The Loyal Advisor ╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝❖╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗ ╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗❖╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝ FULL NAME: Eric Daevaar RACE: Mauli Slizzar AGE: 437 GENDER: N/A EYE COLOUR: Purple ╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝❖╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗ ╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗❖╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝ Eric is a Slizzar who witnessed the damages of magic during the cataclysm as well as the chaotic results of freewill. More and more he becomes interested in controlling the populace for their own good and quelling magic in the world. « Religion » Dragon Worship [ Ruin the Dark Scale ] - 10/10 Over many years, Eric seen the actions of the returned dragons and is greatly disappointed by their ineptitude. He sees the value in the lessons from Ruin that the world needs direct action and believes that if you need a job done properly, you best do it yourself. Still, his Slizzar nature shines through and he also works to subtly corrupt other Archon and steer large groups to fighting on his behalf. ╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝❖╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗ ╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗❖╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝ Strength: 4 ≼ Melee Points ≽ [ Duellist Pack ] [ Hunter Pack ] [ Skirmisher Pack ] [ Demolisher Pack ] Constitution: 2 ≼ Defensive Points ≽ [ Block Pack ] [ Protectorate Pack ] ≼ Training Points ≽ [ Physique Pack ] - {Slizzar Free} Wisdom: 4 ≼ Scholarly Points ≽ [ Dimenthist Wisdom Pack ] [ Deeplore Wisdom Pack ] ≼ Society Points ≽ [ Archive Wisdom Pack ] - {Slizzar Free} [ Hoterie Wisdom Pack ] - {Slizzar Free} ≼ Artificer Points ≽ [ Automaton Pack ] [ Medical Pack ] Dexterity: 1 ≼ Firearm Points ≽ [ Prepared Pack ] ≼ Roguery Points ≽ [ Balance Pack ] - {Slizzar Free} [ Escapist Pack ] - {Slizzar Free} [ Venom Pack ] [I][I]- {Slizzar Free Roguery}[/I][/I] Magic: 0 ≼ Curses Points ≽ [ Feral Pack ] - { Commutable 1/2 } [ Recovery Pack ] - { Commutable 2/2 } Charisma: 3 ≼ Language Points ≽ [ Ancient Speech Pack ] ≼ State Points ≽ [ Diplomat Pack ] [ Leadership Pack ] ×《 Proficiency Details》 Husbandry Details: [ Progression Mount: Qarresh - Oorjit] Artificer Details: [ Branch: Hallowtech ] [ Automaton: Warden ] Healing Hands Common Patent Biotic Patent Medical Patent Mindslave Patent Racial Details: Slizzar Aging Slizzar Spying Slizzar Luck Mimicvex Cursevex Voicevex Cheatvex Rangevex Nudgevex Physicalvex Scribevex Chainvex Mutatevex Lovervex Controlvex Feelingvex Sensevex Curses Details: Limb Recovery Body Claws Accursed Vision Possession Chain Break Accursed Senses Arcane Mastery Lair Summoning Wisdom Details: Grey Crown Archive Ritualism Details: [ Branch: Dragon Worship] [ Source: Obsidian, Incense, Candles & Vampire Blood ] Ritualistic Manifestation Ritualistic Scripture Ritualistic Crafting Celebrated Life Archon Details: [ Familiar: A Red-Eyed Tree Frog with their front legs twisted into a set of bat-like wings, and a pointed snout with fangs] Vampiric Bloodlust Vampiric Feeding Vampiric Influence Vampiric Visions Vampiric Physiology Vampiric Familiar Vampiric Dressage Archon [Dark Scale] Eyes Archon Mount Archon Speech Archon Design Archon Wings Archon Afflicted MISC Ability Details: [ Firearms: Belt Shot ] [ Preferred Weapon: Puretek Quarter Shot & Chakram ] ╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝❖╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗ ╚⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╗❖╔⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤╝ Common - { Learnt from living in Regalia } Zoram- { Learnt from growing up in Sassrakkand } Ancient Speech - { From Points } Dragon Speech - { From Archon } NATURAL APPEARANCE Eye Colour: Purple with red sclera Hair Colour: Red, fading to orange Hair Style: Long plait Skin Colour: Black with dark red patches Clothing: Formal and well fitted Height: 5'2 tall, 20’8 including his tail Spoiler: Other Shifts Sebastian Fruthyd Life Isldar Eye Colour: Purple Hair Colour: Black Hair Style: Choppy and swept back with a trimmed beard Skin Colour: Pale white with black scales on his ears, hairline and his cheekbones Clothing: A dark blue suit with matching waist coat, and dark purple cravat. This is topped off with black, knee high boots and gloves. Height: 6ft Mauli Tongue: Suvaley Other Details: Sebastian has four black horns from his skull, two big and two smaller ones underneath. He has a lot of his Slizzar traits on show (from his Devata form), such as his tail, ears, scales and eyes; because of this, he can be identified as a Slizzar. Aztel Cult of Shadows Kathar Eye Colour: Yellow Hair Colour: Black Hair Style: A neat bob Skin Colour: Mid-tone Grey Clothing: A light blouse with a corset on, though it is still flexible enough to move freely when needed. She has brown shorts on, and thigh high boots. A small golden crown of sorts sits upon her head. Height: 5'6 Mauli Tongue: Pannarohk Other Details: Aztel has slit pupils and black sclera Vyldello Ksat Allar Eye Colour: Yellow Feather Colour: Blue Hair Style: A mopey Mohawk from her snout, down her spine to her mid back, as well as fan feathers at the base of her tail. The tip of her tail has a large plume. Skin Colour: Deep red with a yellow chest Clothing: Very minimalist, often just an assortment of robes and skirts. Height: 6'2 Mauli Tongue: Pidato Other Details: Sometimes she will wear jewellery with two specific runes on, or jewellery that has been stamped by Yaotl, and with engravings baring the names "Eric, Ztril and Cro-Zzhin" Volodomyr Krainivaya Ailor Eye Colour: Blue Hair Colour: Black Hair Style: Pulled back into a ponytail Skin Colour: Pale white Clothing: Formal but not too wealthy. He has a white shirt, red waistcoat and a green cloak. Height: 5'7 Mauli Tongue: Kriv Cro-Maarx Vyzal Rama Allar Eye Colour: Blue Skin Colour: Lilac with grey stripes and a white belly Clothing: Robes fitting of nobility, often being as exposed as he can while remaining decent. Height: 7'11 Mauli Tongue: Pidato Zzuros Yaotl Kyat Allar Eye Colour: Yellow Skin Colour: Green Clothing: Silks from Yaotl's own tailor and plenty of gold accessories. Height: 5'4 Mauli Tongue: Pidato Other Details: Zzuros wears gold-rimmed glasses with blue or white lenses, and often decorates himself with yellow war paint. His head has two main horns with four little ones on his jaw. Zzuros was a form taken from and developed with Cro-Zzhin Malzi Yaotl Nang-Kyat Allar Eye Colour: Yellow Skin Colour: Bright blue Clothing: a simple pair of shorts with arm wraps. Height: 5'6 Mauli Tongue: Pidato Yixu Peacock Stance Sihai Eye Colour: Brown Feather Colour: Blues and greens Clothing: Robes of black and green with golden trims. Height: 6'5 Mauli Tongue: Wai-Lan Other Details: His entire head resembles a peacock Erland Heilvig Velheim Ailor Eye Colour: Grey Hair Colour: Ginger Hair Style: Short and swept back with a short, pointed beard. Skin Colour: Pale white Clothing: A grey shirt with a red tabard, and black cloak lined with fur. Height: 5'6 Mauli Tongue: Skodje Caerdwyn Daevaar Sihndar Eye Colour: Grey Hair Colour: White Hair Style: A short cut to her chin on one side, shaved on the other Skin Colour: Dark purple Clothing: A fitted shirt and loose over jacket as well as breaches and hard wearing boots. Height: 6'2 Mauli Tongue: Sinnayed Other Details: Caerdwyn is supposedly Veridan's sister and thus head of the Daevaar family. She is also missing her right arm and eye, which is replaced by Hallowtech. Erica Daevaar Sihndar Eye Colour: Grey Hair Colour: White Hair Style: Long, brushed back and pulled into a tight bun on top of her head. Skin Colour: Dark purple Clothing: A variety of nice dresses fit for a noble Height: 5'4 Mauli Tongue: Sinnayed Other Details: Erica doesn't hide that she is Eric, and sometimes has her natural eyes on show and even scales Sadiki Nefer Lew-Clade Asha Eye Colour: Brown Fur Colour: Black with brown chest Fur Style: Very short apart from the unusually fluffy tail Clothing: Ornate robes inspired by Egyptian fashion Height: 5'6 Mauli Tongue: Ibeth Other Details: Sadiki has plenty of piercings around his ears Kaelren Cult of Wyld Kathar Eye Colour: Green with black sclera Hair Colour: Brown Hair Style: A mohawk stuck up on end, shaved on the sides Skin Colour: Warm mid grey Clothing: Whatever she can find that fits. Typically appears mismatched Height: 5'8 Mauli Tongue: Pannarohk Other Details: She has a crown of small horns around her head on either side. Her arms and legs are covered in green, red and purple scales, and her legs have been bent into a more Allar-like shape. A curled chameleon tail sprouts from her tailbone and often rests against her back Nevarr Cult of Excess Kathar Eye Colour: Yellow Hair Colour: White Hair Style: Long and tied back into a neat pony tail, decorated with silver jewellery. Skin Colour: Mid-tone Grey Clothing: Nevarr wears a formal, well fitted dark blue dress with a black corset, plenty of lace and black boots. Height: 5'8 Mauli Tongue: Pannarohk Syriis Life Isldar Eye Colour: Purple Hair Colour: White Hair Style: Completely shaved, with purple tattoos decorating her head instead. Skin Colour: Pale white Clothing: Fine dresses or practical shirt, trousers and boots. Height: 7'8 Mauli Tongue: Sulvaley Ratu Azigiss Rama-Ksat Allar Eye Colour: Blue Feather Colour: Orange Feather Style: Long standing on the top of the head. Scale Colour: Golden yellow with a pale underbelly. Clothing: Ornate robes, cloaks and plenty of jewellery. Height: 8'4 Mauli Tongue: Pidato Oyun Southlands Clade Urlan Eye Colour: Lime Green Fur Colour: Dark and ginger, white down the nose. Fur Style: Cropped short with a slight beard. Skin Colour: Green scales Clothing: Practical, designed for battle, or just armour. Height: 6'8 Mauli Tongue: Skodje Spoiler: Artwork over the years I've had Eric since 2016 so not all the art has remained Lore Compliant Eric was born in Sendrass to an Allar mother and Slizzar ‘father’, Ssylvania and Tarakona but fled to Hadar once old enough to do so. Upon finding out his true nature of being a Slizzar, Eric set out to Sassrakkand to learn more and be with his people. He swiftly became a devout worshipper of Nihsereya, eventually being deemed worthy of a direct blessing from Nox themselves through the manifestation of an Archon affinity. He spent time exploring the world, learning about other cultures and sampling a bit of many of them. He had a particular interest in the Allorn and Sihndar holds. Growing older, he returned to Hadar for a while to immerse himself back in what he considers the sanest race in Ailoria. However by this point, he had become extremely disillusioned about the will of the dragons, allowing himself to become corrupted and follow in the footsteps of Ruin. Eventually he took his exploits to Regalia, a place he had dipped in and out of over the centuries, but now to settle in an attempt to gain a better foothold from which he can execute his plans.
Hey there @Ghirko! I love the detail and hard work that went into the writing of this application. I’ve only got one point below for you to consider and then we can look to getting this approved for you. The trait enigmatic is very similar to his adaptable strength and the trait short-tempered is very similar to his brash weakness. Whilst all make sense in context, I believe that adaptable and brash are simply filling the places of other weaknesses/strengths that could be added. I’d suggest keeping what you have, but adding another strength and another weakness just to show more variety instead of expanding on what’s already written in different ways. Other than that the rest looks up to scratch! Tag me when you’ve completed the above edit and highlight all changes you make in green.
@Chrome_Eevee did find this out ages ago as her character's alias is also jack but it was just coincidental XD
@JarlJade Did an update on this. All changes are marked in blue. Due to length of the life story, I condensed it into bullet points and the full story can be found in the chronicles.
Omg I only just noticed what you wrote it white. And course not bb. Eric is the king of edgy and loves all his minions .;,;.
My Review: You state his weapon to choice is dagger yet he is a member of the School of Tenpenny, that is not a weapon the school makes use of. You state alchemy as a talent yet do not mention him having any training in the School of Alchemy. You need to adjust this or else it sounds far too "special" if he, having received no formal training, is good at alchemy. Life Story: This section is far too short and lacks any sort of detail. For example, you never state where he was born, when, where he lived, why bandits attacked them and that all is just section one. Please put all your information into short sentences that clearly define who people were and what happened when Eric was with them. You mention a LOT of missing limbs and painful experiences in his life but it doesn't really seem to have a point. Reconsider just how much you've put him through and consider if you're just making his backstory edgy and painful for no reason. You mention nowhere his training in the School of Tenpenny. Your life story ends when he is the age of 16. He's 18, what happened in the past two years. Overall there is a lot of work to be done, please tag me once you are done making the edits in green @Ghirko
Also @Ghirko I've been informed that your character is actually 20 but thinks they're 18. Be 100% sure to mention this in the application.
Might wanna consider this: https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/slizzar-race-creative-content-expansion.58256/
@HydraLana Think I got everything. I made the Life chronicals back to the life story though I feel this is probably too far the other way. If so, I'll reduce it and if I missed anything else, let me know!
My Review: Why is he wearing the skin of his people on his feet? That points to a sadism he seems to lack. No offense but wasn't your character arrested for directly speaking to the Emperor and spouting heresy in his face? That doesn't really equate to being good in Speech and so I am hesitant to allow you such a talent. I still request you fix this issue Additionally your life story is nearly twice as long as the maximum requirement and I would recommend cutting down on it, specially removing all the specifics of the IC interactions when he was younger. You aged him up rapidly from a tween to a young man in a time skip which results in a lot of clutter in that section attempting to appeal to all that RP you've had over the last few years or so. Please tag me once the edits are done in green @Ghirko
Still working on balancing this correctly and editing life story. I do have a question. IC changes have me wanting to move Eric to the school of Bloodcast, obviously at trainee level and vertime he'll loose his Tenpenny training in place of the new skills. Do I remove the Tenpenny from the skills list or do they both stay even though the Tenpenny training will atrophy?
Also, I wish to argue this point. This feels like you're saying you'd refuse someone a skill in combat because they lost a fight. It was a small detail over looked by myself and others it was mentioned to prior to the Emperor and looking back we were unable to find the original world progression post in which this detail was mentioned. The way that Eric was able to recover from this event would reinforce this as a skill for him.
It depends, you could void him having been a Tenpenny so it isn't an issue at all but if the two school's teachings mesh then it works fine to have a decaying level of knowledge in Tenpenny with the School of Bloodcast education. Granted, I will allow you to keep it but please be careful in the future. If the character continues to be tone deaf to those he speaks to, it will make no sense for him to have the talent of speech.
Understood, and I'll remove it if he continues to make similar actions. Other than that, all changes marked in green. I believe I got everything, let me know if I managed to over look something.
@HydraLana Made some updates, highlighted in green. Mostly changing from Bloodcast to Esa-Ajo and visual update.
