An Apology, Thanks, And An Offer.

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by joglak, Feb 15, 2018.

  1. joglak

    joglak Refugee Supremium

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    First, I'd like to start off by saying that I'm making this thread because I sincerely want to apologize for my disgusting past behavior. There's no excuse in the world to match with why I treated genuine, good people like rabid animals or as if they weren't worth anything. I want to mend my relationship with the community and finally start fresh and stop my reign of anger once and for all.
    Someone really close to me always tells me anger is like throwing a hot coal at someone. You're the one who gets burned. Although, I don't think I fully understood the quote until I was clearing some posts made by myself and was looking back on old art threads, that I ended up finding a post where I fired back at someone for not giving me what I wanted. It was an incredibly selfish and foul way to go about it and a shit way to treat another human being.
    We're all human and how I treated people, and still sometimes do admittedly, is not who I want to be, and not what I want to be associated with. I don't want to be associated with an 'abuser'. I don't want to be associated with an 'asshole' or 'that one girl who keeps hurting those she claims to love'. That is NOT who I am, and that is NOT who I want to be. I refuse to give into my negative emotions and bring others down just because I'm feeling miserable that day.
    I refuse to upset anymore of those I cherish with all of my heart, and I refuse to back track again. I refuse to throw around the words "I want to change" and "I'm changing" anymore. I want to begin helping people with their problems now rather than everyone always helping me.
    What I'm trying to say, is that I am so sorry that I've wronged some of you in the past, and I'm sorry I couldn't work up the will power to post this sooner, or get to you sooner. I'm terrified of yelling at someone or getting passive aggressive with someone and that be the last damn thing I say to them. I want, need, and WILL change this time. I do not blame you if you don't think I will, and I will never blame you for it. I understand it's hard to come back from the shit I've done and I understand some wounds don't heal as easily as others. I will never blame you again for not wanting me involved in your life, nor will I snap at you because of it.

    The title of this post mentions how there's also a thanks, and that's true. I want to thank every single one of you who have given me chances to prove myself, who have stuck by my side, and have offered infinite support. It's helped me not only improve on my behavior, but also has helped me cope with anxiety and depression. Each and every one of you who have been there for me, is like family to me now. You're an online family that I love with all of my heart and wish to see strive. I appreciate everything that you have done for me, which includes but isn't limited to:
    Offering me talks late at night.
    Dealing with my aggressiveness, and helping me tone it down.
    Giving me a chance to prove my worth.
    Never, EVER, doubting me.
    I'm a very hard person to deal with, I know, but those of who have been patient enough to listen to me in calls when I'm at my worst and allowed me to prove myself: Thank you for EVERYTHING you have done for me. I love you so very much, and I hope to continue our friendships deep into our lives.

    Life is by far too short to not let you know how much I appreciate you and even how sorry I am for hurting you when I have. Life is also too short to hold grudges, which is why I'm absolutely, a hundred percent willing to mend any and all friendships lost in the wake of my anger and stupidity. I want to give back to the community by offering an ear and a shoulder to anyone facing the same struggles or even different struggles. I'm online frequently and I will always try to respond to you. I never want someone to feel alone when I have perfectly good ears and shoulders and helping hands.

    If we have had hiccups in the past, I encourage the idea of talking again, catch up, and sprouting a new and healthier friendship. I encourage comments on this post and your constructive criticism. Thank you ALL for being there for me at one time or another, and thank you all for your patience, kindness, and respect. Thank you and I'm sorry.
     
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  2. joglak

    joglak Refugee Supremium

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  3. Sozzer

    Sozzer mega gay

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    no.

    edit; let me elaborate a bit, actually. y'know how if you read the same word a bunch of times, it loses its meaning? well, this is kinda like that. you've been given a lot of chances by a lot of people, and making a big public "i'm sorry uwu" post doesn't mean anyone is at all obligated to give you another. whether other people choose to give you one, that's their decision, but i'm not inclined to. you've claimed change plenty, sometimes even acted for a week or so like you have, but then you go back to it, so i'm struggling to find any reason to take this as more truthful than the last seven or eight times you said it. if you want peoples' opinions of you to change, the best thing to do is just change quietly, without pushing for this big public apology.
     
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    #3 Sozzer, Feb 15, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2018
  4. joglak

    joglak Refugee Supremium

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    I even mentioned that in what I wrote, actually. I fully agree with you in the fact that I did say it so many times before which is wrong of me, and I don't blame you or anyone else for thinking that way. I simply thought I'd post this as a thanks as well as an offer to help out, considering I really do what to take that path in life. I understand my mistakes more than I have before and I hope you can see that later on in life. You're 100% free to think what you will and I'm not stopping you from doing so. I just hope I can prove it otherwise and improve anyway. Thank you for the criticism no less and thank you for elaborating. I'll definitely take what you said into account
     
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  5. joglak

    joglak Refugee Supremium

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    Absolutely! I feel like I took the next step to committing to change by posting this, because if I don't commit, I'll have made this for nothing and I have people to do it for now. I'm excited to start fresh but nervous at the same time. Thank you for the words!
     
  6. Motherland

    Motherland The forgotten ancient

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    maybe it's best you distance yourself from massive for a while. find something else that soothes you equally, and drown out the thoughts. i particularly get severe anxiety when leaving the forums or not playing on mc, because i have a lot of friends and i don't want to spend less time with them.
    apologies are one thing, but you have to show your willingness to right what you've done wrong, and build for the future rather than the past. we've all made mistakes, some a lot more than others. what matters most, is that you try to treat those around you with respect, even if you don't particularly like them.
    i've split part of my soul into the community, building old characters with new concepts, and trying to repair some of the damage i've done was the first part. then, i took the time to apologies privately, sometimes going over what i've done for hours. the last stage was taking a very long break from massive, which caused me to do some awful things to myself, but ultimately i've healed a lot.

    every time you stop yourself from lashing out in anger at another person, you are subconsciously teaching yourself to be more loving.
     
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  7. joglak

    joglak Refugee Supremium

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    You've made SUCH good points and I really like the last part. I don't particularly want to take a break though, as I do have quite a few friends on here that support me and I want to continue supporting them. Thank you though!
     
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  8. NoRezForYou

    NoRezForYou Professional Hand Holder

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    I was tagged so clearly i'm important
     
  9. Snore

    Snore *Grunt... grunt grunt*

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    As an outsider looking in, this resonated with me. Though, the feedback did seem deserved. The thing was the extent of the apology. If you seemingly deserved the respect differing from this person you once were, then this thing wouldn't have to be a post. Would just be given. The item i'm trying to point out is that a change needs to be seen. If you know the phrase, "Takes time." Pretty simple but applicable.
     

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