Basic Information (Required) Full Name: Kader Ali Age: 68 Gender: Male Race: Songaskia Sexuality: Straight Skill Information (Required) Total Points: 50 points: 50 used/ Hobby points: 10points: 10 used Spear combat: 15+5from race= 20 +15 Body Art (10 Hobby) Perception training: 10 Artifact knowledge: 3 Clockwork pack 5: 3 Clockwork pack four: 3 Alchemy science: 11 Body Shape Physical stat: 20 Body Shape: athletic Body Fat: average Languages Sofaal Common Special Traits/Spells/Mutations Elder form 1 (Race) Elder form 2 (Race) Elder form 3 (Race) Super self 7 (Race) Elemental control 3 (Race) Elemental brand 3 (Race) Home enchant 2 (Race) Magic sight 2 (Race) Clockwork white core (bought) Clockwork control (bought) Artifact knowledge (bought) Visual Information (Required) Eye Color: Amber Hair Color: White Hair Style: long and tied back Skin Color: Dark tan Clothing: White cloak around his back that has a hood and a nice shirt with long nice pants Height: 6’4 Personality (Required with Choice) The Core List Choose your Character Alignment Neutral Choose your Character Personality Type Logician (Intp-a) Choose your Character's Religion The Church of nothing. (doesn't believe in a god) Life Story (Required) Kader was born in the city of Arvost to happy couple that loved him. They had been trying for a child for a few years at that point and he finally came. His parents were Ideologists that focused all their studies and time after he was born on religion. This was due to the fact that they had prayed to many of the gods trying to get as much help as they could. Kaders childhood was terrible due to the fact that his parents spent most of their time spouting praise about gods, this fact made Kader hate anything to do with gods and actually made him question them and want to prove that there was no such thing as gods or that they didnt truly care about people like everyone says. When Kader started walking he also started to talk which was good and bad. He started to wander around the house and even outside looking for things to play with. While doing this he started to take things like branches and twigs and put them together to build small things like sculptures or figures. As he got older he started to hit the books as his parents were not around most of the time. His studies led him down the path of clockwork inventions. He started to understand the inner workings of things and even got the very basics down. He also started to work on his drawing. When he got the design part down he started to “tattoo” on practice things like sheets of paper and rocks. As he got older and his technique got better he started to tattoo on himself as practice. He also went out to gather things to build some clockwork inventions. His first build was that of a crown, this crown he placed on a kind animal he met wandering near their home. When he applied it he was able to make it do things. He took it off and started to perfect it. When he finished perfecting the control clockwork inventions he started to work on a counter for clockwork productions. He tested it on his own controller before he decided that he got all the training he could around his own home. He left to go out into the world to find more clockwork people and inventors. When he was exploring he found a man that helped him perfect his clockwork white core. It allowed him to counter other clockwork items which was a good thing for him. While he was working with this man he taught Kader about artifacts and helped explain how they worked and what he could do with them. When he understood this, Kader decided to move on. He headed out to the world and explored the new city around him. He made his way to a nice shop where the man was selling some poltices and alchemical stuff. He started to talk to the man there and showed him his white core and told the man that he wanted to learn about as much stuff as he could. The man agreed and let him work at his shop while he learned about alchemy. Kader spent the next few years working there learning all he could about alchemy from the man. He finished his time at the mans shop and decided to move on to find a new thing to learn about. Kader headed out to the arena as he wanted to find something new to learn and also figured that if he was going to be traveling alone he would need some way to defend himself so he started to train at the local arena. he spent most of his time trying different weapons but found the spear the most effective and took a quick loving to it. as he trained he went up against a wide range of fighting styles and every time he got beaten by one of the fighters he would take what he learned from the fight and focus on the aspect he gained making new attacks and techniques out of the downfalls he found. as the months went on he started to win more often then not which proved that his training was going well. he spent about six years at this town and arena learning and perfecting his fighting style with the spear that by the end of it he was beating the other masters that taught and fought at the arena with ease. He decided that there was nothing left to learn with the spear when he finally mastered it so he moved on from the village and headed to the next place.
Hi! I'm here to give you a Peer Review! What that more or less means, is that I am not Staff. I cannot approve or deny your application. But, I can give you advice that will (hopefully) help you get approved! Feel free to ignore or take my advice as you please. Songaskians are cool! There's actually a small Songaskian player-community around now, and they even have a noble family! However, 'Hale Silverfang' isn't really a Songaskian name. Songaskian names are taken from (or inspired by) Mali names. Here is a link to a bunch of said names. If none of them work for you, try to make up something that fits the aesthetic! http://www.top-names.info/names.php?S=M&P=MLI There is 0 issues with your Spear Combat proficiency! I just wanted to let you know that having 20 in Spear Combat makes you an expertly-trained master of the art. Where having 5 would be closer to the common solider. NOTHING wrong here, just thought the comparison would be useful to know. Your Bodycare Training confuses me. Do you have 10 Bodycare? Or 15? Allow me to suggest the following format. +15 Bodycare Art (10 Hobby) Your Clockwork proficiency is potentially a problem. If you are playing a Songaskian who is totally alien to their own culture, then you may be fine. But in any other circumstance, your character would probably never learn Clockwork. And if they did, they would probably be considered a pariah. Songaskians consider it vile, and highly abusive of the souls of the dead. I suggest you give the Songaskian page a second reading, especially the History section. You CAN do it, but you'll need to explain your reasoning. Additionally, White Core Clockwork is ONLY for Qadir. Songaskians do not have the racial ability needed to use it. Unless you change your race, you will need to delete this no matter what. Bodycare gives half bodystat (AKA, having 10 Bodycare would give you +5 bodystat). So, depending on what you decide your Bodycare is, you will need to add a bit to this number. You can round up! The Songaskian language is Sofaal! Unfortunately, Clockwork does not give you free Sorcery abilities. At least, not the kit you purchased. You still need to buy the Sorcery spells for 3 points each. It just allows you to aesthetically make them clockwork, and removes abberancy-status from your character. Unless you apply a mutation (read here), your Songaskian cannot have green eyes. All Songaskians have amber/orange eyes. The good news is, having mutations is free! You can get them in-backstory no problem, you'd just need to list it (under Special Traits/Spells/Mutations). Having the ability to apply them to others, however, costs points. Not a problem for you, though. I would highly suggest that, in a world with magic, displays of divine intervention and punishment, and (depending on your culture) gods that walk the earth, that you have a reason for your character being atheist. Especially considering how Songaskian culture in the Masaya revolves around their worship of Shambala. Especially-especially considering that the beings that Songaskians consider divine demonstrably existed only two or three hundred years ago (either within the age-range of the oldest Songaskians, or a bit older, I'm not sure). It is fine to have your character not believe, but justifying it is probably a very good call. And, there are ways to do that. Perhaps the existence of other people having magic makes your character doubt (seeing as magic is supposedly a gift from your gods). Or maybe losing the 2nd Songaskian War against Regalia made your character no longer believe that Shambala watches the Songaskian Masaya. You've got options. Your life story is nice! But it's missing a few details. I'll just set out a list for you. Where was your character born (Songaskians are mostly born in the Songaskian Masaya, set in the vast desert-continent of Farah'deen. However! Your character is free to be born elsewhere)? Was his childhood good or bad? What made it good or bad? Why is he a master spearman? If he lived in the Masaya, how did people react to his study and building of Clockwork. (If they found out, it would be very bad) All in all, not bad! I think you need to do a little bit of work in regards to Clockwork, religion, and a smidge of backstory alteration. But, for a first app, this is a job well done!
I fully understand they look down on it and hate it. My character is one that does not subscribe to his own races beliefs. Even his parents didnt follow the races beliefs. thank you for pointing it out though. I will be sure to clarify that in the back story a little more. there are no sorcery abilities in that list. its pure race and just the stuff i bought. I will clarify where each comes from thank you for bringing that up. I am fine not having them believe in a god. thank you for that input though. I will justify not believing a little stronger though.
Nope! That's very much my fault. The new Songaskian racials messed me up, you're fine. Aaaa sorry again! You're right. Bodycare and body art must have gotten split during the proficiency update.
@ElijahReaper Here is my review, sorry for the delay: Basic Information - Looks goodSkill Information - Only Qadir can buy Clockwork Pack 5 at this time. Your character does not meet the prereqs to have Whitecore.Visual Information - This is nitpicky and mostly semantics, but keep in mind that Songaskians are usually VERY dark skinned, much darker than tan. You can find their skintone ranges on the wiki.Personality - No issuesLife Story - Although your character isn't very songaskian in culture, I think that lines up with him coming from a place that's very far from home. No major issues. Make requested changes then please tag
@ElijahReaper Rejected due to inactivity and the core concept of the character has fatal flaws that'll require a rewrite.
