Preserved Sheet Axel Le'vinyre

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oh wait, you mean paste the format here? (also sorry for the late responses, I've been busy)
@Doc_Cantank
 
sort of redid some stuff. changed his race and also re-wrote his backstory. ill update his relationships when im not tired.



probably. everything that was changed is in red
 
Saivalthar half breeds would be a maximum of 8 years old. Either age him down or change his race.
 
As Masterman correctly stated above, Saivalthar half-breeds can, at oldest, be eight years old. They're an isolationist state, and none of them would have fled (especially one who is possessed by pleasure when Saivale is home to some of the most decadent parties around).

There's also the fact that there seems to be absolutely no reason to be Saivlathar anywhere in the app.

Correct this and tag me please.
@MrSpideyPool
 
Also, while I've got you here, Make sure to go back through and read all of the paragraphs to remove mentions of Half-Breed (you mention it a few times).

Also, he could not be an expert in Turall due to a change since I first reviewed this page. You can only pass Novice level at the age of 16, and your character would have to have been nine when he joined the school. Either age him up to 30, or drop him down to Warrior. I realize this is unfair, but as systems develop, some times sacrifices must be made.

I also need you to remove the Intelligence Talent, as it comes across as incredibly power/meta gamey that a character just happens to know about everything despite the fact that they live in a medieval society where knowledge/school is limited and your character is younger than thirty. It sounds more like your character would simply be able to pull any piece of necessary information that you'd need out of thin air as if your character was skilled in it.
@MrSpideyPool
 
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