Rejected Sheet Draal "the Whisperer"

Discussion in 'Character Applications' started by DogVibes, May 19, 2020.

  1. DogVibes

    DogVibes

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    Draal, the Whisperer

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    "Just gettin' started. Don't judge with fist."

    Character Information

    Full Name: Draal Denmar

    Preferred Nicknames: The Whisperer, Draal, 'Mar

    Derogatory Nicknames: Brute, Beast, Coward, Goat-man

    Race: Url , Previously Lesarra Altalar

    Age: 30

    Sex: Male

    Gender: Male / He/Him

    Sexuality: Questioning Asexual, not Aromantic.

    Eye Color: Orange with specks of red and yellow, with dark-gray eye-whites.

    [​IMG]
    "Shared respect. Solves more then telling what to do."

    Core Concept

    He's mainly a Unionist, falling loosely under their beliefs to the point that it's not entirely his religion, but it's what he calls himself.

    Gentle giant, the quiet, mostly passive protector that would rather pick flowers then pick fights.


    Proficiency Information
    40/50 Profs , 10/10 Hobby

    15 Fist Combat (+10 Investment , +5 Racial Bonus)

    10 Stave Combat (+10 Investment)

    15 Husbandry (+10 Investment, +5 Hobby)

    5 Strength Training (+5 Investment)

    5 Cooking Art (+5 Investment)

    5 Gardening Art (+5 Hobby)

    Physical Stat: 30 Phys [Capped at 45]


    Ability Information

    Strength Training

    Husbandry

    Url Racials

    [​IMG]
    "HALT! Don't step on that. Emperor's Pride flower. Bad things happen if you crush."

    Languages

    Common (Broken, Free Language)

    Oortal (Url Language, Free)

    Open Language (To be developed ICly if allowed)

    Appearance Information

    He has no scars nor any abnormalities.

    A 6'8 Warmland Clade Url with a mountain-goat like head and legs, covered in black fur marked with his old hair color, a light blonde form of markings on the top of his head. He has pointed ears like an Altalar, however looking animalistic otherwise with his facial features, orange eyes, and light skinned.

    Life Story

    Draal was born to an Altalar couple. He was raised primarily in the shadows and stink of the sewers in a Daen city. His father was a leader of a crime group and was eventually caught and executed along with his mother. Draal was seized as a young child and adopted out. He found himself raised by a Bloodcast Url.

    As he grew older, Draal decided to try to become a Squire, asking his adoptive father for mentorship. He took the young Altalar to the Blucherwald Castle to get instructed. Draal wasn't always the brightest but he was determined and loyal. He was generally interested in animals and gardening, amongst defensive combat. As he progressed, he became good at restraining others and defending allies. He also was often a great help when it came to calming animals.

    As time went on, he decided to speak with his mentor to accept the Url symbiosis as to better his skills as a protector, his Altalar frame betraying his inner strength. Soon after, the new Url graduated, he joined the Bloodcast order officially… as they allowed him with his lust to develop his own code to protect others. Draal met a stray dog who was casted out and feeding off scraps, befriending the dog, Brutus.

    He was well known for being a friendly brute, helping the less fortunate and even protecting nobles. As time went on, he was requested to help out in Regalia. Unbeknownst to him that it was a mixing pot of racists and violence alike.


    Progression Information

    Warrior Level 3 [Combat Profs and Backstory]

    [​IMG]
    "Do better. Solve with words. Words don't kill."
     
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    #1 DogVibes, May 19, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2022
  2. Athelois

    Athelois visceral bitch Staff Member Lore2

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    @DogVibes
    Hello, I will be claiming this app for review!

    • Please remove 'werebeast' from her Race and simply state Jendaskea Ailor!
    • You have 10 unused Hobby points, if you wish to use them!
    • It is unnecessary to list the standard mutations given to all Uthurenn werebeasts! You don't have to remove them, but they also don't have to be there. The only ones you are required to list are the four you've chosen.
    • Please remove the Life Story from the Spoiler and, instead, insert the Likes/Dislikes into a Spoiler, as it is the optional section between the two!
    Make these changes and tag me when you're done!
     
  3. DogVibes

    DogVibes

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    @Athelois Hobby points? I don't see anything like that, what does that include?
     
  4. Athelois

    Athelois visceral bitch Staff Member Lore2

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    @DogVibes
    "you can spend another 10 points, but only on the Arts Category Proficiencies"!
    It's 10 free points to place in an art proficiency, such as dancing, sculpting, etc.
     
  5. DogVibes

    DogVibes

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    @Athelois Finished.
    -- Replaced "Werebeast (Jendaskea)" in Race with "Jenaskea Ailor".
    -- Added "Hobby Points" in Proficiency Points category and assigned them as such.
    -- Removed Life Story as a Spoiler and inserted Likes and Dislikes into a Spoiler.
     
    #5 DogVibes, May 19, 2020
    Last edited: May 19, 2020
  6. Athelois

    Athelois visceral bitch Staff Member Lore2

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    @DogVibes
    One more edit and then I swear I'll leave you alone!
    Put in parenthesis where the points invested came from. So essentially, your spread should look like this
    +25 Lashing Combat (+25 Investment)
    +5 Fast Blades (+5 Investment)
    +15 Dancing (+5 Investment, +10 Hobby Points)
    And then you'll be all set!
     
  7. DogVibes

    DogVibes

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    -- Fixed format for the Proficiencies section.
    @Athelois Finished!
     
  8. Athelois

    Athelois visceral bitch Staff Member Lore2

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    Perfect! Approved! Happy Awoo'ing!
     
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  9. DogVibes

    DogVibes

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    -- Updated to fit new proficiencies and updated backstory along with it (last paragraph was added in). Also changed lineage since I couldn't find my old lineage.

    Any issues, please bring them up and I'll fix them as soon as I can. :)
     
    #9 DogVibes, Sep 26, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2020
  10. Messtro

    Messtro Flower Goblin Supremium

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    Approved.
     
  11. DogVibes

    DogVibes

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    -- Added Relationships, updated Relationships to current events.
    -- Added Current Events to Life Story
     
  12. DogVibes

    DogVibes

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    @Nesstro Updated character sheet to reflect new update.
     
  13. HydraLana

    HydraLana The Very Gay Walking Talking Lore Encyclopedia Staff Member Lore3

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    From what I can see, all is sound, Approved.
     
  14. DogVibes

    DogVibes

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    @HydraLana Been a while, I have updated my old character, reworked him completely after the new Beasty update and every other update since his last update.
     
  15. HydraLana

    HydraLana The Very Gay Walking Talking Lore Encyclopedia Staff Member Lore3

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    Re-Approved.
     
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  16. DogVibes

    DogVibes

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    ** Reworking sheet! I'll be fixing it within the next few days.
     
  17. DogVibes

    DogVibes

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    @HydraLana I updated it. Changed his concept a little bit because I made him previously for a group that disbanded. Made him more of a gentle giant.
     
  18. Caelamus

    Caelamus Sir Honeybear the chronic druid main Staff Member Lore1

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    Approved, though continue to tag Hydralana for future updates.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  19. DogVibes

    DogVibes

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    @HydraLana I'm so sorry for bothering again, but I was informed I can't be a houseguard as a half-kathar, so I had to rework him again. His personality aligns with his race better now, anyways. I changed a few things. Backstory remained the same, changed name, changed race, changed around like a couple profs but overall remained the same, and fixed visuals.
     
  20. HydraLana

    HydraLana The Very Gay Walking Talking Lore Encyclopedia Staff Member Lore3

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    Re-Approved.
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1

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