Preserved Sheet Hannibal Bathory

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hannibal

Refugee
Joined
Oct 21, 2018
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  • Full Name: Hannibal Bathory
  • Age: 236 (206 as a vampire)
  • Gender: Male
  • Race: Velheimer Ailor
Skill Information

Total Points: 60 - 30 = 30
  • +30 Rogue Training (from vampire)
  • +20 Magical Knowledge (from points)
  • +10 Body Care (from racial boost)
  • +5 Fast Blades Skill (from points)
  • +5 Perception Training (from Points)
Body Shape Category
  • 5 Physical Stat
  • Toned body shape
  • Low body fat
Languages
  • Common (Taught During Youth)
  • Skodje (Taught During Youth)
Special Traits/Spells/Mutations
  • Vampire: Survival Tree Mutation
  • Vampire: Vampiric Healing Mutation
  • Vampire: Usability Mutation
  • Vampire: Command Undead Mutation
  • Vampire: Mind Wall Mutation
  • Vampire: Mind Feeding Mutation
  • Vampire: Spirit Shift Mutation
  • Vampire: Arcana Vampirica Mutation
  • Vampire: Dragonica Vampirica Mutation
  • Vampire: Vitila Vampirica Mutation
Visual Information
  • Eye Color: White-Grey
  • Hair Color: N/A
  • Hair Style: N/A
  • Skin Color: Bleached White
  • Clothing: Dark Robes
  • Height: 5'10

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On The Outside: On the outside, Hannibal is a grotesque and horribly ugly being. To most, if not all, non-vampires, Hannibal appears as a blood-sucking vulture, as he lurks around the slums and tunnels most of the day. During the night, Hannibal becomes extremely rude at night, as he searches for his next meal. His extremely slurred and over-the-top body language gives him the ability to make friends, eventually making them his next meal. He gains their trust with his extreme acts of kindness, and will do anything that involves food. Despite his comical and usually joyous state, Hannibal is a VERY haunted being, who in the end just wants to end his lonely existence.

Feelings of Entitlement: Pitying those not like him, Hannibal sees all who are non-vampiric to be inferior, and believes they should be used like property, as he thinks they serve no purpose. He has always though he is better than everyone else, even before he was a Vampire. Hannibal considers himself such a superior being, in fact, that he thinks of himself as neither good or bad, and refuses to believe he has an "enemy" considering them nothing more than jealous scum. This is also the main reason Hannibal cooperates and aids certain living individuals, believing he is a gift to humanity. Like a child, Hannibal enjoys playing with his food, never truly respecting or ever adhering to any non-vampire.

Family "Man": Among the few beings on the planet that Hannibal even blesses with his time, his subordinates and other Vampires will discover a rather respectful, and friendly person within Hannibal. To those who follow Hannibal's wishes, be it willfully or forcibly, will be met with a loyal and caring friend. Although Hannibal does not care about the lives of others, he understands that there are others "blessed" with vampirism and will always choose their needs over the filthy "blood bags." He has multiple children, or "hellspawn" as he calls them, and treats them as objects rather than actual family.

Lack of Soul: With no moral code, Hannibal will make split-second decisions, hardly giving them a thought. He doesn't perceive his acts as bad or good, as he has never truly received a consequence for his actions, thus building up a complex inside his psyche. Hannibal has NEVER cared about the needs or concerns of others, even his own brood. Hannibal does not think his decisions are "good" or "evil", as he thinks of himself as the perfect being, thus any action he does will always be right. In the end, Hannibal has always had the mind of a spoiled child.

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EARLY YEARS

Born to a privileged family in Tryllejag, Hannibal Bathory glided through childhood. He got what he want, when he wanted it, and that was that. Even before vampirism, Hannibal showed EXTREME signs of narcissistic tendencies from a very young age. His instructors described him as "ruthless" after he stole a child's belongings and put the ashes in his locker. Nobody had proof, but everybody knew he did it. He has always been spoiled, and stole as a child not because he needed it, but because he enjoyed the thrill.

TEEN YEARS

Still considered at school to be the token "wild child" Hannibal's parents bought his way through school. He received the highest marks without ever doing anything. His Common instructor, Madam Helga Svold, had had enough of Hannibal's parents' rude and entitled behavior, who were just as abusive as him. She refused to be pushed around by some 16 year old kid any longer. As he entered school that day, she knocked him unconscious and carried him out in a bag, his body seeming to be some school supplies. She then transported him to the slums of Dorkarth, throwing him down the steps. There, as he woke up, he was met with with multiple vampires hovering over him. He screamed as the largest pounced down on him to feed. Madam Svold was said to have not known that vampires dwelled there, but this is largely disputed.

ADULT YEARS

Hannibal was left in a foreign and unknown place to him, forcing him to deal with his newly acquired disease. His 5 days of manifestation and infection were miserable, as he locked himself in the church tower near the docks. On the fifth day, he leaped down from the rafters, feasting on the local priest. He made his way to the docks, devouring on a small ship captain, his particular favorite being the salty and calloused fingers. A year and a half of travel later, he walked up the steps of his old family home. His mother, opening the door, screamed as she couldn't recognize the man who became her son. Hurt by reaction, he slaughtered his family without remorse. Many years later, in his 37th year of vampirism, he was discovered as the culprit behind a set of child murders, where their fingers seemed to be missing. Having been found out, he made his way on a ship and hibernated for many years, having woken up just in time to get off at the docks of Regalia.
 
Last edited:
Here's my review:

Skill Information:
  • Your body shape calculation is incorrect. You've listed it at zero, but combat proficiencies factor into it as well. As you've put five points into fast blades combat, this would register Hannibal at a toned body shape. Please correct this.
  • You've listed Adaptability as one of your vampiric mutations, but the two skills following after it immediately belong to the Usability tree. Please either change adaptability to survivability or alter the two mutations after.
Personality and Abilities
  • In your first paragraph, you've stated that your character "gains extreme physical prowess and reflexes" during the night. Varlords have their enhanced abilities no matter the time of day. Please fix this.
  • You've stated that he can be kind and make friends, but will turn them into his meal. You've also explained him to be somewhat sociopathic. I'd like you to go into detail about his cunning and charm, how does he gain people's trust?
  • Your third paragraph is only three sentences. Please add two more.
  • The same for your fourth paragraph. Add two more.
Life Story
  • Reconsider the use of the term "sociopathic tendencies" in the first paragraph. This is very intense, and a little surprising for someone so young. Maybe change it to something like "spoiled" or "cruel".
  • It seems rather intense and violent for a teacher, someone who handles children, to deliver a child to be feasted upon by vampires. Especially because his parents "bought his way through school". Wouldn't this make the teachers more inclined to like him?

Make these changes in this orange, this brown, OR this red. Tag me when you've done so!
 
I see that you have! There are a few redundancy and grammar issues, but it's mostly readable. One more issue arises, since languages have just been added. If you want Hannibal to speak Dwarven, you need 6 points in linguistics, since it's not free and he's not Dwarven/raised by dwarves. Please remove it or shuffle your points. Tag me when you do!