Allisa GilphyraBasic Character Information Full name: Allisa Caeda Gilphyra Past names: Allisa Caeda Or'sa, Allisa Caeda Darrath, Race: Life Isldar Age: 22 Sex: Female Occult: Keeper Archon Core Concept Allisa is curious and somewhat secretive, as well as cautious but will protect others if she feels its safe and not a trap. With family coming first and will almost always love and care about them. Following dragon worship do to her being an Archon and her personal sense of duty. The dragons she hold respect for is Aurora, primarily, Regulus and Zanobi. Appearance Information Allisa is 6'3ft tall having naturally white hair and pale skin. Also having a low body fat and a slim body shape, usually wearing her hair with swooped bangs and keeps it at shoulder length Proficiencies 12/14 Strength: 1 Building Scale Pack Constitution: 0 Wisdom: 3 Tech Gravity Pack (Melortech) Hook Shot Pack (Melortech) Medical Revive Dexterity: 7 Knocking Shot Pack Volley Assist Pack Evading Dash Pack Shearing Shot Pack Dye Shot Pack Marking Shot Pack Escape Artist Pack Arcane: 1 (Draconic) Radiant Feather (Free Isldar Racial) Chem Cleanse Faith: 0 Languages Sulvaley: Native Common: Free West Linguistics Life Story Allisa was born to Allia and Alron Or'sa. During her childhood she'd often stay at home reading books. Not interacting with others outside of family. Though they didn't stay in a hold for too long do her mother being a Keeper with wondering. Her parents would love her greatly but also taught her how to use a bow do her inheriting her mothers Archonism One day they traveled Regalia which after a few days left Allisa an orphan and alone in the woods out side of the city, scared and sorrowful. Once she was 14 she went back to the city and tried to find a life and do something that would make her parents proud, She would began medical training with Ana Cervantez and later was adopted by Eletha Gilphrya who got her wyvern do to her access to them. Eletha later married Cyran Darrath, After surviving through the Vampire crisis she grew a distrust for vampires and cahal. Then eventually after being given the choice between Frisit, Asaph or turning into a Fin'ullen. Allisa chose Asaph and is now a Life Isldar. Later in life when she was around 20 she has started learning some of Melortech
It's 3am, so I'm not going to do a proper peer review. But I just want to tell you that the youngest a character can be approved at is 14 years old. I also highly doubt a 13 or 14-year-old can have anywhere near a 10 in Medical Sciences. 10 is a skilled healer. Even 5 is someone who can make it their living (aka, a basic doctor in irl terms).
Sorry i realised i needed to do something to make it more logical if i stepped over any bounderies that i am un aware of please let me know
As of right now, your profs are good. The only change I'd suggest you make is to clarify what you mean by 'light'.
@Clone_Fives After reviewing your application, only one thing seems to be incorrect. Your character is too short. The minimum age for Isldar is 5'8". Please correct this, and ping me once you have done so.
Its fixed and @Follower if you have already know i am sorry i dont mean to sound naggy i am unsure if i properly sent a ping
@Clone_Fives You're alright, I fell under the weather for a short while. Everything seems to be in order, Approved.
Thanks and im sorry that happened if you are still feeling unwell im sorry but if you are doing better congrats
Also i am unaware how to does the need re-review part of the system works sorry if i buggered up somewhere
@Follower Hello added one thing hope i didnt make any leaps and bounds changes are in cyan Also sorry on making more changes so soon
@Follower Hey i changed afew things and removed some others Chaneges are in this color Oh just realised something sorry for taging you
Should probably add in sorcery here and clarify where the hobby points are being used if at all. I'll also ask that you remove the painful to read color of blue. Linguistics also only cost 3 points. I would recommend using the core option if you don't want to use a lot of detail. The questions are sort of outdated and more geared towards answering each question with more of a paragraph than a short sentence. Besides taking personality tests based on your character's perspective can be fun. There are a lot of grammar issues present, I would recommend using a program like grammarly while you're writing. It corrects grammatical problems for you as you write and provides some helpful insight on how to structure things and wording. The other issues however is that the life story is almost completely divorced from the racial and cultural lore of Isldar and doesn't actually elaborate on why or what happened to their background to prompt them to come off as more Ailor than Isldar. The real fun of playing a race isn't necessarily for the racial abilities but their racial background, culture and aesthetic, if you want to just play more of an average person with white hair you could always play an Ailor with an exist mutation or just a half isldar. I would recommend following the latter option given it still maintains the aesthetic you're going for. The character is just too divorced from the actual racial lore as is and would require more writing and reading. The story is also rather cliche, it's a very very common trope that people write that their parents were killed off by bandits at some point in their life or something tragic occurred that made them an orphan or a wanderer. Their proficiency points as well don't seem very grounded in the story, just 'my parents taught me this'. Did they send her to some formal academy for training or practice? Her proficiency don't really reflect someone who grew up in the wilds, you would need to add things like hunting, pathfinding etc. That's my honest review. Don't rush making edits and take your time writing a story that sounds more appealing and grounds the character a lot more. A good backstory can really help improve the quality of your personal roleplay and your own take on the character. Tag me whenever you're done.
@Caelamus Okay made the changes. Did a different color that I hope it is still visibly noticeable. I also decided to keep Silver an Isldar for few in game reasons but I did make some changes to the story so that they are more akin to the Isldar culture. A side note as well sorry for those grammatical errors I thought I got rid of those ages ago
Oh and I kept many of the core elements of the story. I don't want to make it sound generic but I am working something to expand that bit in game though it is on pause do to OOCly reasons
@Caelamus Hey i made some changes do to the new update and generalized clothing preference a bit more hope everything is in order
@Caelamus Hi sorry for pinging so soon just made slight changes hope everything is in order Okay well something came up and it turned from a tiny update to a large one
@Clone_Fives Minor oversight on my part but 18 is the minimum infection for vampirism. Not 17. You'll need to age them up.
@Caelamus okay got rid of the vampirism do to a slight over sight that happened on my end sorry about that
@Caelamus Added a few things in the Silver app also fixed the linguistics point-buy. changes are in this color *note: sorry if this is so soon just wanted to add these things and fix that one thing
@Caelamus Hi i made slight changes to eye color not sure if it requires re-review i dont think it does but i marked down the changes in this Color just so you know. Please tell me if it does require re-review or if this was the best way to go about it and also if i have crossed any lines Also this is an aesthetic change also with how it in color can look very close to cahal eyes
