Massivecraft Vent Thread

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by MonMarty, Oct 25, 2018.

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  1. MonMarty

    MonMarty the thot thiccens… Staff Member Server Owner

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    The MassiveCraft Vent thread exists to allow players to vent any kind of personal or server related issue, where anonymity might help putting the first step forward. The process is pretty simple. You follow this link, fill in the boxes where relevant, and post a reply. This post will then be processed into an anonymous post on this thread, where we (might) reply to it. Keep in mind, this is all opt-in, and while many of us are willing to post a big or small reply to help out, we cannot 100% guarantee a reply to everyone. We have also chosen to lock the thread and allow only the Staff directors to reply, to ensure that the replies remain consistent and come from the same source, so that the players aren't burdened with reply duty.

    Please read the instructions on the Form carefully and be considerate of your responses. Also please be considerate of the replies on this thread, and the time spent in trying to reply (or the time spent working on other things and not being able to reply)

    Disclaimer: We are not a professional organization that offers either physical or mental care. Please consult with your local doctors/mental health professionals first before posting here and after, and please do not use any of the content of this thread as anything but a good willing comment from a passerby, not a definitive statement that should be the entirety of your decision apparatus or a final say on what you should and should not do. We are not and cannot be seen as a replacement for professional assistance, nor can we be seen as a caretaker because we prefer anonymity in your private life, as you do to us as well. This thread allows anonymous posting, which ensures we do not take any personal investment in your life, and the statements posted in reply are only general statements. By posting on this thread, by using the anonymous submission form, you accept that we are not your caretakers or guardians.
     
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    #1 MonMarty, Oct 25, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2018
  2. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Roleplay Issues

    This is an example post of how it will come out

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  3. MonMarty

    MonMarty the thot thiccens… Staff Member Server Owner

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    This thread is now functional again. It will remain locked so that only Direction Staff can reply. Please read the instructions on the first post on how to reply to this thread.
     
  4. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Roleplay Issues

    Hello-Hello. I am writing this today finally after having this dilemma for almost my whole time on Massivecraft. -- Sooo, I'm sure maybe some of you could relate to me in some shape or form, but I have a hard time, or I guess in better words.. put into words how my characters feel or think in situations or in general. Personally, this is one of my biggest weakness, since every character I make I find it hard for me to describe their emotion and their reactions to things. I might start fine but slowly disconnect with them to the point I get inconsistent with what I wrote on their char app. Even if I make a character profoundly similar to me, I still have trouble. -- If I can explain further what happens when I roleplay is that I tend to reply extremely slow (especially emotes). I respond very slowly because I am sitting behind my screen thinking how my character should react, it doesn't necessarily come to me naturally. Or I might have a sense of how they should act/react, but I have a hard time putting that feeling into words. Is it merely because I need to expand my vocabulary to find more descriptive words for my emotes? Or, do I need to take more time almost studying my character and extend beyond the char app alone? I guess what I came here for is maybe some advice on how to approach this kind problem and any of your personal experience on the matter since I feel like this problem is one major factor in why my interest for massive isn't at it's best since I have a harder time roleplaying in general.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  5. MonMarty

    MonMarty the thot thiccens… Staff Member Server Owner

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    You think too much. I find that roleplayers don't really care too much about continuity and character design, and that it takes a special kind of asshole to criticize anyone for not staying true to their character application. There's a thing or two to be said about arbitrary roleplay, but generally speaking its okay to go back and change something in roleplay if you feel like you made a mistake, and it is better to give an enjoyable experience, then it is to give an authentic one.

    The best roleplay I can provide is impromptu where I make up lore on the spot and just go with the flow. Impulsive roleplay, as long as that impulse leads to an enjoyable situation for the people you are playing with is 10x more important than staying consistent with your character personality. Every moment you spend thinking/talking/theorizing about how to roleplay, is every moment not spent on actually enjoying yourself. I think some people do need to put into perspective how ludicrous it sounds for someone else to say how roleplay should be done, or about how XYZ roleplay has an impact on XYZ other player without just "doing the roleplay" instead of talking about it. Most people portray a character with the personality like a worn shoe anyway, so there isn't much competition in that regard. Roleplay skill is often greatly overrated. I think only people who would be good actors would keep going with the body language and expressions needed to give "truly immersive" experiences, whatever that means. 95% of the population "just does", and to feel above that, or try to be above that, is wasted effort.

    Don't think. Just do.
     
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  6. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Roleplay Issues

    I do what I can to be a good or decent roleplayer, I try to learn from character choices and ooc mistake. I will admit I have a small powergaming issue that I've been working on to fix, though what's been giving me anxiety for months is that I've been given many powergaming accusations and even metagaming and I don't know what specific event in server the accusations are being based off of. I'm being denied defending myself and correcting my mistakes, and feel I'm being forced down and unable to grow as a person and improve my role-playing skills because of this. I just want to fix my wrongs, is that too much to ask?

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  7. MonMarty

    MonMarty the thot thiccens… Staff Member Server Owner

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    I think you should PM me with more information. I cannot understand the full context here and it is making replying hard.
     
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  8. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication

    I'm not really sure how to put it but I guess I sometimes feel like I don't deserve nice things said about me. I feel like I'm lying to my friends everytime they either say something nice but I'm not sure about what, it's like a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that it's not deserved.

    It's a mess of feelings and I think part of it probably is the fact I'm friends with people who don't like each other so whenever one friend says something bad or venting about the other friend I can't help but feel like I'm betraying them in some way. Or worse when I stop liking someone but I can't stomach cutting off communication for a variety of reasons.

    And I guess I'm scared that somehow everything is going to go horribly wrong and all my friends will stop talking to me or something.

    My feelings are all over the place about this stuff and I know a lot of it is irrational but I really needed to get this off my chest 'cause it was eating at me for a while.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  9. SpunSugar

    SpunSugar Propagator of Deportment Staff Member World3

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    Hi there, Anon! I think you definitely asked the right person to look at this, because I have felt this way/currently still do a lot of the time! There's something called "Imposter Syndrome" that can sometimes explain this very well. But I'm going to break down the different separate bits and then hopefully bring it together for you in a way that has helped me in the past, and actually I need reminding of now and again.

    1. Feeling like you don't deserve nice things said about you isn't uncommon if you have issues like bad self-image, or have had parents that always pushed you to do more/a perfectionist thing. People who always feel like they can do better/strive for perfection also feel like if they don't reach it, that they have failed. It took me a long time to figure out that perfection isn't realistic, and that I was holding myself to a higher standard than my friends. So let's look at some of the things your friends say about you versus what you say about your friends. When you tell them something nice, do you mean it? Because I think, generally speaking, perfectionists are far nicer to their friends than they are to themselves. Which leads me to the next point. To move past this, try seeing yourself as a work in progress. Rather than beating yourself up when you don’t reach your impossibly high standards, identify specific things that you want to change about yourself and then realize that it will always be a slow process.

    2. There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling friends of yours to not speak badly about other friends of yours while you're around. You surely won't be able to change their minds - but the reality is that you're not responsible for changing your friend's mind. Just like they aren't responsible for changing yours. What you can do is ask them to refrain from insulting them. This does two things - show your friends that you aren't the type of person that will tolerate someone bad-talking them, but it also lets you set some really clear boundaries about what type of behavior you're willing to put up with from anyone. Standing up for someone you care about to someone you care about can be a scary thing. But it is worth it when it helps you see that your friends will still be there for you, even when you set boundaries to help yourself.

    Something that really helped me with my anxiety about these situations is doing a whole "Follow it to the End" form of questioning.

    My friends will stop talking to me. Then what? Well, I won't talk to them anymore. Then what? Then I'll have to reevaluate friendships. Then what? Then I may have to find someone else who wants to be friends. Then what?

    You see where I'm going with this. We're so afraid of possibly one thing happening, that we neglect to actually realize that some of our worst fears can be tackled when we sit down to analyze it.

    To sum up: All this anxiety can definitely crowd out the rest of your thoughts. Try and take a few minutes every day to remind yourself that you're capable and worthwhile. Treat yourself the way you'd treat one of your friends, and realize that you need to be as kind to yourself as you are to your friends.
     
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  10. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Friends/Communication

    I'm asexual (Or maybe Demi? I'm still figuring things out) and in a relationship with someone who happens to not be asexual. And while he's amazing and very accepting of me I worry that I'm not enough for him, that I'm depriving him of one of his needs, this also isn't helped by the long distance factor of the relationship and a couple of other things. In a past relationship I'd been pressured into something I didn't want, and I worry that one day that might happen with this guy, which terrifies me.

    Not only this but my anxiety seems to increase whenever we even touch, so even though I really want to, I can't always even hug him out of anxiety. I almost cried when we first kissed, and this isn't because I don't love him, but just my anxiety about the relationship takes over when I'm with him.

    I know there's little you could do to help, but I just needed to get it out there in some way, just in case somebody could help.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  11. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication

    So, this is somewhat deep, but one of my comrades recently opened up to me about his attempts to commit suicide. He is a nice fellow, and one of my closest friends in class. We often spend a lot of time together because we have similar forms of epilepsy, and we will talk about the seizures we have with each other. During one of our shared classes, I forgot how the topic arose, but he looked to me and claimed calmly that he had attempted to kill himself a few times. Now, this friend, let's call him R, and I make dumb jokes about suicide and the likes all the time. We make "edgy" jokes with each other all the time about some inappropriate things, particularly suicide. He explained how he had bought a rope on amazon and attempted to hang himself, and that his mother walked into the room and stopped him by putting the chair back under his feet. He explained how his second attempt, which he said was around 4 weeks ago, he tried to take a bunch of pills, and just gave himself a seizure instead. I've checked our chat history, where we typically tell each other if we've had a seizure, and the last one he told me about was about 2 months ago, but he said, "I'm just happy to be alive" in our chat. Something that somewhat concerns me is that sometime around 4 weeks ago, the class we share was getting somewhat difficult, and he was falling pretty far behind. I didn't have much time to help him because I was too busy dealing with my own grades. He seemed really glum around that time too, particularly after test scores were received. I don't really know what I should do. I don't want to give him any ideas about suicide, but If I stop making casual jokes with him, he might find it awkward and suspect something, which might lead to more consequence. I don't feel reporting it would help anything, considering the administration at the school we go are very awkward and threatening, and just bugged me when I was going through some problems with my epilepsy. It was a few weeks ago, so I might assume that his parents have something handled. Is there anything I can do? Should I do anything? I just don't want him to commit suicide, and I definitely don't want to encourage it. Another major problem is that I ironically joke about suicide all the time, and I joking researched the most effective ways to kill oneself and put it in our group chat a while ago.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  12. MonMarty

    MonMarty the thot thiccens… Staff Member Server Owner

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    Shortly put, no. From my personal experience, and from a legal stand point of view, you should not endeavor to take upon yourself the legal duty of care of this person. As you said, they already indicated that their mother was aware, so people who are better equipped and closer to the source than you are already on top of it. We are going off the assumption here that the mother is not a neglectful woman and will stay on top of this stuff to the point of excess, so I think adding onto that with your own concern, might cause your friend to feel cornered.

    If they are so casual about their suicide attempt, then they are probably not at odds with it anymore, and choosing not to joke about it might as such upset him. Maybe out of formality sake, you could ask him if knowing what you know, given what he did, whether he's okay with you making those jokes still, just for posterity sake, but you don't really have to.

    At a bottom line, from what I can tell is that said person is already in good hands because his immediate core surroundings are aware of the situation. Furthermore, it's important that you don't become affected by it either. Other people's (for the lack of a better term) drama, can cause strain on your mental health as well. It is natural to want to be helpful and see if you somehow could alleviate their strains, but it's foremost important that with whatever you do, you don't add unnecessary burdens to yourself.

    It is not your task to be responsible. You do not have to change yourself to accommodate this knowledge. And most importantly of all, you don't have to detract from yourself to aid someone else. Let their care system take care of them, and concern yourself primarily with your own life and continue acting towards him as you always had, at least that's my take.
     
  13. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication

    I've been neglecting to make this post for a couple of weeks and even now I still felt hesitant to submit it. For quite some time now I've been in a constant low mood, which has been negatively impacting on my friendships on Massive and maybe even my roleplay too. I've tried to feign an air of confidence to hide this feeling of melancholy that I'm stuck with so that I won't burden my friends but as I mentioned earlier I've apparently failed with this, in fact, I feel like my friendships are slowly deteriorating and I don't know what to do about it. At this rate, I feel that if I express my feelings to them that said feelings will be treated like nothing more than a petty attempt at a sob story, and I wouldn't blame them for that. I can see where they're coming from and their response is definitely justifiable, but I feel that no matter what I do I'm just going to end up pushing them further away.

    I suppose what I'm asking for is just some advice on how to mend broken, or breaking, relationships with friends.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  14. MonMarty

    MonMarty the thot thiccens… Staff Member Server Owner

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    Come clean. Don't get the desires result? Find better friends.

    I would say beforehand, that you establish some sort of formality with your friends, to ask if they are okay with helping you deal with your problems. I've heard some cases where friendships collapsed because friends had their own unique problems to deal with, and without asking whether it was okay to discuss them, offloading your worries onto them may become too emotionally draining for them and they turn away.

    So, I would say, establish a rapport to see if your friends are willing to share your burdens and you share their burdens, and then talk about it. If your friends aren't interested or trivialize you then they aren't really your friends and you can find some new ones.

    It's healthy to do a "friendship check" every few months to see if everything is still fine between yourself and others, and if you feel your friendship is deteriorating, don't phrase it like that, but ask them if something bothers them, and if they don't say anything back, just assume it's all fine.
     
  15. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Roleplay Issues

    Greetings!
    I do have alot of issues, though I don't really express them online very often only to friends really close to me. But the only issue I can't resolve is roleplay based funny enough!
    I'm afraid, to put it simply.
    I'm afraid to even approach people in roleplay out of anxiety, despite being a literate roleplayer.And it's part of the reason I have issues getting myself out there and it's hard habit to break. I used to not be like this, but now I just feel so afraid to leave my comfort zone and it's ruining my own roleplay experiences and even leaking into my characters at times. I really wish I could break this and actually have fun without any worry in the way. I just get so overwhelmed that I end up logging and not even emoting the persons direction. Hell I get anxious even being /around/ players I don't know OOCly. And I know it's insanely silly, but I still can't seem to break it. Any advice ?

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
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  16. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Work Related, Friends/Communication, Roleplay Issues

    A player with a history of toxicity only matched by her fiery personality, its no wonder theres a lot of discrepancy when it comes to roleplay opportunities with a history like mine people only see you as nothing more than a cesspool of disease and chaos, they judge without knowing because part of the hatred came from members of the community and even staff began to spread false rumors, I was the victim of one such event, having read through all the logs and heard stories of the extent towards what people have said about me. There was a point in time where I was nice, I was a caring part of the community and all I wanted was to ensure everyone had a good time and laughed with me rather than against me, but I gained no benefit from allowing others to step on me, I became so involved with ensuring others were mentally healthy and stable that it began to deteriorate my own health, I placed people in front of myself and now I have nothing to show for it.

    Those that I helped no longer want to rp with me, most of them don't even message me even though ive stayed up countless hours to cheer them up and make them happy, I get treated as a manipulater, a deceiver someones whose intentions are only for her own self interest, People have been warned to stay away from me, they know nothing of what its like to have to deal with having to constantly be at war with yourself, having to deal with being diagnosed with disorders such as bipolar, social processing disorder, Oppositional defiant disorder, all of which make it difficult to decipher what mood i will be in for during that day as I can become quickly irritated, I can become easily upset, everyone judges what nobody understands, its because of some people that I no longer feel safe or secure while in roleplay, I feel constantly overwhelmed with anxiety because I fear they just rp with me out of pity rather than actually wanting to rp with me.. I fear that the people im friends with only want to blackmail me with something I tell them about my personal life, I haven't roleplayed with another person in what feels like months, heck I haven't played a human/two legged race in weeks because I just felt like playing a dog would make people roleplay with me just out of boredum (although it worked I felt so empty) I hold myself as a gargoyle, a thick skinned person that on occasion can get really fumed but isn't phased by comments made against her, but I want to say that I do get hurt often, although it doesn't show through when im in a low mood because of my bipolar I become very vulnerable to slipping into a deep depression, we aren't all perfect and we aren't all as strong as we wish we were even if we claim to be, one persons humor could offend someone else, people think I am just an ass without reason.. when everyone ive ever gotten into arguments either did something I disliked, said something I disliked or I've had to find out via screenshots that they would rather hurt me than care about our friendship just because they think they are safe behind a private channel.. in this age of media its very easy to get information, at least have the dignity to say it to my face rather than hiding away, all it does is ruin a persons trust, I can no longer make long term friends because I experience severe schizophrenic tendencies such as hallucinations, delusions about friends ive made where all I can think about the person is that they want to hurt me, although not being diagnosed with schizophrenia these are just a few of the symptoms I experience on a weekly basis.

    Having been on massive since around 2014 i've seen people come and go, ive had old friends leave forever and new ones permanently ignore me because I let myself slip and attack them for something that might have never even be true, now I can't just blame disorders for everything I've done to myself and others, because its true ive been horrible towards some close friends of mine just based on a few things they did that I didn't like and its ruined me entirely, i regret loosing those friends because when you have as much social anxiety as I do, making friends isn't as easy as it is on tv, but I feel like rather than people making up assumptions about me they actually talk to me for once.. The people who have stuck by me through all of these ups and downs are some of the greatest minds ive ever had the opportunity to call my friends, they unlike others take the time to check up on me and ask if im okay even after being a bit ghostish for a few days due to irl issues, those are the kind of people who I want to see more of, rather than just making assumptions about a person, think about who they are beneath the cloud of smoke before you make them your permanent enemy.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  17. SpunSugar

    SpunSugar Propagator of Deportment Staff Member World3

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    I know I've talked about anxiety before, and sometimes it feels a lot easier to tackle it for other people, rather than yourself. I'll share with you some stuff that has really, really helped me. But the first thing to remember is this - every single person on this server is clicking the button to log on because they want interaction with people. It's not like school - where everyone is forced to be together and you somehow have to get along. There's a general umbrella of 'Hello, I'm here for roleplay and to hang out with people,' that exists within roleplay circles. So the idea that somehow there could be an issue with approaching people within this sphere can be daunting if you approach it like you're somehow already at a negative with the community here. But that is not the case. The amount of times I wish someone would approach me for RP is pretty much daily. And I think almost everyone here is on that page as well.

    Secondly - A good exercise is to ask yourself: "What would happen if the absolute worst thing happened in this interaction?" If someone ignores you - nothing happens. If someone even starts a conversation with you, regardless if their character is nice or not, isn't the goal reached? Take a while to ask yourself what the root of the problem is. The reasons that pop up that makes you nervous. Then keep asking the "What would happen?" question until you get to the end of it. The best way to work through anxiety is to logically reduce these anxieties to what they are - empty worries caused by past experiences that have no bearing on current events.

    Thirdly - Find people you feel like you could have roleplay with. Even if it is one or two of them. People you trust and are comfortable with. And ask them to be your RP buddy. Go to social events together, and feel comfortable messaging them when you get uncomfortable and ask for help. Going with a friend to steady you will allow you to get more comfortable with different people, and slowly expand your circles and confidence! If you feel like you maybe don't have someone yet, and are comfortable, I'm more than happy to hang for a bit if you want!

    Ultimately - remember we're all here for the same thing, and that people here want to be social. Anxiety about other people is just that - a worry without foundation. Find a friend to help you through it, and try to pick apart, when you get anxious, what is triggering it. Parse it apart, deconstruct the worry to its most basic parts. And then when you get right down to the simpler explanations, you've a much better chance of working through it, rather than letting it overwhelm you.
     
  18. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication, Roleplay Issues

    Growing up, I've always had a level of anxiety and difficulties when it came to talking to people and making friends. On top of stress, it's been a rough ride for me that I've been getting through by myself. Now though, venting seems to be a better action than keeping quiet since it has a chance of helping me more.

    I can't seem to shake the anxiety that comes with socializing, whether it's online or in person (in person is much harder I'll say though) and I'm not sure how to really go about fitting into groups without feeling like a back burner friend/member. I like talking to people, but my worry over not being liked tends to make me overreact to people's interactions with me if they change. Talking less to me makes me feel I did something wrong and the person doesn't like me anymore. And when I try to bring this up, I stop because I'm worried I'll just come off as being immature and needy for attention.

    In roleplay I have an easier time interacting, it's my character hanging out with other characters more than me with other players. But I still worry that if I don't do well enough as a roleplayer that people will see me negatively and be less likely to interact with me or even consider being my friend. I feel like I'm in no one's primary friend group, that I'm just someone to bring in when they're short a member for something. I see all these groups of people having a great time and hear of friends talking so much that comparing myself to them has become a habit and has me keep feeling just...inadequate. Like I'm not doing something right and thus not able to really take part in as many conversations or enjoy what others are able to do. Even something as simple as talking to a someone in discord or invited to roleplay.

    I see people roleplaying and want to join but then I stop and question whether I'll be allowed or ignored by them. It's a mix of how I feel in real life too. I'm scared of socializing but at the same time crave to be included and talked to. I'm just unable to really figure out how I can overcome all this anxiety towards interaction so I can fully enjoy the time I spend on here.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  19. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication, Roleplay Issues

    I've been a regular member in the roleplay scene for a few years, and have experienced various groups in that time. One roleplay group that I've always enjoyed was the charter/guard system. By charter, I include both the guilds and guard groups that had large player activities. They allow players to interact with a wide range of individuals, and provide a stable environment in the city. It was an engaging time to be around, and many of my fondest memories were made in those groups.

    Today, I am apathetic in Regalia as a whole and have lost my drive. I project my distaste on groups like the Violet Order, even though objectively there is nothing they are doing against me.

    I used to be in a small group of players that would share the same rp niche as I did. But as time has gone by, many of them have left the server for various reasons, leaving me behind feeling lost. I feel like a ghost nowadays, still seeing the same players as before, interacting with them. But I'm just going through the motions and have lost personal enjoyment from everything.

    I am apart of a few lore systems, and enjoy the work lore staff does and the results of my efforts in progressions, but after reading the post I just return to apathy and go through the motions. In these systems I have a few friends I enjoy rping with. I interact with them regularly, and have some satisfaction when we converse. But after the RP, we both go our separate ways, and I'm left alone once again. The niche I fill seems to be a rarity in the roleplay world nowadays, and because of that rarity I lack the "support group" of like minded players that keeps me engaged with the rest of my rp activities.

    I've made attempts to find players that share my desires or to instigate changes through rp by making groups, but each time I start down that road, I ask myself "why bother" and return to apathy.

    I have a paradoxical problem. How can I enjoy roleplay with other players in the moment, but then after those moments feel like I should give up? I blame groups for not providing my style of roleplay, yet do nothing to try and create that group myself. It's frustrating to be a hypocrite, and in this frustration my apathy is reinforced.

    I'll log on tomorrow, go through the same motions. I'll have my rp, and enjoy it in the moment, and then afterwards feel mopey again. Is there even a way to break free from this cycle? Or am I just the old guard clinging on to nostalgia that I know will never come back?

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  20. MonMarty

    MonMarty the thot thiccens… Staff Member Server Owner

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    You're too obsessed with group orientation, or public reception. I've lost interest in the "grand scheme of things" myself years ago, but I still drive myself for personal 1 on 1 roleplay with personal goals. Each person I am very motivated to roleplay with, I've set 5 attainable and unattainable IC goals that drive a red thread. You might notice that if your dialogue follows the general gist of "this feels like it's progressing at least one of these plots", then you will start to experience these roleplays as worthwhile.

    Set target goals on individual people as opposed to groups. If groups aren't your deal anymore, then it's just what it is, and you should try to re-scope on a different target group or scope of people, i.e a smaller group or just singular people. I have 3 hour long sessions with singular people but cannot be bothered to stand more than 30 minutes in a group.
     
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  21. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Roleplay Issues

    Hi, so, lately I've been feeling down about playing my main char, mainly because I've been turned down from quite a few, let's say, organizations even though I know I have the RP skills to be in them. It's really disheartening to have your char want to be a part of said organizations and to be sent away, and then later mocked for attempting to join a similar organization based on being rejected from the first. I've even thought about making my own division of this type of organization and I have no idea if I'd even be allowed to do so, much less how to go about it. So I'm considering abandoning my character for awhile, seeing as there isn't much else I can do really.

    I also have been feeling like an RP outcast, mainly because my char is so different with their mindset. I find it hard to hop into conversations and I worry that ppl won't want me joining or that I'm bothering ppl who I often try to RP with, cause I think we're friends, but then they slowly try and back away...

    I'm just feeling really insecure about playing on Massive rn and I'm considering straight up leaving.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  22. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Roleplay Issues

    Hey guys!

    Wanted to make a little post just talking about Roleplay. You know, I've spent a good amount of time on this server- I consider myself to be a rather expirenced roleplayer on Massive. I've been through noble families/commoners, even going through the lengths to create my own aristocratic family once or twice. Though there is this sort of want I think, by most roleplayers, to recognized and become one of these godly families (i.e old-guard families Typhonus, Howlester, Ravenstad) when the possibility of having this noterity is just non-existant. It bogs down my morale to continue roleplaying, and I've mostly found that trying to help someone elses career on this server by joining their family brings me more satisfaction then knowing that no matter how hard I try, there is always a barrier in the way of achieving most things on this server. I just want some advice to try to get over this obstcle, maybe some tips on what to focus on.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  23. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication, Roleplay Issues

    I have returned after a long hiatus, perhaps one of the longest I've taken since I've begun playing on massive. I have gone through all sorts of edgy phases, done things irrationally because of my own lack of issues properly medicated. In the past I had a furious addiction to the server, to the point where it ended up destroying my mental health and at one point I even lost a job I worked pretty hard to get.
    I continue to try and make myself better, but as I return for more casual roleplay, I find that even now I'm struck with anxieties from my past, from people who have hurt or used me OOC that are still here. When I was on my prolonged break, I learned the valuable lesson of moderation and learning not to get so attached to upsetting situations. People I thought were friends turned on me with the flip of a coin, and that's something I don't think I'll forget for a long time.
    While I am a forgiving, and loving person, I can no longer allow people to treat me as they want, and I can no longer allow a simple game to consume my life even when I'm having my own personal issues and my own vulnerable time in life. A fun everyday escape such as massivecraft should never give someone anxiety, even in high-anxiety situations, and on the same coin I think attachments to it are unhealthy.
    As of now, I'm really enjoying my experience. I'm not weighed down by those who used to hurt me, and I've made a lot of good ooc friends, which I could never ask any more of. But at the same time I'm weighed down by a past I should have let go of months ago when I did become properly medicated and got the right care for my issues. So many sorry's I can't give, so many old friends I wish I could just have back. I just hope I can begin repairing old bridges, and this time I can finally do things right.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
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