Massivecraft Vent Thread

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by MonMarty, Oct 25, 2018.

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  1. MonMarty

    MonMarty the thot thiccens… Staff Member Server Owner

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    The MassiveCraft Vent thread exists to allow players to vent any kind of personal or server related issue, where anonymity might help putting the first step forward. The process is pretty simple. You follow this link, fill in the boxes where relevant, and post a reply. This post will then be processed into an anonymous post on this thread, where we (might) reply to it. Keep in mind, this is all opt-in, and while many of us are willing to post a big or small reply to help out, we cannot 100% guarantee a reply to everyone. We have also chosen to lock the thread and allow only the Staff directors to reply, to ensure that the replies remain consistent and come from the same source, so that the players aren't burdened with reply duty.

    Please read the instructions on the Form carefully and be considerate of your responses. Also please be considerate of the replies on this thread, and the time spent in trying to reply (or the time spent working on other things and not being able to reply)

    Disclaimer: We are not a professional organization that offers either physical or mental care. Please consult with your local doctors/mental health professionals first before posting here and after, and please do not use any of the content of this thread as anything but a good willing comment from a passerby, not a definitive statement that should be the entirety of your decision apparatus or a final say on what you should and should not do. We are not and cannot be seen as a replacement for professional assistance, nor can we be seen as a caretaker because we prefer anonymity in your private life, as you do to us as well. This thread allows anonymous posting, which ensures we do not take any personal investment in your life, and the statements posted in reply are only general statements. By posting on this thread, by using the anonymous submission form, you accept that we are not your caretakers or guardians.
     
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    #1 MonMarty, Oct 25, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2018
  2. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Roleplay Issues

    This is an example post of how it will come out

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  3. MonMarty

    MonMarty the thot thiccens… Staff Member Server Owner

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    This thread is now functional again. It will remain locked so that only Direction Staff can reply. Please read the instructions on the first post on how to reply to this thread.
     
  4. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Roleplay Issues

    Hello-Hello. I am writing this today finally after having this dilemma for almost my whole time on Massivecraft. -- Sooo, I'm sure maybe some of you could relate to me in some shape or form, but I have a hard time, or I guess in better words.. put into words how my characters feel or think in situations or in general. Personally, this is one of my biggest weakness, since every character I make I find it hard for me to describe their emotion and their reactions to things. I might start fine but slowly disconnect with them to the point I get inconsistent with what I wrote on their char app. Even if I make a character profoundly similar to me, I still have trouble. -- If I can explain further what happens when I roleplay is that I tend to reply extremely slow (especially emotes). I respond very slowly because I am sitting behind my screen thinking how my character should react, it doesn't necessarily come to me naturally. Or I might have a sense of how they should act/react, but I have a hard time putting that feeling into words. Is it merely because I need to expand my vocabulary to find more descriptive words for my emotes? Or, do I need to take more time almost studying my character and extend beyond the char app alone? I guess what I came here for is maybe some advice on how to approach this kind problem and any of your personal experience on the matter since I feel like this problem is one major factor in why my interest for massive isn't at it's best since I have a harder time roleplaying in general.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  5. MonMarty

    MonMarty the thot thiccens… Staff Member Server Owner

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    You think too much. I find that roleplayers don't really care too much about continuity and character design, and that it takes a special kind of asshole to criticize anyone for not staying true to their character application. There's a thing or two to be said about arbitrary roleplay, but generally speaking its okay to go back and change something in roleplay if you feel like you made a mistake, and it is better to give an enjoyable experience, then it is to give an authentic one.

    The best roleplay I can provide is impromptu where I make up lore on the spot and just go with the flow. Impulsive roleplay, as long as that impulse leads to an enjoyable situation for the people you are playing with is 10x more important than staying consistent with your character personality. Every moment you spend thinking/talking/theorizing about how to roleplay, is every moment not spent on actually enjoying yourself. I think some people do need to put into perspective how ludicrous it sounds for someone else to say how roleplay should be done, or about how XYZ roleplay has an impact on XYZ other player without just "doing the roleplay" instead of talking about it. Most people portray a character with the personality like a worn shoe anyway, so there isn't much competition in that regard. Roleplay skill is often greatly overrated. I think only people who would be good actors would keep going with the body language and expressions needed to give "truly immersive" experiences, whatever that means. 95% of the population "just does", and to feel above that, or try to be above that, is wasted effort.

    Don't think. Just do.
     
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  6. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @LumosJared Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Roleplay Issues

    I do what I can to be a good or decent roleplayer, I try to learn from character choices and ooc mistake. I will admit I have a small powergaming issue that I've been working on to fix, though what's been giving me anxiety for months is that I've been given many powergaming accusations and even metagaming and I don't know what specific event in server the accusations are being based off of. I'm being denied defending myself and correcting my mistakes, and feel I'm being forced down and unable to grow as a person and improve my role-playing skills because of this. I just want to fix my wrongs, is that too much to ask?

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  7. MonMarty

    MonMarty the thot thiccens… Staff Member Server Owner

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    I think you should PM me with more information. I cannot understand the full context here and it is making replying hard.
     
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  8. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication

    I'm not really sure how to put it but I guess I sometimes feel like I don't deserve nice things said about me. I feel like I'm lying to my friends everytime they either say something nice but I'm not sure about what, it's like a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that it's not deserved.

    It's a mess of feelings and I think part of it probably is the fact I'm friends with people who don't like each other so whenever one friend says something bad or venting about the other friend I can't help but feel like I'm betraying them in some way. Or worse when I stop liking someone but I can't stomach cutting off communication for a variety of reasons.

    And I guess I'm scared that somehow everything is going to go horribly wrong and all my friends will stop talking to me or something.

    My feelings are all over the place about this stuff and I know a lot of it is irrational but I really needed to get this off my chest 'cause it was eating at me for a while.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  9. SpunSugar

    SpunSugar Propagator of Deportment Staff Member Event3

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    Hi there, Anon! I think you definitely asked the right person to look at this, because I have felt this way/currently still do a lot of the time! There's something called "Imposter Syndrome" that can sometimes explain this very well. But I'm going to break down the different separate bits and then hopefully bring it together for you in a way that has helped me in the past, and actually I need reminding of now and again.

    1. Feeling like you don't deserve nice things said about you isn't uncommon if you have issues like bad self-image, or have had parents that always pushed you to do more/a perfectionist thing. People who always feel like they can do better/strive for perfection also feel like if they don't reach it, that they have failed. It took me a long time to figure out that perfection isn't realistic, and that I was holding myself to a higher standard than my friends. So let's look at some of the things your friends say about you versus what you say about your friends. When you tell them something nice, do you mean it? Because I think, generally speaking, perfectionists are far nicer to their friends than they are to themselves. Which leads me to the next point. To move past this, try seeing yourself as a work in progress. Rather than beating yourself up when you don’t reach your impossibly high standards, identify specific things that you want to change about yourself and then realize that it will always be a slow process.

    2. There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling friends of yours to not speak badly about other friends of yours while you're around. You surely won't be able to change their minds - but the reality is that you're not responsible for changing your friend's mind. Just like they aren't responsible for changing yours. What you can do is ask them to refrain from insulting them. This does two things - show your friends that you aren't the type of person that will tolerate someone bad-talking them, but it also lets you set some really clear boundaries about what type of behavior you're willing to put up with from anyone. Standing up for someone you care about to someone you care about can be a scary thing. But it is worth it when it helps you see that your friends will still be there for you, even when you set boundaries to help yourself.

    Something that really helped me with my anxiety about these situations is doing a whole "Follow it to the End" form of questioning.

    My friends will stop talking to me. Then what? Well, I won't talk to them anymore. Then what? Then I'll have to reevaluate friendships. Then what? Then I may have to find someone else who wants to be friends. Then what?

    You see where I'm going with this. We're so afraid of possibly one thing happening, that we neglect to actually realize that some of our worst fears can be tackled when we sit down to analyze it.

    To sum up: All this anxiety can definitely crowd out the rest of your thoughts. Try and take a few minutes every day to remind yourself that you're capable and worthwhile. Treat yourself the way you'd treat one of your friends, and realize that you need to be as kind to yourself as you are to your friends.
     
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  10. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Friends/Communication

    I'm asexual (Or maybe Demi? I'm still figuring things out) and in a relationship with someone who happens to not be asexual. And while he's amazing and very accepting of me I worry that I'm not enough for him, that I'm depriving him of one of his needs, this also isn't helped by the long distance factor of the relationship and a couple of other things. In a past relationship I'd been pressured into something I didn't want, and I worry that one day that might happen with this guy, which terrifies me.

    Not only this but my anxiety seems to increase whenever we even touch, so even though I really want to, I can't always even hug him out of anxiety. I almost cried when we first kissed, and this isn't because I don't love him, but just my anxiety about the relationship takes over when I'm with him.

    I know there's little you could do to help, but I just needed to get it out there in some way, just in case somebody could help.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  11. MassiveAnon

    MassiveAnon

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    @MonMarty, @SpunSugar Please look at this post!

    I wanted to talk about issues I have with Doubts/Anxiety, Friends/Communication

    So, this is somewhat deep, but one of my comrades recently opened up to me about his attempts to commit suicide. He is a nice fellow, and one of my closest friends in class. We often spend a lot of time together because we have similar forms of epilepsy, and we will talk about the seizures we have with each other. During one of our shared classes, I forgot how the topic arose, but he looked to me and claimed calmly that he had attempted to kill himself a few times. Now, this friend, let's call him R, and I make dumb jokes about suicide and the likes all the time. We make "edgy" jokes with each other all the time about some inappropriate things, particularly suicide. He explained how he had bought a rope on amazon and attempted to hang himself, and that his mother walked into the room and stopped him by putting the chair back under his feet. He explained how his second attempt, which he said was around 4 weeks ago, he tried to take a bunch of pills, and just gave himself a seizure instead. I've checked our chat history, where we typically tell each other if we've had a seizure, and the last one he told me about was about 2 months ago, but he said, "I'm just happy to be alive" in our chat. Something that somewhat concerns me is that sometime around 4 weeks ago, the class we share was getting somewhat difficult, and he was falling pretty far behind. I didn't have much time to help him because I was too busy dealing with my own grades. He seemed really glum around that time too, particularly after test scores were received. I don't really know what I should do. I don't want to give him any ideas about suicide, but If I stop making casual jokes with him, he might find it awkward and suspect something, which might lead to more consequence. I don't feel reporting it would help anything, considering the administration at the school we go are very awkward and threatening, and just bugged me when I was going through some problems with my epilepsy. It was a few weeks ago, so I might assume that his parents have something handled. Is there anything I can do? Should I do anything? I just don't want him to commit suicide, and I definitely don't want to encourage it. Another major problem is that I ironically joke about suicide all the time, and I joking researched the most effective ways to kill oneself and put it in our group chat a while ago.

    Yes, I agreed to to the Disclaimer
     
  12. MonMarty

    MonMarty the thot thiccens… Staff Member Server Owner

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    Shortly put, no. From my personal experience, and from a legal stand point of view, you should not endeavor to take upon yourself the legal duty of care of this person. As you said, they already indicated that their mother was aware, so people who are better equipped and closer to the source than you are already on top of it. We are going off the assumption here that the mother is not a neglectful woman and will stay on top of this stuff to the point of excess, so I think adding onto that with your own concern, might cause your friend to feel cornered.

    If they are so casual about their suicide attempt, then they are probably not at odds with it anymore, and choosing not to joke about it might as such upset him. Maybe out of formality sake, you could ask him if knowing what you know, given what he did, whether he's okay with you making those jokes still, just for posterity sake, but you don't really have to.

    At a bottom line, from what I can tell is that said person is already in good hands because his immediate core surroundings are aware of the situation. Furthermore, it's important that you don't become affected by it either. Other people's (for the lack of a better term) drama, can cause strain on your mental health as well. It is natural to want to be helpful and see if you somehow could alleviate their strains, but it's foremost important that with whatever you do, you don't add unnecessary burdens to yourself.

    It is not your task to be responsible. You do not have to change yourself to accommodate this knowledge. And most importantly of all, you don't have to detract from yourself to aid someone else. Let their care system take care of them, and concern yourself primarily with your own life and continue acting towards him as you always had, at least that's my take.
     
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