I have no regrets for the things I have done. What have I to regret? Many have called what I have done questionable to say the least. They do not understand what it is I am doing. Who am I? My birth name is Nicolas-Francois d'Eluise. Is this truly who I am? I pledged my allegiance to the well being of a family I had no choice in. Such is the case of birth. You cannot choose how you are brought into the world. What does it mean to be human? Many consider compassion and mercy human traits. Does that mean I am not human? I am the second eldest male born to my family. Yet I do not understand why I have these feelings. My anatomy agrees to the fact that I am a male yet I do not feel it. Is this natural? These feelings of doubt? I was born male, so truly I must be male. Of course the male of Nicolas d'Eluise is a coward. A dog. This is not the life I envision for myself. Formerly a loyal disciple of destruction now nothing more than a stray lost in the rain. What of my muse? They say that it is not ethical. The vessel is still sufficient. Why let such a blessing be destroyed? The potential is impotent. Why do I question myself? My logic, my mortality? I had not in the past. Am I merely asking these questions so to fit into the world envisioned by others? What of my vision? Yes. My vision. Soon. They will not understand it. That is of no concern to me. They will see my vision and be consumed by it. Yes. It has begun. My vision. OOC: So this is just a little thingy I'm doing to try and figure out how to go about playing my character. These are questions that I have for him and that he is experiencing IC. None of this information is known by anyone IC. I am posting this because I know people will retain this information despite their best efforts to try and not use it IC. It's only natural. Just a little background information on what's happening in my character's head. The IC way this is happening is the thoughts in his head, nothing written or spoken so don't act like there is any evidence for any of this.
