Preserved Sheet Lalvon Character Application

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Lalvon

Beggar
Joined
Aug 31, 2013
Messages
18
Reaction score
11
Points
0
Location
Canada
Faction
Lanilor
Kingdom
Lanilor
Basic Information (Required)
The following is required when filling out your character application. Please use a Bullet Point list.Try to keep the information here as simple and confined as possible, it's supposed to be a short list.
  • Full Name: Lalvon Tiru
  • Age: 105
  • Gender: Male
  • Race: Wood Elf
  • Main Ambition: Wealth, Power, Knowledge
  • Special Permission:
  • Describe any secondary ambitions your character may have. Short term ambitions, or ambitions that may not be related to your character's main goal in life. To help those less fortunate then myself.
Visual Information (Required)
The following is required when filling out your character application. Please use a Bullet Point list. Try to keep the information here as simple and confined as possible, it's supposed to be a short list.
  • Eye Color: Green
  • Hair Color: Medium Brown
  • Hair Style: Medium to Long Wavy
  • Skin Color: Light Tan
  • Clothing: Leather with Green Cloak
  • Height: 6'6"
  • Body Build: Athletic Tall
  • Weapon of Choice: Sword and Bow
Personality and Abilities (Required)
The following is required when filling out your character application. Please use a Bullet Point list. Try to keep the information here as simple and confined as possible, it's supposed to be a short list.
Personality Traits
  • Wise - I try to see all sides but I make a logical choice to what I belive
  • Kind - I do my best to help all those who I come across.
  • Happy - dispite my family circumstance, it has not killed my spirit
  • Straight forward - I do not give in to political correctness. I make up my own mind
  • Loving - no matter your circumstance, u will find I care.
  • Fierce - I do not tolerate falsehoods or outright lies.
Strengths
  • Hardworking - My kingdom, as a lesser known one, requires tireless work
  • Open minded - I will consider all sides before I make judgements
  • Intolerant of Deception - I will not stand for ideas that harm others
Weaknesses
  • Lazy - I have to constantly watch myself mostly because of my family privilege.
  • Hot Temper - when I get angry I can go a little to far.
  • Ladies man - I like the women may a little too much.

Life Story (Required)

I was born into a Large family of eight. as a young man in my thirties my whole family died in a freak accident during an earthquake. the only reason I didn't die is because I was the only one away hunting. all the rest of my family were eating dinner when the earthquake happened. Because my parents were Lords of a small lesser known kingdom, I was immediately thrust into Leading our small kingdom. Even though our race is known for their high mindedness and intolerance towards other races, my parents were very different.
they taught me to be humble and kind to all people. and that is how I have tried to rule to this day. and probably why my kingdom is so full of all kinds of races, we even have a thriving small community of vampires, who work hard to stand against the evils of their own kind. One of the most sad periods of my life after my family died. was the death of my Wife and first born son. As a new leader of our kingdom, the elders of our community suggested I marry quickly, so a few maidens of suitable age were introduced to me. of cource I knew most of them because our kingdom was small, one had always caught my eye, not only because of here fair looks but because she was very kind, a trait which I cared for very much because of my parents.
After a few years we were expecting our first born child when a sickness struck my wife and both died. it was a very sad day for me and to this day almost 50 years later I am now just starting to get used to the idea of possibly getting married again.
 
Last edited:
Hello, Peer Reviewer Attic here!
Remember everything I say is to help not offend <3

The following is required when filling out your character application. Please use a Bullet Point list.Try to keep the information here as simple and confined as possible, it's supposed to be a short list.
I would remove this and anything like it, it makes the thread a little messy.

Last name? 'Of Lanilor' is more of a title, really,

Which type of elf? There's actually several subtypes that are important to name, 'elf' is a bit bland.

Wealth, Power, Knowledge
These all seem a bit .. Boring? What is he in search of power for and knowledge of what?

To help those less fortunate then myself.
I don't actually have anything wrong with this except for I think you are suppose to write your application in third-person, not first <3

  • Wise - I try to see all sides but I make a logical choice to what I belive
  • Kind - I do my best to help all those who I come across.
  • Happy - dispite my family circumstance, it has not killed my spirit
  • Straight forward - I do not give in to political correctness. I make up my own mind
  • Loving - no matter your circumstance, u will find I care.
  • Fierce - I do not tolerate falsehoods or outright lies.
You need to have about four or five sentences per trait as well as I think you have more positives than negatives, so try and balance it out.

  • Hardworking - My kingdom, as a lesser known one, requires tireless work
  • Open minded - I will consider all sides before I make judgements
  • Intolerant of Deception - I will not stand for ideas that harm others
Again, this needs three or four sentences per strength and weakness. As well as in third person
  • Lazy - I have to constantly watch myself mostly because of my family privilege.
  • Hot Temper - when I get angry I can go a little to far.
  • Ladies man - I like the women may a little too much.
Ladies man is not a weakness.

I
I was born into a Large family of eight. as a young man in my thirties my whole family died in a freak accident during an earthquake. the only reason I didn't die is because I was the only one away hunting. all the rest of my family were eating dinner when the earthquake happened. Because my parents were Lords of a small lesser known kingdom, I was immediately thrust into Leading our small kingdom. Even though our race is known for their high mindedness and intolerance towards other races, my parents were very different.
they taught me to be humble and kind to all people. and that is how I have tried to rule to this day. and probably why my kingdom is so full of all kinds of races, we even have a thriving small community of vampires, who work hard to stand against the evils of their own kind. One of the most sad periods of my life after my family died. was the death of my Wife and first born son. As a new leader of our kingdom, the elders of our community suggested I marry quickly, so a few maidens of suitable age were introduced to me. of cource I knew most of them because our kingdom was small, one had always caught my eye, not only because of here fair looks but because she was very kind, a trait which I cared for very much because of my parents.
After a few years we were expecting our first born child when a sickness struck my wife and both died. it was a very sad day for me and to this day almost 50 years later I am now just starting to get used to the idea of possibly getting married again.
I wouldn't recommend playing someone with that high of nobility as well as you skip years very quickly. I recommend reading a few other applications to get some idea off them of how to write them and traits they use.

Good luck and tag me here if you need anymore help!


-AtticCat
 
This sheet has been rejected for a lack of content.

First of all, I must echo the peer review whole hardheartedly. This is everything you would need for an application that is at least fully reviewed. I will add some wiki links to hone in on these points, though.

Ladies man is not a weakness.
Neither is Hot Temper in most cases, unless you are a politician, which would be somewhat unheard of for any elf.

Which type of elf? There's actually several subtypes that are important to name, 'elf' is a bit bland.
This is all about Elves including some common Lore, Religion, and History
https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Category:Nelfin

Here is a link for all the races so you can see them listed with short blurbs:
https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Races

This is one of the most common general Elf reces and thus usually the easiest to create.
https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Altalar

You need to have about four or five sentences per trait as well as I think you have more positives than negatives, so try and balance it out.

Again, this needs three or four sentences per strength and weakness. As well as in third person

This is the specific reason this is an instant reject. 4-5 sentences per personality trait and 3-4 sentences per strength/weakness. I know it is a lot of work, but not to worry though, you are free to continue to RP with a non-approved character until you are able flesh out this level of intricate detail on the character.

Once you've addressed all of this, post a new sheet on a new thread!

Hope this helps.
 
Ladies man is not a weakness.

just to address 0ne issue, if the current media climate is to be believed and I agree, Donald trumps Playboy past is being stated as very bad, unless it only applies to republicans of cource.
 
just to address 0ne issue, if the current media climate is to be believed and I agree, Donald trumps Playboy past is being stated as very bad, unless it only applies to republicans of cource.
*course

and the thing with weaknesses is they need to be serious weaknesses like 'missing arm', 'greed', etc.

I wasn't trying to be rude or anything, maybe put a physical weakness since there seems to not be any?