Needs Help/Review Meet My Character...again. :)

[Impreza555]

Name: Jason Lycan.

Race / Culture: Werewolf.

Age: 29.

Gender / Pronouns. Male. He/him.

Occult: Void.


Core Concept:

Jason Lycan is the Ultima Werewolf. The Ultima is a pureblooded werewolf born with a curse. The curse of having eyes that can kill humans that look into them. Only when untamed. He is a loner and belongs to no group or clan. He is someone you do not want to cross paths with alone. He wears dark clothing and occasionally wears a red bandana over his eyes.


Appearance:

Jason Lycan has black colored eyes but when they are untamed they are blood-red. He has short black hair. He is 6'4" and has tan skin.

At times his wolf ears and tail appear. They are jet black with red fur at the tips.


Combat Style:

Jason Lycan is a Rogue.


Talent:

Jason is very athletic. Being an Ultima his athleticism is beyond extraordinary.


Language:

He only speaks the Common language.


Proficiency:



Back Story:

Jason Lycan's backstory is sad in that he lost his family. His father was wanted by a group of bandits that wanted revenge on him. From that, Jason lost his family and has then been living on his own. He is not part of any group, clan, or faction because of trust issues. He has been looking for the group of bandits that ruined his life for a long time. He is a loner, will not talk to anybody, and will refuse help if offered. He does have an affection for animals though and will take an interest in people who have them.

 

[bahmboozled]

Hello! This is more of a peer review to point you towards character creation, and some facets of the lore that would and could apply to this character you are making.

Firstly,

Race / Culture: Werewolf.

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Do take a look into Marken (linked for convenience's sake). Markenism/being a 'Werewolf' isn't a Race, and something more of an Affinity. It is highly recommended to take a look into Races page for Jason's Race/Culture.

The curse of having eyes that can kill humans that look into them.

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Unless this is something that should come off as a figure of speech, this is best to cut out.

Combat Style:
Jason Lycan is a Rogue.

Proficiency:

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You got down the Combat Style, and while it isn't necessary to assign your character Proficiency Point Buys, it may supplement some of the things which you may do (largely engaging in Combat as a Marken). You can take a look at the Proficiency page for this.

Talent:
Jason is very athletic. Being an Ultima his athleticism is beyond extraordinary.

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Do take a look into the Hobbies page, this will largely fall under Athletic Hobby.

 

[Scribbe]

@WildJWolf
Hey! I'm Scribbe, I'm a member of Lore Staff, and I changed the tag on your app because I'd like to run through a few things, mostly in line with what bahmboozled suggested.

First of all, it's pretty clear that the character takes a lot from the Aphmau's RP series on Youtube, which isn't something we want on Massive. Massive has its own established lore universe in which our roleplay takes place; that means that we like all characters to adhere to that, and that characters that very clearly come from outside of that universe are very immersion-breaking to other players on the server. Anyone that's seen Aphmau's videos is going to have a hard time taking a Massive RP scene seriously when what is essentially one of that series' characters is across the street from them, so we'd like you to try to make Jason into a character that's more your own than Aphmau's.

There are a few other things I'd like to touch on:

Race / Culture: Werewolf.

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Like bahmboozled said, 'Werewolf' isn't a race or a culture on Massive. We have a wide array of Races and Cultures on MassiveCraft for you to read up on, but it seems like Jason is an Ailor (our word for a baseline Human in the universe), so this entry should list something like, "Race/Culture: Cearden Ailor".

Occult: Void.

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Since Jason is a Marken (our word for werewolf), this entry should list 'Marken'. It should also list why he's Void Occult. Is he a Void Mage? Is he possessed with a Void Demon? It helps a lot with design clarity and communication.

Core Concept:
Jason Lycan is the Ultima Werewolf. The Ultima is a pureblooded werewolf born with a curse. The curse of having eyes that can kill humans that look into them. Only when untamed. He is a loner and belongs to no group or clan. He is someone you do not want to cross paths with alone. He wears dark clothing and occasionally wears a red bandana over his eyes.

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There are a few things here to go over; firstly, that we don't have a concept of what an 'Ultima Werewolf' is in lore, nor is that really communicated. You might describe what that's meant to be. Is he trying to be the strongest Marken in Aloria? Does he want to lead the biggest pack? You should also remove the note about his curse; it just isn't viable in roleplay, and trying to use it on someone will only get you in trouble for powergaming. Kill perms on Massive are very important and sensitive.

Talent:
Jason is very athletic. Being an Ultima his athleticism is beyond extraordinary.

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The word 'Talent' here doesn't refer to something he's talented at, but to the Talents listed on the Hobbies page on the wiki, so here you'd list something like 'Athletic Hobby & Magical Talent'.

Combat Style:
Jason Lycan is a Rogue.

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Like bahmboozled said, you have Jason's Combat Style down here, but he has no Proficiencies. If you're engaging in CRP on Massive, you should have all of your Combat Proficiencies listed, so that other players know you aren't just using whatever stats and abilities are convenient for you to have in the moment.

These are all things that I'd like you to go over and add to the app, and then I'd like you to @tag me (e.g. @Scribbe) in this thread when you're done. The most important things I'd like you to do though are to make Jason your character instead of a character from Aphmau's RP series, and to make him part of the Alorian world so that other players won't be distracted and taken out of their immersion by the presence of a character that they've seen somewhere else.

 

[Impreza555]

Hey just so ya know. I don't know how to make skins. I also changed my character sheet a bit and am still working out everything so thank you but no. Have a good day.
To Scribbe. No hard feelings.

 

[Jareth]

Hey just so ya know. I don't know how to make skins. I also changed my character sheet a bit and am still working out everything so thank you but no. Have a good day.
To Scribbe. No hard feelings.

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You should check out the MassiveLooks tag on PlanetMinecraft. These are all skins that are made by and for MassiveCraft players!

https://www.planetminecraft.com/resources/?keywords=massivelooks

 

[Scribbe]

Hey just so ya know. I don't know how to make skins. I also changed my character sheet a bit and am still working out everything so thank you but no. Have a good day.
To Scribbe. No hard feelings.

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I'm sorry, you can't just tell me no about this. It's my job as Lore staff to moderate the player experience on the server, and how well players adhere to the lore we have. You can either make the edits I've suggested and bring the app in line with the lore setting on the server, or your app will be deleted. I'll give you a few days to get it in order.

Happy editing!

 

[Impreza555]

I AM SO SORRY I DID NOT KNOW YOU WERE STAFF! I am not a computer wiz so I am just trying to find skins that would work for me. Yet again I am so sorry. Thank you for telling me. I did not mean to be rude. Please forgive me. And I am still learning about this. People are helping me while I do this so please bear with me.
Yet again I am sorry. My rping hours on Monday through Thursday are around late 5:30 PM EST to 8:00 PM EST.
Friday's are a no-go right now. Saturdays are sometimes longer then 8:00 PM EST. Sundays are just like Mon-Thur. Sometimes longer. So yet again I am sorry. Have a good day!

 

[Impreza555]

Oh and Lycan is short for Lycanthropy. The Latin meaning for Wolf-Man. It is a actual thing so pls look it up. Thanks have a good day!

 

[Scribbe]

The Latin meaning for Wolf-Man. It is a actual thing so pls look it up.

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Please don't try to get one up on me. If you read my post fully, you'd know I wrote;

Since Jason is a Marken (our word for werewolf)

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It's not about Latin accuracy because MassiveCraft lore has no concept of Latin.

You have until Thursday evening to fix your app or it's being deleted.

 

[Impreza555]

I am not being snarky. I redid my sheet. Pls look at my content.

 

[Impreza555]

And what do you mean by app?
Pls tell me

 

[Impreza555]

Do you want me to change my last name?

 

[Impreza555]

I can if you want if that is the problem

 

[Impreza555]

I redid my sheet so pls look at it. Do you want me to change my last name? Do you want me to delete Jason? Do you want me to make a new character? Pls tell me what is wrong. I made a new sheet so pls look at it.

 

[Impreza555]

I did not mean to be snarky.

 

[Impreza555]

And what do you mean by app?

 

[Impreza555]

Please tell me.

 

[Impreza555]

In all honesty. I did not read your text fully. I apologize. I need to know what I did wrong. Like I said I redid my sheet. I fixed somethings but if you see anything that is incorrect pls tell me.

 

[FutureTeller]

As someone who grew up watching Aphmau, I'm like 99% sure "Jason Lycan" is just one of the main character's names, and most of this application's (or app, for short) details match said character from one of the series.

You're definitely going to need to change that. If skins are the issue, I would recommend checking out skins under the "MassiveLooks" tag on planetminecraft, as previously recommended. MassiveLooks is a huge library of skins that are free to use, and if you open a thread on the Help-channel of the Massivecraft main discord, I'm sure someone would even help you put a skin together for free.