I've said it before and I'll say it again - Defeatism is not the way to go.

The very fact that you've made this post clearly shows that you want to improve your roleplay. We've discussed several things that you could do to move away from combat based characters in the past, but you don't seem to have really acted on much of the advice you've been given. I don't think you should make this an 'if x then y' situation wherein you're promising to yourself to go back to something that you've described as a dark place.

If it's a dark place in your eyes, then you're obviously not enjoying it a lot. I don't retract any of the advice I've given you, but I'm somewhat confused by the fact that you've shown immense intention to make a change, but seem to have little drive in that you've not acted on any of the changes I've suggested. I don't know why this is, but making the change that you seek is not something that can occur in a one-day change. It'll require a lot of willpower and as much dedication as it will take to create a fully pacifistic character that runs from conflict and avoids fighting like the plague.