"There is no such thing as good or wrong, but thinking makes it so." Basic Information: Full name:Leon Claudio Nickname :The Black king Age: 45 Gender :Male Race: Ailor Main ambition: Vengence and Redemption Sexuality: Straight Skill Information (Optional) School: Turall Proficiency: 45 +10 points short sword (+10 from the school of Tural) +10 points dagger (+10 from the school of Tural) +10 points Acrobatics (+10 from the school of Tural) +5 Anglian Bow (+5 Racial boast) +3 tracking +10Points in Battle command +8sneaking + 8General Command Proficiency (Culture life): 45 +9 cooking cuisine (Learned in the earlier age) +10 ship sailing + 9 Pastry cooking + 9 Husbandry + 8 Dancing Language: D'ithanian : 7/10 (Learned when he was in Regalia) Common : 10/10 Anglain : 9/10 " Visual Information: Eye color: Blackish light brown Hair Color : Darkish brown Hair style :Messy but stylish Skin color: White Clothing : Dark Blue tunic Height: 5'9 Body Build : Athletic Personality and Abilities: First paragraph: The first thing strangers see from Leon is this edgy man, But once someone gets to know Leon. He is a nice man, or atleast trying to be nice. Strangers will always most of them see Leon as a threat, a criminal, even though he isnt one, many see it that due to his outfit. Which shows dont judge a book by its cover. Second paragraph: Most of the time Leon feels empty inside, that is due the fact he is mostly lonely and shy's away from everyone, he doesn't want to ruin their lives. But in some occasions Leon feels cheerful inside, Due to the fact he is with love ones and hearing everyone laughing with joy and Smiling Third Paragraph : Leon always tries to help others in need, But Also he likes to stay for away from them time to time because he is afraid that he would ruin them. Hence why he is always alone when fighting, He doesn't want comrades or friends get in the way, Unless that Comrade is ready to die for a good reason then he wont stop He/She. He is just worried Fourth Paragraph :Leon's Morals are neutral, He always says this quote "There is no such thing as good or bad but thinking makes it so". If you kill someone to protect others is that bad or good. That is why Leon tends to be careful with his blade. Due to this Morals Leon is always second thinking on his choices if he made the right or the wrong choice. This is also the reason why Leon fights because he Believes what he is doing is right, And he also Believes that anyone that is fighting knows what they are doing is right to them but to others its wrong "None stands in my way." Weakness : N/A Likes: Spoiler: Likes [*]Hunting, Just because that he feels free and he loves doing what he likes. [*]Friendship or seeing families re unite, He just likes seeing others find their Love ones because it reminded him of how he felt when he was with his wife and daughter. [*]The Azure premire's Ale (Omg so good), [*]Children (Not in that way), Leon likes to see kids full of life because He believes Children are gonna change the world someday bad or good. its there future Dislikes: Spoiler: Dislike [*]Rude People [*]Whiskey: He doesn't like it because of the taste and the weird smell came out of it, Its like an old mans drawer, It makes him feel sick [*]Salamanders : Leon has a been scared of Salamanders as a kid, how slimy and creepy they look Relationship: Spoiler: Relationship [*]Claudetta Claudio (Spouse, Deceased) [*]Cynthia Claudio (Daughter, Deceased) [*]Jamie Rosendahl @Nudibronch (Friend, Alive) [*]Solaine D'vaud @Mayaran (Friend, Alive) [*]Sage rowe @Puagrace (Friend, Alive) [*]Asterion fellim @ElderShrub (Friend, Alive) [*]Ichabod @Magivore (Enemy, Unknown) [*]Adeline @Mid_Wolf (Love interest, Alive) LIFE STORY Leon Claudio, The Son of Alexander Goswell and Hera Claudio. He was born in Anglia , As a young boy Leon didn't Know much about this world, The townsfolk loved Leon because in the age of 6 he would go and help others in need by doing jobs or grabbing things for them. Leon since a kid has always a passion for sword training so every time his father would return from his adventure he trained with him for a couple of hours, In the age of 14 Leon was enrolled in Turall to learn more styles of fighting, He studied for 2 years in Turall reaching Warrior Level . He was also interested in hunting, Exploring and learning. Some years have pass, In the age of 20 Leon became a great hunter, He has bested most of the swordsman in the town but he is always opened to learn more tactics as he fights. In a couple of years later, Leon was a young adult in the age of 22. He was a hunting until he came pass by a girl name Claudetta , The two would fall in love with each other when time pass, She is the most brave woman Leon has ever seen in Warrenhold, He skills and her beauty has shine across Leon's heart. In a couple of months Leon and Claudetta would Eventually get married and have a child Named Cyntia. In this life, Leon is still hunting and Claudetta stays in the house. Every time Leon goes Hunting, Cyntia would always come up to him and say "Don't go please... What if you don't come back" Leon knew that she was worried every since but Leon always told her this "Pray for us all". At this point Leon is also being teached by his wive on how to cook 3 years have passed by, Leon is still hunting, Claudetta takes care of Cyntia . In this day Leon is now 25 years old. His Life was looking up but then in every story Happiness must end. In one night after Leon Returned from hunting, Some bandits came in to his house and demanded money. Leon wasnt able to beat the Bandits but Claudetta tried to help and with Cyntia. It ended up with the Death of His Wife and daughter, There necks slit by the bandits as they left the house, Leaving Leon Unconsious. The Townsfolk came as fast as they could but it was too late. From that moment on Leon spended 2 years searching for them, The bandits, He has lost hope and doesnt know what to believe in anymore . Until he made his way to Regalia where he met others. The First friend Leon found was Asterion Fellim "The Elder one". He taught Leon so much about Wisdom and would give Leon a bit of hope. Then There is Solaine D'vaud , As Leon refers as the one of the best fighters in Regalia. She has bested Leon quickly without breaking a sweat. There are many more friends that Leon met in his journey but only time would bring more troubles and friends. As the months grow more and more, Leon has a house in Regalia, lots of friends and he is slowly getting used to his life style here, But one day at 17th January Leon Has went missing, He hides in the Slums without telling anyone as he stayed there for a couple of days. Leon spends his time learning the D'ithanian language because he feels like it is interesting to learn such language since he entered Regalia.
Here's my review! I took some more time into it this time, and willing to help you out! Here are the abnormalities that I see! A person's eye color cannot be... Black. Unless he wears contacts... Which, I highly doubt are in this era. Add more detail to the personality paragraphs, they aren't just 2-3 sentences, strive to make them 5-6! The more detail the better people can understand your character! For the talents, and weaknesses, talk about them more, and have some different talents. Instead of having hunting for both, possibly put something different. Hunting, I wouldn't say is a talent... The ability to track something, is. Though, having to taste one's blood, is kinda... Odd, and unrealistic, even for this sort of lore, and universe. Look more at other applications, and use their talents and weaknesses as a reference to other talents. Excellent swordsmanship and knife throwing abilities would be borderline summed up with his combat school level, meaning there is no need to elaborate on them more than that. Grammar, and sentence structure, is hard to follow on this application. I suggest re-reading the sentences, and checking for grammatical errors, or if you want, ask someone! I'm certain people would be willing to assist you if you ask! (You can even ask me to work on it with you on a google doc!) Add some more information on the likes and dislikes, describe how these things make your character feel, what goes through said character's mind as he thinks/sees/does said thing. Also include why he dislikes, or likes said things, explain. You want to have at least a paragraph for each like or dislike, so staff and players can understand why he likes or dislikes something. Relationships, answer to how your character and the other met, or how they know each other. Though, these are optional, so really... You can not do them if you want. The life story... Sounds like a movie... Yet again, life stories are not my strong points in character applications. So, I'd let other people give it a look. Since, I'm not the best with said things. That's my over all speculation, I hope you find it useful, and that you can build upon it so your character becomes accepted! @NightLight12
Hunting is an actual talent, just going to say that out; but, I do suggest for him to rename his talent to "Hunter." Or "Huntsman." This is an expansion, in which he doesn't have to follow this. I also don't think this matters at all, but I guess this is your personal preference. My Peer Review! Put all your expansion in a spoiler as this will make it easier for staff to read the application; for short ease of reviewing. I do not see the necessity to have your application in bold, I find it quite distracting; keep in mind this is personal preference. Your talents, if he enjoys combat; why not use the skill information expansion and detail a combat school that uses these weapons; I think you're eying for the school https://wiki.massivecraft.com/School_of_Turall as they both throw daggers and use weapons. Your weakness is the same as your talents, you should remove the weaknesses; and replace them with actual weaknesses. What culture does your character take part in? https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Human_Cultures If he believes in peace then why does he hunt, uses weapons, etc. I suggest you re-word this. Everything else that I will be mentioning would most likely be somewhat like @HeyoBiggums peer review. @NightLight12
Oh, wait you do have him saying that he does take part in turall, my bad! But, you need a skill information expansion for this!
Review time! Your entire application doesn't have to be bolded, just a suggestion. He shouldn't look any younger than he is unless there is magic involved or if the race allows it. Theres no shame in playing an older looking character! As stated by our lovely peer reviewers above, black is not an acceptable eye color. Vengence is a vague and powerful ambition that should he expanded upon. The likes/dislikes and relationships sections should all be inside spoilers. After reading his first and second personality paragraphs I've come to the conclusion you don't fully understand the prompts. The first is about how others see him at a glance, and the second is about his pride or insecurities and how he feels about himself. Please rework your talents and weaknesses. If it's a talent, it can not also be a weakness and vice versa. If he is a trained turall it must be listed in the skill section. Turall blade school can also not be learned before the age os 14, this should be changed in the life story. Make all edits in a new color and tag me once done!
I have change it, Hopefully it would succeed in every ones Expectations on my character sheet. Sorry if its not as good as the rest, I am trying to improve to make my character more interesting and fun for not only me but others to interact and talk with. I thank you for Reviewing my Post and if there is anything lacking i would try to change it, I left some parts that i think no need to explain because we can agree on it but if its a problem then i would add some details, I just thinks it doesn't need explaining for it
I have change it, Hopefully it would succeed in every ones Expectations on my character sheet. Sorry if its not as good as the rest, I am trying to improve to make my character more interesting and fun for not only me but others to interact and talk with. I thank you for Reviewing my Post and if there is anything lacking i would try to change it, I left some parts that i think no need to explain because we can agree on it but if its a problem then i would add some details, I just thinks it doesn't need explaining for it
Me again! The personality paragraphs still need work, mainly the second as it isn't even finished. Again, the promt for the first one is purely about how people see him at a glance. His likes/dislikes and relationships should all be inside a spoiler. What spirits does he believe in?
No, that is still optional. Spirits are mentioned in his life story and I was confused. That should be fixed in the life story.
Review time! It seems his skill section is missing, place this back in. When did he finish his combat schooling? At what age? This should be in the life story. Seems I'm confused, why is his daughter names Yuyu? This seems like a Chi' name. Make all edits in a new color and @ me in the comments below once done!
Updates made! Im confuse what you mean by skill section its all 4, i didnt type the 5 one because it isnt optional
An excerpt from the character application template: Skill Information (Optional) The following is optional when filling out your character application, though mandatory when registering a Special Permission, or when your character has been trained by one of the Military/Magic Schools. Please use a Bullet Point list. Try to keep the information as simple and confined as possible. This information mostly pertains to combat/magic education and training to declare a skill level. School: (Declare what Military (example) or Magic (example) your character is trained in. You can declare multiple Schools, but consult with Lore Staff/the Wiki articles about limitations. Be aware that Intellect Schools often have multiple Disciplines and you will need to specify which one [or more] your character is trained in.) Level: (Declare what Skill Level your character is in their Military/Magic School(example) for example: Trainee/Mage/Warrior etc. If you have multiple Schools, declare them all. Be aware that Intellect Schools often have multiple Disciplines and you will need to specify which one [or more] your character is trained in.) Source (Declare the source of your School training per School. For example for Magic this could be "Mentored by Father" or in the case of a Military School: "Attended Turall Blade School" or "Taught by a private tutor paid for by uncle". For each School, declare separately, even if the sources are the same.)
