Preserved Sheet Alba De Orimora Carranza

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Sozzer

mega gay
Joined
Sep 25, 2015
Messages
232
Reaction score
1,451
Points
0
Location
Australia
Basic Information
Full Name: Alba de Orimora Carranza
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Race: Ailor, Woaden lineage.
Sexuality: no thanks
Preferred Weapon: Monsterwarp claws.


Skill Information
Total Points: 39 age + 10 free hobby + 10 free talent

Proficiencies:
  • Fist Combat | 15 | Invested
  • Hunting Art | 15 | 5 invested, 5 free hobby, 5 racial boost
  • Pathfinding Art | 15 | 10 invested, 5 free hobby
  • Stealth Rogue | 10 | Free talent
  • Ritualism | 9 | Invested

Body Shape: Athletic, extreme low body fat.

Physical Stat: 23 (15*1 fist combat + 15*0.5 Pathfinding Art = 22.5, rounded up to 23)

Languages: Common, Daendroque.

Special Traits/Spells/Mutations:
  • Ritualist Abilities: Blood-Mend, Monsterwarp, Earthbind.
  • Ritualist Aesthetics: Ghostcall, Predation, Body-Singing.
  • Mutations: Void Sight, Void Ocular, Void Scalp, Void Spike, Pagan Voice, Pagan Sight, Monster Eyes, Monster Draw (all valid features removed), Monster Snap, Monster Beast (there's this many for a reason, I swear - check the life story).

Visual Information
Eye Color: Golden iris, black sclera, feline pupil.
Hair Color: Deep brown.
Hair Style: Thick, hardened strands.
Skin Color: Once lightly tanned, now pallid and sickly from years away from light.
Clothing: Tattered rags and charred, body-sung bone.
Height: 6'0"

Personality
  • Character Alignment
    • Neutral Evil
  • Character Personality Type
    • Barely human, Alba is most akin to a predatory beast; hunting and consuming prey in a ritualistic drive, blind to anything not tied to her singular purpose.
  • Character Religion
    • Violently subversive Anu cult (see Life Story for details), 10/10.
Life Story
  • Born to mostly normal parents, Alba experiences a wholly ordinary home life, utterly disconnected from the changes to follow. Growing up on the edge of the Forriesta Natal, she frequently makes trips deeper and deeper into it as a child, unaware of the darkness concealed within.
  • Never quite gets entirely lost (though often gets somewhat so), but experiences an ever-growing fascination with the forest.
  • The young girl grows ever more fascinated by the deep woods, the peculiar wildlife within, and the thought of mysteries in the depths. While she never becomes lost, she still disappears sometimes for days on end, learning to find her way through it - and to catch the elusive creatures that surround her.
  • Becoming increasingly fixated on tales of monsters in the ancient woods, ever more cut off from the world and the others around her, Alba falls in with a small cult within the forest, who exploit her fascination and fixation to bring her into their fold; first as a curious watcher, then as a convert. Their beliefs take the shape of a heavily warped form of Void Cultism revolving around Anu, the Hubris Scorned. Rather than seeking to be pacifistic, they believe in a doctrine that claims the ideal path is to seek "true" asceticism by "ascending" to a state as a predatory monster dwelling outside of the vices of man's domain through heavy faith in their vision, and ever-increasing mutation. She steadily grows more zealous and devoted; undergoing extensive mutation as the insular cult develops their doctrine and abilities.
  • For nearly twenty years, this slow progression continues, and indeed it seems the cult are approaching their so-called ascension; only for this to be cut short as the group are wiped out by the arrival of the Herebrand Holy Order following the Drixagh Rebellion. With the survivors scattered, the price of their actions soon becomes clear, as they are mutated beyond recognition and too set in their ways - or, in some cases, too far gone from all but the faintest threads of humanity - to ever reintegrate into society. Fleeing into the depths of the woods, moving through it to escape in the far reaches, the last remnants of the cult are left isolated, hiding out anywhere they can find a sanctuary
  • Journeying through the wilderness north, Alba follows a slow path that eventually takes her to the lands directly south of Regalia. Whispers of chaos, monsters, and strange mutations in the city's slums and sewers, overheard while stalking locals, draw her attention sharply enough to warrant stowing away in the depths of a ship and making her way into Regalia, in pursuit of both new forms of mutation and fresh prey.
 
Last edited:
Here is my review:
  • Your body stat calculation seems out of date (there is horticulture points added, but no proficiency), and has an error (hunting does not factor into body stat).
  • For personality type, if you can't find a fit for them, try to give a description of their personality instead.
  • The life story is fairly vague and lacks any timescale. She's a young girl, in a cult, for what is only told as 'some years'. How long? Why'd she join the cult in the first place? Where were her parents during all this? How did she survive the coming if the Herebrand Order? It lacks some of this vital information that connects her story together.
Make these edits in blue and tag me with @AlphaInsomnia when you're done.
 

edits made
the parents are intentionally not specified, initially due to feeling it was implied heavily enough but kept since i found no way to fit it in without it making the associated line very clunky
basically, it is extremely hard to reliably search a giant dense forest, especially for someone very familiar with it who shows signs of probably just running away given they're barely at home to begin with, so any efforts made just... didn't turn up much of anything.
 
Sorry! I didn't receive a notification. If it ever takes this long on an app, feel free to tag the reviewing staff member.

Update looks good. Approving. Sorry for the wait.