Preserved Sheet Andreas Myrslin

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KytilSeren

KytilSeren

Master of Storms
Joined
Apr 29, 2018
Messages
39
Reaction score
79
Points
0
Faction
Dauntless
Drow
179585372204

1. https://dark-elves.tumblr.com/image/179585372204
2. https://baldursgate.fandom.com/wiki/Drow?file=Male_drow.jpg
3. https://i.pinimg.com/originals/55/07/69/550769c434f140294c7aca90c6c50a9d.jpg


Basic Information (Required)

  • Full Name: Andreas Flynn Myrslin (Nickname: Andre)

  • Age: 100 years old (Born October 13th, 207 AC)

  • Gender: Male

  • Race: Kathar - Shenath Variant

  • Sexuality: Bisexual

  • Preferred Weapon: Two steel blades (longsword variant)
Inventory Information (Optional)

  • Steel Armor (Helm, Chestplate, Leggings, Boots, Gloves) [Obtained IC'ly from Sebrom's Jarak character]

  • Steel Weapons (2x Steel Scimitars) [Obtained IC'ly from Sebrom's Jarak character]
Skill Information (Required)


Total Points: 60

  • Unarmed Skill: 10 points
    • Grew up on the streets after his parents murder and learned how to hone his strength. +20 points for Physical Stats.
  • Blades Skill: 5 Points
    • Prefers to wield longswords, but can wield scimitars. +5 points Physical Stat
  • Magical Knowledge: 16 points
    • Skilled in: Dimenthism, Eventism, Racialism, and Sanguinology
    • Learned these while within Regalia after parent's death and finished up within the Dread Empire.
  • Athletic Training: 10 Points
    • Due to his Unarmed training and constant workouts, he is able to have a strong build with big muscles, but not as much as a Musclegod. +20 points for Physical Stats.
  • Bodycare Training: 2 points
    • +1 Physical Stat point
  • Void Ritualism: 8 points
    • Growing up in a Katharian household and following the doctrines of Void Worship, Andreas was quickly able to master this skill before turning 16.
  • General Tactic Skill: 9 points
    • Within the Dread Empire as an adult, he has learned nine years of General Tactic Skills as if he sought to learn how to manage entire armies, but for what reason?
Body Shape

  • Total Points: 46 (Capped at 30 due to Zikiel Bloodline)

  • Body Shape: Strongman (Due to being a Zikiel Vampire, this is now Muscular)

  • Body Fat: Built
Languages

  • Kathar Elven Dialect (Native Tongue)
    • Learned this language natively from both family and friends as a young child.
  • Common Tongue
  • She'llaq (Ritual Language)

Special Traits/Spells/Mutations
  • Trait/Mutation: Threlwar Summons: Void Pigment
  • Trait/Mutation: Threlwar Summons: Void Claws
  • Trait/Mutation: Threlwar Summons: Void Scale
  • Trait/Mutation: Threlwar Summons: Void Mark
  • Trait/Mutation: Threlwar Summons: Void Rift
  • Vampiric Mutation: Haunting Lich
  • Vampiric Mutation: Haunting Dragons
  • Vampiric Mutation: Haunting Sorcery
  • Vampiric Mutation: Haunting Seeking
  • Sorcery Spell: Shadows Within (Free with Haunting Seeking)

Visual Information (Required)

  • Eye Color: Sapphire Blue (Vampiric Eyes: Sapphire Ice Blue)

  • Hair Color: Silver White

  • Hair Style: Unrestricted, long, wavy

  • Skin Color: Dark Gray (Vampiric Skin Color: Gray)

  • Clothing:

  • - Leather Tunic (Black)

  • - Leather Pants (Black)

  • - Robes/Hood/Facemask (Black)

  • - Hard leather Boots

  • Height: 6' 7"
Personality and Abilities (Required with Choice)

Option Two: The Core List

  • Choose your Character Alignment
    • Chaotic Good
  • Choose your Character Personality Type
    • Protagonist
  • Choose your Character's Religion
    • Void Worship (9/10)

Life Story (Required)

Part One: Childhood (0-12)

  • Andreas Flynn Myrslin was born on October 13th, 207 AC to Zarafyn and Maraliss Myrslin.
  • He is an only child and participated in ritualistic sacrifices at the age of five, learning of his cannibalistic cravings.
  • His parents had died at the age of six to a cult of Ailor who worshipped the Void and preferred to kill only Kathar for ritualistic sacrifice.
  • Since his fourth birthday, he has learned how to perform Void Ritualism, wield swords, and get strong without the use of weapons.
Part Two: Teenager (12-20)
  • He had received his tattoos of void script for his thirteenth birthday, which the ink contained the crushed bone dust of his mother and father, giving his tattoos greater sentimental value.
  • During the time he was getting tattooed, he learned he loved the painful sensations akin to a drug he couldn't get used to. While it was still painful, he craved the feeling as if it made him feel alive.
  • At the age of sixteen, he had managed to summon his first bloodsung weapon, which was a longsword.
  • At the age of eighteen, Andreas would explore his bisexuality within the Dread Empire.
  • He also learned from age thirteen on how to mask his emotions and even wield them like fine blades.
  • At the age of twenty, he married Clariss (his teacher).

Part Three: Young Adult (20-50)
  • He had begun to hunt for the cultists who murdered his parents at the age of twenty. He would kill them, but not eat them as he believed they did not deserve the dignity. There were only six cultists.
  • He would free the captured sacrifices of the cultists and they would thank him. Some of said sacrifices were only children no younger than six.
  • From twenty-one to fifty years old, he lived happily in the Dread Empire with his wife and children before they were killed in a slave rebellion.
  • He had also finished up being taught how to understand general battlefield tactics by his fiftieth birthday. In total, he spent nine years learning how to command entire armies and understand basic concepts.

Part Four: Adult (50-100+)
  • Enraged at his family's death, he would not eat their corpses, but instead opt to bury them in a secret location.
  • Grieving for the loss of his family and enraged of the slave ailor that killed them, he set out for Regalia prior to his fifty-first birthday to avenge their deaths.
  • For forty-nine years, he has been kept to the sewers below Regalia, biding his time.
  • He is now active once more, but still awaiting the opportunity to make his move.
  • On November 14, 207 AC, he had asked Lathlaeril to allow him to drink from his veins, becoming a vampire of the Zikiel Bloodline.

For the extended cut (which is over 4,000 words long!), please click here:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aZP5JHmqQFQOzGvkk1Z_FNKaOE0vDFZuivkagbXj6cM/edit
 
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Edited:
- Clothing
+Added "no notable Custom Spells"
 
There are a few issues that need to be resolved before I can approve your app:


-Nightsilver weapons cannot be acquired in your backstory, and must be procured In-Game. If you have proof of such acquisition, let me know, if not, consider changing this to just "longswords."

-Similarly, you took proficiency in "Fast Blades" which does not apply to Longswords. If that is your preferred weapon, consider taking points in "Blades" instead.

-Consider clarifying how your character, an Orphan, came to such extensive Magical Knowledge.

-For clarity's sake, please bold or separate your Body Type and Body Fat.

- Your Life Story is too short and needs to be expanded upon. Consider answering questions such as : If he grew up with the Kathar in the sewers, his "people," how did he come to be relatively selfless and heroic considering the attitudes of those Kathar in the sewers. Is he only interested in helping his people? What are his ambitions, his goals, why did he come to have them? Does he have any friends, ties, or failures he has experienced? Is he still close with the Kathar community there? How did he survive as a young child with no-one taking care of him? What city is this in? Since your character is 100 years old, he would not have engaged in his childhood with the current Kathar Gangs that occupy the sewers of Regalia, so you should clarify that he was under the tutelage of an older organization.

- Ritualism and Magic/the Magical Arts are two separate functions, please clarify this in your backstory.


Please rectify these, and tag me when you are finished. @KytilSeren
 
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I will be editing this over on Google Docs and when completed, the tagging shall commence.
 
@birdsfoot violet I have edited the application to include the following:

- More in-depth backstory lore.
- Removed the Nightsilver swords.
- Fixed the Blades skill from "Fast Blades" to "Blades"
- Added "General Tactic Skills" with 5 points.
- Removed Demonology as a topic of expertise in from "Magical Knowledge Section."
- Removed Artifactism from "Magical Knowledge"
- Clarification on Body Build and Fat.
- Massively rebalanced the character lore in conjuction with point 1 to include:
+ How he learned Void Ritualism to full mastery.
+ Where he is originally from.
+ Who taught him Void Ritualism.
+ How he learned right from wrong (it is there somewhere).
+ What made him into the person he is now.
- Added the Traits/Mutations gained from Void Ritualism

This was copied over from his Character Sheet on Google Docs and revised to better give an understanding of the character as well as deal with the progression since applying close to 1 week ago.
 
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Please reserve Bumping a post for when you do not have reviewer and have not received one in the suggested amount of time, once you have tagged me, bumping does not affect anything except pushing your App above those who still need a reviewer. Most of my previous points were resolved with your edits, however there are a few new issues that must be addressed.


- In taking General Tactics Skill, please consider adding a more reasonable justification for why he was able to learn it. Something like Leading and Managing an entire army is generally not something that one can self-teach without experience to any reasonable quality of skill, especially in 5 years.


-While murder and ritualistic sacrifice are common in the empire and it is not unreasonable for him to come home to have his parents murdered: I fail to see where these sudden cannibalistic urges come from for a 6 year old child, especially towards his parents and to the obsessive point that he spends hours until he has consumed the entirety of their flesh. Consider integrating some of the ritualistic aspects of Kathar Society if you truly wish to pursue the path of a Cannibal. While a Void Ritualism teacher would support these ritualistic aspects, I don't think this sudden and unplanned act of cannibalism would be encouraged, neither would it be a "Sign" that he must be a protector of others. Nor does cannibalism seem to mesh with a Chaotic Good Protector angle you purport him as.


-Most Kathar families are very integrated and often polyamorous. It is more likely for Andre to have forgotten their names intentionally over time rather than no-one knowing them or caring for them at all. This is also unlikely as he seems to care very much about their murder. Why would he leave the Dread Empire with this issue unresolved if he cared that much?


-Consider expanding on why he left the Dread Empire for Regalia, and how his experiences in Regalia changed him. You have a sentence about the "actions of his kindness that also ceded control back from his anger," but that isn't very clear.


Please tag me once you've made these edits. @KytilSeren
 
birdsfoot violet said:
Please reserve Bumping a post for when you do not have reviewer and have not received one in the suggested amount of time, once you have tagged me, bumping does not affect anything except pushing your App above those who still need a reviewer. Most of my previous points were resolved with your edits, however there are a few new issues that must be addressed.


- In taking General Tactics Skill, please consider adding a more reasonable justification for why he was able to learn it. Something like Leading and Managing an entire army is generally not something that one can self-teach without experience to any reasonable quality of skill, especially in 5 years.


-While murder and ritualistic sacrifice are common in the empire and it is not unreasonable for him to come home to have his parents murdered: I fail to see where these sudden cannibalistic urges come from for a 6 year old child, especially towards his parents and to the obsessive point that he spends hours until he has consumed the entirety of their flesh. Consider integrating some of the ritualistic aspects of Kathar Society if you truly wish to pursue the path of a Cannibal. While a Void Ritualism teacher would support these ritualistic aspects, I don't think this sudden and unplanned act of cannibalism would be encouraged, neither would it be a "Sign" that he must be a protector of others. Nor does cannibalism seem to mesh with a Chaotic Good Protector angle you purport him as.


-Most Kathar families are very integrated and often polyamorous. It is more likely for Andre to have forgotten their names intentionally over time rather than no-one knowing them or caring for them at all. This is also unlikely as he seems to care very much about their murder. Why would he leave the Dread Empire with this issue unresolved if he cared that much?


-Consider expanding on why he left the Dread Empire for Regalia, and how his experiences in Regalia changed him. You have a sentence about the "actions of his kindness that also ceded control back from his anger," but that isn't very clear.


Please tag me once you've made these edits. @KytilSeren
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Back to Google Docs I go. I will try to address these issues as best as I can.

The issues present:
+ How and why does he need to learn how to manage an army?
+ Why did he become a cannibal?
+ How does this make him a "protector"? How does this make him with his current alignment?
+ What was the reason for his departure from the Dread Empire?
+ How was his issue either left unresolved or resolved?
+ What does "actions of his kindness that also ceded control back from his anger" mean in the long-term?

Hopefully, these questions can be answered to the best of my ability.
 
@birdsfoot violet I have edited the backstory once more to be more inclusive of all previous points as well as to shed light on his alignment and the reasoning behind his cannibalistic nature as well as his reasoning to be in Regalia.

Now, the full version of the backstory was over 4,000 words long and with the help of Mortisian, I have shortened it down to key points through his life. If you wish to read the full extended cut for review (which I have doubts you want to read that), I have provided it in a spoiler to the Google Document.

This took me hours to complete and a lot of stress to really dig deep for this character and write it out as much as I could. Please be aware that this was from scratch and is the second time I had to fully flesh out a backstory that felt as close to the character as possible without giving away too much information.

Anyways, I hope to see your reply.
-KytilSeren
 
I understand you put the time and effort into the full backstory, but please understand that due to the Application Rules and respect for my own time, I cannot read the entire google doc and will solely be judging on the bullet points you have posted. In addition, should this app be approved, only the aspects of the bullet points will be considered "canon."

With that said, please rectify the following issues.

-You still have not explained how he was able to "Self-Teach" himself something as complicated and experience-based as Field Combat. This does not have to be anything complex, simply adjusting it to learning while he was an adult in the Empire would be sufficient.

-You may add an additional knowledge pack for your Magical Knowledge. You have spent 20 points, but only have 4 options.

-I would adjust the wording of "From age four" to "beginning on his 4th birthday he started to learn how," or move it to the teenage years, as your current wording suggests he learned all these things at the age of 4.

@KytilSeren
 
@birdsfoot violet I have made the edits suggested, but to explain why my guy only has four is because I read that for races that extend beyond 20 in Magical Knowledge, the points invested into packs increases to 5 points per pack for them.

So, while I understand I may had an additional pack, I am unsure on how you mean as I had done the math and 20 points means I can only do 4 packs if it is 5 points per pack...?

You can feel free to help me understand this, but for the sake of saving time, I'll keep Magical Knowledge at 20 and everything staying in order. Really dont want to go back and work it up from scratch again...
 
-The "5 points for pack" only applies once you have already spent 20 points. Otherwise you would be penalized for having an increased cap. 20 points at 5 points per means you could only have 4 packs, with a maximum of 5 packs at 25. Which is exactly the same number of maximum packs if your cap was 20 and you were spending 4 points per pack. Therefore, since you are only spending 20 points, your rate is 4 points per pack for a total of 5 packs. You only have 4 currently.

-As a final point, simply edit or remove your explanation of your General Tactic Skill Points to fit with your Backstory, as it still says he was self taught in the last 5 years of his life.

Once these issues are mended, I will Approve your app. Thank you for your patience. @KytilSeren
 
@birdsfoot violet I have made the following edits for approval to Andreas' character sheet:

-Added edits in red for Zikiel Bloodline
-Added two new traits/mutations by void ritualism:
+Void Rift
+Void Mark
-Included one Sorcery Spell with Haunting Sorcery: Shadow Cloak
 
In the future, be sure to change the tag to "Needs Re-Review" when this occurs.

Re-Approved.
 
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