It has been two weeks since she has gotten back...and it had been the worst two weeks she had very seen in her short life. Over and over failure came, and over and over came disappointment.
Not good enough.
Because you're a female.
Disgrace.
Disgrace.
Disgrace.
The words ran through her mind constantly, she couldn't shake them. She hated them, she hated all those words. She had also been a woman of honor. Those words were something she never wished to hear again. Yet when she tried to shake them out of her head-
Disgrace.
Disgrace.
Disgrace.
In two weeks she had managed to fuck up a lot of things she cared for. Run by anger - fueled by hate. She needed a break to rethink and then strike into everything at full force again. For some reason, however..she couldn't.
Disgrace.
Disgr-
"Jou're still upset or just enjoying the view?" asked a voice from behind the northerner. She turned to face her best friend- the one she trusted to come with her on this getaway.
"I'm not upset." she said forcefully, her eyes downcast now, clearly lying. Her hands gripping to the railing of the balcony tightly.
"Ei know when jou're lying." He said in a rather tight voice moving to stand next to her on the balcony. She shot a glance up to him.
"How can I not be upset, I've been dropped like a sack of rice fer ta past two weeks. Can' do this- can' do tha'. Can' be a Bellator cause I'm a woman. Can' be a sellsword! And to top it al' off..guess wha'. I'm a fuckin' disgrace ta the peopl' I've cared about ferever." she snarled, going to tighten her grip on the railing even more. "A fuckin'. Disgrace." she ended her rant at that going to look back out of the balcony of the hunting lodge they had traveled too, no longer looking at her friend. The Avanthar shook his head as he placed a hand on her shoulder.
"So what if others think differently? They think wrong. Jou're great, and no one else can say otherwise." She closed her eyes before she spoke again.
"If I'm so amazin' why am I only failin'."
He moved to stand beside her. Leaning on the balcony to look out with her. "Jou're just rusty, haven't been doing jour work in months. Jou'll get back into the swing of things and be even greater soon enough."
"I shouldn' have left in ta first place. I was needed her' and I just left..maybe thas' why Lord Wodenstaff doesn' like me."
"Ei really doubt that's what caused it if he even does."
"I don' understand wha' I'm supposed ta do ta please him." she said with a sigh. "Sigurna told me tha' it woul' take time and hard work. Which I can understand, but I don' think tha' is al'. I worked hard and then I made one mistake and he just.." she let go of the railing in exasperation as she spoke, not finishing her sentence.
"He probably sees jou have much more potential, but he thinks jou're… Ei think the word for it is squandering et. That's the way ei see et."
"So yer sayin' he thinks I'm wastin' my time wit' doin' wha' I'm doin' now?" she asked him with an arched eyebrow.
"No, ei think he sees jou are able to not make mistakes and be practically perfect. Ei think Jou're able to like, do a lot better. He knows et. So he always wants better."
"I think he's stil' holdin' a grudge from ta last time he fired me." she mumbled brushing a loose piece of hair out of her face.
"That could be et. Ei can't say for certain, ei'm not him." he said as he turned to look at her.
She dismissed his comment with a wave of her hand as she stared out in silence across the mountain view that laid before them.
"Hey, look on the bright side. We have a nice view." he said as a grin crept onto his face.
"I remember ta last time I was her'...righ' after I got fired." she said out of the blue, her eyes showing more sorrow than ever now- partially closed.
"Hey, jou still came back better than ever after that. Ei'm sure jou'll come back better now, too." he said as he went to nudge her with an elbow.
She opened one eye to look at him with a small smile, she went to roll up her sleeve to show him a long scar covering the surface of her tattooed arm.
"I did after I had a run in wit' a boar. I think ta wound he gave me made me ferget about ta pain tha' came wit' losin' wha' I cared about."
"So all we got to do is find jou another boar. Plus, jou still got mi. Ain't going to lose mi." he said with a slight chuckle. Trying to relieve the tension. A small smile covered the woman's face as she gave his arm a light squeeze.
"I don' think I'd be alive if I didn' have ya."
"Well ei wouldn't be the mi today if ei didn't have jou."
"Ya mean ya wouldn' be wearin' proper clothes if ya didn' have me." she said in a teasing voice.
"Jou say that like it's a bad thing. Ei liked my old outfit." he said with a chuckle.
"Ya looked like a barbarian!" she grumbled as they both made their way into the lodge….
The weekend went on very nicely. They relaxed by hunting and Avilda had plenty of time to think about things to come. She knew that she would have to do a lot more to gain back the respect she once had. To herself and others. She was willing to do this, she had so much she could still look forward to. And there was nothing that could possibly stop her now.
Tags: @Emperor_E @SpunSugar @Timisc
