Because Of You

I will not make​

The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery​

Amber eyes staring into emerald green ones. Scanning his soul and shredding it apart with with rich glare that tugged at his heart every time he saw them.

I will not break
The way you did, you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Warm brown eyes staring into dull green ones. Melting the barriers that bad been built in his mind and mending his heart every time he saw them.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Soft smooth hands wrapped around rough, calloused hands. Gripping his wrists and tugging him into hugs, making him believe it was love.

Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

Gentle hands caressing broken, scarred hands, running their thumbs over the scars, memorising their path and the story's beind each and every one.

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry

Nightmares full of noddle houses and snow and carpets and scalpels and taunting amber eyes. Left alone in the dark to cope, the bed cold and empty.

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Dreams full of rings and summer and freckles and sunlight and beautiful chestnut eyes. Together in the dark, the bed warm with their arm wrapped around him, reminding him he wasn't alone.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Short ginger curls, cropped close to his head, to look as tough as possible so nobody could see that he was able to be hurt.

Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

Long ginger locks being tied up by gentle hands, not needing to look tough because those brown eyes knew he was broken but didn't care.

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known
Better than to lean on me

Harsh words thrown. I never cared. I didn't love you. Maybe you should end it. Weak. Useless. Pathetic. Mistake. Disappointment.

You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Soft words of comfort to calm down. I care. I love you. Don't end it. Strong. Useful. Amazing. Needed. Beautiful.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

A sharp knife. A scar down his back. Painful memory's and fears and the though of love terrifying.

Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in

A brown eyed boy giving him hope again, tracing the scar with his fingers, comforting and reminding him he is loved and wanted.

Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life
Because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Amber eyes mixing with brown eyes. Gentle hands mixing with soft hands. Nightmares becoming dreams. Hair being cut and growing out. Harsh words becoming soft praises. Knives becoming hope. Another chapter of a story started.

Because of you
Because of you

And maybe he's finally free of those dreaded amber eyes that haunt him at night.


Because I've been in self isolation for the past week and as of midnight tonight the UK is on lockdown I have had a lot of free time to write, so expect more.


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