Preserved Sheet Lucien Rosendahl

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Daekon

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Lucien James Rosendahl
Basic Information:

Unless I grip the sword I cannot protect you. While I grip the sword I cannot embrace you.


Full Name: Lucien James Rosendahl
Luci- The nickname used by everyone he knows.
Ien- The nickname used by his mother and deceased father.
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Race: Leutz-Vixe Alior
Main Ambition: Power and success for his family. Success in the military for himself.


Skill Information:

Architecture should speak of time and place, but yearn for timelessness.

Total Skill Points: 25

Academy: School of Marshalry
❂ General Command | 10 points from School
❂ Military Theory | 10 points from School
❂ Diplomacy | 10 points from School
❂ Battle Command | 10 points from Points
❂ Longsword | 5 points from Points

Total Culture Points: 25
❂ Sculpting | 9 points from Points
❂ Architecture | 10 points from Points
❂ Instrumental Music | 6 points from Points

Languages:
❂Leutz-Vixe | 10/10 | Taught from Birth
❂Common | 10/10 | Taught from Birth
❂Dressolini | 10/10 | Taught in Tuition


Visual Information:

He was a mystery- He didn't make sense. But that was the beauty in him.

Eye Color: Aegean Blue
Hair Color: A dark brown
Hair Style: Cut relatively short and kept well away from his eyes.
Skin Color: A light tan
Clothing: Lucien usually wears white undershirts with a jacket over the top, often coloured blue or red. He usually wears dark coloured trousers and boots, usually coloured brown or gray.
Height: 6 Feet 1 Inch
Body Build: Athletic
Weapon of Choice: Greatsword


Visual Information:
The following is not required when filling out your character application. You may use bullet points or paragraphs, and are welcome to add more or less information as you see fit. The information in this section will not be reviewed. Want to be extra helpful to your reviewer? Use the Spoiler feature to make the content hidden so readers can read it when they want to, or skip it!

Describe the Character's facial features, like the shapes of their eyes, mouth, ears, the size of their forehead, what kind of expression they usually carry, any freckles, scars etc, hair color, hair style and more. This description is purely for the head (and by extension neck) alone.
Describe the Character's body. Go into detail about height, body shape, the color of their skin, the size of their bones and muscles, their amount of fat, any physical disabilities they may have, their amount of body hair if applicable and more. This description is purely for the body.
Describe the Character's fashion appearance and accessories. Talk about what kind of clothes they usually wear, preferred colors, what jewelry they have, weapons they carry on them or any item of note that they may always have on them.
Describe the character's voice. How do they speak? What is their typical tone and speed? Do they have an accent or a tendency to stutter? Any quirks about their voice listed here. Maybe also add a list of the languages they can speak.


Personality and Abilities:


Time is fire in which we all burn.

First Paragraph: At a first glance, Lucien can seem relatively closed, often frowning or just neutral, and rarely smiling towards strangers. He can be quite blunt or cold towards those he views as below him, or otherwise merely annoying. He has little to no qualms about putting non-peerage members in their place, especially so when it comes to disrespect to his cousin, Jamie. He can otherwise seem rather quiet in public, unless in company of those he likes, often speaking in a harsh tone to commoners he finds annoying, and purely neutral to others. Towards the peerage, he is respectful, though does occasionally like to make his opinion on some heard, through either body language or bluntly just telling them. Titled nobles get respect from him until he is given a reason not to respect them.
Second Paragraph: On the inside, Lucien is ordered and structured, carefully forming and filtering thoughts when in the public, so as to not make a fool of himself. He is also confident in himself and his abilities, and rarely suffers from self doubt in his decisions. He has issues sleeping, and often doesn't, leading him to sometimes overthink choices he will make or military strategies he's working on with his cousin. He doesn't trust easily, always analyzing them upon first meeting them, almost as if to file away how dangerous he thinks they may potentially be, at least physically. His methodical form of thinking enables him to get rid of anxiety by logically pointing out flaws in his own reasoning. That is not to say he doesn't get stressed, because he often does, usually resulting in him locking himself in the estate and sculpting for hours on end as a form of stress relief.

Third Paragraph: Towards family Lucien is very different than what would be perceived in public.. He speaks his mind unabashedly, and doesn't really filter thoughts. He is much more relaxed around his these people, and doesn't hesitate to say things that might be stupid, not minding if he seems foolish. He's also loyal to his family, and will be until the last breath leaves his body. He respects his family, though often doesn't show it through his more lighthearted mood with them. He is close to his family, and demands respect for them from others. His temper can and often does flare up when they are disrespected, causing him to become harsh(er) towards this person.
Towards friends, Lucien is often more joking, and with the especially close ones will become almost as relaxed as around family. He cares deeply for these people and values their safety, and will go to great lengths to make sure that they are, in fact, safe. He likes to spend time with these people, and though it can often take some time for him to classify a person as a friend, once he does, he is unlikely to ever stop being friends with them. He loosens up and will drink and laugh with them, though only rarely does he ever get completely drunk. The only thing that could cause him to dislike a friend are if they betray either him, or the Empire in itself.

Fourth Paragraph: Lucien has a strong sense of duty to his family and to the empire, and will seek to better both in any way possible. His alignment is 'good' , and he has a clear opinion on what he thinks is 'right' and 'wrong', though whether this is the same as others remains unknown. He will stand up for his beliefs, and when he sees something believed as 'wrong' he will not hesitate to try and do something about it.



Relationships

He had always known the sky was full of mysteries, but until now had not realised how full the earth was.


Family
Blood makes you related. Loyalty makes you family.
❂ Jamie Rosendahl- Lucien's older cousin and the head of the house. Jamie is one of Lucien's closer cousins, and they get along like a house on fire. Lucien places Jamie's safety above all others, and will demand respect for him from others outside of the peerage.
Oh dearest cousin, what was it you needed?
@Nudibronch
❂ Bryn Rosendahl- Bryn is Lucien's brother, and while they get along well, the relationship is often put under strain due to Bryn's drinking issue. Lucien loves his big brother dearly, and though they have disagreements and arguments, they are still close.

I've got your back, brother.
@Wolf_Cobra
❂ Theo Rosendahl- Lucien's young nephew and a adorable child whom Lucien adores. He dotes on the young child, spending money on him for toys and playing with him when he can. Anything to make him happy.

S'okay, little man, anything to make you happy.

Friends

He removes the greatest ornament of friendships who takes away from it respect.
❂ Solaine d'Vaud- The woman Lucien was courting and someone whom he is close to. He can (and does) talk to her for hours without boring of her, or her conversation. They had courted for several months, however it didn't work out. Despite this, they remain on good terms, and are working the relationship into a more brother-sister one than anything else..
Hey Solaine. Busy today?
@HeyoBiggums
❂Carlotta dei Veleno- A newish friend of Luciens, butstill one he gets along with. He enjoys her sense of humor and overall presence, as well as her love for music, one he shares. They spend a bit of time together and get closer as time progresses.
@SpoopMelon
Life Story

On the 6th of May, Lucien was born to Adele Hennon-Rosendahl and Bastien Rosendahl, having one brother, born later in his youth.
He spent most of his young years playing with his sibling and spending time outdoors, rolling in grass and making a mess of himself.
As a young child he was interested in sculpting and architecture, a passion that later spread to studying.
Before his father passed, he gifted Lucien with a guitar, having heard him strumming on one before. Lucien started playing guitar properly at this time, and used to play to his family occasionally.
When his father passed, Lucien was hit hard. His brother, Bryn, retreated almost completely into his shell, ignoring the pleas of his brother. It was at this time he decided he would pursue a career in the military- to live up to the legacy left behind.
This constant mentality to be the best for his family and live up to his father caused spikes of anxiety- causing his worries that he wasn't good enough to increase tenfold.
He studied hard, reading as many books as he could to gather as much knowledge as possible, falling to music to vent most of his feelings.
By age 10, his dreams would come true as he was sent to a boarding school to learn at the School of Marshalry in Regalia.
He would remain here for 10 years, making a few friends (whom he eventually lost contact with upon leaving the school), only exchanging letters with family and focusing on study, before graduating from the school at age 20.
Upon graduation from the school, he headed home to Nirath, meeting up with the family remaining there. The meeting itself was joyous, though rather tearful from his mother.

He remained in Nirath for around two years, in which he spent studying with a blade, in order to put his time to better use.
While he was asked to head to the Crown Isle, Lucien at first refused so he could spend some more time with his mother, whom he hadn't seen for around 10 years. Though the idea was tempting, He had missed her too much, and wanted to reinsert himself into her life.
Despite not being in Regalia, he kept in constant contact with his brother Bryn and cousin Jamie. Upon the news that Bryn's wife (who Lucien hadn't had the chance to meet) had died in childbirth, Lucien decided he would head to Regalia at the next opportunity.
Not soon after, Lucien was again requested to move to Regalia, this time accepting, wanting to provide support for His brother, as Jamie had informed him of his brothers sadness.
And so, he set off for Regalia, with farewells sent to his family and promises to write back home.
After a while of travel, they arrived as the plague hit, Lucien getting into the city and being taken straight to the estate.
Meeting his cousins, brother and nephew, Lucien spent the first few days confined to the house until receiving a plague mask.
Donning the plague mask each day, he would spend hours wandering the streets of Regalia, often lost, just admiring the city itself.
 
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Gonna peer review this boi.

Basic Information
  • Minor formatting note: There's a second bullet under "full name" that just says "Ien". I assume you wanted to put "Luc" as a nickname, but I don't know what that second one is. Just thought I'd mention in case you didn't realize it.
  • If his ambition is truly only to have his family gain power and ambition for the sake of his family gaining power and ambition, then we're chillin'. But, you might consider going a level deeper and thinking about why he wants this-- does he want his family to gain prominence so that he himself can gain prominence? Does he want his family to gain prominence so that he can help them and therefore gain the approval of his parents? It's not all that common for him to want family power purely for the sake of family power-- unless he's just a true altruist.

Skill Information
  • You should discuss the times of his Falketrag training-- how old he was when he started, etc, either here or in the backstory.

Visual Information
  • You should expand on his clothing just a little bit. "Casual clothing" can mean a lot of different things. I know that this section is supposed to be one sentence, but you should expand just a hair-- does he wear a cloak, does he wear a simple tunic and pants, etc. Also, what are the colors of his house? Mention those.

Visual Expansion]
  • This section isn't filled out. You don't have to fill it out, but remove it otherwise. Also, make sure to remove the "prompt" parts ("The following is not required when filling out your character application...").

Personality and Abilities
  • This character's personality seems really interesting, except you should probably flesh it out a little more by describing how it specifically relates to his stated ambitions. This answers the question I had above - he wants his family to gain prominence largely because he feels insecure about his contributions to the family - except you should actually put that on the sheet.
  • Also, you should probably mention how his family thinks of him in Paragraph 1 or 2 to either call attention to the irony of his insecurity (i.e. his family loves him) or confirm his insecurity (i.e. his family also thinks of him as inadequate).

Talents and Weaknesses
  • List his Discipline of Battle Command as a strength in place of Quick Thinking. A lot of the time the talents that are born of a school can just be folded into the school and then fleshed out by also describing how the school hones or harnesses these talents.
  • Although you don't have to, I would put a Weakness on the sheet. Weaknesses can be great for character development, whether it be an arc where they try to overcome a weakness like insecurity or addiction, or just adding flavor to RP when their weaknesses affect the situation, like a scene where an immature character lands in hot water with a noble due to said immaturity. Back under the old sheet system we had to include one weakness for each talent without being allowed three extra talents, and I personally think that this allowed for more fleshed out characters.
  • An example of a weakness for this character might be "Insecurity", where his insecurity often keeps him from opportunities, or something like that.

Personality Expansion
  • Put "Expansion" in the spoiler title for clarity.
  • Talk more about his love of dogs. Did he have a dog? What did he like to do with the dog? Did the dog affect his backstory at all?
  • Add what instruments he plays. Also, maybe add that to Talents (and then balance it out with the Weakness I recommended) or put it under Abilities.
  • Why does he hate Lampars? You explained why he hates drunkards (because they're rowdy and have no control) but not why he hates Lampars.

Relationships
  • We chillin here.

Life Story
  • Before all else, put this in paragraph format so it's easier for the reviewers to read and for you to organize your ideas.
  • While technically you covered all bases, the backstory seems a little superficial to me. Describe his emotional development and how he feels about various events. Describe how these events affected him as a person beyond just adding another notch to his belt, so to speak.
  • You did this really well with the death of his father, so apply this to the other parts of his story.
  • It also never hurts to have more anecdotes about things that happened during his life, either for development or just for flavor. This will give you a better idea of your character and let you discuss his development more than just describing the schools he attended. Why is he so insecure? Et cetera.
  • The life story is supposed to be five paragraphs, if I recall correctly. While yes, it's supposed to be an overview, in general this is a little too superficial. Everyone has more formative experiences beyond an early death in the family and attending some schools. Talk about his friends, his triumphs, his downfalls, and more, to get a better idea of how your character became who he is.

And that's about all from me. This sheet is a great start and already a pretty decent sheet as it is. However, if you went one level deeper into the "why" of things, then the sheet will be a great read, give you a much better idea of your character, and overall make for an excellent character submission.

Thanks for reading, and good luck!
 
Minor formatting note: There's a second bullet under "full name" that just says "Ien". I assume you wanted to put "Luc" as a nickname, but I don't know what that second one is. Just thought I'd mention in case you didn't realize it.
LucIen -It's the second half of his name and a nickname I intended for use from his NPC mother or deceased father, so it's fully intended to be there.
If his ambition is truly only to have his family gain power and ambition for the sake of his family gaining power and ambition, then we're chillin'. But, you might consider going a level deeper and thinking about why he wants this-- does he want his family to gain prominence so that he himself can gain prominence? Does he want his family to gain prominence so that he can help them and therefore gain the approval of his parents? It's not all that common for him to want family power purely for the sake of family power-- unless he's just a true altruist.
Deeper level comes in the expansion, generally, but it's noted he's loyal to his family first and foremost. His main goal is to have his family elevated- any other ambitions would be secondary, and also under the expansion.
Skill Information
  • You should discuss the times of his Falketrag training-- how old he was when he started, etc, either here or in the backstory.
  • Upon graduation from the school, he headed home to Nirath, meeting up with the family remaining there.
  • He very quickly picked the School of Falkentrag as his combat school, his family soon hiring him a trainer.
It's mentioned here that he 'Quickly picked the School of Falkentrag... family soon hiring him a trainer'. If he was 20 when he left the school, returned home, and is still 20 when he picks the school, having his family hiring him a trainer at 20, I believe its safe to say he was 20 xD.
Visual Information
  • You should expand on his clothing just a little bit. "Casual clothing" can mean a lot of different things. I know that this section is supposed to be one sentence, but you should expand just a hair-- does he wear a cloak, does he wear a simple tunic and pants, etc. Also, what are the colors of his house? Mention those.
Right, I'll expand this in a short while.
Visual Expansion]
  • This section isn't filled out. You don't have to fill it out, but remove it otherwise. Also, make sure to remove the "prompt" parts ("The following is not required when filling out your character application...").
Its there by intention, so that I can fill it in at a later date.
This character's personality seems really interesting, except you should probably flesh it out a little more by describing how it specifically relates to his stated ambitions. This answers the question I had above - he wants his family to gain prominence largely because he feels insecure about his contributions to the family - except you should actually put that on the sheet.
Also, you should probably mention how his family thinks of him in Paragraph 1 or 2 to either call attention to the irony of his insecurity (i.e. his family loves him) or confirm his insecurity (i.e. his family also thinks of him as inadequate).
Nope, it's not exactly that. While he does get anxiety spikes they aren't a permanent thing, and are often dispelled by a kind word from family. It's mentioned that he gets along with family in the relationship section, and as it's not part of the personality I won't add it, but I may add in 'These anxiety spikes are often dispelled by kind words from family..' ect. ect.
List his Discipline of Battle Command as a strength in place of Quick Thinking. A lot of the time the talents that are born of a school can just be folded into the school and then fleshed out by also describing how the school hones or harnesses these talents.
Righto, I will put that, with a little bit of re-wording.
Although you don't have to, I would put a Weakness on the sheet. Weaknesses can be great for character development, whether it be an arc where they try to overcome a weakness like insecurity or addiction, or just adding flavor to RP when their weaknesses affect the situation, like a scene where an immature character lands in hot water with a noble due to said immaturity. Back under the old sheet system we had to include one weakness for each talent without being allowed three extra talents, and I personally think that this allowed for more fleshed out characters.
While I do intend to add a weakness, no weakness I can currently add would be accurate, as I haven't played him too much so far. So yeah, I'll add a weakness in the future, but not right now. =D
Add what instruments he plays. Also, maybe add that to Talents (and then balance it out with the Weakness I recommended) or put it under Abilities.
It's not something he's excellent at, just like his using his sword. That is why it's under skills he is just good at, but not a talent just yet.
  • Talk more about his love of dogs. Did he have a dog? What did he like to do with the dog? Did the dog affect his backstory at all?
I'll add that, though it'll probably be along the lines of, 'Though Lucien has never had a dog, family friends did, and he spent a lot of time around it.' Also, I don't believe it is pivotal enough to be added into backstory.
Why does he hate Lampars? You explained why he hates drunkards (because they're rowdy and have no control) but not why he hates Lampars.
I mean, doesn't everyone? Jokes, but thats a fair point. I'll add that he finds them annoying, a pain, and a general waste of space, or something along those lines.
  • Before all else, put this in paragraph format so it's easier for the reviewers to read and for you to organize your ideas.
It is in bullet points for that exact reason. I often end up rambling when I put paragraphs down, so it's bullet pointed to make it concise and neat, and to make it easier to understand the main points.
  • While technically you covered all bases, the backstory seems a little superficial to me. Describe his emotional development and how he feels about various events. Describe how these events affected him as a person beyond just adding another notch to his belt, so to speak.
Right, I will probably go into more detail. It's just that as he is a noble, and has set background to an extent, I have to be careful what I put, so as to not contradict his brothers character app. But I agree, and more detail will be added in a bit.
  • It also never hurts to have more anecdotes about things that happened during his life, either for development or just for flavor. This will give you a better idea of your character and let you discuss his development more than just describing the schools he attended. Why is he so insecure? Et cetera.
Ah, I do need to add that, but I'll shove it in the reply for this. Lucien is insecure because he took on being the 'man' of the family at a young age, and started trying to live up to his father at the same time. This created anxiety for him as he worried he'd never be good enough to be like his father, to be as good as his father.
  • The life story is supposed to be five paragraphs, if I recall correctly. While yes, it's supposed to be an overview, in general this is a little too superficial. Everyone has more formative experiences beyond an early death in the family and attending some schools. Talk about his friends, his triumphs, his downfalls, and more, to get a better idea of how your character became who he is.
Under 800 words, and it doesn't have to be paragraphed. I will go into slightly more detail, though not too much. I do plan on making him a life chronicles when I have a handle on who he is a wee bit better to go into this greater detail.
And that's about all from me. This sheet is a great start and already a pretty decent sheet as it is. However, if you went one level deeper into the "why" of things, then the sheet will be a great read, give you a much better idea of your character, and overall make for an excellent character submission
Thanks.
Thanks for reading, and good luck!
Thanks for reading this. I am thankful you've come up with small issues, even if I don't sound (read?) it, it's just me being formal as I work through you're peer assessment.
 
LucIen -It's the second half of his name and a nickname I intended for use from his NPC mother or deceased father, so it's fully intended to be there.

Deeper level comes in the expansion, generally, but it's noted he's loyal to his family first and foremost. His main goal is to have his family elevated- any other ambitions would be secondary, and also under the expansion.


It's mentioned here that he 'Quickly picked the School of Falkentrag... family soon hiring him a trainer'. If he was 20 when he left the school, returned home, and is still 20 when he picks the school, having his family hiring him a trainer at 20, I believe its safe to say he was 20 xD.

Right, I'll expand this in a short while.

Its there by intention, so that I can fill it in at a later date.


Nope, it's not exactly that. While he does get anxiety spikes they aren't a permanent thing, and are often dispelled by a kind word from family. It's mentioned that he gets along with family in the relationship section, and as it's not part of the personality I won't add it, but I may add in 'These anxiety spikes are often dispelled by kind words from family..' ect. ect.

Righto, I will put that, with a little bit of re-wording.

While I do intend to add a weakness, no weakness I can currently add would be accurate, as I haven't played him too much so far. So yeah, I'll add a weakness in the future, but not right now. =D

It's not something he's excellent at, just like his using his sword. That is why it's under skills he is just good at, but not a talent just yet.

I'll add that, though it'll probably be along the lines of, 'Though Lucien has never had a dog, family friends did, and he spent a lot of time around it.' Also, I don't believe it is pivotal enough to be added into backstory.

I mean, doesn't everyone? Jokes, but thats a fair point. I'll add that he finds them annoying, a pain, and a general waste of space, or something along those lines.

It is in bullet points for that exact reason. I often end up rambling when I put paragraphs down, so it's bullet pointed to make it concise and neat, and to make it easier to understand the main points.

Right, I will probably go into more detail. It's just that as he is a noble, and has set background to an extent, I have to be careful what I put, so as to not contradict his brothers character app. But I agree, and more detail will be added in a bit.

Ah, I do need to add that, but I'll shove it in the reply for this. Lucien is insecure because he took on being the 'man' of the family at a young age, and started trying to live up to his father at the same time. This created anxiety for him as he worried he'd never be good enough to be like his father, to be as good as his father.

Under 800 words, and it doesn't have to be paragraphed. I will go into slightly more detail, though not too much. I do plan on making him a life chronicles when I have a handle on who he is a wee bit better to go into this greater detail.

Thanks.

Thanks for reading this. I am thankful you've come up with small issues, even if I don't sound (read?) it, it's just me being formal as I work through you're peer assessment.

Forgive my lack of fancy quote splitting as I really don't know how to do it.

Nickname: Explain the uses of the two nicknames if you haven't done so. Like you just did.

Ambition: Alright.

Skill Info: Might still want to put the years under Skill Info to be consistent with the Discipline one.

Personality: You should still add that he gets along with his family under the Personality section. The Relationship section is more for mentioning specific people.

Dogs: It may not be pivotal enough to add into backstory as of right now, but when you expand to make anecdotes, that might be a good thing to touch on.

Life Story: I'm of the opinion that the Chronicles section is designed to essentially write short narratives involving this character, while the Life Story proper is designed to be an overview but still touch on everything detailed on the sheet. 800 words is about one page single spaced, so you have a lot of room to play with. The Life Story should still have some anecdotes and the like for the purpose of explaining all or most of the things on the sheet beyond just strengths/schooling/etc-- so for example, you might include an anecdote involving a dog so you can call attention to his love of dogs and also how he's a really nice person and morally good and whatnot.

Overall, like I said, looks good. However, here's the thing-- The mods may still get on you for some of the things that I mentioned which you said you're going to do later. What I would have done is to leave this in WIP while you make one more pass at it and add more stuff, then submit it in its final form.
 
By later I roughly meant after I'd had my shower tbh. Also, I don't mind if the staff point out things you've pointed out, all it means is your opinion is seconded and gives me ideas on what to improve from a staff point of view. Staff aren't gonna chew me out if I've not made all the edits suggested because I needed sleep or a shower, they all do it too. I do appreciate your feedback, though, and I am working on the points you pointed out. I've expanded on the dogs and lampar thing, and I'm working on the Life Story.
 
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By later I roughly meant after I'd had my shower tbh. Also, I don't mind if the staff point out things you've pointed out, all it means is your opinion is seconded and gives me ideas on what to improve from a staff point of view. Staff aren't gonna chew me out if I've not made all the edits suggested because I needed sleep or a shower, they all do it too. I do appreciate your feedback, though, and I am working on the points you pointed out. I've expanded on the dogs and lampar thing, and I'm working on the Life Story.
Cool cool. Looking forward to this character.
 
Forgive my lack of fancy quote splitting as I really don't know how to do it.

Nickname: Explain the uses of the two nicknames if you haven't done so. Like you just did.

Ambition: Alright.

Skill Info: Might still want to put the years under Skill Info to be consistent with the Discipline one.

Personality: You should still add that he gets along with his family under the Personality section. The Relationship section is more for mentioning specific people.

Dogs: It may not be pivotal enough to add into backstory as of right now, but when you expand to make anecdotes, that might be a good thing to touch on.

Life Story: I'm of the opinion that the Chronicles section is designed to essentially write short narratives involving this character, while the Life Story proper is designed to be an overview but still touch on everything detailed on the sheet. 800 words is about one page single spaced, so you have a lot of room to play with. The Life Story should still have some anecdotes and the like for the purpose of explaining all or most of the things on the sheet beyond just strengths/schooling/etc-- so for example, you might include an anecdote involving a dog so you can call attention to his love of dogs and also how he's a really nice person and morally good and whatnot.

Overall, like I said, looks good. However, here's the thing-- The mods may still get on you for some of the things that I mentioned which you said you're going to do later. What I would have done is to leave this in WIP while you make one more pass at it and add more stuff, then submit it in its final form.
Edited it all, have a look through and tell me what you think.
 
This is due to the fact his brother is often drunk inside the house, and he hates it.
Bryn Rosendahl- Bryn is Lucien's older brother (albeit only by 11 months), and while they get along well, the relationship is often put under strain due to Bryn's drinking issue. Lucien loves his big brother dearly, and though they have disagreements and arguments, they are still rather close.
He does have /very/ good reasons y'know! xD
 
Place Falketrag in the Talents section and tag myself once completed. You may replace one of your existing talents or add it as a fourth. If you opt for the latter than I will require a weakness to be added. @Daekon
 
Bumped his height up to 5'8", which still fits Falkentrag as according to this.
Also added his ability to cook in personality expansion.
Edits in the same blue
@Wumpatron
 
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  • Knowledge of Fauna- While Lucien did not attend any Schools on this, he has a knowledge on Fauna that outclasses most peoples. He has access to a plethora of books on the subject, and, as such, is able to correctly identify most animals across Aloria. While the majority of his knowledge is focused on animals that are used as pets, it does extend further. That is, not to say, that he can act as a vet in any situation, only that he has extensive knowledge on fauna, and how to treat and train domesticated fauna.This is of use to Lucien if/when he travels, and also because he works as a Parlour Boy in a vet/Pet Shop.
Weaknesses:
  • Dependent- Lucien is extremely mentally dependent on friends and family. The less he sees them, the more he ceases to function properly. His sleep will drop almost completely, and his concentration will as well. This means that family and friends can be busy, or on holiday, but Lucien will start to deteriorate, starting with sleep, which will severely drop to the point where he practically doesn't. Most affected when Solaine d'Vaud or a family member go away, Lucien becomes sleepless, aggravated and clumsy, and will be unable to concentrate on anything but the absence of them. His ability to solve problems, be it in day to day life, severely drop, often leaving him completely helpless at things he would often be able to solve with ease.
Added another strength and a weakness. The weakness is one used in roleplay without my realizing of it. All edits in Blue
@Wumpatron
 
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Dependent- Lucien is extremely mentally dependent on friends and family. The less he sees them, the more he ceases to function properly. His sleep will drop almost completely, and his concentration will as well. This means that family and friends can be busy, or on holiday, but Lucien will start to deteriorate, starting with sleep, which will severely drop to the point where he practically doesn't. Most affected when Solaine d'Vaud or a family member go away, Lucien becomes sleepless, aggravated and clumsy, and will be unable to concentrate on anything but the absence of them. His ability to solve problems, be it in day to day life, severely drop, often leaving him completely helpless at things he would often be able to solve with ease.
Funny how Bryn shares this trait, except I called it something else. Seems to run in that side of the family huh?
 
Specify the School for your Proficiencies and tag me once completed @Daekon
 
so he's single again? -cackles maniacally-

So what's his stance on Dressolini ladies of his age who have an obsession with their violin and have no luck with dudes so far?
 
@Wumpatron Did an overall revision of character. Personality almost completely reworded, and added several slight changes. All edits in blue.

Otherwise overall re-astheticised the application.
 
Total Skill Points: 25
Academy: School of Marshalry
❂ General Command | 10 points from School
❂ Military Theory | 10 points from School
❂ Diplomacy | 10 points from School
❂ Battle Command | 10 points from Points
❂ Longsword | 5 points from Points


Total Culture Points: 25
❂ Sculpting | 9 points from Points
❂ Architecture | 10 points from Points
❂ Instrumental Music | 6 points from Points

Edited his points and backstory to suit, keeping up with his overall revision. Edits in Blue.
@Wumpatron
 
❂ Bryn Rosendahl- Bryn is Lucien's brother, and while they get along well, the relationship is often put under strain due to Bryn's drinking issue. Lucien loves his big brother dearly, and though they have disagreements and arguments, they are still close.
I've got your back, cousin.
Last I checked they were brothers