| Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap |

[Yurs]

ϟ
「Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap」
( Mercantile Day-Ruining Service )

From the boss who snubbed you at work to the tool who stood you up last week - there's somebody out there who's just waiting for karma to come collect their dues. It sucks that they're getting off scot-free, right?

I'll fix that for you.

wнaт ιѕ ιт?
ϟ​

It's pretty simple: send me the name, likeness, address, or any other identifying features of somebody you want beat. For a low charge of a few regals I'll personally see to it that they're pummeled into the pavement within the week.

No mercenaries required, no bounties needed, no questions asked -- the customer retains total anonymity and avoids all the bureaucratic hoops; nobody will ever know you were involved, not even me.

The Prices for various packages are detailed below, as well as what they entail:

The Knuckle Sandwich | 150 Regals - I will personally assault any single individual of your choosing. If you send a message along with payment I can deliver that either pre or post-beating.
The Tragedy in Two Parts | 250 Regals - I will personally assault any single individual, as well as breaking into and looting their place of residence.
The Guard Special | 500 Regals - I will personally cripple (not maim) your target of choice in whatever way you specify ( REQUIRES OOC CONSENT OF TARGET BEFORE ORDERING ).

Squeamish? That's alright, we also offer non-violent packages:

The Braunschweiger | 50 Regals - I will personally ruin someone's day. Leave a bag of shit on their doorstep, pour mud on that nice white blouse, etc. Nothing that would overtly harm them. Good for pranks.
The In-Laws | 100 Regals - I will personally break into someone's place of residence and absolutely trash the place. Can include minor arson. We waive liability to what happens to their belongings.

It's a hard-knock life, sometimes one package doesn't suit your needs. It's okay, there's just a small upcharge to change that:

Add an additional target | 100 Extra Regals
Target a Guard | 50 Extra Regals
Target a Statesman | 100 Extra Regals
Target a Noble | Double the initial pricing
Target a Mage | 100 Extra Regals
Target a Gang Leader | 200 Extra Regals

doeѕ тнιѕ appeal?
ϟ​

If you're interested, compose a note with the above-mentioned details and address it to "Beliya'al," it'll find its way to me. In order to retain full anonymity I unfortunately require full payment upfront -- but don't worry, your job will get done. If not, you could always hire me to beat myself up.

Happy hunting.​

[ OOC NOTE: Preferably through Forum Conversations, or on Discord ( Drew#6969 ) ]​

 

[Yurs]

Contract Statuses will be periodically updated here for record-keeping. Names obscured for OOC reasons, as this sheet is OOC. Keep track of the pummeling here:

 

[FireFan96]

Spoiler: I'm required to post this

 

[SleepyIsVerySlep]

 

[TonyBones]

Nice AC/DC reference

 

[Carlit0o]

 

[SnashuuPomaymay]

rat demon rat demon rat demon. crime time, babey!

 

[Winterless]

The Guard Special | 500 Regals - I will personally cripple your target of choice in whatever way you specify

Click to shrink...

the thought of this happening is actually horrifying