn, Reserved) give her an explosive temper? She seems to be very emotionally fueled.
    Please put these in a spoiler so that it does not make the application appear bigger than what is necessary.
    Although historically accurate, there's a lot of mentions about miscarriage. It's safe to imply it, but not a good idea to make a common factor in the beginning and end of her life. A harp is also extremely expensive to play (click the link to observe modern prices), being saved for only the most exquisite nobles or professional musicians. In this case, a lute would be safer for her to use considering expenses and portability. What culture did she come from, by the way? In order to have such pale skin, platinum hair and blue eyes, she would either have to be an Isldar (who can't be chubby) or a Northerne - New Ceardian (or Regalisch) mix. As my final criticism, there's a couple spelling errors among the whole application. Although not necessary, you might want to go back and try to fix a couple of them.
     
  4. Magivore

    Magivore No Rest For The Wicked

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    Oh, and I forgot to add:
    I like that you have art of her, but either use a smaller piece, shrink this piece down, or put this in the spoiler you have below. I have to do a lot of scrolling before I end up getting to the application itself, which isn't a good thing! For size reference, if it isn't in a spoiler, don't let the art be any bigger than my current profile picture that you see on the left tab of the man in the mask (assuming you're on the computer).
     
    • Educated Educated x 1
  5. MarshmellowKasuu

    MarshmellowKasuu Wait, Who is this?

    Joined:
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    Updates ~

    Point one

    • Irregular foremat on cellular devices fixed and made easier to read for such devices.
    {Revised}

    Point two
    • After researching into the various differences between body types, I found that a stoky body frame was surprisingly accurate for the idea I've always had in my head for Melody.
    • ~Aspects of Detailed Appearance changed to fit new body type.
    {Revised}

    Point Three
    • Personal error was the reasoning behind the lack of a weapon. Entirely my fault, I don't have an explanation behind my airheadedness in that regard.
    {Revised}

    Point four
    • Weaknesses changed, Passive and Wary shifted for Impulsive and Uneducated. Impulsive placed in such a sense as you reccomended, fueled by her emotions and inability to fully think something out in a situation where she would have too.
    {Needs Review}

    Point five

    • Extra personality sections added into a spoiler as per request.
    {Revised}

    Point six
    • Life story is now more suited for younger audiences, though it might need more revision. I tend to lean as realistic as possible and as a result, I can sometimes look over something that might not be deemed 'age appropiate.'
    • If you happen to see anything, please yell at me.
    {Needs Review}

    Point seven
    • Grammar and spelling looked over and fixed what I could see. Most if not all have been fixed and edited.
    {Needs Review}

    ○ Harp changed to Lute.
    ○Culture chosen, it is currently at the top, below race.
    ○ Primary sheet photo made smaller so the entire peice is not overshrouded
    .

    If I missed anything, please let me know!

    @Grinning_Greaser
     
    #5 MarshmellowKasuu, Apr 2, 2017
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2017
  6. Magivore

    Magivore No Rest For The Wicked

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    You're so close! Just a few more edits:

    I'm curious as to where this came from, as I don't see it mentioned in her story. Will she carry a hand hatchet with her into shift environments, or a full steel bearded axe?
    Does this weakness only extend to reading, or does it also apply to mathematics? If not, please make note of it.
     
    • Educated Educated x 1
  7. MarshmellowKasuu

    MarshmellowKasuu Wait, Who is this?

    Joined:
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    Updates ~

    Point one

    She didn't take one with her so she does not currently have one, but it would be a small hand hatchet. Since she came from a logging town, it would make the most sense for her character as a whole. She first began to use one to help with the chickens they raised- being able to use it on them. To be put simply, if she had to be ranked on a scale of 1-10, she would likely be a 3 or a 4. She wouldn't be completely hopeless, but not very safe either if a situation came to push-to-shove. She does not have one with her.

    {Needs Review}

    Point two

    She has a very basic understanding of math when it comes to money. Adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing would all be a part of this, though it would take her a short amount of time to fully figure out what she was doing but she would be able to given time. If a situation does not involve money, she might become confused and it would be hard for her to place the knowledge she already knows to the situation at hand. On the other hand, she knows how to count, such as if she was counting chickens, she would be able to count those, but if someone wanted to buy three chickens out of the ten she has- she would not be able to subtract, she would have to physically count out three chickens.

    {Needs Review}

    @Grinning_Greaser
     
  8. Magivore

    Magivore No Rest For The Wicked

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    Both seem perfectly fine to me, in that case. Go ahead and add she's not the best at numbers on her weakness. Otherwise:
    APPROVED! I'd love to see you in roleplay sometime!
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1

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