Basic Information (Required) Full Name: Bjorn Ingvar (Hybrid) Frisfjellsson Age: 35 Gender: Male Race: Half Northern half Orc Main Ambition: Power Special Permission: Skagger military school Champion level Skill Information (Optional) School: School of Skagger, Berhendar training. Level: Champion Source: School of Skagger Visual Information (Required) . Eye Color: Brown Hair Color: Fiery Red Hair Style: Messy with beard Skin Color: pale white Clothing: Plain pants, cloak Height:6’6 Weight: 350 pounds Body Build: Huge, mesomorph, think of a bear Tattoos: Bjorn is covered in blue tattoos that look very similar to those of his war paint, however they do not contain any inhancing drug and are simply symbolic to his Berhednar training. Weapon of Choice: Ironwood knuckles, Battle axes Personality and Abilities (Required) Personality Traits Stubborn, Bjorn's history as a miner has caused him to be insanely stubborn and as tough as the emeralds he mined. His mindset is "If it fails, try again, and again, and again." He is simply as unstoppable as a landslide and as single-minded as a Dakkar. He pushes through most challenges with the possible exception of the death of his father, which struck him hard enough to push him into depression. Clever, Though Bjorn could never be described as smart he has the mind of a trader. As he has a method of thinking, always trying to come up with a way around an enemy's defences. This thought process can be applied to philosophy too, always trying to go around the other person's arguments. Forceful, When Bjorn pushes for something, he doesn't stop, he continually attempts, and sets a huge goal like making regalia safe. He concentrates on nothing else while he is attempting this goal. He is commonly perceived as overbearing through this trait. Uncultured, Bjorn was born to a family of emerald miners, he lacked an education and never took part in any of the arts. His ways are rough to those who do not know Northern traditions and even those don't understand his use of physical contact sometimes. Though he never had a formal education he has a decent understanding of combat tactics. Free-spirited, Bjorn, as someone who isn't usually weighed down by the troubles of everyday life, is always themselves regardless of the situation and lives life to the full. Not restricted by other people's opinions. And usually doesn't even give them much attention, considering them lesser in value. Loyal, Bjorn is incredibly loyal to any cause he chooses, in relation to his stubborn nature, he will never betray his employer. But above all else he defends the current host of the Imperial Spirit, and tries to defend Regalia's streets. This may make him seem religious and that would be a correct assumption. He believes that the imperial spirit is the true power of the world, and saved him from his parent's fate. Strengths Strong, Bjorn's skill as a warrior and natural skill in combat have caused him to be two and half again as strong as the average alior, easily taking out most foes. Most of his muscle is based in his arms and chest however, you would never see him trying to kick an opponent without losing balance and falling over. Additionally he commonly wears Ironwood semi-gauntlets to increase his hitting force. Skill with Ironwood knuckles, Pick and Battle Axes. Bjorn's long years in the mines has caused him to be able to swing a pick easily hard enough to shatter stone, this same concept can be applied to a fist, typically taking long loping overhead blows and then smashing down with the weight of an avalanche. All this combines to make him a formidable foe. Good control of emotion, Bjorn has spent many years as a Skagger and therefore has been taught to control his emotions to a surprising degree. He may seem as if he is a whirling torrent of rage and fury but inside he is the calm of the storm, simply acting and reacting. However the one emotion he cannot control is one of jolly laughter which seems to take him over in the oddest times. Weaknesses Dim, Bjorn's orcish ancestry has caused him to be not the sharpest knife in the box, the brightest lightbulb or most intelligent being. Though one would not call him stupid (in fact he is quite clever) he is most suited for menial work and most complex aspects of of the world will go right over his head, such as Alchemy or Magic. This is reinforced by his Uncultured trait Minimal Stamina, Bjorn has even less stamina than the average half Orc because he is used to short skirmishes and shifts in the mines and is plagued with a medical problem. He will push himself as far as he can go but will often pass his limit, collapsing and going unconscious for a few hours, and be extremely weak afterward Doesn't know when to quit, Bjorn's greatest greatest weakness in battle is that he doesn't know when to quit. A more conservative fighter might retreat and regroup, or reconsider taking on something out of their league, but not him. Aquaphobia, To quote, "Aquaphobia is a phobia that involves a level of fear that is beyond the patient's control or that may interfere with daily life. People suffer aquaphobia in many ways and may experience it even though they realize the water in an ocean, a river, or even a bathtub poses no imminent threat." It effects Bjorn regularly to the point where he bluntly refuses to take part in water-related activities. This manifested due to an accidental breach of his mine, causing a flood which killed many people he knew. Uncompassionate, If Bjorn thinks someone has done something wrong, deeply wrong. He will show no mercy, be it magic users or void worshippers. He will do whatever he needs to do to make them pay for their heretical path. Life Story: 266 AC - Bjorn is born as Ingvar Haraldsson in Northskag to an Orcish mother and a Northern father, both were involved in the business of mining and met while working on a newly discovered emerald mine. 279 AC - Both his father and mother express interest in Ingvar joining the family business, Ingvar is already a large boy and began work on the emerald mine as a grunt miner. 280 AC - The fellow miners have taken to calling Ingvar "Bjorn" (or Bear in common) Bjorn takes to the name immediately and gains the permission from his hamlet elder to have it as his official name. 282 AC - Bjorn's mother is crushed in a cave-in, causing Bjorn's father to develop a distinct fear of the underground, leaving Bjorn as the only money-earner of the family 284 AC - His mine accidentally breaches an underground reservoir, the water floods the cave, drowning his best friend and his entire mining group. Forcing the mine into bankruptcy, leaving him with a deep fear of water. 285 AC - Bjorn collapses under the pressure after his father dies from a desease and escapes via drink. commences a journey across Northskag 289 AC - Joins the local Skagger academy in an unconscious desire to prevent himself to not be crippled by depression and fear again, the school practices a variation of the Skagger discipline they use a knuckle guard along with the usual dual axes. 298 AC - Passes his final test and becomes warrior level, serves passively as a Merc for the regalian empire, additionally learns of Earth Magic and begins to formulate a theory that his mother's death was a stone-Mage hate crime 304 AC - Encounters an odd Cielothar in the slums, the Cielothar sells him a baby Greater Wooly Narggoth (Played out in IC) 305 AC - Present
Sorry if It is taking a while, my internet is rather poor, and its slowing me down. (I'm working on it on another tab)
Hello Ender, its time for your Holiday review! Basic Information Please for the love of all that is holy, remove everything that I have placed in bold. It makes everything that you have written very hard to find. (Jokes aside, do try and remove the stuff I bolded.) I'm confused as to what this means. Could you help me out here? Visual Information Same as above, please do remove everything I bolded. You have so much good stuff in here, and no one can see it. Firstly, I want to bring up that the most people put "Ectomorph" or "Mesomorph" or "Endomorph". I suggest (meaning that this is not necessary) that you also do research on these body types, and pick one. Secondly, you bring up that he looks a bit like a bear. While this may just be creative writing (which I do enjoy), I just want to remind you that bears (and Ur for that matter) can reach about 600 pounds. No need to remove that part, just reminding you. (I did some research and have been spewing that non-stop since I found it.) Nothing to correct here. I just wanted to say that something about this really makes me happy. Good job! Personality and Abilities Ender please ;-; If you could color code the names for each of these traits, that would make things more organized! Being a half Orc, this is not unreasonable. But there are is two one problems 1- I failed to find a weakness that mentions his hereditary terrible stamina (all half Orcs get it) Never mind I found it 2- Your supposed power is not unreasonable, but your weight is. Let me break it down for you. The average Orc is roughly twice as strong as the average ailor, and usually come inbetween 250 and 290 pounds (from personal, IC and IG experience). So if you want to make your character that strong, you need to make him much heavier. Now, to end this off, I have a few questions. Where did he find the Saqdaq and where did he learn to use them? Why does he have skill in skagger if he does not use the traditional weapons for it (pardon me if that question makes no sense, I have very little experience with the new schools)? And why is there no mention of the long sword in his weapons section? Thats all for now!
Great! I suggest bumping his weight up to something more along the lines of 345, just because it makes a bit of sense to me. (I'd rather add too much than give too little) And you need to add more negative personality traits to balance out the positive ones.
Unfortunately, I don't think you can use the school of Skagger's combat training unless you use their weapons. (But hey, you might be able to keep the rage) You need at least 4 sentences for each trait. And the "Occasionally depressed" trait is extraordinarily situational, and will never come up in role-play. Try and find a replacement (maybe something to do with his education, like "Uncultured" or "Uneducated".) Drunkard is usually seen as a copout weakness, as most characters wit this trait are only drunk "Sometimes". Even if you honestly intend to play this trait out properly, it restricts you to a repetitive, rather predictable and boring kind of role-play. Try and find something else that fits him, and possibly move the "Drunkard" trait into the "Likes and dislikes" section. I would (personally) love to see a more fleshed out life story (possibly even a life chronicle). This is not at all necessary, but I'm just giving you my input.
I suggest you bold this, so people can find it more easily. I'd also try and come up with a reason as to why they use non-traditional weapons.
I think thats it. I don't think I can peer review anything else for now. It should be ready for staff review.
Alright, let's try this: So I'm of the opposite mindset on the weight... you've made a fairly obese giant of a man. First, where is he getting enough food to support this diet? and then secondly, he's going to have a hard time doing anything physical for very long. Just wanted to say that being tall and also a miner would result in some severe back problems. Mining requires the person to be hunched over for extended periods of time. The job historically ruined a lot of people's health. Change all of the Light Blue to black. It's really hard to read. Where was he born? Claith are uncommon outside Ériu-Innis, and I cannot imagine an orc would go there due to the lack of external trade with the island. ( https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Eriu-Innis ) Claith names are based off of Gaelic/Irish. How did you end up with a Norse name? I'd honestly suggest changing to a Northern Father, that way you do not need to change as much. Why did he flee all the way to Nordskag? Where was he fleeing from? Why did he go to a frozen tundra to flee, instead of the warm climate of Ithania or Daendroc (where there were other orcs)? Also why would a Qadir (who have their own style of fighting), open an academy based on Skagger (which is a specifically northern cultural style). I feel like this would have ended up being its own style, not the Skagger style. I'd say remove the Saqdaq entirely because it seems largely unneeded for the character. " orcish ancestry has caused him to be not the sharpest knife in the box" Orcs are not dumb, orcs live in a different culture. Replace this weakness or rewrite it so that you aren't simply throwing your characters lack of education (hint hint you're from a mining family hint) on his mother's race. Add another weakness to help balance out. Tag me when you've made the changes and we'll proceed.
Because your strengths are all strengths, and your weaknesses are 'he's not necessarily the smartest', 'he's a half-orc', and 'this one isn't a weakness, but a strength actually'. Actually reading through them again, I'm ashamed in myself. The third one is a cop-out, since you wrote it is both a strength and weakness and I completely glossed over it. So replace the third one, and add a fourth one to actually balance out your character.
Not really agreeing with "Lack of Initiative". Remember that a character weakness needs to be something that is impacts how the character acts in only a negative fashion. For physical, it can be only having one hand; for mental, a deep seeded fear that can cause a normally character to flee like a child. They are more than just hindrances, but more so literal walls that prevent a character from doing things. I want you to think about this, and replace "Lack of Initiative" with something that you feel truly cripples the character in some way. No individual is perfect, and the weaknesses are supposed to reflect their broken nature.
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@Lore @Doc_Cantankerous Although, this may be from before the time half-orcs were nerfed, I see a few problems with this and the condition of half-orcs lore-wise. -- https://forums.massivecraft.com/threads/viktor-the-masked-man-sørensen-update.50363/ This seems like it would make getting past trainee in skagger nearly impossible (or atleast take a long time) for Bjorlom as; "Students in the Skagger Order often reach a state of emotional fortitude when they are a couple months deep into their training. They further hone their mental strength and also begin more strenuous physical exercises to prepare themselves for later stages of training. While mentors will have the student jog through the wilderness and hold heavy logs for many long minutes, the School has a series of obstacle courses and implements designed specifically to teach the fundamentals of the style. To reach this level, one must train for another 6 months." Furthermore, if Bjorn tried preforming the berserk rage, it could very well end his life as; "Only pureblood Orcs have two hearts, meaning that whatever inherited benefits a half-breed has is hampered by the lack of a consistent blood pressure to support their bodily functions." " Half-breed Orcs have exceptionally low stamina, wearing out of a constant heavy and rigorous physical activity like a fight or a sprint within a matter of fifteen minutes at the peril of having a cardiac arrest if their body is pushed beyond its limits." --Both from (https://wiki.massivecraft.com/Orc)
