Preserved Sheet Elyza Du Toyair

[Depressed_Bean]

Full name: Elyza Dusk Du Toyair
-Age: 18
-Gender: Female
-Race: Half elf mother & Kathar father (So half elf I suppose?)
-Sexuality: Bisexual

Skill Information
Total points: 23 + 10 hobby points
+4 Stealth Rogue Skill (Points)
+19 Athletic Training (Points)
+10 Dance arts (10 Hobby)

Sanguine Bloodline: Mivver
Mutations: Malevolent Disguising, Malevolent Reading, Malevolent Hexicanum, and Malevolent Disrupting.​

Physical stat = 15
(.5x19=9.5 + .5x10=14.5 rounded to 15)

Body Shape:
Athletic body shape, Average body fat

Languages:
-Common
-Plains Elven
-Kathar Elven

Visual information:
-Eye color: Swirly crimson red and rich purple
-Hair color: Brown
-Hair style: Short and fluffy, a literal rats nest since her rats like to hide in it
-Skin color: Light Grey
-Clothing: She wears a black dress and black boots, as well as purple gloves, and decorated ears
-Height: 5'5

Alignment: Neutral
-Personality: Architect
-Religion: Void (3/10)

Backstory
*Birth to formative years*

-Her mother had married a woman named Reina, whomst introduced her to Elyza's father in hopes of having kids, which obviously did happen.
-Her father passed away before her mother gave birth due to him being cured several times, his heart gave out.​

-Three months after her mother had gotten pregnant, her 'other mother' Reina had fallen pregnant as well.
-Elyza was born in Regalia along side her two brother, Calder and Everett, as a triplet.
-Her mother was a half elf with Ailor and Cielothar, and her father was a Kathar, therefor making her Kathar, Cielothar and Ailor.
-When she was born it was clear she leaned towards the Kathar side visually, shown by her grey skin.
-She was the oldest of her siblings though the second shortest, but we'll get there
-Her first sister Adelaide was born as a brood three months after they where.
-Three months after Adelaide was born her mother fell pregnant again, this time with triplets like Elyza and her brother.
-When Elyza was a bit older than a year her mother gave birth to her three new silings, William, Clara and Alvania.
-She became fascinated with acrobatics and rats.
-Her mother Reina gifted her baby rats when she turned ten and she begun raising them along with practicing her acrobatics in her room.

*Preteens to teens*
-Elyza enjoyed scaring her family members, practicing sneaking up behind them and scaring them.
-She ventured into the sewers once she turned thirteen, knowing her family went down there as well.
-She made friends with a coven her 'mother' had used to be in and befriended a few people.
-When she was fourteen a group of Estel worshippers attacked her in the sewers since she appears Kathar. Having believed in Estel at the time, seeing as that's how she was raised by her 'mother', she proved to them that she had faith. They still shot her in the stomach with an arrow, which a friend used void healing to fix her up.
-Her 'mother' had taught her Plains Elven and the Faith of Estel in hopes to give her the best chance at surviving in a world where part of her race is severely descriminated against.
-Her biological mother was often away at seas, leaving her with Reina alone.
-Once she turned fifteen she met a man named Skotadi who was a work friend of Reina's.
-Skotadi came to live with them because he had no where else to stay and in return he taught her Kathar Elven and some dancing.

*Present*
-Elyza went on to meet Skotadi's brother, Zeriel, whomst only spoke Kathar Elven but was learning Common.
-She then joined an organization called The Lurid Eye and invited her brother and Reina as well.
-She ended up meeting Skotadi's son, Daendrogarwen and they fell in love.
-Daendro proposed to her and she accepted, making them engaged.
-Elyza is now teaching Zeriel common so that he can go on a romantic outing with her mother, whomst he has a crush on as well as trying for a baby with Daendro.

 

[Cipherition]

Hey Starlight! Not Staff, but going to give you a quick peer review.

Total points: 33
+4 Stealth Rogue Skill (Points)
+19 Athletic Training (Points)
+10 Dance arts (10 Hobby)

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Your Total Points Should be separate from Hobby Points.

Physical stat = 15

Body Shape:
Athletic body shape, Average body fat

Click to shrink...

Explain how you calculated the Body Stat, so (10/2) + (19/2) = 14.5
In this case, round up to 15, which you did.

-Height: 5'0

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This is a little short for her race and age.

-Eye color: Brown

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If she is of Mivver Bloodline as she says, her eyes would be a smokey purple/red.

Alignment: Neutral
-Personality: Architect
-Religion: Void (3/10)

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Expand on these with a couple of sentences.

Sanguine Bloodline: Mivver
Mutations: Malevolent Disguising, Malevolent Reading, Malevolent Hexicanum, and Malevolent Disrupting.

Click to shrink...

Put these under a Spoiler, and below your Proficiency Points.

Elyza was born in Regalia and has lived there her whole life. She has two moms and seven siblings, she was born as a triplet alongside her brothers Calder and Everett, and she has a younger, brood sister Adelaide, along with a set of triplet siblings William, Clara, and Alvania. Her mother also adopted a girl names Hope. She spent most of her time taking care of her pet rats and practicing her sneaking and athletic abilities, though she's nothing compared to her brother Calder. She hadnt had much trouble in her life because her and her siblings usually stayed inside, so she lived pretty happily aside from the fact her brother Everett and her biological mother had gone missing once she turned seventeen.

She was an outgoing girl and has always been very pretty and witty. She enjoyed sneaking up on her brother Everett, training in her acrobatics and caring for her pet rats, which where a gift to her from her mother, She's grown up with them. She didnt have many friends because she usually stayed inside but this didnt stop her from developing her own little attitude.

In order to train in stealth, she would practice sneaking up on her multiple family members, attempting to stay undetected, and scare them. She didn't have a professional to train her in acrobatics so she learned herself. She built up her strength and read books on different styles. She practiced daily for a long while and eventually became rather good at it.

She decided to make her way into the sewers because she knew one of her moms went down there a lot and had good experiences. She met a man who like rats as much as her and eventually met his brother. This series of events lead her to meet the rat mans son, Daedhro, whomst she fell in love with and became engaged to. He was born a brood and had self inflicted sanguinism onto himself and then infected her in order to keep her from aging, since she had an Ailor life span.

Occasionally she would go to the surface, heading to the nook to have tea every so often, but then she encountered a woman who wasnt to fond of her race. The woman kicked snow on her and told her to run back to the sewers, which is now where she spends most her time. She also never had a fatherly figure in her life as she grew, and this made her feel very alone despite having a large family. She was told her father had been cured several times and finally his heart gave out while her mother was pregnant with her and her brothers, this saddened her greatly and gave her a large hate for the guards of Regalia.

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There are multiple grammar errors here. Run it through a spell check like Grammarly. Overall, her life story is kind of cluttered. I suggest making a time line, and summarize main points of her life. Also take note that only 18+ can be infected with Sanguinism.

 

[Depressed_Bean]

Hey Starlight! Not Staff, but going to give you a quick peer review.


Your Total Points Should be separate from Hobby Points.


Explain how you calculated the Body Stat, so (10/2) + (19/2) = 14.5
In this case, round up to 15, which you did.


This is a little short for her race and age.


If she is of Mivver Bloodline as she says, her eyes would be a smokey purple/red.


Expand on these with a couple of sentences.


Put these under a Spoiler, and below your Proficiency Points.


There are multiple grammar errors here. Run it through a spell check like Grammarly. Overall, her life story is kind of cluttered. I suggest making a time line, and summarize main points of her life. Also take note that only 18+ can be infected with Sanguinism.

Click to shrink...

Im so sorry about some of that! I didn't read back over it, that height isn't right, that was a mistake! Thanks for the info! Also, they have to be at least 18 to survive the turning, which she is 18, so there's no issue with her age and the turning.

 

[Cipherition]

Im so sorry about some of that! I didn't read back over it, that height isn't right, that was a mistake! Thanks for the info! Also, they have to be at least 18 to survive the turning, which she is 18, so there's no issue with her age and the turning.

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Just making sure you know!

 

[Depressed_Bean]

Just making sure you know!

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Okay, Thanks <3

 

[Athelois]

@Depressed_Bean
Hello, I will be claiming this app for review!
I would suggest reworking the lifestory. You touch on how she learned how to sneak and her acrobatics multiple times, but do not go into detail of what her childhood was like aside from having spent most of her time indoors.
As Cipher had mentioned prior, a timeline might make things easier for you. For example:
Birth to Formative Years
Pre-teen to Teens
Present!
Just more details in the life story and then specify what her parents were!
She would he considered a half elf, but what was her mother mixed with? How did she learn Plains Elven? Tag me when you've made this change!

 

[Depressed_Bean]

@Depressed_Bean
Hello, I will be claiming this app for review!
I would suggest reworking the lifestory. You touch on how she learned how to sneak and her acrobatics multiple times, but do not go into detail of what her childhood was like aside from having spent most of her time indoors.
As Cipher had mentioned prior, a timeline might make things easier for you. For example:
Birth to Formative Years
Pre-teen to Teens
Present!
Just more details in the life story and then specify what her parents were!
She would he considered a half elf, but what was her mother mixed with? How did she learn Plains Elven? Tag me when you've made this change!

Click to shrink...

Done! @Athelois

 

[Athelois]

@Depressed_Bean
Last little thing, I think you got the eye colour and hair colour mixed up! Beyond that, you are approved!