Spoiler: Theme Lazaruz d'Soleil (Formerly, Lupenzi.) Age: 29 years of age (Born May 16th, 277 AC.) Male Ailor Champagnard Ithanian / Velheimer Mix (IC:Un-aware of the Velheimer side) Main Ambition: Positively effecting the city and those around him -Whether this be through swinging a blade, or rather offering someone a ear to speak into.. He wants to have done good by the the time he meets his end; and if hes lucky, maybe even be remembered for it. Total:28 +20 Longsword (+10 from School of Bloodcast, +10 from profeciency) +10 Small shield ( +10 from School of Bloodcast) +19 Battle Command (+10 from School of Bloodcast, +9 from profeciency) Total:28 +11 Poetry (+11 from culture points) +8 Husbandry (+8 from culture points) +10 Ship Sailing (+10 from culture points) Eye Color: Dark blue Hair Color: Light blonde Hair Style: of medium length at the sides, long fringe running down covering brow. Skin Color: peach Clothing: Often seen wearing finely tailored coats when not in uniform. Height: 6 ft Body Build: Muscular Weapon of Choice: Long Sword (trained to be use paired with small shield) As perceived by others, Lazaruz is a charming, chatty and humorous person. He is generally in a good mood and ready to challenge any day’s obstacles as quickly as possible. A new adventure to him is the seek of the thrill, the accomplishment, and another activity or performance to mark off his bucket list. Laz's possibly intimidating muscular body is often cut off to many due to his eccentric style of clothing making him highly approachable, an easy person to talk to, coming across genuinely interested in most conversations. Lazaruz responds well to most people, as long as they dont go against anything he believes in, even going out of his way to start conversations with those that would seem too scarm to initiate conversation first. When it comes to those with similar personalities, Lazaruz responds well, enjoying someone he can bounce off of in conversation and joke around with, however he is absolutely fine with anyone. Lazaruz is always consious, as to how he acts around specific people. If speaking to someone of high class, he'll try his best to speak formally, to an extent even trying to lighten his thick accent. When on duty for the Vigilant Shield, or anything work related, Lazaruz will always hold a far more stern and serious demeanour, when he is at work. He is at work, its not a time to piss about too much, in his opinion. Internally to self, Lazaruz has a low self-esteem, although he tries to brush it to the side in favour of the chivalrous, uplifting man he is to others, and wants to be. It does come back to him at the worst of times. For Lazaruz it is a constant battle to make sure he gives everything his very best shot, like how he'd like to imagine his father would have been. Lazaruz is often called out for pitying others in conversation, however it is usually genuine empathy, he himself has faced many hardships and can often relate to other's troubles, if he cannot do so; he'll always try his best to listen and understand. Another thing to mention is the way Lazaruz acts in romantic interactions with others. When flirted and charmed with, if in a relationship; he will do his best to explain that he isn't interested, however.. When with a lover, he is highly flirtatious and cheesy; wooing his partners constantly, his knight like qualities shining through. Yet often becoming sheepish around his significant other, stumbling on words and blushing unintentionally with the slightest of romantic gestures from them. Lazaruz tends to be as a friendly as possible to most people being able to take insults fairly well with a fine sense of humour. When with friends or partners he is far more genuine than with fellow guards in a working environment, often acting far more serious when on duty.. He has a fairly presumptous side when a topic is close to heart; usually in a discussion stating his opinion boldly; tending to be a little more passive with it when speaking to figures of importance, This tending to annoy many of the higher class who don't wish to be challenged. After spending time in the bloodcast, Lazaruz took up many of their moral values, "To do good for fellow Ailor kind" however he'd taken this statement and shifted it to be slightly more flexible to his own opinion. Lazaruz is very much so lawfully good which on many occasions is his downfall in combat, often falling to those whom are not such, however.. If a situation is dire, he will lose the lawfully side of his persona, going out of his way to see the right thing done. Lazaruz doesn't agree with Unionism, however is fully accustomed to it, seeing it as a waste of time to disagree with, rather focusing on his goals instead of fighting against it like others. Cocky - Although Lazaruz has become far tamer than his former-self, he still at times, is rather cocky. Often taunting enemies in battle with cheeky comments.. Most of the time, not to his favour, with the rare occasion of success. He is often /cocky/ enough to think it is a good trait. Partially sore loser - Although displaying himself humorously in loss, he can at times, even if seldom, be quite biter to it; sometimes not even realizing it. However, this doesn't always apply to him, He does have his moments.. TBA Childhood: ♫ 277 AC - A one night stand turns to more between a Ithanian barmaid and a travelling regalian soldier, as a child is born the two decide to get together; the woman immigrating to the city with him. March 286 AC - His father, being a soldier; left to fight in the Chrysant War , by the time of his leaving; his wife already begins to have love affairs with others, many men begin to be leaving and entering Lazaruz's life at such a pace that the young boy from then on made a consious decision to never be like such men; but rather lead as a shining example to not be like such. March 287 AC - Laz's father perishes in the war,which breaks his young heart; being the one beam of light he'd had left in his life.. Now old enough to understand his mother's harlot like attitude and the world around him in general at the realization that 'not everything is perfect', he'd begin to become thoughtful, unlike how the way he'd been as a boy.Laz would go about learning what it was to be a man independantly; having no more reliable influences in his life. It was also at this point that he grew his passion for writing, doing so to pass time, something he'd carry through to the present day. June 287 AC - Due to his father's prior wishes towards the boy, as he and Lazaruz's mother had decided previously; Just a month after Laz is at the age of 10 years old; he is sent to the Cast Crucible to train as a Bloodcast Knight. His mother supposedly wanting him to be like his father. Not that her word meant much at all to the boy at this point, Laz would still visit her every so often during his stay at the Crucible however; feeling that looking after her. Regardless as to how he felt on doing such he assumed it would be the wish of his departed father.. During his stay at the Cast Crucible, he would grow enthusiastic towards his training, feeling a sense of belonging and family that he hadn't felt since a young age when his parents were still together; Growing close to many of his fellow Bloodcast knights. He'd eventually leave; completing his training at the age of 20. Adulthood: 297 AC onwards - 'Out of the fryin' pan and into the fire!' ♫ 297 AC - Lazaruz completes his ten year stay at the Cast Crucible, claiming his scarlett cape and hitting to the open road with an outburst of excitement to his adventures to come; out to do good. A heavy amount of naiveness yet to be taken from the young man. - 20-24: Laz travels around New Ceardia doing tasks he'd believe the Bloodcast would think well of. Also giving him a chance to get away from his mother, away from everything, a journey of self-discovery. - 25-26: Laz returns to the city, where he lives through the Lo Occupation, mostly not making good use of his time; looking after Maxine Albany, one of his oldest friends and due to this; being pushed into her crazy life style. Eventually, he'd stray from caring for her, realizing that he didn't want to just hang around slum dwellers and their activities but rather expand his horizons. - 304 AC (27): By this age, Lazaruz had become a far more formal, mature man. Forged by his journeys, and all those he'd met along the way. He'd majorly cut drinking from his life, instead growing his tea addiction.. His year of forming himself to do what he set out to do by the Bloodcast: Good. Lazaruz is approached by Nathaniel Bigge, whom strangely enough gave the man a job in the Wachterflottë; and later captaincy. This allowed Laz to see more of the noble activities in Regalia, often heading to meetings with Nathaniel.. He'd meet people here who would later become very close friends to him, Tobie Peirgaten and Kimmie Bigge; and at their shocking cancelled marriage by Nathaniel he tried his best to act as a middle man between the two parties... 305 AC - ( 28): ♫ Lazaruz would soon decide, although the Wachterflottë provided him with profit. He craved something more fulfilling;Leaving Bigge in favour of the Vigilant Sheild to work full-time in service under Ania Howlester. Laz's work-life has hence been slammed to an abrupt hault, being one of the few Vigilants not put under Rikkira's spell. He'd grow angry at dragon, seeing his comrades to view such false visions. He'd attempt negotiations with those at the Bastion to free prisoners until the arrival of Jared Kade; the outcome would be the release of prisoners from both sides, although Lazaruz was relieved not having the blood of innocents on his hands. He felt angered to have been played by the possesed ones in such a way. Jan 306 AC - After having to seperate from Rosalia Heinrich, due to denial by her patriarch and an ongoing struggle that had been happening for quite some time, Lazaruz found himself seeing a Claith by the name of Eve Riordan;very quickly after his break-up with Rosalia.. Intending for it to be a one night stand; however she was inclined to stay. The two even wedding briefly, this all lasted until he recieved word from Rosalia once-more, with this the man did what is unmistakably his most corrupt act.. One morning, eloping on a ship to the Hitherlands with Rosalia and his hound Sigrun; All but a note left at his home to Eve, both an apology; and a release. Lazaruz went on to wed with Rosalia in the Hitherlands, the two becoming the d'Soleil family, a new life for both of them. Due to return a month later from honeymoon.
Time for a really crappy Peer review!! Name: Does Lazaruz have a middle name? Age: What year was he born? You only have month and day. Race: What culture of Ailor? There are many to choose from. Cultures! Height/ build: You oddly filled this out in Basic Information and left it blank here. Remove it from basic and add it to visual Most lore-staff see four sentences as the magic number for your paragraphs. Add one to your first two paragraphs, and two to your final paragraph. You seem to have italicized certain words rather than bolding. Each talent needs to be a minimum of three sentences. Currently you have less than one for each talent, other than your last one. Once again, min. of three sentences. Nap time. That's all I'm doing.
Also with such a high level of Bloodcast, you may wanna up the body build to at least Ripped, they're a strength based school.
Review: I ask that you specifically define what blade your character favors and counts as his weapon of choice. I ask that you review his personality paragraphs and ensure that each possesses at least three points of content related to the section's role. I am specifically looking at paragraphs 1 and 2. His talents are both too short and incorrect. His skill level in a school is not a talent, it is a testament to his skill. Is there a particular talent he possesses that aids/aided him in training and when in the field? I would replace this talent with that if you want to re-state his combat ability. Intuitive requires at least three points of content, it currently only has two. I ask that you review your life story and finish it fully. There are instances of abrupt cut offs and strange stops which seem to possess missing information. Please tag me once all of the edits are done in green @RandomTheChosen
@HydraLana I believe I've patched up everything; along with some minor grammar mistakes, if you could take another look! :3 On the idea of his chosen weapon, I've removed "(However longswords are fine too)" , however I've stuck to his ability to use an arming sword as well as heater/kite shield; as it is specified on the Bloodcast wiki page that they use such. (Although it doesn't specify what type of sword, I only assumed a arming sword as it was one of the most basic one-armed blades.) I completely re-did the first two paragraphs, using the example application as an outline, so i didn't go off-track. I've fixed his talents section as requested.
I am going to approve the application but I ask that you go through it at some point later to fix all the spacing errors, I don't know what could have caused them.
In need of a re-review. NOTABLE CHANGES: Lazaruz Lupenzi is Now Renae d'Soleil Aged up by two years (but really I just made him born, two years prior.) Now cannonly, Half-Velheim due to his father's side. Proficiency points added. Final paragraph on Life Story expanded upon. Bad-ass new theme song (that I recommend listening to, just maybe?) - Herobrine was removed @HydraLana Idk, if I'm supposed to tag you for his re-review? Or another?
I'm going to very quickly link you to the new template as you have things listed that are no longer part of the application, and things in the wrong places. https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/character-applications-template.54735/
Updates made to the layout Un-necessairy or no longer compliant sections removed Made everything centered because of my OCD! @MugKing
My Review: Your Proficiency Points section needs to be below Basic Information, not Visual Information, please change this accordingly. The School of Bloodcast requires a ten year investment, please adjust your Life Story to reflect this. Tag me once the edits have been done in green @ZiggyStarDusted
@HydraLana Proficiency points section put below the Basic Information. Life Story adapted slightly in order to allow his 10 year stay. (please tell me if there are any minor plot holes/ wrong dates!) Anyways, thanks a bunch for taking your time over this.. Cheers.
You life story ends in 305 AC, could you directly state present day for him as in "Now, he __" or something.
My bad, completely forgot we were living another year obviously, I've added 306 AC to the valid point in the timeline where it should've been on his life story (3rd last paragraph?) If the age doesn't make sense to you, he turns 29 this May.
Updated age to 29 years old due to birthday. Added one point to Battle command, making it 19 added one point to poetry. @HydraLana