Massivecraft Vent Thread

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by MonMarty, Oct 25, 2018.

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  1. MonMarty

    MonMarty Thotsune Miku Staff Member Server Owner

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    The MassiveCraft Vent thread exists to allow players to vent any kind of personal or server related issue, where anonymity might help putting the first step forward. The process is pretty simple. You follow this link, fill in the boxes where relevant, and post a reply. This post will then be processed into an anonymous post on this thread, where we (might) reply to it. Keep in mind, this is all opt-in, and while many of us are willing to post a big or small reply to help out, we cannot 100% guarantee a reply to everyone. We have also chosen to lock the thread and allow only the Staff directors to reply, to ensure that the replies remain consistent and come from the same source, so that the players aren't burdened with reply duty.

    Please read the instructions on the Form carefully and be considerate of your responses. Also please be considerate of the replies on this thread, and the time spent in trying to reply (or the time spent working on other things and not being able to reply)

    Disclaimer: We are not a professional organization that offers either physical or mental care. Please consult with your local doctors/mental health professionals first before posting here and after, and please do not use any of the content of this thread as anything but a good willing comment from a passerby, not a definitive statement that should be the entirety of your decision apparatus or a final say on what you should and should not do. We are not and cannot be seen as a replacement for professional assistance, nor can we be seen as a caretaker because we prefer anonymity in your private life, as you do to us as well. This thread allows anonymous posting, which ensures we do not take any personal investment in your life, and the statements posted in reply are only general statements. By posting on this thread, by using the anonymous submission form, you accept that we are not your caretakers or guardians.
     
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    #1 MonMarty, Oct 25, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2018
  2. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Roleplay Issues

    This is an example post of how it will come out

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  3. MonMarty

    MonMarty Thotsune Miku Staff Member Server Owner

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    This thread is now functional again. It will remain locked so that only Direction Staff can reply. Please read the instructions on the first post on how to reply to this thread.
     
  4. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Roleplay Issues

    Hello-Hello. I am writing this today finally after having this dilemma for almost my whole time on Massivecraft. -- Sooo, I'm sure maybe some of you could relate to me in some shape or form, but I have a hard time, or I guess in better words.. put into words how my characters feel or think in situations or in general. Personally, this is one of my biggest weakness, since every character I make I find it hard for me to describe their emotion and their reactions to things. I might start fine but slowly disconnect with them to the point I get inconsistent with what I wrote on their char app. Even if I make a character profoundly similar to me, I still have trouble. -- If I can explain further what happens when I roleplay is that I tend to reply extremely slow (especially emotes). I respond very slowly because I am sitting behind my screen thinking how my character should react, it doesn't necessarily come to me naturally. Or I might have a sense of how they should act/react, but I have a hard time putting that feeling into words. Is it merely because I need to expand my vocabulary to find more descriptive words for my emotes? Or, do I need to take more time almost studying my character and extend beyond the char app alone? I guess what I came here for is maybe some advice on how to approach this kind problem and any of your personal experience on the matter since I feel like this problem is one major factor in why my interest for massive isn't at it's best since I have a harder time roleplaying in general.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
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  5. MonMarty

    MonMarty Thotsune Miku Staff Member Server Owner

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    You think too much. I find that roleplayers don't really care too much about continuity and character design, and that it takes a special kind of asshole to criticize anyone for not staying true to their character application. There's a thing or two to be said about arbitrary roleplay, but generally speaking its okay to go back and change something in roleplay if you feel like you made a mistake, and it is better to give an enjoyable experience, then it is to give an authentic one.

    The best roleplay I can provide is impromptu where I make up lore on the spot and just go with the flow. Impulsive roleplay, as long as that impulse leads to an enjoyable situation for the people you are playing with is 10x more important than staying consistent with your character personality. Every moment you spend thinking/talking/theorizing about how to roleplay, is every moment not spent on actually enjoying yourself. I think some people do need to put into perspective how ludicrous it sounds for someone else to say how roleplay should be done, or about how XYZ roleplay has an impact on XYZ other player without just "doing the roleplay" instead of talking about it. Most people portray a character with the personality like a worn shoe anyway, so there isn't much competition in that regard. Roleplay skill is often greatly overrated. I think only people who would be good actors would keep going with the body language and expressions needed to give "truly immersive" experiences, whatever that means. 95% of the population "just does", and to feel above that, or try to be above that, is wasted effort.

    Don't think. Just do.
     
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  6. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Roleplay Issues

    I do what I can to be a good or decent roleplayer, I try to learn from character choices and ooc mistake. I will admit I have a small powergaming issue that I've been working on to fix, though what's been giving me anxiety for months is that I've been given many powergaming accusations and even metagaming and I don't know what specific event in server the accusations are being based off of. I'm being denied defending myself and correcting my mistakes, and feel I'm being forced down and unable to grow as a person and improve my role-playing skills because of this. I just want to fix my wrongs, is that too much to ask?

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  7. MonMarty

    MonMarty Thotsune Miku Staff Member Server Owner

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    I think you should PM me with more information. I cannot understand the full context here and it is making replying hard.
     
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  8. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication

    I'm not really sure how to put it but I guess I sometimes feel like I don't deserve nice things said about me. I feel like I'm lying to my friends everytime they either say something nice but I'm not sure about what, it's like a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that it's not deserved.

    It's a mess of feelings and I think part of it probably is the fact I'm friends with people who don't like each other so whenever one friend says something bad or venting about the other friend I can't help but feel like I'm betraying them in some way. Or worse when I stop liking someone but I can't stomach cutting off communication for a variety of reasons.

    And I guess I'm scared that somehow everything is going to go horribly wrong and all my friends will stop talking to me or something.

    My feelings are all over the place about this stuff and I know a lot of it is irrational but I really needed to get this off my chest 'cause it was eating at me for a while.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  9. SpunSugar

    SpunSugar Propagator of Deportment Staff Member World3

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    Hi there, Anon! I think you definitely asked the right person to look at this, because I have felt this way/currently still do a lot of the time! There's something called "Imposter Syndrome" that can sometimes explain this very well. But I'm going to break down the different separate bits and then hopefully bring it together for you in a way that has helped me in the past, and actually I need reminding of now and again.

    1. Feeling like you don't deserve nice things said about you isn't uncommon if you have issues like bad self-image, or have had parents that always pushed you to do more/a perfectionist thing. People who always feel like they can do better/strive for perfection also feel like if they don't reach it, that they have failed. It took me a long time to figure out that perfection isn't realistic, and that I was holding myself to a higher standard than my friends. So let's look at some of the things your friends say about you versus what you say about your friends. When you tell them something nice, do you mean it? Because I think, generally speaking, perfectionists are far nicer to their friends than they are to themselves. Which leads me to the next point. To move past this, try seeing yourself as a work in progress. Rather than beating yourself up when you don’t reach your impossibly high standards, identify specific things that you want to change about yourself and then realize that it will always be a slow process.

    2. There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling friends of yours to not speak badly about other friends of yours while you're around. You surely won't be able to change their minds - but the reality is that you're not responsible for changing your friend's mind. Just like they aren't responsible for changing yours. What you can do is ask them to refrain from insulting them. This does two things - show your friends that you aren't the type of person that will tolerate someone bad-talking them, but it also lets you set some really clear boundaries about what type of behavior you're willing to put up with from anyone. Standing up for someone you care about to someone you care about can be a scary thing. But it is worth it when it helps you see that your friends will still be there for you, even when you set boundaries to help yourself.

    Something that really helped me with my anxiety about these situations is doing a whole "Follow it to the End" form of questioning.

    My friends will stop talking to me. Then what? Well, I won't talk to them anymore. Then what? Then I'll have to reevaluate friendships. Then what? Then I may have to find someone else who wants to be friends. Then what?

    You see where I'm going with this. We're so afraid of possibly one thing happening, that we neglect to actually realize that some of our worst fears can be tackled when we sit down to analyze it.

    To sum up: All this anxiety can definitely crowd out the rest of your thoughts. Try and take a few minutes every day to remind yourself that you're capable and worthwhile. Treat yourself the way you'd treat one of your friends, and realize that you need to be as kind to yourself as you are to your friends.
     
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  10. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Friends/Communication

    I'm asexual (Or maybe Demi? I'm still figuring things out) and in a relationship with someone who happens to not be asexual. And while he's amazing and very accepting of me I worry that I'm not enough for him, that I'm depriving him of one of his needs, this also isn't helped by the long distance factor of the relationship and a couple of other things. In a past relationship I'd been pressured into something I didn't want, and I worry that one day that might happen with this guy, which terrifies me.

    Not only this but my anxiety seems to increase whenever we even touch, so even though I really want to, I can't always even hug him out of anxiety. I almost cried when we first kissed, and this isn't because I don't love him, but just my anxiety about the relationship takes over when I'm with him.

    I know there's little you could do to help, but I just needed to get it out there in some way, just in case somebody could help.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  11. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication

    So, this is somewhat deep, but one of my comrades recently opened up to me about his attempts to commit suicide. He is a nice fellow, and one of my closest friends in class. We often spend a lot of time together because we have similar forms of epilepsy, and we will talk about the seizures we have with each other. During one of our shared classes, I forgot how the topic arose, but he looked to me and claimed calmly that he had attempted to kill himself a few times. Now, this friend, let's call him R, and I make dumb jokes about suicide and the likes all the time. We make "edgy" jokes with each other all the time about some inappropriate things, particularly suicide. He explained how he had bought a rope on amazon and attempted to hang himself, and that his mother walked into the room and stopped him by putting the chair back under his feet. He explained how his second attempt, which he said was around 4 weeks ago, he tried to take a bunch of pills, and just gave himself a seizure instead. I've checked our chat history, where we typically tell each other if we've had a seizure, and the last one he told me about was about 2 months ago, but he said, "I'm just happy to be alive" in our chat. Something that somewhat concerns me is that sometime around 4 weeks ago, the class we share was getting somewhat difficult, and he was falling pretty far behind. I didn't have much time to help him because I was too busy dealing with my own grades. He seemed really glum around that time too, particularly after test scores were received. I don't really know what I should do. I don't want to give him any ideas about suicide, but If I stop making casual jokes with him, he might find it awkward and suspect something, which might lead to more consequence. I don't feel reporting it would help anything, considering the administration at the school we go are very awkward and threatening, and just bugged me when I was going through some problems with my epilepsy. It was a few weeks ago, so I might assume that his parents have something handled. Is there anything I can do? Should I do anything? I just don't want him to commit suicide, and I definitely don't want to encourage it. Another major problem is that I ironically joke about suicide all the time, and I joking researched the most effective ways to kill oneself and put it in our group chat a while ago.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  12. MonMarty

    MonMarty Thotsune Miku Staff Member Server Owner

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    Shortly put, no. From my personal experience, and from a legal stand point of view, you should not endeavor to take upon yourself the legal duty of care of this person. As you said, they already indicated that their mother was aware, so people who are better equipped and closer to the source than you are already on top of it. We are going off the assumption here that the mother is not a neglectful woman and will stay on top of this stuff to the point of excess, so I think adding onto that with your own concern, might cause your friend to feel cornered.

    If they are so casual about their suicide attempt, then they are probably not at odds with it anymore, and choosing not to joke about it might as such upset him. Maybe out of formality sake, you could ask him if knowing what you know, given what he did, whether he's okay with you making those jokes still, just for posterity sake, but you don't really have to.

    At a bottom line, from what I can tell is that said person is already in good hands because his immediate core surroundings are aware of the situation. Furthermore, it's important that you don't become affected by it either. Other people's (for the lack of a better term) drama, can cause strain on your mental health as well. It is natural to want to be helpful and see if you somehow could alleviate their strains, but it's foremost important that with whatever you do, you don't add unnecessary burdens to yourself.

    It is not your task to be responsible. You do not have to change yourself to accommodate this knowledge. And most importantly of all, you don't have to detract from yourself to aid someone else. Let their care system take care of them, and concern yourself primarily with your own life and continue acting towards him as you always had, at least that's my take.
     
  13. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication

    I've been neglecting to make this post for a couple of weeks and even now I still felt hesitant to submit it. For quite some time now I've been in a constant low mood, which has been negatively impacting on my friendships on Massive and maybe even my roleplay too. I've tried to feign an air of confidence to hide this feeling of melancholy that I'm stuck with so that I won't burden my friends but as I mentioned earlier I've apparently failed with this, in fact, I feel like my friendships are slowly deteriorating and I don't know what to do about it. At this rate, I feel that if I express my feelings to them that said feelings will be treated like nothing more than a petty attempt at a sob story, and I wouldn't blame them for that. I can see where they're coming from and their response is definitely justifiable, but I feel that no matter what I do I'm just going to end up pushing them further away.

    I suppose what I'm asking for is just some advice on how to mend broken, or breaking, relationships with friends.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  14. MonMarty

    MonMarty Thotsune Miku Staff Member Server Owner

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    Come clean. Don't get the desires result? Find better friends.

    I would say beforehand, that you establish some sort of formality with your friends, to ask if they are okay with helping you deal with your problems. I've heard some cases where friendships collapsed because friends had their own unique problems to deal with, and without asking whether it was okay to discuss them, offloading your worries onto them may become too emotionally draining for them and they turn away.

    So, I would say, establish a rapport to see if your friends are willing to share your burdens and you share their burdens, and then talk about it. If your friends aren't interested or trivialize you then they aren't really your friends and you can find some new ones.

    It's healthy to do a "friendship check" every few months to see if everything is still fine between yourself and others, and if you feel your friendship is deteriorating, don't phrase it like that, but ask them if something bothers them, and if they don't say anything back, just assume it's all fine.
     
  15. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Roleplay Issues

    Greetings!
    I do have alot of issues, though I don't really express them online very often only to friends really close to me. But the only issue I can't resolve is roleplay based funny enough!
    I'm afraid, to put it simply.
    I'm afraid to even approach people in roleplay out of anxiety, despite being a literate roleplayer.And it's part of the reason I have issues getting myself out there and it's hard habit to break. I used to not be like this, but now I just feel so afraid to leave my comfort zone and it's ruining my own roleplay experiences and even leaking into my characters at times. I really wish I could break this and actually have fun without any worry in the way. I just get so overwhelmed that I end up logging and not even emoting the persons direction. Hell I get anxious even being /around/ players I don't know OOCly. And I know it's insanely silly, but I still can't seem to break it. Any advice ?

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
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  16. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Work Related, Friends/Communication, Roleplay Issues

    A player with a history of toxicity only matched by her fiery personality, its no wonder theres a lot of discrepancy when it comes to roleplay opportunities with a history like mine people only see you as nothing more than a cesspool of disease and chaos, they judge without knowing because part of the hatred came from members of the community and even staff began to spread false rumors, I was the victim of one such event, having read through all the logs and heard stories of the extent towards what people have said about me. There was a point in time where I was nice, I was a caring part of the community and all I wanted was to ensure everyone had a good time and laughed with me rather than against me, but I gained no benefit from allowing others to step on me, I became so involved with ensuring others were mentally healthy and stable that it began to deteriorate my own health, I placed people in front of myself and now I have nothing to show for it.

    Those that I helped no longer want to rp with me, most of them don't even message me even though ive stayed up countless hours to cheer them up and make them happy, I get treated as a manipulater, a deceiver someones whose intentions are only for her own self interest, People have been warned to stay away from me, they know nothing of what its like to have to deal with having to constantly be at war with yourself, having to deal with being diagnosed with disorders such as bipolar, social processing disorder, Oppositional defiant disorder, all of which make it difficult to decipher what mood i will be in for during that day as I can become quickly irritated, I can become easily upset, everyone judges what nobody understands, its because of some people that I no longer feel safe or secure while in roleplay, I feel constantly overwhelmed with anxiety because I fear they just rp with me out of pity rather than actually wanting to rp with me.. I fear that the people im friends with only want to blackmail me with something I tell them about my personal life, I haven't roleplayed with another person in what feels like months, heck I haven't played a human/two legged race in weeks because I just felt like playing a dog would make people roleplay with me just out of boredum (although it worked I felt so empty) I hold myself as a gargoyle, a thick skinned person that on occasion can get really fumed but isn't phased by comments made against her, but I want to say that I do get hurt often, although it doesn't show through when im in a low mood because of my bipolar I become very vulnerable to slipping into a deep depression, we aren't all perfect and we aren't all as strong as we wish we were even if we claim to be, one persons humor could offend someone else, people think I am just an ass without reason.. when everyone ive ever gotten into arguments either did something I disliked, said something I disliked or I've had to find out via screenshots that they would rather hurt me than care about our friendship just because they think they are safe behind a private channel.. in this age of media its very easy to get information, at least have the dignity to say it to my face rather than hiding away, all it does is ruin a persons trust, I can no longer make long term friends because I experience severe schizophrenic tendencies such as hallucinations, delusions about friends ive made where all I can think about the person is that they want to hurt me, although not being diagnosed with schizophrenia these are just a few of the symptoms I experience on a weekly basis.

    Having been on massive since around 2014 i've seen people come and go, ive had old friends leave forever and new ones permanently ignore me because I let myself slip and attack them for something that might have never even be true, now I can't just blame disorders for everything I've done to myself and others, because its true ive been horrible towards some close friends of mine just based on a few things they did that I didn't like and its ruined me entirely, i regret loosing those friends because when you have as much social anxiety as I do, making friends isn't as easy as it is on tv, but I feel like rather than people making up assumptions about me they actually talk to me for once.. The people who have stuck by me through all of these ups and downs are some of the greatest minds ive ever had the opportunity to call my friends, they unlike others take the time to check up on me and ask if im okay even after being a bit ghostish for a few days due to irl issues, those are the kind of people who I want to see more of, rather than just making assumptions about a person, think about who they are beneath the cloud of smoke before you make them your permanent enemy.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  17. SpunSugar

    SpunSugar Propagator of Deportment Staff Member World3

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    I know I've talked about anxiety before, and sometimes it feels a lot easier to tackle it for other people, rather than yourself. I'll share with you some stuff that has really, really helped me. But the first thing to remember is this - every single person on this server is clicking the button to log on because they want interaction with people. It's not like school - where everyone is forced to be together and you somehow have to get along. There's a general umbrella of 'Hello, I'm here for roleplay and to hang out with people,' that exists within roleplay circles. So the idea that somehow there could be an issue with approaching people within this sphere can be daunting if you approach it like you're somehow already at a negative with the community here. But that is not the case. The amount of times I wish someone would approach me for RP is pretty much daily. And I think almost everyone here is on that page as well.

    Secondly - A good exercise is to ask yourself: "What would happen if the absolute worst thing happened in this interaction?" If someone ignores you - nothing happens. If someone even starts a conversation with you, regardless if their character is nice or not, isn't the goal reached? Take a while to ask yourself what the root of the problem is. The reasons that pop up that makes you nervous. Then keep asking the "What would happen?" question until you get to the end of it. The best way to work through anxiety is to logically reduce these anxieties to what they are - empty worries caused by past experiences that have no bearing on current events.

    Thirdly - Find people you feel like you could have roleplay with. Even if it is one or two of them. People you trust and are comfortable with. And ask them to be your RP buddy. Go to social events together, and feel comfortable messaging them when you get uncomfortable and ask for help. Going with a friend to steady you will allow you to get more comfortable with different people, and slowly expand your circles and confidence! If you feel like you maybe don't have someone yet, and are comfortable, I'm more than happy to hang for a bit if you want!

    Ultimately - remember we're all here for the same thing, and that people here want to be social. Anxiety about other people is just that - a worry without foundation. Find a friend to help you through it, and try to pick apart, when you get anxious, what is triggering it. Parse it apart, deconstruct the worry to its most basic parts. And then when you get right down to the simpler explanations, you've a much better chance of working through it, rather than letting it overwhelm you.
     
  18. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication, Roleplay Issues

    Growing up, I've always had a level of anxiety and difficulties when it came to talking to people and making friends. On top of stress, it's been a rough ride for me that I've been getting through by myself. Now though, venting seems to be a better action than keeping quiet since it has a chance of helping me more.

    I can't seem to shake the anxiety that comes with socializing, whether it's online or in person (in person is much harder I'll say though) and I'm not sure how to really go about fitting into groups without feeling like a back burner friend/member. I like talking to people, but my worry over not being liked tends to make me overreact to people's interactions with me if they change. Talking less to me makes me feel I did something wrong and the person doesn't like me anymore. And when I try to bring this up, I stop because I'm worried I'll just come off as being immature and needy for attention.

    In roleplay I have an easier time interacting, it's my character hanging out with other characters more than me with other players. But I still worry that if I don't do well enough as a roleplayer that people will see me negatively and be less likely to interact with me or even consider being my friend. I feel like I'm in no one's primary friend group, that I'm just someone to bring in when they're short a member for something. I see all these groups of people having a great time and hear of friends talking so much that comparing myself to them has become a habit and has me keep feeling just...inadequate. Like I'm not doing something right and thus not able to really take part in as many conversations or enjoy what others are able to do. Even something as simple as talking to a someone in discord or invited to roleplay.

    I see people roleplaying and want to join but then I stop and question whether I'll be allowed or ignored by them. It's a mix of how I feel in real life too. I'm scared of socializing but at the same time crave to be included and talked to. I'm just unable to really figure out how I can overcome all this anxiety towards interaction so I can fully enjoy the time I spend on here.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  19. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication, Roleplay Issues

    I've been a regular member in the roleplay scene for a few years, and have experienced various groups in that time. One roleplay group that I've always enjoyed was the charter/guard system. By charter, I include both the guilds and guard groups that had large player activities. They allow players to interact with a wide range of individuals, and provide a stable environment in the city. It was an engaging time to be around, and many of my fondest memories were made in those groups.

    Today, I am apathetic in Regalia as a whole and have lost my drive. I project my distaste on groups like the Violet Order, even though objectively there is nothing they are doing against me.

    I used to be in a small group of players that would share the same rp niche as I did. But as time has gone by, many of them have left the server for various reasons, leaving me behind feeling lost. I feel like a ghost nowadays, still seeing the same players as before, interacting with them. But I'm just going through the motions and have lost personal enjoyment from everything.

    I am apart of a few lore systems, and enjoy the work lore staff does and the results of my efforts in progressions, but after reading the post I just return to apathy and go through the motions. In these systems I have a few friends I enjoy rping with. I interact with them regularly, and have some satisfaction when we converse. But after the RP, we both go our separate ways, and I'm left alone once again. The niche I fill seems to be a rarity in the roleplay world nowadays, and because of that rarity I lack the "support group" of like minded players that keeps me engaged with the rest of my rp activities.

    I've made attempts to find players that share my desires or to instigate changes through rp by making groups, but each time I start down that road, I ask myself "why bother" and return to apathy.

    I have a paradoxical problem. How can I enjoy roleplay with other players in the moment, but then after those moments feel like I should give up? I blame groups for not providing my style of roleplay, yet do nothing to try and create that group myself. It's frustrating to be a hypocrite, and in this frustration my apathy is reinforced.

    I'll log on tomorrow, go through the same motions. I'll have my rp, and enjoy it in the moment, and then afterwards feel mopey again. Is there even a way to break free from this cycle? Or am I just the old guard clinging on to nostalgia that I know will never come back?

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
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  20. MonMarty

    MonMarty Thotsune Miku Staff Member Server Owner

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    You're too obsessed with group orientation, or public reception. I've lost interest in the "grand scheme of things" myself years ago, but I still drive myself for personal 1 on 1 roleplay with personal goals. Each person I am very motivated to roleplay with, I've set 5 attainable and unattainable IC goals that drive a red thread. You might notice that if your dialogue follows the general gist of "this feels like it's progressing at least one of these plots", then you will start to experience these roleplays as worthwhile.

    Set target goals on individual people as opposed to groups. If groups aren't your deal anymore, then it's just what it is, and you should try to re-scope on a different target group or scope of people, i.e a smaller group or just singular people. I have 3 hour long sessions with singular people but cannot be bothered to stand more than 30 minutes in a group.
     
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  21. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Roleplay Issues

    I'm having issues with RP, and ooc issues with an RP group I'm in.

    I'm not someone who can do group rp well, and I've tried many times before, that only resulted in bottlenecking of rp, or fuck ups that causes issues. I can barely rp in a group of 5 or less, but the people I wish to rp with are often in larger groups, or aren't open (offline, other character, etc). I want to rp more and find motivation to rp, but because I can't seam to find any rp, it's draining my will to be here, even though I like it here. The group i'm in is rather harsh that I'm unable to do group rp, and I just want to know what should I do.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  22. MonMarty

    MonMarty Thotsune Miku Staff Member Server Owner

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    I feel you my dude. I am unable to rp in settings larger than 2 or 3 people, as the text moves too quickly for me. I think I also find that people I roleplay with will sit on discord together and then comment/talk on the side, and it gets really distracting.

    I've found that 1 on 1 roleplay is far more meaningful and fun, and can last for hours, where-as group sessions last for maybe an hour at most. Consider not seeing 1 on 1 roleplay as a bad thing. Consider not being part of a group roleplay not a bad thing. Because it's not. Maybe just view group rp as a "social rp" and stick value rp to more personal settings.

    Also. Get out of that group. Seriously. Surround yourself with positive people.


    Also @everyone, for some reason past tags didn't alert me, I've looked into the problem but couldn't figure it out. Maybe if you guys still have problems re-submit, and I'll get back to them. For now i've deleted a bunch of them because I'm not sure they are still up to date.
     
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  23. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety

    This is a long, deep vent regarding life that I don't necessarily expect a reply to, however I've ways been fascinated by Marty's intellect and logic, and would wish to know his opinion of the following if he has one:

    Death is inevitable. It is this that has kept me up so many nights, our hopeless mortality that has led my mind to breakdowns, panic attacks and even some severe depression in the past. It is me coming to the understanding and reality of the inevitability of a permanent loss of consciousness that has haunted me nearly every night of the past two years. That's nearly 700 nights and almost 9% of my entire life going to bed with the thought at least in the back of my mind if not plaguing my entire attention before unknowingly passing out to wake up the next morning and live my next day, each bringing me closer to the unknown enddate that could come to pass at any minute, on any day, to take away the delicate consciousness in my head that has become fully aware of its situation. I see the bigger picture of the world, I see the left and the right from an unalligned unbiased point of view. I see the struggles of the struggling and the rewards of the successful. But to me it all doesn't matter. It sounds dark, I know, but as a man who cannot bring themselves to believe in an ancient deity and their saving graces I truly see no purpose in any action that ever truly means anything to the individual, if it all is forgotten in not even a blink of time, if forgotten is even the right word for something lost in the nonexistance after death. I'm not suicidal, not in the slightest. This is all about my fear of death after all, my fear of the consciousness I hold being lost forever. Sometimes I doubt saying the following, but I do truly wish with all my mind I believed in God, or any deity that offered a 'soul' life after death. I wish I could be faithful to a power unseen, to believe such faith would save my consciousness from death. But for some reason I cannot bring myself to truly love a power I have never seen. I doubt said desire sometimes solely on the severity of such a tragedy, believing strongly in a being being able to give more after death, and being wrong in the end. If nothing truly matters then why bother trying in life, if consciousness is lost in the end, and living 'your life to the fullest' does nothing for you once you're dead?

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  24. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Roleplay Issues

    Hey.

    I think this is an issue that I think others struggle with as well, but something that has been with my roleplay for the longest of times now.

    I have a problem to approach, and take up space in roleplay. I want to have epic storylines and get into strange and developing twists and turns, but my anxiety and shyness is holding me back. I love one on one roleplay as much as the next person, and I don't want to completely exclude this but I would like to work on being able to not just fake being afk or ooc because I am too scared to approach people roleplaying.

    I've grown during the years and have managed to find a few ways to get past the initial anxiety of approaching (I literally tell people I'm scared), but I still don't take up space, nor feel like I bring enough interesting storylines to myself and the people around me.

    Do you have any suggestions on how to get out of this rut?

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
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  25. LumosJared

    LumosJared The Protagonist Staff Member Lore3

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    I think it's worth examining in what ways you've grown in terms of "confidence" in roleplay. Doing this is important for two reasons; to reflect on how far you've likely come in terms of confidence, and to understand how you got to where you are, and thus how to push ahead. You say you love one on one rps, so are you able to approach people when it's just one person? It sounds more like you're struggling to approach groups of people and get stuck into a narrative. If that's where you're at, I think you can make a proactive approach via OOC communication to solve this problem.

    Some months back Marty made a post describing Plots and how you should have a healthy ooc interaction with the person you're one-on-one roleplaying with, so each party has an idea about the intentions of the other. Not so much planning every move, but making it clear what you want/expect out of the roleplay. I think you should consider taking that mindset and applying it to a group narrative; when you see a group of people out in Regalia you want to rp with, try pm'ing one of the more experienced looking members. "Hey pal, I'd like my CHARACTERNAME to approach and maybe get caught up in your business. Is that okay with you?" In this scenario, should they say yes, you have the ooc assurance of the group to take up that space, to enter and contribute to their roleplay and get stuck in.

    You need to give yourself permission to take up that space in roleplay, if it doesn't come naturally. So, if you struggle with giving yourself that permission, communicate with the group in a quick pm, and forge a connection with them from there.

    Getting into the roleplay is only half the battle though. If you feel you don't have "interesting stories" to contribute to the roleplay, consider your character's motivation. This can help with communicating with them ooc in terms of what you want out of the roleplay. Does your character want to forge a friendship through the members of this group? Do they desire to prove their worth? Narrow this down to two or three statements that should be asked with every line, and use them to give you -something- to say, if the conversation doesn't carry you there naturally.

    I will close by saying if you specifically feel comfortable pm'ing me to discuss specific narrative wishes, and how to present your character so you talk more often, I am open to this.

    TLDR: Instead of telling people you're shy before approaching, ask their permission to approach and state your intent. Use this to reflect on your characters motivation, and what they want from these people, to influence dialogue.
     
  26. LumosJared

    LumosJared The Protagonist Staff Member Lore3

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    While I am not going to speak about religion or even spirituality much, I will say this. Faith isn't something you have to put in a Church, a God, or some promise of an afterlife. It's just about the most deeply personal idea a person can hold onto and doesn't need a name. Faith is just what you -choose- to put your foundational belief in, despite long odds or even evidence to the contrary. And so long as that Faith isn't used to hurt others, it's not by nature an evil thing. Don't fear putting your Faith in God or whatever you wish to call it, because it's not owned by some Church or Organization. It's yours. Further, the following is my 23-year old, and therefore foolish as all heck opinion, so don't take it as anything more than that.

    Okay, that all aside. I don't personally believe there is inherent meaning in life. None, not a shred. Our existence is almost certainly random and it can be taken away at random. There is next to nothing we can do to alter that. And when we are dead, I expect there's nothing waiting for us. But our death isn't the death of all life.

    Yes, a Tumblr Inspo Quote in the making. But consider what I'm arguing here. When you die, do you think the "life you've lived to the fullest" stops meaning anything? The people you met? The things you did? The things you learned, and perhaps what knowledge you gave to others? And those are normal things most humans do in their lives without trying. If you aspire to lead a community of people, aspire to contribute to our collective knowledge, liberate those less fortunate than you, and spread kindness when you don't need to? That there doesn't go away when you die, even if you're gone.

    When you look toward death, don't dread over what you personally have lost. Consider what the world is going to lose, and what it will have gained from the work you're doing with your life. Let that spur you into action, every time the dread of existence hits you. If it's late and you need to get to sleep, and I'm serious, keep a journal. Write about what you want to do the following day, and pair it with your fears. Read it over in the morning, and use it to move you forward. Live your life to the fullest yes, but don't do it just for -you-. There is no inherent meaning in life, so it's your responsibility to create it for yourself. And even if that meaning isn't validated in your lifetime, life goes on after you're gone. Don't despair, take heart in that terrible truth.



    Finally, please consider those you are close to. If nothing else, life is worth living because intimacy and companionship with other people is worth sticking around for. Doesn't really matter what happens when we're all dead, because we have each other right now, and those friendships are worth seeking out and maintaining. The responsibility of humanity aside, there is a joy to be had in drinks with a good friend, deep conversations with a parent, and intimacy with another. That's worth living and living well, for. This was all a lot more emotionally based than intellectually based, but there we are. If you want to carry on with this, feel free to pm me over the issue, full confidentiality.
     
  27. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication, Family Related

    I'm gay and transgender (FtM), and frankly, freaking the hell out. I know my family won't accept me, and I'm scared people won't accept me here, either. The two people I've told privately both accepted me, but.. I'm so scared of losing everyone I care about if I come out. I'm utterly, bone-deep terrified. I'm an adult, I can do what I wish with my life, but.. I don't know how to handle this. I'm known in such a feminine way on the server, and I hate it. Even my username is so damnably feminine it makes me want to puke. I'm so desperate for someone to help me, I guess.. I only accepted my truth a month ago, finally.
    I don't know what to do, I really don't. I've accepted my family will not accept me; my parents are deeply conservative and extremely religious, as well as abusive, though less bad now. I just don't know what to say or do, how to publicly come out, if I should at all... I'm scared, frankly, but I need advice. Thank you in advance.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  28. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication, Roleplay Issues

    Hello there! Apologies for tagging all of you, I just wasn't quite sure who might be best at answering this-- or, who might want to. I know there are definitely more pressing things to answer on this thread, but I figured that I should ask this anyways considering the length of time i've battled with it.

    I have been on MassiveCraft since 2013, and in that time, i've grown from a relatively reclusive middle-schooler to someone who is just going into college. In that time, I know most of you have been around too, and we've all experienced a lot of change both IRL and on MassiveCraft, but what I struggle with is that with this change, comes the loss of friends and characters over time. It's natural, that people and characters fade and move on, but i've come to realize now that me and my character.. are one of the older players here on the server, and that sends an interesting feeling through myself. One of nostalgia, really.

    This feeling of nostalgia has come back intermittently throughout the years, as i've grown in and out of friend groups here on the server, but today, I find myself at a little bit of a loss. My friend groups, those from way back when-- they don't exist anymore, and those friends are long gone from the online and MassiveCraft world. We were close, naturally, RPing often, but they've moved on and left me behind here, on MassiveCraft, because unlike them at the time I was young, and had nothing better to do with my time.

    What i'm asking I suppose, is if you have any tips or advice on dealing with this feeling of nostalgia related to MassiveCraft, knowing there are days and times you will never reclaim (sounds vain, writing it here) and that the server has moved on from? Do you yourselves.. ever experience this? I hope i'm not the only one who deals with this. I struggle to deal with this elsewhere, as i've never admitted to being so invested in any online community, let alone one such as MassiveCraft, and I fear what people would think of me were I say i've spent six years of my life roleplaying in Minecraft.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  29. LumosJared

    LumosJared The Protagonist Staff Member Lore3

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    A little disclaimer first. While we have the Vent Thread for a reason, I strongly encourage you to take the following with a grain of salt. This is just the advice of one internet stranger. Your wisdom and collective knowledge should come from a variety of sources and I'm trusting you to do that before letting you know what I think, with the very small window into your life that I am working with. Youtubers like ContraPoints and even Dan Howell recently have been a brilliant example of acceptance with some sound philosophy, so seek out more than just this vent thread to help you along.

    That aside. You seem to have an idea on how your family might react if you go public. And it's important for you to understand however true it is, that they are so unaccepting, it doesn't make it okay. They are your family and you should cherish them for what they are, but remember their lack of acceptance is a shortcoming of theirs, not yours. With that said, no one can tell you when the right time to come out is. It's a call you have to make and there can be a wrong time to do it. That's a scary prospect, but you do have to start somewhere. You have told two close friends, and that's a very good start. But the next stop doesn't need to be with your parents. Do you have a relative who's more with it? Talking about it to people who are close to you is crucial. Your parents should be the easiest people to talk to, but not everyone makes a good parent, so look to those close to you first.

    There's a lot of unknowns here, and those unknowns can impact whether you should come out to your parents right now, or at a later time. Do you live with them? Do you have siblings who know or not? Would they react in a better way? There are some more questions I'd have to ask, but I will limit this to just reiterating the following.

    Start with those close to you. If your online presence doesn't reflect how you feel, you are allowed to change it. Not drastically and all at once, but a slow journey to being who you are. Don't feel pressured to wake up one day as a FtM new person, make small changes that are good for you and your mental wellbeing. I will additionally note that wherever your journey takes you, I am proud of you for accepting you need this change to fit who you are, and wherever that "who" ends up being, take a moment to celebrate the small victories along the way.
     
  30. MonMarty

    MonMarty Thotsune Miku Staff Member Server Owner

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    I have a very short and sweet response.

    Nostalgia is a dirty liar who insists that the past was better than it actually was.

    When looking at people through the lens of nostalgia, it often makes us devalue the people around us in the moment here and now in comparison to a romanticized version of the people we used to know in the past. Cyclical social atmospheres are very normal. I am 28 now, and went through completely different social groups between primary school, high school, university, and post university living. Even in Massive, my social circles have waxed and waned for a whole variety of reasons. I have known hundreds of people who have left my life, and have had dozens of friends who have turned on me or simply gone "dark" on the internet.

    I think it's important not to focus on them, and even if we make ourselves guilty of the comparison on occasion where we relate our current friends with old ones, to never tell them or let them notice we're comparing them to the people we used to know. That will only result in them becoming less close to us, and in turn also makes us jaded like we're "alone" and "abandoned". Every person we meet is a potential friend, and a healthy attitude to this is that the sentiment of "to all good things comes an end" applies to people as well.

    Make new friends and don't look back. The past is already written and can never be returned to.

    I understand your feeling. But I think you should rid yourself of it and look at it from a pragmatic point of view to make new friends. This is the internet after all, and making friends is so-so easy.
     
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  31. LumosJared

    LumosJared The Protagonist Staff Member Lore3

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    Hello!

    This is 100% something most of the older staff and playerbase struggle with in their own ways. I think nostalgia trips that are just about reminiscing aren't productive, but I do think there is value in looking back and reflecting on what those "good times" gave you that you may miss now. I don't know you, but roleplaying on massive is not wasted time, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a Director. Is roleplaying in the midst of an awesome D&D session wasted time? No, it's partaking in an interactive narrative with other people, people that have been a part of your life, and that you've been a part of there's. Just as a well-written character in a book can inspire me as a person, so can roleplay really inspire the people partaking in it. And moreso, it's just damn fun for people who get into it. I'm reading some shame from that last line, so please take none in doing something you enjoy.

    That said. I have friends from the "old days" who struggle a lot today to find the fun they once had in the community, and the most frequent problem is the inability to make new friends and groups. You didn't outright say that's what you're struggling with, but when you do reflect back on the old days, try and consider you only met those people because you made the effort to find them, and it's the same thing now. You have to make the effort to form groups, even being the ringleader if noone else is willing to step up. Looking back and understanding what you loved about the old days and those old friends is crucial to making new ones. Don't tell yourself the server has moved on, because you, as a player, can make the stories and the times you want. It may be more difficult now depending on what it is you precisely want, but it is no doubt possible. If you want further, specific help on this feel free to pm me at LumosJared#9185. I won't share your identity, ofc.

    Thanks for writing in, and I hope some of that was helpful.
     
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  32. MonMarty

    MonMarty Thotsune Miku Staff Member Server Owner

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    Different views gives a great platform to examine things more deeply.
     
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  33. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Friends/Communication, Roleplay Issues

    Hello! How is your day going?
    shortened by marty to avoid another reader from feeling self-identified
     
    #33 MassiveAnon, Jul 2, 2019
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 2, 2019
  34. MonMarty

    MonMarty Thotsune Miku Staff Member Server Owner

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    I don't want you to feel like I'm devaluing the amount you wrote with two simple quotes, but I personally think my thoughts are summed up pretty quickly:

    "The secret to being happy is to delight in the absurd, repress the irritating, and keep good wine close at hand." - Firaxis

    "You deserve to not have to deal with other people's damage" - Anonymous on Imgur

    What I'm saying is, if you have a toxic person in your life that consistently gives you trouble, why keep them around? State an ultimatum to this person "I like you, but you are making it very difficult for me to like you. If you do XYZ again, I can't keep hanging around you because it gives me too much stress". If they respond hostile, cut them off. If they cannot commit, cut them off. If they ridicule you, cut them off. If they shit-talk you about it, cut them off. If they actually improve, great.

    But remember, "You deserve to not have to deal with other people's damage". If you feel the friendship is fake because they have already said they dislike you, why bother beating yourself up by hanging around them.

    Also remember, your reputation is probably not as tarnished as you think it is. Most people think the whole community hates them because of the responses of 2-3 people, but there are literally hundreds of people here, and very small kind acts can make even the most skeptical of people become positive towards you again.
     
  35. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication, Family Related

    I’m going to keep this short and sweet. I’m closeted, gay, and scared to come out. I don’t know what to do. I feel like my family will hate me, I came out to my brother a few years back at camp and.. it didn’t go well. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  36. MonMarty

    MonMarty Thotsune Miku Staff Member Server Owner

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    I cannot give you a response that would satisfy you. I have another friend who is open and gay online, and closeted in real life. Be you, but be you in a way that makes you safe. If that means remaining in the closet until the age of 21 when you're into college and independent from your parents, so be it. Judge yourself if you will be safe and happy coming out, because it is not necessary for your self-acceptance process. Your sexuality isn't anyone else's business but your own.
     
  37. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication, Roleplay Issues

    Sorry for the tag, I really wasn’t positive who would be the best to ask for help on this matter. I’ll just get right into this. I have anxiety, so essentially- I perpetually feel like people are constantly talking behind my back, including people I trust, and I think that everyone I meet is either judging me, or instantly hates me if I’m given the wrong impression. It’s not only a drawback with friends, but it’s also a drawback with roleplay. I tend to push off doing things irp out of the fear that I’ll instantly be denied or scolded or looked down upon for it, which holds me back from taking action and doing something actually useful or even slightly beneficial to rp. I always either under estimate myself or over estimate myself, and it feels like I’m always making the wrong decisions or doing the wrong thing.

    As a result, that also affects my friendships. When I fail to do something that is both out of my comfort zone yet maybe beneficial to pushing my rp a step forward, it causes arguments with friends, in which they’re generally disappointed or displeased that I didn’t act upon what they believe would have gone well for me. In my mind, it wouldn’t have, and when I try to explain that I was scared and that I felt like I wasn’t good enough or that I feared I’d flat out be told ‘no,’ it results in stressful conflict and ends up feeling like they don’t understand how anxiety holds me back and how my fear to do things out of my comfort zone is very real. I don’t know what to do to keep my anxiety from holding me back, and I don’t know how to properly explain to them in a way they’ll understand that I’m not trying to start arguments, or intentionally holding myself back, and that nothing I do involving my hesitation is on purpose.

    Every attempt I throw at explaining how it’s all very subconscious for me ends in either being told it’s an excuse or that I should just ‘stop being like that,’ which isn’t at all how it works. I can’t just wake up one day and suddenly be full of confidence and the will to do things I wouldn’t normally do. I’m sick of arguing, and I’m sick of freaking myself out over stupid little things in my life that are, in the big picture, irrelevant. I don’t necessarily want major help, I just want a bit of advice and maybe a little nudge in the right direction. Anything works. Thank you so much, in advance. And I’m sorry for the long rant.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  38. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Roleplay Issues

    When it comes to writing - it is always a tough task - though it is a natural process there are times where you might think you have a good template.. only to realize you can't feel a actual connection to your character... Moving on! To be honest - I could use a recommendation. For someone like me who mainly specializes in the 'Romantic/Socializing' more or less - not as heavy on combat, what do I do? Where are the best places to be at? Ontop of this - I have pretty heavy social anxiety - which is why I'm so shy to approach people - or OOCly ask for things - so even things like this.. can be rather difficult to ask though I am truly lost at this point.

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  39. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication, Roleplay Issues

    English, and writing things out is not my time, even though it's my mother tongue I'm rather bad at it and years behind of what I should be at, and looking at this can be an example of that. I've been in speech therapy for all my life till the start of my senor year of high school, and I've always struggled with writing my thoughts down. In fact the only year I got anything higher than a C was in Junior year of high school, and to this day it's my best memory of high school, hell I was doing better in Spanish 1 and 2 than in English.

    tl;dr, despite English being my mother tongue, I'm bad at it, mostly in writing.

    I've been trying for awhile, now being my 4/5th attempt to get silven perms to do an area of RP I really want to do, with the added thing of being a silven to cause fraction in that area as well to drive story. My problem is I'm often rejected for 'Poor Argumentation', even though what I put in them is quite literately the best I can do when it comes to argumentation. I know about the ooc view thing, and I never really gotten denied for that reason, so it seams I'm being denied silven prems because I'm not able to write down a 'good' argument.

    For the last several months since I started seeking Silven perms, I'm noticing how much I want to rp is going down with each time I'm denied perms. I try to keep going, but I'm losing desire to keep rping on here. I had to take a two week leave from rp, and when I came back with some energy, it was quickly drained and I didn't know why. I first tried to get help to see if it was my hard time with group rp (I am the same person who sent that one earlier that Mon responded too.), and did help for only a day. Recently after being rejected for my 4/5th time I've began to think my constant denial of perms is what's causing this drain of desire. What should I do?

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  40. MonMarty

    MonMarty Thotsune Miku Staff Member Server Owner

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    I think there's a level of "you're doing this to yourself".

    Permission reviews are about trust. If the staff don't know you enough to trust you, permission argumentation is supposed to convince them. This is why so many applications get denied because the permission argumentation is god awful. We have 5 catchphrases for argumentation:
    • "People"
    • "Interesting"
    • "Narratives"
    • "Plotlines"
    • "Conflict" (or its variety, "Guard-Conflict").
    These words mean nothing. They don't even give a context. Let me give you an example: "I'm going to drive an interesting narrative with guard conflict to stoke interesting plots for interesting stories with diverse people". This means nothing. It's literally just words smashed together in the hopes of sounding smart. My personal preference is: "I'm going for Matrais Virtuoso, because I believe the community has too many male-oriented super warriors, who would benefit from having their ego down-sized by being defeated by a female warrior, who will also distinctly avoid becoming a trophy wife by avoiding romance rp with any of them, to give them character development in having to deal with a fragile male ego". This is measurable, it's sizeable, it's specific, it's fresh, and it's new. Most if not all permission argumentation are awful. Even for the ones we accept. Little known secret is that we accept many of the permissions based on trust, as opposed to argumentation, because even permission holders are awful at writing out useful argumentation, but they don't need to, because there is already a level of trust.

    And then it loops back there, level of trust. If you are unable to convince us with permission argumentation, you need a level of trust. Instead of beating yourself up and blaming your English (which I can 100% guarantee you, was not the cause), you should maybe tackle the trust issue. Consider hitting up some lore staff and ask them if they have any personal advice on how to improve your trust standing in the community. Many of them will not give helpful answers, because they don't know you, and they've been programmed to give you "a sort of helpful response in the lack of not knowing", but some of them may be useful.
     
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