Rejected Sheet Amelia Lefont

Discussion in 'Character Applications' started by ArinSky, Apr 29, 2014.

  1. ArinSky

    ArinSky Dahlia Neva

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2014
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Basic Information
    Who Is This:
    Amelia (Mia) LeFont is a 24 year old female human.
    Family:
    [Felix LeFont|Father|Living in Lesseux]
      Felix is an underhanded politician, who has gained and kept his position through bribes and abuse of what power he has. He has become quite wealthy as a side effect, though he is generally disliked by most of his constituents.
    [Isabelle LeFont|Mother|In Jail]
      Isabelle is in jail, having taken the fall for her husband’s embezzlement and extortion charges. She will remain in jail for another ten years, and while she remains behind bars she is studying all the books about alchemy she can manage to get her hands on.
    [Myra LeFont|Grandmother|Living in Lesseux]
      Myra was angered by her son’s actions, but relies on him to take care of her because of her advanced age. She used to run one of the larger churches for the old gods in a nearby city, but had to pass the torch on to another member of the congregation as she lost her ability to leave the house often.
    Origins: Lesseux, a decent sized Regalian colony in Ithania.

    Living in: Mia owns a house in Regalia, and spends the vast majority of her time there.

    Main Goal: Mia is distraught over her past failures, and is attempting to help everyone around her that she can. He eventual goal would be for everyone to be healthy and no longer live in poverty, and even if this is is impossible every step she takes is for that cause.

    Visual Information
    Body
      
    Height/Weight
    : 5’8” and 138lbs
      Body Description: Mia is on the wiry side of athletic, but feels comfortable that way. Her slender frame is hidden by the half-plate armor she wears, but when she dons other clothes the narrowness of her arms and legs is fairly obvious. The muscle she has is a circumstance of the armor, and tends to be more useful for stamina than actual power.
      Skin: The armor that she wears half the time keeps her skin a fairly pale white complexion. She has a tattoo of a flower on her right hand from when she was learning to cast her magic.

    Head
      
    Facial Structure: Her heart shaped face is given a round appearance by her angled jaw that slopes gracefully into a prominent chin. While she has high cheekbones, they are not well defined and give her cheeks just a slight slope. Her grey-blue eyes appear very slightly sunken in, giving them a little bit of a flat appearance as they peer from under her thin eyebrows with a soft and confident gaze. Her narrow, short nose almost blends into her face as it leads down to her small mouth and round but almost bow shaped lips.
      Hair/Facial hair: Mia’s black hair is cut into short layers on the sides and back, and slightly longer on the top. It is normally slanted off to the side so it rests out of the way on her forehead and dangling to about the bottom her ears. Sometimes when she moves quickly, it will shift into her eye and annoy her.
      Eyes: Mia’s blue eyes have almost a steel-like hue to them.

    Clothing/Accessories
    Mia has two outfits she wears out, as well as the clothing she wears under her armor.
      Half-plate: When she wears her half-plate, the spaces in the armor are sewn together with dark brown leather, which manages to cover all of her skin below her shoulder line. She has a helmet, but rarely wears it about the city. The half-plate design covers her left shoulder as a blocking shoulder, and has only block protection on each forearm as opposed to full gauntlets. She carries a shield on her back, and allows a morning star with a loop of string attached to the handle to swing freely from her waist.
      Simple Traveling Clothes: Mia’s second outfit is for traveling, and consists of a simple white cloth shirt that fits loosely and covers her arms, and a brown skirt that reaches to her ankles. Her brown boots are simple and worn, a stark contrast from her polished armor ones.
      Fancy Clothes: When Mia goes somewhere familiar or to any kind of social gathering, she tends to wear a single piece white dress with the sleeves and waist tightened by brown strings. The bottom of the dress brushes against her ankles, as she wears simple strap sandals with it which are also brown.

    Personality Traits

    Personality:

    1)On Introversion
      Mia has an introverted personality. She is very deliberate with everything she does and tends to be private and quiet. While she doesn't mind large gatherings, she much prefers small groups. She has an aversion to being alone, which stems from the lessons in magic she undertook. For a substantial amount of the time, her teacher forced her into a secluded cell to learn without interruption, and the memories of those times haunt her still.
    2)Fears of the Mind
      She is afraid of vampires after an incident where her best friend was turned by one and burned in front of her. She was unable to heal this type of affliction, and because of it she often worries that she isn't good enough with her power. She fears another incident might happen again, and takes great care to not do anything that insults or hurts someone she is trying to help. She has a strong fear of shapeless creatures, and other aberrations, that has it’s root in her magical training. She was kept in isolation by her teacher on two separate occasions, each for long enough that she heard phantom noises and began to hallucinate shapes in the shadows of her cell.
    3)Where the Heart Is
      Mia is a dependable person. If she says something will be done, she makes sure to see it through to conclusion. She is honest by nature, and so the few times that she lies are fairly obvious to those around her. She helps everyone around her, and will willingly put herself in harms way for others even if she’s only just met them. She never wants to appear as though she isn't grateful. Because of this she will often say thanks multiple times, or thank people for deeds that wouldn't normally garner a response. She is soft-hearted, often believing sad stories and helping those people without questioning if they are telling the truth.
    4)Emboldened by Faith
      She is a devout follower of the Old Gods. While she appreciates luxury, she rarely allows herself the opportunity because she was taught by the church to attempt look outside the self. She is highly optimistic, never worrying about situations because her deep seated religiousness makes her believe that things will always work out well in the end. She is susceptible to questioning her faith ever since her mother was imprisoned, but tries her best to remain steadfast. She tends to blame politicians and leaders for fights and poverty in cities they run–because her father held political office and was incredibly corrupt–and tends to think of the church as the last hope to fix them.

    Likes:
      Helping Others: Mia is always looking to help others, even if she doesn't know them. This was something she grew up with from the church, and has become a natural part of her life.
      Making Friends: Spurred partially by her dislike of being alone and partially by her ability to see the good side of everyone, Mia likes to make friends with almost everyone she meets. It doesn't take long for Mia to consider someone a friend, even if they don’t consider her one.
      Her Fancy Pillow: Mia doesn't allow herself many luxuries, feeling that instead she should give the things she doesn't need to those who need them. Her single exception to this is her pillow, which she grew up with, and received as a gift from her grandmother when she sent her armor. It is comfortable and fancy, lined with a small trim of gold lace.
      Mixing Potions: Mia mixes potions in her free time from ingredients she finds and grows. She almost exclusively makes potions that heal ailments or promote healing, and tends to hand them out to help others around her when using her magic would be trivial. She is far from an expert at alchemy, but the few things she can make she has made many times the exact same way.
      Indoor Gardening: Mia has a few plants inside the top floor of her house in Regalia. She uses these plants both to eat, and in small amounts for alchemy. She has always kept a garden ever since her best friend helped her care for one in Lesseux, part out of nostalgia and part from a genuine affinity for the task.
      Music: Mia has a fondness for music that stems from her past, where she used to listen to the street musicians of Lesseux. She has enjoyed music for most of her life, and if she’s not wearing armor she is very likely to dance to the tune.
      Ale: While she considers it a luxury, on rare occasions she will ask bartenders for an ale. It was how her father dealt with his issues, and she has found that it can help calm her nerves as it did his.

    Dislikes:
      Games: Mia doesn't really enjoy party, card, or skill-based games. She finds them to be trivial wastes of time, but will bear with them if it is for the sake of staying with her friends instead of being alone.
      Puzzles: Concentrating isn't Mia’s strong suit, so she isn't great at solving puzzles that require more than a moment of applying herself. Because of this she tends to dislike them, and even avoid them unless they have an important purpose.
      Fighting: Mia is physically weak, so she isn't very good at dealing with physical altercations. This combined with her compassionate nature mean that the only time she will fight is to defend others and herself, and when she does all of her moves will be to block in an attempt to flee. She has less problem fighting creatures or other non-intelligent beings, but she still prefers to avoid harming them whenever possible.
      Vampires: While most people in Aloria dislike vampires, Mia has an abnormally powerful fear of them because of her past. Her best friend was afflicted with the curse, and Mia ended up watching her burn in the sun while trying to heal her. It was one of the worst events in her life, and she absolutely can’t be knowingly near a vampire without having flashbacks.
      Her Father: Mia’s father was a corrupt politician, and when he was close to getting in trouble he threw his wife under the bus to stay in a jail cell instead of him. He is someone that Mia wants nothing to do with, and refuses to talk to him.
      Shapeless Creatures: While she was confined in a cell during her training, she was cut off in solitude long enough that she began to see things that weren't there. Ever since, any aberration that just doesn't seem to move or act like anything natural will put Mia on the edge of fleeing.
      Politicians: Mia’s father was a corrupt politician on the council that the viceroy of Lesseux appointed to run the city for his son, and ever since the day when she learned the truth about his two-faced lies she has rarely taken the word of a politician at face value. These types are the few that will have trouble lying to her.

    Sexuality: Heterosexual

    Abilities/Disabilities

    Embodied Strength:
      Healing Aptitude: Mia has been learning her healing magic for ten years now, and has become quite skilled in its use. Because the width of the healing area is small, it is good for healing narrow deep wounds, but poor at healing longer slashes.

    Strengths:
      Nerves of Steel: Mia’s strong sense of conviction comes from her time in the church, and her belief that everyone is being watched over by Sera and the other Old Gods. She feels everything will work out the way it is supposed to in their eyes, so she doesn't hold back or scare easily.
      Trustworthy: She is very dependable, so if you ask Mia to do something, you can guarantee it will get done if it is in her power. Mia is also honest, and the few times she is forced to lie it is easy to tell something isn't right.
      Stamina: Not applying to her magical abilities. Her stamina for long distance travel or repeated light workouts is high because she has always been doing these types of things when helping others or working with the church, as well as the fact that she wears armor around a decent amount of the time.
      Healing the Small: Mia is adept at healing puncture wounds, or wounds that run deep but not wide. This stems from the way she manifests her power, and most injuries that she can fit under the flower pattern tend to be mended easily.

    Weaknesses:
      Fear of Aberrations: After spending a long time in a solitary cell by the direction of an angry teacher, Mia has come to fear shapeless creatures or other unworldly type aberrations. This is because as she stayed in extended solitary confinement, she eventually began to hear phantom sounds and see shapes in the shadows, and anything that reminds her of those times will illicit a fear response.
      Shaking Foundations: Mia is unsure about her own ability to heal, and wonders if it is actually what Sera and the other gods want her to be doing–or even if those gods exist for sure sometimes. Because of this, she takes questions about her abilities in a deeply personal way, and tries as best as she can to always make sure she doesn't get close to the edges of her strength while still helping everyone she can.
      Physically Disadvantaged: Her build is very scrawny, and so when strength is needed Mia is quite lacking. This puts her at a disadvantage in many areas, including combat, lifting and carrying, knocking things over, climbing, and jumping.
      Healing Limitations: Mia can only heal small areas of about the width of the palm of her hand at a time. This means that for wider slashes or other wounds that take up a large area require much more effort from her, as well as taking considerably longer.
      Politics and Tact: Unfortunately, because Mia is steadfast in standing for what she believes is right, she is very poor at negotiation or coercion. She also sometimes has a hard time telling if someone is lying if the story they tell pulls on her heartstrings. Because of this, Mia has trouble talking her way out of situations, especially if that would involve lies. She also has a strong dislike for politicians that makes it difficult for her to work with them, ever since she found out that her father–a prominent politician in Lesseux–was corrupt.

    Combat Styles:
    Physical Fighting: Mia only has one physical fighting style, and that is defensive fighting using mostly her shield to hide behind. She is a very poor fighter, so will generally use her shield to block what attacks she can while retreating.
    Healing:
      Magical Ability: Student
      Main form: Light
      Specialization: Healing Light
    Individual form:
      Mia whispers a prayer to the water goddess Erai, known as the bringer of peace and harmony to people’s lives. While she whispers, she holds her right hand against the wound and traces the outline of a flower on the back of her hand with the pointer finger of her left hand.
      “Goddess of water take my hand
      and guide it as I pray,
      to mend the wound of this harmed soul
      and take this pain away.”

      The shape that she makes guides the flow of energy under her hand, bringing it back and forth through the wound much like stitches made of light. Her technique leaves a light scar over where the wound was, in the shape of the flower she traced, which tends to heal after a few months. The whole process has a slight sting to it as the healing is forced upon different areas, and might feel similar to if there were a pinhead being moved around inside the slightly numbed wound. For large wounds, she would need to trace this in multiple places, as the magic only heals the area she traces inside of. This takes a large amount of her energy, making her inefficient at healing elongated slashes but adept at healing puncture or small area wounds like fractures.

    Weapon of Choice: Mia uses a morning star in her right hand, and a shield in her left. She is a poor fighter with them–she has been known to accidentally throw her weapon instead of swinging it–and tends to use them mostly as deterrents or against non-intelligent creatures.

    Relationships
      Felix LeFont: Since the two had a shouting match and got kicked out of a tavern, Mia has not spoken to him. She never had a very close connection to him, but felt betrayed when he was revealed for what he was. The general public doesn't know he was the issue, so he continues to hold political office and take advantage of his constituents, and this infuriates Mia more than anything else.
      Isabelle LeFont: Mia sometimes visits her mother at the low security jail she is at, and brings her books to read. The two have a close connection, and a lot of Mia’s compassionate ways were adopted from Isabelle.
      Myra LeFont: Myra is a very religious woman who made sure that all of her children grew up in the church. She and Mia have a strained relationship, and though she pays for Mia’s house in Regalia the two sometimes get into arguments about what Felix did and how she can still stay in the same house as him.
      Harthin Salvaterria: Harthin came around the house quite often for business with Mia's father, but seemed to be the only person in the government who paid her any mind. He was always very pleasant to Mia, and gained her trust as she left for Regalia by promising to look into her father's dirty politics and make sure they didn't continue. Mia has no way to verify that the promise is being followed through, but she trusts Harthin to do the right thing.

    Life Story

    The City of Lesseux

    Lesseux
      Resting near the northeastern coast of Ithania on the Torsion Vigne river, Lesseux is in a prime location for growing grapes and lies directly on the trade network between Regalia and Ithania. The colony city is filled with a unique mix of both Regalian and Ithanian culture, and is a breeding ground for artists, musicians, and writers.

    Lesseux Government
      The ruler of Lesseux is the son of the old Viceroy, who had originally founded the city as a colony of Regalia. His son was ill equipped to rule the city, so before he died the old ruler appointed a cabinet of people, one to take care of each area. The power of the city lies in the hands of these people, with the old Viceroy's son watching over them and tweaking small things with the illusion of power. In the appointing process, Adelmo Salvaterria–one of the most prominent figures in the city from his trades in spices and alchemy–was appointed to the council to oversee the trade and relations between Lesseux and Regalia. Most consider this position to be the most influential in the city, and when he died in his sleep there was a clamor for a replacement. In the end it was his son, Harthin Salvaterria, who rose to the position with a few wise words and the backing of his family.
      In recent years a few members of this cabinet became corrupt, leaving a large portion of the city with very little while they lived lavishly. In following the funds, the other officials discovered the two worst offenders were Felix LeFont–his wife was stealing funds in his name based on the evidence–and Fabien Blanchet who had used his money to bribe one to many people. The economy has yet to recover from the incident, but as of late it appears to be headed in a better direction.

    Watchful Guards
      Lesseux has a small city guard, which mostly acts as a police force. While poverty is high inside the
    city since the death of the old Viceroy, crime is low because Lesseux is also caught up in the cultural revival that is happening across Ithania. Artists and musicians are common in the streets and despite having very little, the inhabitants of the city live with a spectacular vibrance.

    Life in Lesseux
      The city is fairly large, with a population of around five thousand. As the artistic culture swept across Ithania, they took advantage of the wonderful art and the grapes they grew in the warm weather to start a decent trade with Regalia as well as some of the areas nearby on the trade route.
    Messengers go back and forth between the two often, and the heavy influence of Regalia can be seen in the both the architecture and the way mages are treated in Lesseux. Much of the city is considered a poor district, with most living barely within their means. Priests of the Old Gods are ubiquitous throughout this area providing what aid they can, and the strong Regalian influence can be seen by the few churches of Unionism that have also been a staple in the city since it's conception.
      Potential mages are forced to be collared in Lesseux once they reach the age of sixteen. Mages are sent to become collared in Regalia, as Lesseux lacks an order of mages to take care of this type of thing themselves. Mages are uncommon because of the lack of teachers, and most come either from magical families or from the churches where a small number of the priests have been known to take on a student or two from the wealthy to help them financially.
      Lesseux lacks a true nobility class, though is does have an upper and lower divide that can be easily seen by the state of the houses. Most of the business owners are in the upper class and live in the second story of their store. The government officials and guards also have been elevated to the upper class by the government, though there are no positions available in either of these and hasn't been for quite some time.

    Early Life of Devotion

      Mia spent most of her time with her mother in her younger years. Isabelle worked with the church helping people in the poor district, and this mentality of compassion was something Mia picked up on quickly. Lesseux was in a fortunate location for many, as two nearby cities were feuding and a decent number of refugees made their way into the poor district trying to avoid the bloodshed. The pair were very close as they worked to bring donated food, blankets, and clothing to those in the city who needed it. Mia preferred the poor district as she grew up, enjoying the incredible culture of the area with musicians on street corners and artists painting portraits and landscapes for coin. In contrast the upper class district was loud, and filled with drunken guards and lofty politicians that would never so much as glance her way.
      Mia spent her free time at home with her friend Belle. She was the daughter of Fabien Blanchet, another member of the government cabinet who worked closely with her father. The two girls became good friends in a short span of time. Belle's mother had died in childbirth, so every time her father came over to the house to talk about the finances of the city with Felix he was forced to bring her. They soon discovered that they both were intrigued by the idea of having a garden, and Isabelle helped them to find a small area in the upper class district to plant in, teaching them how to care for the plants. The two could be seen there almost every day afterward, tending to it.
      When Mia was nine years old, the feud in the neighboring cities took a turn for the worse. One of the small villages on the edge of Allonville, the further of the two cities from Lesseux at about a three day travel, was burnt to the ground. Isabelle took Mia with her to the small village for a year as the two helped other volunteers from the church rebuild the houses and replant the fields. The possibility of more attacks was high so everyone wore armor–including Mia, who was fitted with a simple cloth chest piece to help protect herself. She became comfortable with this armor and wore it quite often when she was about, appreciating the sense of security it gave her. The atrocities of war became clear to Mia as she attempted to administer first aid to those she could while helping rebuild, but what became even clearer was how much their help was appreciated. As they left at the end of the year, the entire village saw the church group off with tears of appreciation for all they had done, and it was an incredible feeling of accomplishment Mia would never forget.

    The Seeds of Fear

      As Mia started to take on her own work for the church, around the age of thirteen, she started to form a rapport with a few of the priests. One of these priests in particular saw promise in Mia and the way she looked at the world, and he asked her to be his student when she turned fourteen. Her father consented to pay the price with barely a thought–his job afforded him the money to lead an extravagant life, and he saw no reason to deny his daughter one as well–and soon Mia was packing to move into the church for lessons.
      Her excitement was quickly squelched as she was given an enormous book Albert–her new teacher–had written, and brought to her room in the top floor of the church. She was locked away there to study the book for months at a time, only receiving food deliveries through the door from him. As time went on, she began to hear the floor creaking as creatures sneaking around. Shadows danced in the candlelight, becoming worrying monsters on the edges of her vision. The issues would fade away during the times she was allowed around the city to practice what she had studied, but slowly crept back each time she was locked away again. The whole process lasted for two years, and while she managed to learn much about magic, she also developed a longing to be near other people. When she turned sixteen she left for Regalia, as all mages in Lesseux do to become collared, and with her she brought her fears of the shadows and loneliness. It was also during this time that Mia began to wear heavier armor as she had become used to the weight of armor and became able to wear heavier components, telling herself that she would have less to fear from being alone if she could be alone in heavier armor.
      After spending a couple of weeks being kept at the Azure Order headquarters, undergoing tests and education for using her magic in the city, she was finally released with a collar. The whole process wasn't an issue for Mia after what she had just been through, and she was mostly just glad that she had human contact for most of the process. When she came back to Lesseux she informed Albert that she wouldn't study under him anymore, and asked a second priest she had known to help her learn. His name was Paul, and he agreed to teach her because she already had a solid grasp of the basics.
      While learning from Paul, Mia met back up with Belle. The two had been distanced for the last two years by her former teacher and had grown apart a little, but they went back to tending to the same garden they had started. They had spent a large portion of their lives seeding and weeding it with care, and the two quickly rekindled their friendship.
      Unfortunately, shortly after Mia had turned seventeen, Belle became very sick. Mia did her best to help her recover, and after a few days things seemed to be looking up. She could stand, walk, and eat just as before. Neither found it too odd that she wasn't hungry, and Belle neglected to tell Mia that she had a strange craving for blood. The two decided a walk would do Belle good, and began to head out to the market, but upon leaving the house Belle’s skin began to boil. She screamed out in pain, and Mia quickly attempted to use her healing magic to help, but it appeared to have no effect as Belle writhed on the ground. As the skin began to burn away into ash on the wind, Mia took a flask of water from her coat, emptying it on her in a last ditch effort to quench the smoldering mess that was once her friend. Unfortunately it was holy water from the church, and only forced her friend to be fully consumed by the flames. This event was the first time that Mia had met a vampire, and it was something she would never get over. She mourned the loss of her friend, and continued tending to the garden they had worked so hard for, wetting the soil with tears almost daily as she thought about their times together. Her emotions slowly began to even out, and as she progressed in her lessons she traveled the city, helping as many people as she could find in an attempt to make up for being unable to help the one person she couldn't stand to lose.

    Dealing With Emotions

      After a few months, rumors started reaching Mia’s ears about her father being investigated by the other council members. It was unfortunately true, but in a strange twist her mother was the one arrested. Mia rushed to the jail to ask her about it, and Isabelle told her that Felix had planted evidence that she was the one embezzling money, and she had been unable to prove otherwise. No one would believe the two as they pleaded to have a retrial to get the truth out. Mia determined that she would never speak to her father again, and continued to stay at Paul’s house in an extra bedroom. She stayed here for two years, visiting her mother often and avoiding her father at all costs while studying her magic. Felix still paid for her lessons, perhaps out of guilt.
      Avoiding her father was a difficult task, and he eventually managed to corner her into talking to him. The two had a shouting match that got them kicked out of a bar, and Mia decided she would have no more of it. Within a week she had packed all of her belongings and left for Regalia with the hope that she could start anew, possibly in a place with less corruption. Now aged 21, she traveled around Regalia for a year, helping those she could and living between churches for a year with nothing but the clothes on her back.
      Then she received a message from Lesseux. The letter was from her grandmother, Myra, who had recently moved back to the city after becoming bedridden with an illness. In the letter, she offered to pay for a home in Regalia for Mia, and to send her the things she had left behind. Myra felt horrible for the things her son had done to his wife and daughter, and saw her return as a chance to help make up for it. She paid for the house with money she took from him, and sent along Mia’s set of armor as well as the fancy pillow she had slept on as a child. Mia once again began to wear the armor everywhere with her, now adding a shield and a morning star to it that she had never before wielded. She slept on the pillow each night, thinking about her mother and Belle, hoping to herself that she would find a way to make up for the fact that she had lost both–hoping to herself that she would be strong enough to help the next person who needed her.


    Footnote: Thanks BboyMVB, BandoftheHawk, and ravenwolfthorn for all of the help with lore and other questions! All feedback is welcome, and greatly appreciated. I haven't used the new format before, so I hope this looks alright.
     
    #1 ArinSky, Apr 29, 2014
    Last edited: May 3, 2014
  2. soggytoenails

    soggytoenails Decogator Supremium

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2013
    Messages:
    231
    Likes Received:
    87
  3. ArinSky

    ArinSky Dahlia Neva

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2014
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
  4. BboyMVB

    BboyMVB Captain of the Maelstrom, Savior of Regalia
    1. --==:: Sylvan: A Breeze Through the Leaves ::==--

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2013
    Messages:
    230
    Likes Received:
    160
  5. soggytoenails

    soggytoenails Decogator Supremium

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2013
    Messages:
    231
    Likes Received:
    87
    I mean like formatting and bullet points. Wait, is it required to use bullet points?
     
  6. Shayin

    Shayin Seen any Elves? Staff Member Roleplay Staff

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2016
    Messages:
    295
    Likes Received:
    411
    By most RP Staff's Standards, yes.
     
  7. Shayin

    Shayin Seen any Elves? Staff Member Roleplay Staff

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2016
    Messages:
    295
    Likes Received:
    411
    @ArinSky
    Claiming for review.
    PLEASE pay attention to the below. Makes it easy for the viewer to single out information quickly.
    Bullets and Indents Tutorial.png
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  8. ArinSky

    ArinSky Dahlia Neva

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2014
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    @Shayin Hey! Just checking to make sure you want me to change my application to use bullets? I spent hours making sure this was readable, but if you'd prefer it to be in bullets I can add them in place of the tab indents. I was told my multiple RP staff that this style would be fine, but I have no issue changing it either if you take issue with it.
     
    #8 ArinSky, May 1, 2014
    Last edited: May 1, 2014
  9. Shayin

    Shayin Seen any Elves? Staff Member Roleplay Staff

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2016
    Messages:
    295
    Likes Received:
    411
    @ArinSky Considering in the Template it says to use bullets, I'd ask for the sake of uniformity that there be bullets. They are little snippets that point to the start of information and as a rule of thumb most RP Staff require bullets when reviewing. I know it's inconvenient but in the long run this is an important step to take.
     
  10. BboyMVB

    BboyMVB Captain of the Maelstrom, Savior of Regalia
    1. --==:: Sylvan: A Breeze Through the Leaves ::==--

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2013
    Messages:
    230
    Likes Received:
    160
    I shall be taking over this review~
     
  11. BboyMVB

    BboyMVB Captain of the Maelstrom, Savior of Regalia
    1. --==:: Sylvan: A Breeze Through the Leaves ::==--

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2013
    Messages:
    230
    Likes Received:
    160
    Here's my review,
    -First off, you state your character has a scrawny build however you state your character is 5'8" 138lbs. Actually 138 pounds is not that scrawny for this height. I saw this and looked it up on a few ideal body weight generators and for a female actually "Based on the healthy BMI recommendation, your recommended weight is 121.7 lbs - 164.4 lbs" So your character is of an average frame. If you want to portray her being skinnier/bonier I'd advise downing the weight by perhaps 8-10 lbs?
    -You state her good stamina comes from lung strength, however I feel as if lugging about half plate for I assume hours at a time would actually build muscular endurance and in turn grant her the muscle you state she lacks. Unless of course this half plate wearing is a new occurrence? But I feel if this had been common for a handful of years her build would be closer to wiry or a thin athletic.
    -You state "Old Gods and Unity" in the city description for existing churches, did you mean the Regalian religion of Unionism? If not what is this Unity church?
    -Hmm, I find a 9 year old girl wearing half plate, if she is perhaps I read that wrong and it's potentially leather armor, slightly... improbable? Perhaps? Maybe you could enlighten me but that seems like a heavy load for a young person and a female especially seeing how they are often of smaller stature and such.
    -I loved the detail put into the city and lifestory, very good reads and the attention and time put into them is rather evident, keep up the good work :3

    Please make the edits requested and feel free to ask me of any concerns you have. @ArinSky
     
  12. ArinSky

    ArinSky Dahlia Neva

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2014
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    You made some very good points, @BboyMVB , and so to rectify the situations you described I have changed the following:

    1) I kept Mia's current weight, but have changed her to being on the skinny side of athletic. This also helps with explaining her stamina, which comes from her athletic build as a consequence of wearing heavy armor around. I think I managed to get these two ideas jumbled in my head for the original post.

    2) I meant Unionism in that instance, and changing the word prompted me to change that sentence to make it clearer. The Unionism is from the city's heavy Regalian influence.

    3) Now that I look back on this, I am inclined to agree with you that Mia wouldn't wear actual armor at age 9. Because of this, I'm switching it to a simple cloth chest piece for her early years, and having her upgrade later on in her life (age 16 in the life story) as she becomes used to the armor and can stand to wear heavier components, which is heavily influenced by her fear of being alone after her first teacher.

    Let me know what you think, and thanks for the help!
     
    #12 ArinSky, May 1, 2014
    Last edited: May 2, 2014
  13. BboyMVB

    BboyMVB Captain of the Maelstrom, Savior of Regalia
    1. --==:: Sylvan: A Breeze Through the Leaves ::==--

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2013
    Messages:
    230
    Likes Received:
    160
    Awesome @ArinSky thanks for being so compliant and speedy with the edits requested of you, this application seems to be all set and ready to go so I will be approving it. Just wanted to say one last time how much I enjoyed reading it over, a really good piece of work here. Approved.
     

Share This Page