Spoiler Basic Information (Required) Full Name: Nevakko Talafi Age: 58 Gender: Male Race: Avanthar Sexuality: Heterosexual Skill Information (Required) Total Points: 60 +20 Unarmed combat skill +15 Extra heavy combat skill +4 Cavalry combat skill +5 Pole combat skill +16 Hunting Knowledge skill Body Shape: Physical Stat: 60 Shape: Strongman Body fat: Average body fat Languages: Plains Elven: Illiterate Common: Illiterate Daendroqui: Illiterate Werebeast Abilities: Cliff Claws Gateway Smashing Ursine Hibernation Ursine Strength Werebeast Shifts: Prowling Shift Hungering Shift Ravaging Shift Visual Information (Required) Eye Color: Dark grey Hair Color: Dark brown Hair Style: Shoulder-length curly hair Skin Color: Olive tan Clothing: Tribalistic or Coats Height: 6'10 Body Build: Strongman Personality and Abilities (Required) Character Allignment Chaotic Neutral Character Personality The Entrepreneur Character Religion None Life Story (Required) Youth: Nevakko was born in the late dry season of the Daen wastes, in the year 258 AC. From birth, it was noted the fiery attitude of the avatar, with a penchant for getting into fights or competitions. He had from an early age enjoyed wrestling with other children and other scuffles. Early Adulthood: The Avanthar grew into a fine warrior to his people, gaining skill in the Warhammer with a talent to the weapon. He spent much of his time securing borders to Cieloth villages from orc raider attacks and human deforestation. Later Adulthood: The avanthar however, around the age of thirty, fought against prey much more overpowering then him in the northern daen wastes. What was thought to be a bear, were his hand of change in life, as an Ursarr had drained, and infected him. He'd go missing from his tribe and family, rather follow his animal instincts and ever-present hunger. His journies would lead him across lands such as northern Daen, traveling through Daenshore and other Human Colonies. Over time, he’d move on to the Regalian Archipelago, searching through provinces such as Girobalda, Picking up on Common as he went. He'd spend several years in the isle to present day, feeding as needed and pub-hopping as carelessly as he desired.
I will be reviewing this application!Apologies for the wait. Let's get down to it! Here's what I have in regards to edits after reading through this very well done sheet: Personality traits. All of the points need at least one to two sentences worth of detail more. Try to expand on how he acts particularly with each trait. For example, if he's kind, what sort of gestures does he make or do for people? Do children or other fellow veterans bring this kindness out more in him, and if so, how does he act on it? I'd also like to point out that the "Intelligent" trait here is described more as the "Intelligent" point you mention in the Strengths section; explain on how this affects his behaviors, and how it's a positive one, at that. Strengths and weaknesses. All of these points need to be expanded on. In what way does he excel in combat, socially, and mentally? The same can be applied for his weaknesses, though the detail in the latter is a bit better than the Strengths section. Remember to focus on how they give him diversity, help him excel, or how they bring him down. What sort of changes in his behaviors or stances would occur? Food for thought: I'd also like you to focus on one weapon he's the best at wielding, since you seem to have quite a few listed here that cover very diverse styles. He can't possibly have dedicated all his time equally into each, so revolve around one. Great work so far! Make your edits in a different color, then tag me when you're done! @Tracenator1
I just want to point out that avanthars are not half elves, and that the funny trait is powergamey, you could replace that with jovial.
With the Avanthar thing they technically are called in the wiki "a half-breed race" like I get they mix with other Avanthar but they also mix often with Daendrouqis idk if you saw something saying half-elf cause this along with the funny trait havent been changed yet, I just started reworking this and it's not done yet, but like I see what your talking about
AND HE LOST HIS SEXY GERMAN ACCENT AGGGGHHHHH. (I'm never letting this go btw) (Sufferrrrr) (WHIIIINE)
After looking through your sheet, here's what I'll bring up for you to edit: Personality traits. I find that "stoic" and "sporadic" are a bit too contradictory to be listed together, even if his sporadic tendencies are more so from certain triggers. It still defeats the purpose of "stoic" being there, so I'd suggest changing one of them so it either backs a Stoic personality, in that regard, or a more loose-trigger type of behavior. Strengths. "Disciplined" and "Persistent" strike me as relatively the same. Perhaps join the two into one summarized point, and add in a combatant based strength, or go re-write these -- if you choose the latter, make sure to explain how they're different, how they work or present themselves differently. Weaknesses. The first and second points go hand-in-hand. Summarize them into one simple point, probably something relative to "Anxious" or "Distressed," which could cause him to get angry. Explain how it might justify his short temper, emotional outburts, et cetera. Replace the second point with a combatant-based weakness. Make all changes in blue, then tag me when you've completed the above. @Tracenator1
The only things I'd request is you delete "Mute" from the Personality Traits list, as well as "Sporadic", since the "Irritable" covers the same general idea (and so you have a symmetric list of traits, here). Let me know when you do these things! @Tracenator1
Just doing a quick sweep on aging reviews- @Tracenator1 Are you still working on this this edit? Don't let this one fall by the wayside, looks like a fun character! Make sure to complete and tag MantaRey when done.
Remove and replace Thick-headed. I think it is generally normal for somebody to be more gullible towards their friends and less gullible toward strangers. His friends and people who have earned his trust are far less likely to fool him a way that could be harmful. @Tracenator1
@Tracenator1 I am still failing to see the weakness in Impulsive. Write in some specific consequences. Does this harm him socially? Does he behave a certain way towards his family that endangers them? Since your main ambition is to keep your two children happy and safe, one would expect the weaknesses to either threaten your characters safety and well-being or inhibit you from accomplishing your main ambition in some way. I understand what impulsive is I am just not understanding how it is supposed to weaken him.
@_Grimmy_ It isn't that important about eye color, pretty sure avanthar can have more than just one eye color.
''They are large, beefy and resilient against the rough lifestyle of the horseman nomads, standing between 6’ and 6’8 feet tall, and being usually of mesomorph build due to their lifestyle. In breeding, they have lost the angular features more common among the Elven races, making place for a more square jawline and exaggerated facial hair features. Their skin always ranges from a tan to olive tone, while their hair appears either black or dark auburn in color. Avanthar exclusively have bright blue eyes.'' https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Avanthar Also upon closer inspection the problem here is that @Tracenator1 is misstating his chars race as full avanthar when in reality he's a halfbreed.
No, he is using the correct format. And exclusively means they are known for having blue eyes that doesn't mean they have to have blue eyes. And his character is full avanthar, having role played with him on several occasions.
@_Grimmy_ Yep, since it was previously approved and it wasn't a part of what was changed, I didn't even look at it. @Tracenator1 Update eyes to Blue for me. I just reviewed the racial interbreeding matrix and Avanthar genes are dominant, so even a half breed will have blue eyes.
Ahhh I thought it was that blue was a possible trait that daendrouqi's couldn't get. I'll make the change. And also about the whole half breed deal wouldn't it still be considered avanthar or still just half breed? Considering on the wiki how it states the whole. Mixing of genes and such for the avanthar race
I don't have a problem calling your Avanthar x Altalar just an Avanthar since hereditary traits fall to full Avanthar, anyway. If your character identifies as Avanthar, that can stay. Thanks for updating the eye color!
UPDATE: App was reformatted and updated completely to fit the new system Added school of Lecgaen training Changed life story Updated Age NEEDS REVIEWER
