Basic Information (Required) Ayahoshi Tetsume is a Ch'ien-Ji string mage and alchemist. most of the left half of his body is made up of metal (metal armor to be exact) and so is his right foot. For more information on Ayahoshi Tetsume. I applied for expert level magic Spoiler I took the 16personalities test for Ayahoshi, and he is a ISTP (AKA The Virtuoso) so take a look at that. The Metal Parts Explained Spoiler As you have now noticed, Ayahoshi Tetsume has some metal parts, I will be explaining them here. Ayahoshi's metal parts include a metal casing around his left half, attached by straps. A metal arm, leg(both on the left) and foot(on the right). These metal parts are all made of steel, but they are thin, they are in fact no thicker then a knights armor. Especially because they are nothing more than a modified design of said armor. The arm and the leg are attached to the casing, and the casing is connected to his body through many Leather bindings. He does need to clean his parts daily to prevent rust, and replace his parts every few years to prevent them from being possessed. His parts are filled with alchemical concoctions to help his body support itself with all of the missing parts. There are little hatches that he can open and place things such as the concoctions or even function as a small storage aria. He uses his string magic to move these limbs. But he can never move for extended periods of time. The metal fingers can be taken off, only to reveal that they double as casings for jointed knives. These knives move just as his fingers do.(think like Edward Scissorhands, but smaller, and the fingers can bend) They were made for him by Gilbert Steele Full Name: Ayahoshi Tetsume Spoiler Ayahoshi Tetsume is a rough translation of star colour Ironeye, but it is really something more along the lines of astral Enforcer, but can also be intemperated as heavenly greed, its all interpretation. But prefers the endearing name of Zhayan Spoiler meaning to wink, because of his habit of closing one eye when focusing Age: thirty seven Gender: Male Race: Ch'ien-Ji Main Ambition: The Ultimate human body (variation of the Eternal Vessel ) Special Permission: Expert level string magic (Marrionett) Basic Information (Expansion) Spoiler Ayahoshi was born to Redi Tetsume and Otoko Tetsume, And has no siblings, As a child his family was fairly wealthy, His parents are deceased. Although he wants to achieve immortality for humanity, he also wants to make a name for himself before that. Visual Information Eye Color: He has Golden eyes Hair Color: Shiny black Hair Style: Combed flat, not very long Skin Color: Yellow tinted Clothing: Zhayan tends to wear a garment remenicant of a more formal and modern Tang Suit Height: 5ft 7in Weight: Roughly 160 pounds Body Build: Has a Small Frame Weapon of Choice: String Magic (Marionette) Expert. Finger knives. Battle Doll Spoiler This is about Ayahoshi's battle doll. The Doll is comparable to a large, metallic skeleton of sorts. It uses bladed fingers on one hand (the left), and has a large blade replacing its hand on the other hand (right). The Doll is as large as he is, but each individual limb is as thick as the shaft of a spear, allowing him to easy place it in small places if need be. As a last resort, the Doll is able to (at his command) either damage a vial of Obscura that is kept in its chest, or allow the vial to fall out of its chest, throwing the single vial at the attacker. It will often wear rags to give the impression that it is a living being, although with enough scrutiny (or light) you can see metal parts showing through the "clothes". Strengths Agility-The Doll is rather fast and flexible, able to bend into inhuman positions, and to sprint at high speeds, although it cannot move very far away from Ayahoshi, lest he lose sight of his puppet. Another thing to note is that the use of this puppet is rather draining on Ayahoshi, as it is more skill based than anything else he does. Skilled user- Due to Ayahoshi's skills in Marionette strings, the Doll's movements are fluid and life-like, its build allowing him to be precise and agile, although it allows little room for power. Endurance-Being made of iron, it is able to take a good few hits, and (being an object) feels no pain. Weaknesses Line of sight- the Doll is unable to leave Ayahoshi's line of sight, and if anything were to come between Ayahoshi and the Doll, not only does the Doll stop moving, Ayahoshi will to. (He is reliant on his string magic to remain mobile, and things coming in between the "strings" forces string mages unable to cast) Warning, contents are fragile- Carrying around obscure is not as easy as people want it to be, get a nice hit in on the Doll and you rupture the vial in its chest, blocking Ayahoshi's line of sight, end rendering the Doll useless. Movement-While the Doll is in motion, Ayahoshi is unable to move properly, any attempts to move his own leg will result in him being incredibly slow and the Doll losing the vast majority of its speed and power. He needs to choose one or the other. Additional information Ayahoshi does not walk around with a big metal "Doll" strapped to his back all the time. This is specifically for big trips where he feels he may need to defend himself, as well as predetermined events where he deems it necessary to bring it. (AKA, I don't have this on me normally, just for major things. And not even a lot of those.) Ayahoshi obtained the doll by using his own business, the final piece arriving under a month before Aloria went under siege. Visual Information (Expansion) Spoiler Zhayan has Large golden almond shaped eyes, Thin lips, and pointed ears. He has smooth skin and has a oval face with a largeish forehead. He has straight, Medium length black hair that reaches his neck in the back and goes down to his eye's near the middle of his face, but near the sides of his face they go halfway down his cheeks, he usually just keeps it organized. The expression you will most often see on Ayahoshi's face (arguably) is one of utmost concentration.(arguably because you usually can't see past the book that he's nose deep in). But when he is not reading, and the weather is warm enough, he will walk about with a smile, looking slightly amused. he has no scars. Ayahoshi is 5.7 feet tall, and is skinny for his size. He looks to be roughly 120 pounds. He is not very muscular but he is quite fit. Zhayan often wears a garment reminiscent of a more formal and modern Tang Suit, It is blue with gold outlines, made of silk. He wears Brownish-red pants with black shoes. He also has his entire left hand wrapped in silk bandages, the arm appears to be working in fine order though. You will often see him with a book and quill, along with an assortment of materials that he is testing. Tetsume has a accent typical of a Ch'ien-Ji although it is quite faint. When talking about his studies he tends to talk quite fast. His voice is not very deep. He speaks Tatsugo and common, as well as slightly slightly advanced in runes, having learnt the basics as a child as many Ch'ien-Ji do. Personality and Abilities (Required) Personality Traits Ayahoshi is determined. He does not mind spending time and effort to accomplish his goals. And he will often take things to an extreme. After all, in his experience, it works quite well. Hard work is what serves him best. Ayahoshi is educated, and this often shows in conversations that he has. he often uses the proper or original name for things. And often talks about things that confuse most normal people. Most of his education is based on his religion, alchemy, and some other basic things that Aston was able to pass down to him. Ayahoshi is very attentive when he wants to be. In other words, when alchemy is involved. He listens to everything, and even when copying down notes, he leaves no letter out. This serves him well because many alchemist code their notes, and you need everything to even try to piece them together in a coherent way. Ayahoshi is miserly. His family was known for this, and it was much attributed to their last name (with his parents being one of the few exceptions). Money is not what he is greedy about though, it is materials, mainly alchemical ones. It is difficult to make him part with any ingredient, and it usually costs money. Ayahoshi is arrogant, he believes that because he knows more then most, that he should be respected for no other reason. He will often use big words to push that point across. Many dislike him for his arrogance. Ayahoshi is very Daring. He is more than willing to try new and potentially dangerous techniques when it comes to his alchemy. When he has nothing to do he often will mixed random ingredients and see what happens. Often using unconventional ingredients Ayahoshi is a bit Immoral and insensitive. He will stoop to low levels to get what he needs, and will even buy things like Slizzar tails and Allar eyes. He will not ask were it came from. He will also be willing to sell hallucinogenics such as shademarsh mushrooms (when he can get them) or even concoctions containing roughvine and other things. Whatever it takes to get what he needs. His insensitivity could be mistaken for his bluntness, but it is commonly just a lack of interest in your feelings on the matter at hand Zhayan is crafty. He uses his intellect to accomplish things normal people would not usually think of. His most common example is of his metal arm. After receiving it, he soon began to make requests on how it would be built next. He is now able to not only safely handle dangerous substances without fear of contamination, but he can store them in his arm as well. Ayahoshi is rather Blunt when he speaks to people. He won't sugar-coat it for you, unless doing so serves a purpose. He prefers to due this because back at Ottsbridge, he preferred it when people were blunt with him. No one gets anywhere if you don't address the problem properly. Strengths Zhayan is well educated as well as highly intelligent, and while he has much to learn, he is no great fool. He can read and write in both common and Tatsugo, although he is better in Tatsugo then he is in common. He has a good deal of alchemical knowledge as well. And while he can't make complicated potions very well, he can definitely make simpler things. While he has knowledge in metallurgy. His main focus is in Flora and Fauna. Zhayan is composed. He looks at life as though he is simply a spectator. This is helpful when he is making his potions, as they often contain ingredients that are gotten only through...immoral means. He feels like his composure gives him the upper hand in conversations or altercations, and enjoys that feeling. Ayahoshi is very precise. Due to his great skill in string magic, he can control his left hand with uncanny precision, Allowing him to copy and write while using that hand faster then most people can, and with greater accuracy. This is useful to someone in his line of work as it allows him to make highly detailed sketches of specimens and hastily take /ledgible/ notes. Weaknesses Due to a large portion of his body being made up of metal, Zhayan is only allowed proper mobility through his string magic. This puts a lot of strain on him and he often can't be in heavy motion with the constructed appendiges for more ten minuts, and can't walk for more than thirty without risking possession. He is forced to use string magic in order to properly function. This means that if he looses focus when walking due to something around him, the regalian sight mages may be able to see him. And runs the additional risk of losing his mobility. Due to his heritage, Zhayan is not very strong. He has to use his mind to get around this obstacle. Such as physical altercations, where he will be at a heavy disadvantage. Zhayan is highly narcissistic. The concept of him being in the wrong is foreign to him, and so it is always someone else fault. Its not that he does not want to be wrong, he just can not comprehend himself being wrong on something important. Sure he can be wrong on things like potion ingredients and whatnot. But if you catch him cheating, he will make up millions of excuses and make it sound like your fault. This is not good for making friends. Personality and Abilities (Expansion) When Ayahoshi is writing, he has a Tendency to Capitalize random Words, He has long sense given up on any attempt to stop this. When in violent or overall strange situations, He has a tenency to check his pockets just in case anything is missing. And when he is stressed, he will often read his notes out loud or make a potion of some sort. When focusing, He will often close one eye, usually the right one, this is most commonly seen when studying Zhayan is an Alchemist. He was trained by Ross Horne. One of the men who saved his life, and has aligned his goals to match those of this mentor's. He is no master but is certainly no novice either. Spoiler He can brew things of a difficulty of 6 and below Zhayan in inherently very smart, and can come up with effective solutions to many problems. He is good at talking people into and out of things, making him a good salesman. That would be very helpful if he was a salesman........if only he was a salesman. Likes Zhayan likes potions and anything to do with them, he enthusiastically pursues knowledge and is passionate about anything to do with alchemy. Zhayan likes warm days. Too much heat causes the metal on him to heat up painfully. And the cold is painful in its own way. He also likes well organized areas, although he is highly disorganized. Zhayan enjoys anything with a strong flavor, possibly due to the thought process that something strong may be added to an alchemical mixture, resulting in many a disaster. Although if he had to pick a favorite, he would pick things with a bitter taste. Being in the water is one of Zhayan's favorite things to do, it releases the weight of the metal from his body greatly, its even better if the water is warm. Although he needs to be carful and spend the rest of the day tediously cleaning himself. Rust can be fatal in his situation. Dislikes He also dislikes sandy aria's, Because the sand gets into the metal joints of his arm and leg. He despises those who abuse their slaves, and while seeing nothing wrong with slavery itself, he holds the firm belief that the most effective way to judge a mans character is by how he treats his lesser's. Zhayan Hates boats, he suffers from horrid sea sickness whenever on one, he would much rather keep his feet on land. Ayahoshi dislikes extreme hot and cold temperatures. Preferring moderate temperatures. But he especially dislikes chilly weather, as it stings more than hot weather does. Ayahoshi dislikes extremely loud noises as it vibrates the metal on him quite painfully. And he aches painfully for hours afterwards. Spoiler Sound travels 15 times faster through steel than through the air. Relationships (Optional) Gilbert Steele (53) is the blacksmith who made his arm and leg for him, they are often in contact as Zhayan needs constant replacements to avoid getting his metal parts being possessed. He is a married man and is very close to his son, Nick He is close to Zhayan Nickolas Steele (24) is Gilberts son, he is now twenty five and looks like he will soon be taking over the business. He knows Zhayan well Spoiler Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow. Kisandra Steele (46) is Gilberts wife and mother of Nickolas, she is not a blacksmith, but is actually runs the town bar. The Howling Helm alehouse. Sister to Aston Ott. Born to Mary and Anderson Ott, owners of the Howling Helm Knows Zhayan quite well. Aryana Tolbert (7) is one of the children in the village, and is one of the only people who calls Ayahoshi by name. They are very close Ruby North (24) is the barmaid at the Howling Helm, and knows Zhayan very well, especially after he came back from the isles (to collect his inheritance when he came of age) and spent several days trying to teach her to make sake. She now can boast that she makes the best (and only) Sake for miles around! Aston Ott (73) is the light mage who essentially raised Ayahoshi. He was born to Mary and Anderson Ott, owners of the Howling Helm, He left at a young age to learn magic, returning forty years later to a town that had not changed in his absence. He was the one responsible for raising Ayahoshi and teaching him morals and trying to counterbalance the immoral teachings of Ross Horne. Ross Horne (59) is an alchemist who helped save Tetsume's life. He soon began teaching him about alchemy and its inner workings. And preached of the Perfect Human Body, the primary goal in his hunt for immortality. Tetsume soon became obsessed with the idea, and soon began imprinting on Ross. If not for Aston Ott's influence, Tetsume would have become completely immoral, But luckily simply came off with a greed for knowledge, a arrogant and selfish demeanor. And a slight disregard for human (and any form of) life, For he was pursuing immortality for all, who cares about you? I am more important! Other townsfolk from Ottsbridge Life story short 1-6 Born in Zhèn qiáo on the Yang-Tzu isles. Relatively wealthy family, only child. Learnt rudimentary runes. 6-11 Left the isles at 6 with his parents to see the world. Parents died in a bridge collapse in Ottsbridge. Lost most of his left half in the accident, as well as his right foot. Was saved by Aston Ott, the Light mage. Life is saved again by Ross Horne, Alchemist. Stayed in Ottsbridge, and secretly served as a test subject/assistant for Ross Horne. 12-18 Acquired a String mage teacher(Marionette) at the age of 12. His name was Aliar Cavey. Became inspired by Ross Horne's dream, The Ultimate Body. By the time Ayahoshi was 18, he was able to walk again. 18-28 Collects his birthright, and places the family business under the carful supervision of his Uncle Oji. Went to explore the world, and currently resides in Regalia. Life story, long Spoiler Early years, the First event Ayahoshi was born a single child in Zhèn qiáo on the Yang-Tzu islands to the uncommonly open minded Redi and Otoko Tetsume. He had a fairly normal childhood with the exception that he came from a wealthy family. He learned rudimentary runes as a child, as many children did. But at the age of six, his mother and father decided that they had seen enough of the isles and set out to explore Aloria. They traveled to remote places and witnessed wonder's around the world. Their magical journey ended when Ayahoshi was ten. They where visiting a small, old village in Fendarfell, when Redi and Otoko died in a bridge collapse. Ayahoshi would have died too if not for two astounding happenings. It so happened to be that Ottbridge was home to a skilled light mage who was born there, and spent his days as a leader of his people. He saw the bridge collapse onto the Tetsumes' and rushed over to find that Ayahoshi still lived, although hardly. Most of the left side of his body had been crushed, and he only had minutes. Light mage Aston Ott operated then and there on Ayahoshi, cutting and mending, removing and healing. After several days of work, the mage achieved what no one in the village thought possible, he had saved Ayahoshi's life. But another problem had arisen. Within a week, it became clear that Ayahoshi had lost too much, and as Aston Ott feared, Tetsume's body could not support itself. Spoiler just for clarification, Ayahoshi's left arm and leg were crushed beyond repair, as well as his right foot, just a little above the ankle. Several of his organs were damaged as well, and while they still function, they can't sustain him anymore. That is when the second happening occurred. A week or so later. A man came to the village, inquiring about Tetsume. When asked what he wanted with the boy, all he would say is "just a little experiment" . When he was led to Ayahoshi, He pulled out some vials and multiple bottles, and set them around the boy, asking for the villagers to leave. They of course refused and were about to kick the man out, when he went to Aston Ott. After whispering something into his ear, Aston Ott ordered everyone out, and the door to Ayahoshi's room was not opened by any but three. Aston Ott the healer, Gilbert Steele the blacksmith, and the man with the vials himself. Tetsume came out of the room three days later, in a wheelchair and hooked to a large metal container full of alchemical concoctions. Spoiler Just a simple explanation. Ross Horne provided alchemical support for his damaged organs. Compensating for the damage. Middle years, the second event After Tetsume came out of that room, he was treated...differently then he remembered. People took care to avoid saying certain things around him, but even at that young age, he knew he was the talk of the town. Whether it be sympathy, or revulsion. Ayahoshi fell into a depression. The only thing he seemed to be interested in was the man who saved him after they found out he would not survive without what he had lost. The alchemist Ross Horne. Ayahoshi would often spend his days with Ross Horne, helping with experiment's wherever and however he could. No one knew why the alchemist took such a liking to Tetsume except for Ayahoshi himself. "A construct to last for eons, an immortal made by men, The ultimate body in which a mans soul can exist without want. The Ultimate human body! You can have that Tetsume, but I need your help.". This was Ross's ultimate goal. And it soon became Ayahoshi's beacon of hope, he became obsessed, Spending his days learning with Ross and spending his off time, nose deep in the alchemical notes that he was given. Due to his habit of closing his eye when reading, he was given the affectionate name of Zhǎyǎn. Aston was also very close to Ayahoshi as well. In the ensuing weeks, Ayahoshi began to have vivid nightmares and agonizing phantom pains. Aston would take Ayahoshi and meditate with him after an episode or a nightmare. This time with Aston did help Ayahoshi. At first he hated the meditation, as it left him alone with nothing, no noise, no distractions, just his broken body and his morbid thoughts. However, after a while, Ayahoshi began to come to terms with himself, he became less morbid, and accepted his broken body. But nothing phenomenal happened until his twelfth birthday. As a surprise, Zhǎyǎn was taken to a traveling carnival. But seemed disinterested until he found a Ithenian man making large dolls dance without strings. Zhǎyǎn recognized that it may be his ticket out of the weelchair, and begged to be taught how to make dolls dance without strings. The man refused and refused, But Ross recognized what Zhǎyǎn was thinking, and offered to pay the man a handsome amount. And so, Zhǎyǎn began to learn string magic. He dove into it, for the first few months, Ayahoshi did nothing but learn from Aliar Cavey the string mage. Using all of his mental power and desperation, he started off fast. Showing a natural aptitude for magic that the mage said he did not see often. Ayahoshi lived and breathed string magic for years, even after Aliar Cavey left the village. The only things that the villagers ever saw Zhǎyǎn do was practice in string magic, and learn alchemy. By the time he turned eighteen, he had taken his first steps for the second time. Later years, and the event yet to happen Once he became of age, he went to claim his parents wealth. Discovering that along with the money left behind, he had a uncle named Oji and a flourishing business that was left in his name. After making a multitude of arrangements and deals, Ayahoshi put his uncle Oji in charge of the business, as long as Ayahoshi got money Oji could run it as he pleased. When he came back home, he had a large sum of money, much of it in the jade tablets used on the isles. Much of it went to Aston Ott for raising him and to help the village, the rest he kept to help pay for materials for his experiments. Ayahoshi learned string magic at a rapid pace, By the time he was twenty six he had become a master, and now had full function of his new appendages. A metal arm, leg, and foot connected by his metal side, all controlled by string magic. Ross Horne had moved the mixtures into Ayahoshi's body, protected by the metal layer. Aston Ott and Ross Horne often clashed when it came to Ayahoshi. Aston Ott could see that Ayahoshi had become no more than an extension of Ross Horne's ambitions. But Ross countered by asking him to tell Ayahoshi to drop alchemy, and break Ayahoshi's heart himself. Soon enough Ayahoshi left the village to explore the world a little more, just as his parents did, with the goal of learning and finding as much as possible. He is now in regalia, and finds himself enraptured by the large city of people, and attracted to the sewers as they provide a place to grow some of his ingredients. He is staying there for now. The Creation of Ottsbridge Spoiler Ottsbridge was not originally founded by an Ott. It actually started as two villages. One on the east side of the river, one on the west. The villagers acted as if they where just in separate parts of the same village, but they both had separate leaders. The river Spoiler having a waterfall about one mile upstream, and another, more massive one about half a mile downstream, going about three quarters of the way down the mountain before flattening out again. was often very violent, making it dangerous and time consuming for anyone to cross. One of Aston Otts ancestors, Reginald Ott, used some of the money from his prospering Howling Helm inn, combined with many contributions, to hire a group of builders to build a bridge between the two villages. Finally making them into the town they always believed they were. To honor Reginald Ott, they named the new town after the bridge. Thus Ottsbridge was made. The Ultimate Body Spoiler Surprisingly enough, as much as Tetsume idolizes Ross Horne, they actually have diverging opinions on how to go about creating the body that they wish to grace upon the world. Ross Horne believes that the most effective way to go about creating this body is through Evolutionary Physiology. And primary works with the Slizzar and the Maiar. Believing it to be the most efficient route to creating the Ultimate human body. Ayahoshi actually agree's with Ross, and thinks that Ross's body will be quite physically stable. But he believes that there is not a single race that would be able to stand the mental strain of immortality, or any extended form of life without food or daily commodities. He believes that the people of today must become greater before they can ascend to immortality. And the key to that lies in the body, The elven body most specifically. The elven body goes through a freeze, in which the mind does not rot. Ayahoshi thinks that if he can amplify this trait, he will also amplify the mind as well. And create a mind durable enough to at least begin to enjoy immortality. While they do have differences in opinion, they both work towards the same goal. The one thing that they do agree on is that they will need a great source of power to allow immortality. But they will leave that to other alchemists. Fun facts Spoiler Ayahoshi's business sells a variety of things. From alchemical ingredients to sake. But the buisness also has a supply for darker demand. Anything from Allar eyes and to deadly poison. They have recently joined with a starting business called Actualbagels. Ayahoshi once had a crush on Ruby North when they where both a little younger Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell. Nowhere in the Humpty Dumpty Nursery Rhyme does it say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg. On average, half of all false teeth have some form of radioactivity. At a glance, the Celsius scale makes more sense than the Fahrenheit scale for temperature measuring. But its creator, Anders Celsius, was an oddball scientist. When he first developed his scale, he made freezing 100 degrees and boiling 0 degrees, or upside down. No one dared point this out to him, so fellow scientists waited until Celsius died to change the scale. Only one satellite has been ever been destroyed by a meteor: the European Space Agency's Olympus in 1993. Money notes are not made from paper, they are made mostly from a special blend of cotton and linen. In 1932, when a shortage of cash occurred in Tenino, Washington, USA, notes were made out of wood for a brief period. did you know that if you have a fever, you can hard boil an egg in your butt? cool right? [/spoiler]
I finally got around to posting this! Tell me if it seems messed up, I'm unsure on how my phone handled the transfer.
@kidmeyer44 Review complete! Everything, and I mean everything, about the metal body parts seems extremely questionable to me. Medical practices outside of Healing Light magic and basic prosthetics such as peg-legs aren't quite advanced, so metal ribs and appendages would be almost impossible. That encompasses quite a bit of this character, so do tag me with your response, and will move to other things.
Ok, so the ribs can go, but I don't see so much of a problem with the arm and leg (and foot). They are more modified armor than anything else, and they are attached by straps. I don't really think of them as prosthetics. @TyrolleanEagle Edit: oh yea, healing magic /was/ involved in the beginning.
Fair enough, then. But do be aware that controlling said limbs with strings magic would be an extremely taxing process, especially if attempting to control multiple appendages. Otherwise, looking over the rest of the application, everything seems to be in order. It's simply very important that you keep the whole metal limbs business in moderation. Otherwise, approved, assuming that you will redact the bit about metal limbs and attempt to better explain that his metal limps are simply armour pieces held by straps. I will be checking back.
Ok, I admit that I may not have explained that as well as I should have. So I will be doing those edits. I do have something to ask about. As you noticed, he is an alchemist who can make things up to a difficulty of 6. I want to know if I can make that any higher, and while skilled alchemist /and/ expert string Mage may sound like a lot, I do want to bring up that he is a /one handed/ string Mage. If not, it's fine. Thanks for reviewing my app @TyrolleanEagle
@TyrolleanEagle Edits have been made, but because I am on my phone, and can't quite figure out how to color them, I have a copy of them in a spoiler below. It's from Metal parts explained. Spoiler Ayahoshi's metal parts include a metal casing around his left half, attached by straps. A metal arm, leg(both on the left) and foot(on the right). These metal parts are all made of steel, but they are thin, they are in fact no thicker then a knights armor. Especially because they are nothing more than a modified design of said armor By the way, how do I make my application into a link that I can use?
@TyrolleanEagle I would like to bump up Ayahoshi's age a little, to make him slightly more proficient in alchemy. I would also like to add "Slight of hand" to his skills. Not as in, he gonna shank ya and you won't know, just that by utilizing his fake parts, he can make it look as if he was pulling objects from thin air.But in reality he is just very practiced at pulling things from his fake arm. Is this permissible?
@Jadex224 Could you hook me up with another reviewer, I have a little thing I want to make sure is okay. Spoiler This is about Ayahoshi's battle doll. The Doll is comparable to a large, metallic skeleton of sorts. It uses bladed fingers on one hand (the left), and has a large blade replacing its hand on the other hand (right). The Doll is as large as he is, but each individual limb is as thick as the shaft of a spear, allowing him to easy place it in small places if need be. As a last resort, the Doll is able to (at his command) either damage a vial of Obscura that is kept in its chest, or allow the vial to fall out of its chest, throwing the single vial at the attacker. It will often wear rags to give the impression that it is a living being, although with enough scrutiny (or light) you can see metal parts showing through the "clothes". Strengths Agility-The Doll is rather fast and flexible, able to bend into inhuman positions, and to sprint at high speeds, although it cannot move very far away from Ayahoshi, lest he lose sight of his puppet. Another thing to note is that the use of this puppet is rather draining on Ayahoshi, as it is more skill based than anything else he does. Skilled user- Due to Ayahoshi's skills in Marionette strings, the Doll's movements are fluid and life-like, its build allowing him to be precise and agile, although it allows little room for power. Endurance-Being made of iron, it is able to take a good few hits, and (being an object) feels no pain. Weaknesses Line of sight- the Doll is unable to leave Ayahoshi's line of sight, and if anything were to come between Ayahoshi and the Doll, not only does the Doll stop moving, Ayahoshi will to. (He is reliant on his string magic to remain mobile, and things coming in between the "strings" forces string mages unable to cast) Warning, contents are fragile- Carrying around obscure is not as easy as people want it to be, get a nice hit in on the Doll and you rupture the vial in its chest, blocking Ayahoshi's line of sight, end rendering the Doll useless. Movement-While the Doll is in motion, Ayahoshi is unable to move properly, any attempts to move his own leg will result in him being incredibly slow and the Doll losing the vast majority of its speed and power. He needs to choose one or the other. Additional information Ayahoshi does not walk around with a big metal "Doll" strapped to his back all the time. This is specifically for big trips where he feels he may need to defend himself, as well as predetermined events where he deems it necessary to bring it. (AKA, I don't have this on me normally, just for major things. And not even a lot of those.) Ayahoshi obtained the doll by using his own business, the final piece arriving under a month before Aloria went under siege.
@LumosJared @TheBioverse @Shuikenai I'm uh, not a lore staff. Could you appropriate this request to the correct person?
You can't complain, your name looks like Jared's. I already called Jared "Jadex" accidently more than once.
Hey there! I'll be re-reviewing this application for you. I have a few points and queries regarding the information above before I can approve anything. I agree and disagree with some of the points in the doll's agility strength. Whilst it makes sense for the doll to be able to bend and extend in ways that humans cannot, I have to question how fast it would be. Considering the doll has to always be in Ayahoshi's line of sight, if the doll moved too fast over long distances his strings would snap back if the doll moves out of his sight. I would replace his agility strength with flexibility. When it comes to describing the doll's speed capability I'd say it would be fair for him to move somewhat swiftly in small spaces but rarely at all when it comes to running longer distances as that would require much more focus and would be a lot more taxing on Ayahoshi's behalf. It also seems a bit far fetched for a doll made of spear sized shafted limbs to hit with great force. Considering the doll wouldn't have as much mass due to the material it's made out, I'd say its true strengths would lie more within how cleverly it attacks with the weapons attached to it instead of the sheer strength that it holds. I'd suggest removing that point altogether. Other than those few things the rest of the information seems up to scratch. Please highlight all changes you make in green and tag me when you're done.
My bad, I had hoped I had clarified upon this, but it has been made clear that this is not the case. I just want to know. Are you okay with it moving fast? I know that it cannot move far, I just want to know if the speed is ok. Done Did it in blue, as the words written before them (at the start) were in green, and I found it confusing. I also replaced the power based trait with a skill based one. @JarlJade
Approved! Also be sure to copy and paste all the information about the doll that you've typed up under the weapon of choice point in the actual app so people don't have to scroll through the comments to find new edits.
