Rejected Sheet Imryll Flor-illythyrra

Discussion in 'Character Applications' started by Deusphage, Feb 4, 2021.

  1. Deusphage

    Deusphage Total Misplay

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    Basic Information (Required)
    • Full Name: Imryll Flor-Illythyrra
    • Age: 98
    • Gender: Female
    • Sexuality: Plant
    • Race: Yanera-Flor Yanar
    • Preferred Weapon: None.

    Skill Information (Required)
    Total Points:
    50 Core + 10 Hobby
    • Linguistics - 6 Core
    • Genetics | Olvomism - 3 Core
    • Sorcery | Void-Inclined - 12 Core
    • Roguery - 15 Core
    • Ranged Combat | Light Ranged - 8 Core
    • Melee Combat | Stave - 6 Core
    • Nature Art | Hunting Art - 5 Hobby
    • Craft Art | Gardening Art - 5 Hobby

    Body Shape
    • 12.5 Physical Stat
    • Slim Body Shape
    • Low Body Fat
    Languages
    • Common (Free)
    • Modern Altalar (Parent)
    • Plains Altalar (Parent)
    • Kathar Altalar (Linguistic Science)
    • Wyld Altalar (Linguistic Science)
    Special Traits/Spells/Mutations
    • Mutations:
      • Lavvanya
        • Exist Carry
          • Smells pleasantly of flowers!
      • Threlwar
        • Void Eye
        • Void Pigment (Red)
        • Void Tears (Blue Yanar Blood)
        • Void Scalp (Tentacles)
      • Cho'roq
        • Monster Eyes
        • Monster Feast
          • One mouth goes across the stomach, as if a trans-lumbar amputation was made and either half of Imryll's body was stitched back together with teeth.
        • Monster Beast
        • Monster Patching
          • Directly parallels the stitching made in the 'recrafting' of the Yanar, being across the wrists, down the neck towards the chest were it parts down along the ribs, in a lateral line upon the center of the face, and down the entirety of the stomach.
        • Monster Dentada
    • Yanar Racials
    • Graal Vampirism
    • Gremlin Roguery:
      • Burglary Pack
      • Slight of Hand Pack
      • Rogue Gift I
      • Rogue Gift IV
      • Rogue Gift V
    • Sorcery:
      • Wall Climb III
      • True Path I
      • Super Self II
      • Darkness II
      • Element Control I (Yanar Racial)
    Visual Information (Required)
    • Eye Color: Crimson
    • Hair Color: Verdant Green
    • Hair Style: Floral Tentacles. Almost like woven pieces of a bush, or grass clumped together.
    • Skin Color: Flaxen
    • Clothing: Whatever manages to fit her.
    • Height: 3'10'' (Olvomism)
    Personality (Required with Choice)
    Option Two: The Core List

    • Choose your Character Alignment
      • Chaotic Evil
    • Choose your Character Personality Type
      • Commander ENTJ-A
    • Choose your Character's Religion
      • (Previously 6/10 Estel) 4/10 The Verdant Ember
    Likes
    • Has an unorthodox fascination with blood sprouted from their sanguinary curse, however, as opposed to the typical lust to drink blood, this particular vampire has an uncanny craving to bathe themselves within it, taking enjoyment from watching blood shed and spilt, and running their hands through it.
    • Florae and tending to plants, in part from her current beliefs to Niuralla and in part from her innate interests as a Yanar.
    Dislikes
    • Werebeasts (Vampire Mentality)

    Life Story (Required)
    Imryll, formerly Estelar Fae-Illythyrra and Imizaeyl Dul-Illythyrra, was born 211 AC as apart of a peaceful, pacifistic group of Estel-devoted Yanar, whom -- although apart of a larger society of humanoids -- were content with remaining in a far less advanced state, having a diet primarily consisting of natural flora both sustained from themselves, and secondarily anything directly offered to them. Much of the collective had assumed a timid and quiet mannerism, which Imryll followed suite with, equally appeased with holding piety to Estel and tending to gardens and pastures, or assisting the forests in combating pernicious infection or noxia.
    As apart of her culture, Imryll would return to the earth each quarter of the year upon the season's change, allowing herself to be reborn through Wyldbirth anew for the change in temperature and daylight hours.
    During one such Wyldbirth, between the seasons of Autumn and Winter, a peculiar face met the phantasmal body of Imryll, who was changing from a Fae-Yanera to a Flor-Yanera. The peculiar individual was met with trust, as Imryll had been living a life without fear or violence for several decades, and had no reason to expect such to change.

    Something terrible did happen, however.


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The first success was enough to found forth ego, and from such foundation pride set itself to further works. The second instance of a success came from a Yanar undergoing a process of Wyldbirth, whom was recorded to be remarkably easy to manipulate due to their present change in mindset and ideologies from their rebirthing.
    The Ailor monitored the progression of the Yanar's reformation with intrigue, particularly surrounding the complete body reformation from Wyldbirth, briefly conversing with the phantasmal apparition of the Estling as a means of growing some form of connection. Post-revivification the Ailor directly introduced herself to the changed Yanar, offering a form of cordial relation as a means of documenting the natures of other of Imryll's ilk and the process of their ability to reconstruct a body.
    Proceeding approximately a week of exchanged interaction the physician subdued the Yanar, ultimately concussing Imryll and securing their body to a surgical table in which to begin her works. If the Yanar on their own was capable of rebuilding themselves a body, perhaps such would be a gateway to some form of reanimation, or perhaps further enhancement of the form?
    Florae growths upon Imryll were removed with scrupulous care, and promptly examined for any unnatural qualities and placed within temporary jar storage for further assessment. The Mortician had a singular goal in mind with this specimen, whereas the previous effort proved the effectiveness of the influence of affliction, this instance would take the attempt to succeed in an experiment and extend it to the creation of an effective, hostile being. For such, the blood of a Von Kërle was administered into the body following the surgical opening of the midsection for anatomical appraising and probing.
    Void-Corrupted specimens were introduced to the Yanar succeeding hemming its body back together, fusing various imported growths from The Warpwood unto the Yanar, as was The Mortician's own blood to give a Seraphalo-esque bout of forgetfulness surrounding the surgery.

    When the physician's patient came to with their memories altered, the Ailor briefly overviewed the effects of the changes given to the Yanar -- whom would remain in a state of mild distress from their alteration of appearance which they deemed hideous for the following three days before vampiric infection -- before allowing the Yanar to depart and succumb to their gifted sanguinary curse.


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Imryll was horrified, she couldn't recount what had happened, truly, but she new she had changed. Her body was altered, differed, changed into something she perceived as horribly sinister. She hadn't a clue how it came about, however, and thus she accepted it as the precursor to a change of seasons -- Perhaps something was to come, or the forests would change, and such was reflected within her person, or, perhaps, it was simply by Estel's will.
    Of course, neither was true, but the naiveté of Imryll and the denial of her condition lended to an acceptance. The Yanar would remain faithful to Estel, even as they succumbed Vampirism, their appetite for blood and morphed conscious of the affliction changing their views from their teaching of a goddess of light to something more... malevolent. Particularly, her own horror in what she was slowly becoming granted her to believe that the only means in which it could have occurred to be the intervention of higher powers, meaning that Estel must of willed it. Imryll's delusions lended to her believing that Estel -- or one of her children -- had chosen her to have this taste of blood, and these changes in her form.
    Imryll eventually dropped her clawing efforts to stay with her deity as she found herself no longer capable of holding onto her from the sanguinary disease that had plagued her, instead faltering to Void Deities in an effort to make sense of her condition, perhaps even still believing Niuralla to be a child of Estel in some manner.
    Imryll was immediately outcasted for the inordinate and alien flora growing upon herself, and season after season, wyldbirth after wyldbirth, the Yanar progressed into a more enraptured state to the blood they drank and the monstrous verdure growing upon them. With each rebirth they progressively degenerated in appearance, and their mindset became further strayed from their initial self.
    Despite such, the Yanar still retains an aspect of their original self, amidst their bloodlust taking a particular fond enjoyment in tending to flora, void corrupted or otherwise.
     
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    #1 Deusphage, Feb 4, 2021
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2021
  2. Magivore

    Magivore No Rest For The Wicked Staff Member Lore1

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    I hereby CLAIM this application!
     
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  3. Magivore

    Magivore No Rest For The Wicked Staff Member Lore1

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    Alright, before I can get your character approved, there's a few things that I want you to fix. Once you do so, I can go ahead and slap on the right label!

    Before I continue, I will recommend you tone down the amount of intangible anatomical horror for this character. It is extremely dramatic and traumatic, and is likely to be targeted simply for existing in or out of Karmark form due to their excessively monstrous appearance. Perhaps you could even have an arc where they progressively repair themselves and re-integrate with Yanar society? I will not control what your character does, but a breath of fresh air may be nice to have.


    Your character is not given a reason to have Ritualism. They worship Woldemar, but the life story does not support either obtaining these abilities or worshipping this bloody god because they were too busy being experimented on. Please remove these or give a good reason as to why they would be given the time to worship a god when their keeper did not even allow them to stand half their life.

    Please reduce the amount of evisceration, shredding, and 'pulpyness' of this character. There is too much gore simply by existing and their mere existence can fall under mature inappropriate roleplay, especially since Yanar flesh is especially fragile. I also do not know what 'hawster' is.

    Ironically, your character is also missing the 'facial hair' a von Kërle needs in Karmark form. I recommend turning your Sanguine's head into one that obeys traditional humanoid shaping, but instead, they have a longer 'snout' and their face can painlessly unfurl like a three-way-split flytrap plant while their face is trailed with moss or fungal growths. Please ensure your Karmark Form adheres to the von Kërle Vampiric Form requirements.
    Your backstory is very difficult to read and is actually quite lacking. What was this Yanar before experimentation? Why were they experimented upon by the same Vampire as your previous character? Who is this Vampire? Were they a child when taken (hint: don't.)? Do they have any hobbies? Why do they worship a violent god to whom they were essentially subjected to as they were consistently experimented on? Where is their family? Why were they let free instead of slain as a failure, especially if their keeper also may have worshipped that bloody god? There is a substantial lack of substance that make this character unplayable without Sanguinism or Ritualism, even though Sanguinism can be cured and your Ritualism doesn't have a reason to exist. Please expand and simplify your lifestory.

    Tag me when you complete the appropriate edits!
     
  4. Deusphage

    Deusphage Total Misplay

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    Keeping a majority of the monstrous appearance and attitudes as this a side character intended to satisfy monstrous RP here and there

    - Changed Woldemar to a Vampire mindset-based Estel
    - Added Pre-altertion and post-alteration backstory
    - Changed 'Ritualist Monsterwarp' for 'Ritualist Uprooting', as Karmark Shred and Karmark Form can be used simultaneously and thus Monsterwarp is redundant
    - Reduced the overall gore of Karmark Form, giving it a more alien plant appearance as opposed to being just a grotesque flesh creechur
    - Obeyed Karmark Form rules by adding thorn-like horns along the lower jaw ("small spikes that extend from the jawline.")

    Additional question:
    Can you quote on the forums where it mentions gruesome stuff being inappropriate roleplay for my own future reference?

    @Magivore
     
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  5. Deusphage

    Deusphage Total Misplay

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    I just realized that I don't think it properly tagged you when I edited in the tag upon the message with the changes, so
    @Magivore just in case. If the previous tag successfully went through, then my bad
     
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  6. Magivore

    Magivore No Rest For The Wicked Staff Member Lore1

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    Hi there! Sorry it took so long, it was a pretty whacky weekend. Lemme get these responses in before I forget:

    We're almost there! Your life story improved significantly and it now explains more of her position in the world. However, I do still have a gripe about your ritualisms.

    Please alter your faith or remove it (and summarily ritualisms if she becomes an atheist). Vampiric Estellian faith does not exist, as Vampires will exclusively worship elements of the Void (and/or the self) in the form of the Cult of Evolution or Faith of the Dark Ancients. Worshipping the Dark Ancients wasn't what was wrong, it was that I didn't see any sign that your character was or could be faithful. Now there's a lot of room to be faithful in your story, but your Yanar wouldn't be able to worship Estel because the disease would force them not to.

    As for the quote you were looking for regarding gore, you can find it in Roleplay Rules, section 8 (Inappropriate Roleplay), bullet five (Gore/Dismemberment).
    Be sure to toss me a ping once you can make that edit for me!
     
  7. Deusphage

    Deusphage Total Misplay

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    Changed religious deity from Vampiric All-Mother to Verdant Ember
    @Magivore
     
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  8. Deusphage

    Deusphage Total Misplay

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    @Magivore Trauma Plant has been transmogrified into what I actually roleplay the character as, which is not a monster, but instead a devious warpwood yanar gremlin. Essentially is a plant Wylathar.

    While the character does have a fair amount of abilities -- I haven't counted if they're above 14 -- I believe that they wont really make the character powerful, as I intend for them to just get slapped once and give up when fighting. The non-vampire abilities the character does have (Being Evading Dash, Wall Climb 3, True Path 1, Super Self 2, Darkness 2, Element Control 1, and rogue stuff) are in place for fleeing the scene when she inexorably gets caught for her devious petty crimes.
     
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  9. Deusphage

    Deusphage Total Misplay

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    Additionally, despite the twelve and a half phys stat from prof calculations, I'll probably be treating it like she has zero because itty bitty
     
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  10. Follower

    Follower Returned to Monkey

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    Hello, I have claimed your application for review, expect a response in under twelve hours.
     
  11. Follower

    Follower Returned to Monkey

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    @Deusphage Everything seems to be in order, Approved.
     

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