I'm Trying My Best...

I know you think I got it all figured out 'cause
I walk around like my head's in the clouds but
I'm just boy with his heart pourin' out
Of his head
I wish that you could see the pain that I've seen and
All of the time I spent being not me and
I hope you know it's not always happy
In my head.​

To put it simply Milo was scared. No, scratch that, Milo was petrified. After having found out people wanted the only stable presence in his life dead, he had no control over his emotions and almost snapped infront of them. He had almost told them everything he thought but he managed to stop himself and only briefly open up because, in all honesty, he wanted them to know how he felt. He had misplaced his trust in someone yet again and look where it had landed him. Right where he was at the start.​

'Cause I don't know
The perfect road to go down
But I know​

He needed to tell somebody though, needed to get it all off his chest. He had stopped trying to get close to people for the fear that they would leave him one day but even that hadn't stopped this awful curse that had been thrust upon the small boy. All he had ever known was death and abandonment, whether it be from friends or family, even people he hadn't spoken to in months. It all ended the same for every single one of them.​

I'm trying my best
I'm trying my best to be okay
I'm trying my best but every day
It's so hard
And I'm holding my breath
I'm holding my breath til I can say
All of the words I want to say
From my heart​

He had watched his Father leave him, then his Mother, his brother after that and then slowly but surely every other person he got close to either left or died so when he realised Justin was at threat he broke. There was no way he could watch somebody else leave and stay sane, no chance in hell. He knew how it would turn out. He had seen the same thing happen with Ash, who ended up dead, and his Pops, who had to leave or death awaited him.​

If you really want to I could let you inside
It's been so long and I've got nothing left to hide
Would you believe if I told you that I've
Got flaws
Now it's time to let the curtains unfold and
Tell the stories that I didn't want told yeah
Let it out and I unburden my soul
Won't stop​

But he didn't want to be a burden. He wanted Elliot and Justin to see their kids grow up, to be able to live until they were so old they would have to stop every few minutes for a breather, wanted it for them so bad he was willing to give up being around them just so they weren't at threat because of him.​

'Cause I don't know
The perfect road to go down
But I know​

He wouldn't forget his father's last words to him, nor his mother's, or Anthony's or even the looks on their faces. They would be engraved in his mind forever and he didn't want to add to that list and make it any longer. All he had wanted from the day he watched that ship sail away was for a family, any kind at all, to tell him that it would be okay and for him to belive it. It was all good making empty promises and telling him that they would be alright because they had protection, they had weapons or they knew people that could keep them safe. None of that would matter in the long run because one wrong move and you were dead. Milo's life was like a game of snakes and ladders, and all he kept landing on where snakes.​

I'm trying my best
I'm trying my best to be okay
I'm trying my best but every day
It's so hard
And I'm holding my breath
I'm holding my breath til I can say
All of the words I want to say
From my heart​

So like he had told himself many, many times before, 'he was done'. And this time, he truly believed himself and knew that there was no going back from here. He was a threat to anyone he was around and so he should just leave them be. A crumpled piece of paper was shoved through the letter box of Elliot and Justin's home later that night, with what looked to be the writing skills of a five year old upon it. The note would read,​

'Elliot and Justin
Sorry fer snapin at yer and Im hopin, fer yer sake and mine, tha we dont cross eachother again. Im a danger to be around fer both a yer an Im sad tha I never got to see yer kids but at least they will grow up around you.
Love from tha annoyin red head, Milo.'

@Faith_Bug
@bxrnes​

 

[victoriYUH_]

Hey, Milo can meet up with Chris she went through the exact same thing. Just msg me when you wanna convey. :3