Preserved Sheet Dorin Gochni - The Starlight Mage Dwarf

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Gochnipunchni

Pocket Princess
Joined
Oct 30, 2016
Messages
243
Reaction score
317
Points
0
Faction
Northwatch
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Basic Information (Required)

  • Full Name: Dorin Blueglow Gochni
  • Age: 50
  • Gender: Male
  • Race: Humorrin Dwarf
  • Main Ambition: Knowledge of the arcane arts, evolving the art of Starlight Magic


Skill Information (Optional)

  • School: Starlight, has trained for 30 years, (I know this doesn't give him a boost)
  • Level: Starlight, so levels are unclear, but Mage if any other school
  • Source: Learned throughout travels and extensive research.

Visual Information (Required)

  • Eye Color: Greyish blue
  • Hair Color: Blond
  • Hair Style: Beard sticking out, finely groom
  • Skin Color: Pale white
  • Clothing: Scaled travel wear
  • Height: 4'9
  • Weight: 150 pounds
  • Body Build: Stocky
  • Weapon of Choice: Starlight magic, all subschools, Staff that is also his lightseeker


Personality and Abilities (Required)
Personality Traits

  • (-) Scrutinising, While Dorin does not consider himself to be above anyone else, (In particular his brothers) he thinks he is on a higher intellectual level than them. This can lead to awkward moments with Dorin speaking on equal terms with someone, then suddenly speaking down to them. This is empathized by his "Tough" trait.

  • (=) Tough, Though age has not hardened Dorin, long travels have. Although he can be a charming and joyous individual at times, with those he knows well, those who he does not, he is as hard as stone. He is, essentially a hard exterior, with a warm, molten interior. This can make him seem like a cranky old man to many others, and it certainly does not help with strangers.

  • (-) Meddlesome, Dorin is extremely meddlesome, often involving himself and others in dangerous plots and quests. He enjoys manipulating others, attempting to create a scenario that suits him best. He is essentially the generic wizard stereotype in that regard. Others may feel as if Dorin is poking into their affairs, and be frustrated as a result.

  • (+) Wise, Dorin is wise. He has the insight to see a people's potential and the wisdom to direct them in ways that might best develop it. He is the spitting image of his father in that respect, in fact, the "What would father do" saying works well to apply to him. His good sense of judgement results in many coming to him for aid.

  • (+) Brave, Dorin is brave. He is one of the most intrepid members of the Gochni Family and faces down the worst of foes with grim determination. He is brave, but this does not mean that he is not "dreadfully afraid," because he is. Dorin's courage helps support a strong leader, and forward his own position in a group. In essence, though he is afraid, he works through it, and does extraordinary things.

  • (+) Hardworking, Dorin is a supremely hardworking man. If he sets a goal, he will try to the best of his abilities, day in, day out. Most think him to be the perfect worker in this respect. Though on the flipside it leaves him tired out quite often. He is a well-sought after scholar for that reason.

  • (-) Pessimistic, While Borin is always looking on the upside and Orin is kind of a middle ground, Dorin is certainly the most negative of the bunch. He almost never thinks of the positive, preferring to deal with hard evidence. The only small optimistic indulgence he has is his goal of becoming the essentially the Archmage of starlight magic. This can lead to others perceiving him as overly critical of anything they say, shooting their ideas and pointing out everything that's wrong with them at a moment's notice.
Strengths
  • Starlight magic, Dorin is a master starlight mage, while most of his colleagues train for a year, he has honed and developed his art for thirty times that number. He is a true genius with the art. From casting bindings on a rod to essentially make handcuffs, to using Starlight Beam to knock a mugger off his feet. He uses this regularly for self defense and even daily life.
  • Great endurance, Years of travelling have conditioned Dorin's legs to have abnormal strength and endurance for a mage, and a dwarf. However his arms and the rest of his body are still rather weak, and his leg size limits his speed severely. He still enjoys travelling, occasionally venturing off into the countryside. This aids, quite obviously, in tasks such as long-term journeying or many nights of frantic scholarly research
  • Crafty, Dorin is extremely crafty and cunning. He excels at clever plans and arrangements. Often creating a plan that will complete and remain intact several years from now. He uses this when he decides on a goal, he may seem incredibly determined, but he is simply following a plan he made many years ago.
Weaknesses
  • Bad eyesight, Years of staring at small print in books has strained Dorin's eyes, forcing him to have a dislike of extreme light, ironic for a starlight mage. It requires him to squint while casting, forcing his peripheral vision down to almost nothing. Coupled with the fact that were he to lose his glasses, he would be essentially blind, it is a formidable foe to overcome. Essentially, were someone to attempt to punch him in the side of the head if he did not have his glasses on or was casting, he would have no chance of dodging
  • Hunchback, Years of hunching over ancient tomes, or bending his back to lean on his staff, have caused Dorin to have a hunched back, slowing his mobility even more. He additionally has back pain, which he complains about regularly. And overall it slows his ability to do much of anything, he essentially relies on his staff to get around, which is a particular problem in this day and age.
  • Upognsphobia, Ironically for a dwarf, Dorin has always had a fear of the underground. It is an irrational fear, again ironic for such a logic-driven being, and as a result has never enjoyed, nor been in the underground section of a Dwarven Hold, this has made him a bit of an outcast among dwarves, and his siblings tease him for it. However, a more severe output of this is that he has a crippling fear of the sewers, he blatantly refused to enter them when most of his family was fleeing from Freya Lo.
  • Close-minded, As evidenced by his insistence as a child that his Magic was Light Magic, despite evidence opposing it, Dorin can be very close-minded. However, he doesn't believe himself to be close minded. The only possible exeption to this is his Magic, as he has learned his lesson, he still wishes to develop more to Starlight Magic. In any case, anything that is contrary to his beliefs is shut out, never to be seen again, he either stands passively by or objects vehemently.
Relationships (Optional)
Gochnipunchni, Uncle
Borin, Older brother
Orin, Younger brother
Fimbur, Father
Durgrim, Nephew

Life Story (Required)
Childhood (0-15)

Dorin was the middle child of three siblings, Borin, Dorin and Orin. His father was an accomplished light mage, and, even at the tender age of 5 he wished to follow in his footsteps, when his father, Fimbur left home, they left on good terms, Dorin's heart set on becoming a light mage. At the age of 14 he found a tome in the local hold's library detailing the use of "Starlight Magic". Dorin assumed that this meant "Light Magic" and was astonished with his good luck. However when he took it home, he began to notice a few differences, the tome was telling him he needed a "Lightseeker", something his father had never carried, "Oh well" He thought "Perhaps it is a more advanced way of casting the magic!" He studied this book for almost a year, staying in or around the house. At the end of the year, he was adept at casting every spell the book had to offer, (In this case just Starlight Beam and Astral Binding). He planned to leave home, just as his father did, all those years ago, to seek knowledge of his art.

Middle life (15-40)
A long way through the journey, Dorin learned something, from a Dogartan Monk, that Starlight magic, was not in fact, the same as light magic. However Dorin had become enamored with the simple act of gathering light essence to use later, and creating something from the light. He spent the next fifteen years, peddling his art, teaching students and others of this magic. Learning of the art called "Starlight Clarity" which he also became impressed by. In fact, his plan for the rest of his life, his goal, was to become renowned as the greatest starlight mage in the world, and to have his name resound through the ages, "Dorin Gochni!" he thought "They will tell tales of me, the dwardto discover a thousand schools of the magic! Greatest starlight mage ever!"

Late life (40-50)
Dorin continued on his path, with no knowledge of where his family was, until one day, he became aware that his father had began a business based in Fendarfelle, mining ore, ORE of all things, funded by his uncle, Gochnipunchni. he hurriedly took a boat to Fendarfelle, awaiting a meeting for his now, QUITE aged father. When they did meet, it was a joyful reunion, and Dorin took a boat, with Gochnipunchni, to Regalia, to advance Starlight Magic, and achieve his goal. Of being the greatest starlight mage ever.
 
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Hello once again @EnderTheMad . Here are my notes for this application. Don't forget to do the edits on Ret Naarav, too. I know you have a lot of sheets being pumped out and processed all the time, so just make sure you don't lose track of them.
  • At first glance, please remove the blurbs describing the different sections under Basic and Visual information. The ones that look like this:
    The following is required when filling out your character application. Please use a Bullet Point list.Try to keep the information here as simple and confined as possible, it's supposed to be a short list.

  • Please specify under your character's race whether Dorin is a Humorrin or an Aldor.
  • "Crafty" is a character strength, not a character trait. Please move accordingly.
  • You can't reuse "wise" in both your character strengths and your personality traits. Pick where you'd rather have this, do the according edits to make it fit properly into either a trait or a strength, and then delete the other one.
  • Tough isn't written as a very negative trait. I'd say you've written it as neutral. Please either expand on why it is negative, or make it neutral instead.
  • Under "Brave", it looks like you've left the last part of the trait unwritten, since it suddenly stops without context.
  • Please rephrase "Arrogant" to either show his arrogance, or change the title of the trait so something like "Scrutinising" or "Diminishing". You've also only given the example of this being with his brothers, but remember to carry this out in roleplay to other players, too.
  • Under "Brave" you make contradictions because you say he's dreadfully afraid. I think I know what you mean; namely that even though he's scared, he tries his best to do what needs to be done. Please make this clear, or rewrite it in a way where I also understand.
  • Please add 2-3 more sentences onto each of your personality traits since they're really short, and need to be fleshed out more, especially in the regard as to how it affects other players in roleplay, or how they may respond to Dorin's traits.
  • Under "Starlight Magic Mastery", the implication that it's "Mastery" is powergamey. Just remove that word. Additionally, casting handcuffs can't be done instantly no matter the mage practice. And starlight beam can't ignite fireplaces, only chip away at flesh and cloth.
  • In both your strengths and weaknesses, please make sure to add at least one sentence to each implying what it is this gives/takes from his abilities in roleplay. Some of them are obvious, like Great Endurance, but at least list it down for simplicity's sake.
  • In your weaknesses, the only proper core weakness I see again is "Hunchback". You also used this on Ret Naarav; I want to stress on the fact that you should really play this out if it's a proper weakness. Keep "Hunchback" in place.
  • A fear of the underground shouldn't necessarily be a weakness. If this implies that he has a crippling fear of the Regalian Sewers, please imply this, and it may become a trait you could actually use. (In Regalia, you can't really get underground. That's why that phobia is a cop out.)
  • In "Bad Eyesight", please expand as to what this loss of peripheral sight would do to either his casting, or to him. Would others have an easier time sneaking up on him and jumping him? If so, specify it.
  • Please mention that him wanting to become the greatest starlight mage ever is a dream and an aspiration he is searching towards, and not something he already is.
Do these edits and highlight them in a colour of your choice. @tag me when you're done. Happy writing!
 
Its gonna be starlight Blue,
On the edits.
 
@EnderTheMad here are some more edits.

  • From casting bindings on a rod to essentially make handcuffs, to using Starlight Beam to ignite a fireplace.
    Additionally, casting handcuffs can't be done instantly no matter the mage practice. And starlight beam can't ignite fireplaces, only chip away at flesh and cloth.
    You didn't fix this. Please remove that mention as it may give some who look at this app other ideas as to what they could do with starlight magic, while it's actually incompliant.
  • You now have one neutral trait, two negative traits and three positive. This is unbalanced. Either add a seventh negative trait or remove a positive trait and add a neutral one instead.
  • Generally add 2-3 sentences on to each of your personality traits. They're still very short and not expanded upon. I'm almost positive the outline says "4-5 sentences minimum" for personality traits, so make sure you have that.
  • Add a fourth weakness. You expanded pretty well on bad eyesight and his phobia, but you should have a mental-oriented weakness added in that isn't a fear.
 
@EnderTheMad I see a contradiction. In his strength of great endurance you say he can chase down a robber, but I feel that's very unlikely as he's a hunchback and an initial weakness of his is slowness. Please nerf the strength to fit.
 
@EnderTheMad I don't see anything else inherently wrong. Just make sure you play out your weaknesses. Dorin Gochni is APPROVED.