Preserved Sheet Elliya Nyin

This sheet was missing a prefix or has not been edited for a long period of time. Please create a ticket including a linkif your sheet was moved in error.

Devoruku

The Crazy Lore Writer of Worlds
Joined
Jan 2, 2016
Messages
113
Reaction score
122
Points
0
Location
Somewhere with crayons...
FlowKelp7.jpg
Full Name: Elliya Nyin (Birth Name: Ellvin Nyin)
Age: 15 years old
Gender: Female (Due to heavy amounts of ovulation, was born looking masculine)
Race: Yanar - Themed off of Kelp Forests/Spring Blossoms
Main Ambition: To make friends and enjoy life to the fullest
Special Permission: None

Eye Colours: Gold/Purple
Hair Color: Seaweed/Kelp (Material its made of)
Hair Style: Long and uncut, some parts reaching her feet/Tied up as long pony tail or in a bun
Skin Color: Mild Green/slightly vain covered
Clothing: Simple, mostly very light dresses and silk dresses.
Height: 5'1
Body Build: Average
Weapon of Choice: None

Personality and Abilities
Elliya is often remarked by others as simple minded and spirited, often skipping around Regalia with a smile on her face and humming sweet tunes into the air. She loves spreading joy, offering hugs to people who feel down, this has left her with a good reputation with the people within Regalia that no one cares about such as the homeless, orphaned or socially abandoned.

Internally, Elliya is just as joyful as she is on the outside, she loves spreading happiness and is often seem even in her own home smiling or singing to herself when she thinks no one is there. She is mentally sound and loves helping others. While Elliya is seen by herself and others as a ray of sunshine she can still be a sluggish, depressing person. Elliya has been on many occasions to snap in a quick outburst of rage or to take the mick out of others who are either not a Yanar or someone close to her, using her common term "Fleshling" which stems as a poor return line for when she is called "Plant" in a negative light.

Towards friends, Elliya is just as joyful to them as she is to strangers, sometimes even more so, often sneaking up behind people she knows and giving surprise hugs. She loves attention from friends and will cling onto anyone she knows for attention and to spread joy throughout their day, whether they like it or not.

Elliya is morally sound, staying mostly on the good or passive nature with some slight neutral moments, this is often easily seen in her behaviour towards others. Elliya is in between being just and corrupt due to her supposed "airhead-like", simple nature. In the long run Elliya doesn't really care about other's evil deeds, all she wants is to give hugs out to everyone and lift the city mood.

Likes, Dislikes and Fears:

  • Physical Contact: Elliya loves hugs, high fives, being tickled, kisses on the cheek and many other forms of physical contact. While to others this just looks childish it gives her a sense of security from being alone.
  • Sweets: The Yanar queen of sweet treats, Elliya craves anything sweet much like any other right minded person. If its high in sugar then there is a high chance that she is currently eating it or cooking it.
  • Guards: Despite the amount of times she has been in trouble with them, Elliya loves guards to the extent of asking for autographs to even making off with guard caps when they are asleep in public. Elliya's love for the guard charters comes from their brave and loyal cause to protecting the innocent and weak, she is just following basic womanly nature, flock to the strong men but this has shown a sharp decline in interest after her newly growing hatred for Ailor-kind.
  • Romance: Elliya loves the idea of romance and being swept off her feet, a dream for most young single women I guess. She loves reading forbidden love novels, tragic stories and even love poems, she is a romance freak and she is proud of it... for some reason...
  • Needles: Elliya hates needles, cacti, tooth picks or anything that's thin and pointy. While she doesn't know why she dislikes these but it may have something to do about maybe being pricked by one in the past.
  • Bears: Elliya once got a stuffed bear cub for her birthday and it made her extremely unsettled, the looks it gave her without blinking, its soft fur that smelled like fish and blood and its teeth which freaked her out the most. She sold it at an auction and has hated bears since.
  • Being Alone: Being alone without anyone too turn to is Elliya's darkest fear. The thought of no friends, no family, no life in a world that treats her entire being like rubbish scares her half to death. This links back to her always wanting physical contact, to remind herself she is never alone.
Talents

  • Skilled Baker: When it comes to sweets and cakes in Regalia, Elliya is practically a master at baking, creaming, icing, dusting and everything else in between. Having been trained by a master caterer, Terisary Eshria (@Terisary), she uses her natural talent for sweets at her own confectionery by the Willow Tavern.
  • Florist: While Elliya is no baking sweets she is growing flowers to make into flower crowns. While Elliya is not a full blown master at this she has her ways to "beat around the bush" as one might say.
  • Fast Learner: Elliya has been noted to be a fast learner, whether it is with new baking recipes or getting a handle on business economics she can learn extremely well. She just sponges up the information.
Relationships:
Katrina C'Aelrith: (@Emo_Bunny)
Whenever Elliya is low she turns to Katrina, whom she views as a mother-like figure. Katrina is an Altalar and is often seen with Elliya trailing behind her, ether to hug her or to talk about "girl stuff" like romance or clothing. The two are great friends and are often hard to separate.


Eric Liolen: (@Ghirko)
While their friendship is sometimes on/off, Elliya and Eric are in her eyes great friends, often seen talking in the tavern or fighting over what sweet tastes better. Eric is a Slizzar and a lot of the time helps Elliya with her reading or writing or even communication skills. They talk a lot and Elliya looks up to Eric a fair bit. If he is ever in a foul mood, Elliya is always there to give him her lucky stolen guard cap or give him a heart felt hug or kiss on the cheek to boost his day.

Harilon Belclef: (@Terisary)
Elliya met Harilon during a supply run to the harbours where he had fled from the ruins of Rie thanks to scholar harassment. The old pre-cataclysm Yanar soon after became friends with Elliya and the two talk a lot. Elliya refers to Harilon as "Elder" and he calls her "Lily", named after the Ailor slave who he had feelings for before the fifth void invasion. He is currently under care by Elliya as his nurse.

Life Story:
Born in the regalia park, Elliya or "Ellvin" from what she was called when she was born never stayed long enough to know her mother, nor does she actually care who it was. All she knows is that she had kelp hair like her and a deep voice, most likely her "mother" she itself more as a man than a woman. As she aged she came to know the hardships of being of her appearance, the Allar her "mother" had made herself looked like were not kind treating towards Elliya nor were the Ailor due to Ailor supremacy, which she found out not long after her first birthday. After this she decided to over time change her looks to be more humanly appealing by changing her gender, body type and finally moved out to the ruins and forests around the crown island.
While living in the forest, Elliya met an old Rashaq named "Old Joe" who taught her basic cooking and cleaning and the two lived together for about a year before he died of the flu. Having cared for her friend and buried him she took to Regalia to get her life back on track.
Upon arriving back in Regalia Elliya was greeted by the Lo invasion, Elliya, doing the only thing she could she took to the Regalian park and spent most of it hiding from Deathlings or sleeping on the riverbed until the city was retaken. When this happened she worked at the harbour district, loading and unloading objects from ships during the recovery of the city. By the time she was 14 she had become great friends with many of the sailors in the area, this is where she met Terisary Eshria (@Terisary) and was taught how to cook sweets and cakes.
Elliya, now in her late 15th year was able to fully look after herself, around this time she met Eric Liolen and Katrina C'Aelrith who helped her settle down with her own money and land in the city. Not long after she opened Elliya Nyin's Sweet Treats near the Golden Willow Tavern and sells sweets to the city.
During the Zzarlo plague that took the world Elliya closed her shop and took to baking bread and other supplies to be sent into the slums for the infected. While on a supply run at the harbour she met Harilon Belclef, who had fled from the ruins of Rie due to scholar harassment. Elliya and the old Yanar became good friends and he now lives with her, Elliya caring for him like a nurse.
Thanks to false rumours that had been spread by Ailor whom were jealous of her growing business and good life style, Elliya's whole life took a turn for the worst. First the landlords who owned her café forcefully kicked her out before being kicked out of her own house after being unable to find work and loosing much of her money. Currently Elliya is spending time at thw home of Eric Liolen as his housekeeper.SPOILER]
 
Last edited:
P E E R R E V I E W

  • Change that body build! Yanar are essentially elves in physical strength, they couldn't get Femmefatale body build, as that requires a good amount of fat. Not to mention how that amount of fat would make swimming an issue.
  • Add some sentences to your paragraphs. Aim for four to five sentences each.
  • A Yanar/Maiar of that age would've been created exactly as Maiar emerged from the deeper waters. Best to add how her parents met and created a child that fast.
 
P E E R R E V I E W

  • Change that body build! Yanar are essentially elves in physical strength, they couldn't get Femmefatale body build, as that requires a good amount of fat. Not to mention how that amount of fat would make swimming an issue.
  • Add some sentences to your paragraphs. Aim for four to five sentences each.
  • A Yanar/Maiar of that age would've been created exactly as Maiar emerged from the deeper waters. Best to add how her parents met and created a child that fast.
1: I'm a maiar Yanar, we are short and iv been fine when I asked about it with mods
2: I failed my English, unless you wish to write it for me that's the best I can do
3: They are NPC parents, I'm not spending hours writing info on NPCs

Might wanna change this to an Altalar Yanar mother.
Why? I don't see why I cant have an ailor Yanar mother

No hate to either of you, just don't see your points
 
1: I'm a maiar Yanar, we are short and iv been fine when I asked about it with mods
2: I failed my English, unless you wish to write it for me that's the best I can do
3: They are NPC parents, I'm not spending hours writing info on NPCs


Why? I don't see why I cant have an ailor Yanar mother

No hate to either of you, just don't see your points
In short. About my point. I think an Altalar seedling is needed to have a seedling of another race. Or Cielothar. It's a small heads up.
 
Review Time! @Devoruku
  • Those above me are correct in saying you cannot have a femmefatale body shape. They can be skinnyfat at most (in terms of curvage). Yanar simply do not form the fat needed for such a build. You can be skinnyfat and still be feminine, so worry not if that was your intention.
  • Yanar do not have wooden teeth. They can have sharp/ened/ teeth, not quite to the stage of sharks however. They eat plants, and incisor tier teeth are only really needed in carnivores.
  • Personality:
    • Your character seems to be a bit mary sue as of now.
      • She's always happy, has no problems whatsoever, and wants the best for everyone. What I've noted however, is that she has feelings beyond that. Elliya can be passive aggressive, and I'm pretty sure she has the potential to be mean. She's not perfect like you're describing her out to be. Make her less one dimensional, throw in a flaw or two there. Surely she has some insecurities, and isn't Suzzie Sunshine all the time.
  • Strengths:
    • Catering Genius is a stretch. Change the title to talented baker. She can still be good at it, but in the amount of time she's practiced, I don't think she'd be a master yet. (She's been practicing for not even a whole year!)
    • Not all Yanar are masters at growing flowers. Mention who taught her and the impact of such. It's more flavor than "I'm a Yanar so surely I must be good at x". Throw this in the life story too.
    • Under the fast learner trait, remove the mention of a "record time". Simply state she's quick to learn, without implying she's the best.
      • Also to note, I think having poor memory would counter two of your strengths, and should be listed as a weakness if it's a problem. Baking must be hard if you forget things easily, along with learning in general.
  • Life Story:
    • A seedling pod will die if its tree is uprooted before it is "born".
    • So, for 16 years she lived alone? I assume that would leave her with a savage like mentality. Surely she encountered someone or something. Remember when Yanar are born, they are full sized but mentally like children. That would be rough to be on your own.
    • Why were the fishermen even remotely interested in her? I'd assume they'd think her to be a mass of seaweed and toss her right back into the water.
    • I think it's a bit much to say she learned common so quickly, after spending 16 years alone. With no sense of people, or society the sudden capture and forced adaption would be stressful at the very least. I imagine she'd have a difficult time acclimating, because of the radically different life style.
    • I'd like you to mention in her life story how her flower growing talent came to be, and to elaborate on her baking talent. What did they do, how did they start. What even about baking caught the interest of the Yanar and why?
    • Overall, from my experience in roleplay with you, I think it'd do you best to remove how she was alone for the majority of her life, and have her grow up in an Ailor village or town. It'd suit the character better than living savagely for 16 years.
Please mark your changes in blue, and tag me when they are completed.
 
Review Time! @Devoruku
  • Those above me are correct in saying you cannot have a femmefatale body shape. They can be skinnyfat at most (in terms of curvage). Yanar simply do not form the fat needed for such a build. You can be skinnyfat and still be feminine, so worry not if that was your intention.
  • Yanar do not have wooden teeth. They can have sharp/ened/ teeth, not quite to the stage of sharks however. They eat plants, and incisor tier teeth are only really needed in carnivores.
  • Personality:
    • Your character seems to be a bit mary sue as of now.
      • She's always happy, has no problems whatsoever, and wants the best for everyone. What I've noted however, is that she has feelings beyond that. Elliya can be passive aggressive, and I'm pretty sure she has the potential to be mean. She's not perfect like you're describing her out to be. Make her less one dimensional, throw in a flaw or two there. Surely she has some insecurities, and isn't Suzzie Sunshine all the time.
  • Strengths:
    • Catering Genius is a stretch. Change the title to talented baker. She can still be good at it, but in the amount of time she's practiced, I don't think she'd be a master yet. (She's been practicing for not even a whole year!)
    • Not all Yanar are masters at growing flowers. Mention who taught her and the impact of such. It's more flavor than "I'm a Yanar so surely I must be good at x". Throw this in the life story too.
    • Under the fast learner trait, remove the mention of a "record time". Simply state she's quick to learn, without implying she's the best.
      • Also to note, I think having poor memory would counter two of your strengths, and should be listed as a weakness if it's a problem. Baking must be hard if you forget things easily, along with learning in general.
  • Life Story:
    • A seedling pod will die if its tree is uprooted before it is "born".
    • So, for 16 years she lived alone? I assume that would leave her with a savage like mentality. Surely she encountered someone or something. Remember when Yanar are born, they are full sized but mentally like children. That would be rough to be on your own.
    • Why were the fishermen even remotely interested in her? I'd assume they'd think her to be a mass of seaweed and toss her right back into the water.
    • I think it's a bit much to say she learned common so quickly, after spending 16 years alone. With no sense of people, or society the sudden capture and forced adaption would be stressful at the very least. I imagine she'd have a difficult time acclimating, because of the radically different life style.
    • I'd like you to mention in her life story how her flower growing talent came to be, and to elaborate on her baking talent. What did they do, how did they start. What even about baking caught the interest of the Yanar and why?
    • Overall, from my experience in roleplay with you, I think it'd do you best to remove how she was alone for the majority of her life, and have her grow up in an Ailor village or town. It'd suit the character better than living savagely for 16 years.
Please mark your changes in blue, and tag me when they are completed.
Thank you for your review but im unsure what to do, iv already made connections to other players via these events and as IRL natural law dictates I cannot erase memories. Could you help me with this problem please Suzzie?
 
Thank you for your review but im unsure what to do, iv already made connections to other players via these events and as IRL natural law dictates I cannot erase memories. Could you help me with this problem please Suzzie?
Just. Change it, and compromise? You can just fluff up another reason and explain OOC "I had to change this for this to make sense."
Rewrites to characters can and will happen. I'm sure those people will understand and go along with it.
 
Just. Change it, and compromise? You can just fluff up another reason and explain OOC "I had to change this for this to make sense."
Rewrites to characters can and will happen. I'm sure those people will understand and go along with it.
Thanks, just re-read the review and its making more sence
 
Alright, second round. @Devoruku

  • There are no nelfin tribes in Fenderfelle. Assuming you want the most accepting Nelfin, Cielothar are your best bet, which reside in Daendroc. The mention of Orc raiding ties in with Cielothar as well, seeing as the Avanthar try to protect the Cielothar from Orc raids.
  • Why would the Maiar travel with them to the Elven village? Adaptable or not being a aquatic race I don't think they'd want to be far from the water.
  • The life story doesn't hint to anything in her history beyond she moved and her mother died. Did she enjoy where she lived? Did she do anything there, did she learn anything at all? Surely it was more than she loved here for x amount of years before her parent died. Perhaps the Cielothar had a hand in her love for flowers, teaching them how to make them. Perhaps they taught her the names of flowers. Things like that.
  • Please, don't use that shade of blue for your edits. It's ungodly bright against white and really hurts to look at.
 
Sorry for the delay! AP classes really had my hands full. @Devoruku
  • Is there any specific reason why she'd want to look like a cute Ailor girl? What brought that on? How, even too? Did she become friends with a young girl in order to secure her appearance?
  • A Lampar is unlikely to be a good teacher for cooking and cleaning. Perhaps it was an Ailor.
 
Sorry for the delay! AP classes really had my hands full. @Devoruku
  • Is there any specific reason why she'd want to look like a cute Ailor girl? What brought that on? How, even too? Did she become friends with a young girl in order to secure her appearance?
  • A Lampar is unlikely to be a good teacher for cooking and cleaning. Perhaps it was an Ailor.
Finished some quick edits~ I changed the Lampar to a Rashaq because I wanted a small companion but still can cook. Also Elliya changed her appearance because she in her "born" body was hideous.
 
@Devoruku Missed the tag.

  • ... But. Why does the cook have to be small. I find it more feasible that an older, more intelligent race taught her.
  • Considering Yanar struggle with identity, I think you could mention in the life story why she choose such an appearance. I don't think anyone would consider themselves hideous off the bat without being made to feel that way.
 
@Devoruku Missed the tag.

  • ... But. Why does the cook have to be small. I find it more feasible that an older, more intelligent race taught her.
  • Considering Yanar struggle with identity, I think you could mention in the life story why she choose such an appearance. I don't think anyone would consider themselves hideous off the bat without being made to feel that way.
Old Joe only taught her basic cooking such as open fire cooking or stewing, basic primal cooking.
Considering Yanar struggle with identity, I think you could mention in the life story why she choose such an appearance. I don't think anyone would consider themselves hideous off the bat without being made to feel that way.
Blame Ailor Supremacy #DeathToHumanity #YanarForEmpress, she worried that she would be outcast and changed her form
 
Blame Ailor Supremacy #DeathToHumanity #YanarForEmpress, she worried that she would be outcast and changed her form
Let me rephrase what I said. Throw into the life story why she became cute, other than for the sake of being cute. Perhaps it was a negative interaction that brought that fear on.
 
Is this in need of another review or was there a mishap with the tag?
 
Taking for re-review.
 
My Review:
  • The most immediate thing about this application is the art. This character is a 15 year old girl and yet when I look at that art, I am disturbed on how sexual the art is. Please remove it from the application or put it in a spoiler.
  • Her eye color is strange, does it mean to imply one is gold and the other is purple? Who did she ovulate with to get these traits? I will make a comment later about ovulation.
  • Your second and third personality paragraphs need more content, at least an additional sentence each.
  • Her talent of a florist is moot, she is a Yanar, practically all of them have a gift with plantlife. Please remove it.
Life Story
  • You keep saying "mother" as if she isn't really her mother. Was this Yanar born from a female inclined Yanar or not?
As she aged she came to know the hardships of being of her appearance, the Allar her "mother" had made herself looked like were not kind treating towards Elliya nor were the Ailor due to Ailor supremacy, which she found out not long after her first birthday.
  • But how would she meet Allar in the Regalian Park? Was this a common occurrence? Did she go off and try to find some Allar?
  • The life story also implies that her mother ovulated with an Allar to produce her. Why does she have hair then? Only Mu-Allar have "hair" and that hair is very short, not at all the aquatic plantlife your character possesses.
Elliya, doing the only thing she could she took to the Regalian park and spent most of it hiding from Deathlings or sleeping on the riverbed until the city was retaken. When this happened she worked at the harbour district, loading and unloading objects from ships during the recovery of the city.
  • How is a 14 year old girl able to help unload supplies for the city? Did she ovulate with a stronger race to change her appearance for a bit?
Not long after she opened Elliya Nyin's Sweet Treats near the Golden Willow Tavern and sells sweets to the city.
  • You mention at no point in her entire life story that she has a) an interest in sweets b) an education in mercantile trade c) money. How did she open a shop?
Overall your application requires a lot of work. On top of that, I would like a clear list somewhere in the life story or other area of the character application on what races she has ovulated with. From what I am reading, her body is somehow a mix and match of all the "best" aspects of different races which is power gaming and and not how Ovulating works. I would like it cleared up.

Tag me once the edits are done in green @Devoruku
 
The most immediate thing about this application is the art. This character is a 15 year old girl and yet when I look at that art, I am disturbed on how sexual the art is. Please remove it from the application or put it in a spoiler.
Please link me to a artist then that would be willing to do me high quality art cheaply as I don't have any regals and my bank is rather busy with IRL stuff.
You keep saying "mother" as if she isn't really her mother. Was this Yanar born from a female inclined Yanar or not?
Mother is a metaphorical term, the "mother" "gave birth" to Elliya.
  • But how would she meet Allar in the Regalian Park? Was this a common occurrence? Did she go off and try to find some Allar?
  • The life story also implies that her mother ovulated with an Allar to produce her. Why does she have hair then? Only Mu-Allar have "hair" and that hair is very short, not at all the aquatic plantlife your character possesses.
I never said anything about her ovalating with an Allar, she never changed from her "mother's" appearace who did look like an Allar, also please not that Yanar can mix and match things so plant hair is possible.
How is a 14 year old girl able to help unload supplies for the city? Did she ovulate with a stronger race to change her appearance for a bit?
Yanar ages to adulthood in a matter of days, read the lore.
You mention at no point in her entire life story that she has a) an interest in sweets b) an education in mercantile trade c) money. How did she open a shop?
Says in life story, she got finantual help from friends.
her body is somehow a mix and match of all the "best" aspects of different races
Try adding more stuff to Yanar lore, like a war, a magic or a political argument. And I'm working on a winter skin.
 
Please link me to a artist then that would be willing to do me high quality art cheaply as I don't have any regals and my bank is rather busy with IRL stuff.

Mother is a metaphorical term, the "mother" "gave birth" to Elliya.

I never said anything about her ovalating with an Allar, she never changed from her "mother's" appearace who did look like an Allar, also please not that Yanar can mix and match things so plant hair is possible.

Yanar ages to adulthood in a matter of days, read the lore.

Says in life story, she got finantual help from friends.

Try adding more stuff to Yanar lore, like a war, a magic or a political argument. And I'm working on a winter skin.
1. I did give you the option of a spoiler, please use that.

2. Why is it a metaphorical term? The Yanar species may be rather gender fluid but she would still have had a parent and the female term here suggests that her mother was female inclined.

3. I apologize, I misspoke. Her parent's ovulation with an Allar would have made her look like an Allar and if she never changed from her mother's appearance, she would have still looked like an Allar. You do not state why, when she came out of her pod/was born, she had kelp-like hair.

4. I did read the lore but I made an assumption based on her art and her build that she currently appears physically like a teenage, 14 year old girl. My point still stands and if she did not ovulate with a stronger race, there is no problem and will not come up in the list.

5. But that doesn't explain much. She got money from her friends yes but where did she get the candy? How does she even know what candy is? Where did she get the know-how to run and work a shop? She lived in a park and the forest for most of her life, she only left those spaces under a year ago.

6. Why? That has absolutely nothing to do with what I asked you to do. From what I can tell, she has various aspects of different races seemingly at random with few clear mentions of ovulation in her life story. I would still like you to state more clearly in the life story or in another part of the application how many ovulations she has had and what races they have been with.

@Devoruku My points still stand as the reviewer of your character application. Please comply to them so I can continue with my review.
 
1. I did give you the option of a spoiler, please use that.

2. Why is it a metaphorical term? The Yanar species may be rather gender fluid but she would still have had a parent and the female term here suggests that her mother was female inclined.

3. I apologize, I misspoke. Her parent's ovulation with an Allar would have made her look like an Allar and if she never changed from her mother's appearance, she would have still looked like an Allar. You do not state why, when she came out of her pod/was born, she had kelp-like hair.

4. I did read the lore but I made an assumption based on her art and her build that she currently appears physically like a teenage, 14 year old girl. My point still stands and if she did not ovulate with a stronger race, there is no problem and will not come up in the list.

5. But that doesn't explain much. She got money from her friends yes but where did she get the candy? How does she even know what candy is? Where did she get the know-how to run and work a shop? She lived in a park and the forest for most of her life, she only left those spaces under a year ago.

6. Why? That has absolutely nothing to do with what I asked you to do. From what I can tell, she has various aspects of different races seemingly at random with few clear mentions of ovulation in her life story. I would still like you to state more clearly in the life story or in another part of the application how many ovulations she has had and what races they have been with.

@Devoruku My points still stand as the reviewer of your character application. Please comply to them so I can continue with my review.
Sure, sorry if I came off as pressured or rude, iv had a lot on my plate IRL and its driving me mad.
 
@Devoruku Any progress to report? This is your last poke because rejection.