Needs Help/Review Felsin Kretch Ol’ Neras Lokril

Discussion in 'Character Sheets' started by FirelightMLPOC, Jan 23, 2021.

  1. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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    "Just fuckin' call me Felsin, kid."

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    Full Name: Felsin Kretch Ol' Neras Lokril

    ≻ Nicknames: Old Man
    ≻ Alias: Agraves, The Watching Eye
    Race: Ailor
    ≻ Culture: Gallovian (Mother)/Calderliga/Wirtem (Father)
    Age: 55
    Gender: Male
    Sexuality: Eville!-ish‌ (Bicurious)
    Preferred Weapons: These Hands / Longsword / G u n
    Eye color: Ruddy brown

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    ≽ A nice crossbow
    ≽ 3 bottles of wine
    ≽ 1 really good bottle of wine
    ≽ Bottle of 'wine'
    ≽ Longsword
    ≽ Pouch of 50 regals
    ≽ Papers
    ≽ Inkwell

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    Character Identity Concept: Felsin is a man of morals that he holds dear to himself, even if others may not know them, doing arguably questionable things for reasons he believes to be good overall in the long run, fully willing to get his hands dirty in pursuit of his goals as well as to assist others in theirs when they offer a hand in turn.
    Religion: (Silvershroud Sect)
    Evintarian Unionism | 6/10 | Arken of Trickery | 4/10

    ≻ 'Manifest Destiny' for Vampirism thing, 'coming back from the dead' granting him this belief of the world where he seeks information about these entities to moreso understand them & the source of their power to assist in the conquest of vampiric legality/removal of oppression for the gain of himself & others who may benefit fully from it.

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    Strength: 6

    ≻ Unarmed Expert
    ≻ Bruiser Slam
    ≻ Bruiser Feint
    ≻ Bruiser Agony
    ≻ Bruiser Tackle
    ≻ Steady Body
    Constitution: 3
    ≻ Interception
    ≻ Rage Counter
    ≻ Rebound
    Wisdom: 1
    ≻ Tech Armory Pack
    Dexterity: 2
    ≻ Firearms Combat: Critical Hit
    ≻ Rougery Pack: Dirty Fighter
    Arcane: 2
    ≻ Sinistral Leap
    ≻ Sinistral Rage
    ≻ Sinistral Implode (Ailor Free Pack, Void)
    Faith: 0

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    Ailor Racials

    ≻ Familiar Disrupt Pack (Ailor): Great grey owl

    Blooded Vampire

    ≽ Ailor Racials
    ≻ Special: Familiar Disrupt Pack (Ailor)

    ≽ Packs
    ≻ Bruiser Packs

    ≻ Bruiser Slam
    ≻ Bruiser Feint
    ≻ Bruiser Agony
    ≻ Bruiser Tackle
    ≻ Athletic Packs
    ≻ Steady Body
    ≻ Unarmed Expert
    ≻ Training Point Buy

    ≻ Interception
    ≻ Rage Counter
    ≻ Rebound
    ≻ Sinistral Packs
    ≻ Sinistral Rage
    ≻ Sinistral Leap
    ≻ Sinistral Implode (Ailor Free Pack)
    ≻ Tech Point Buy
    ≻ Tech Armory
    ≻ Firearm Weapon Point Buy
    ≻ Firearms Combat: Critical Hit
    ≻ Firearms Combat: Agonizing Shot
    ≽ Blooded Vampire
    ≻ Special: Vampiric Feeding
    ≻ Special: Vampiric Infection
    ≻ Special: Vampiric Charm
    ≻ Special: Silberfeder Mechanic I
    ≻ Special: Silberfeder Mechanic II
    ≻ Special: Silberfeder Mechanic III
    ≻ Special: Vampiric Form
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    Gallwech(Native)
    Common (Free)


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    Mutations (Void): Felsin's tears appear as if blood. (Tears & Blood)
    Appearance: An old man with a heavy chin, rust-brown eyes, and scraggly (only slightly) balding white hair. Felsin stands at about 5'8" (or roughly 173cm), with a wry, upturned grin on his face. His clothing is a mixture of Calderligan and Aontaithe style, with a black and dark burgundy color palette of studded leather and fabric. He generally wears with his clothes a crimson red cape over his shoulder in the typical fashion of the Bloodcast Knights.
    Vampiric Form: A creature with a lupine skull, bare of any flesh or stain upon its surface. Its spine is elongated and bent, curving his posture, and every bone pushes against the constraints of its flesh. Its legs are digitigrade, feet splayed wide and exposing bone. Its exposed skin is heavily scarred and scabbed-over, appearing as if deep wounds from times past had barely managed to heal over, and veins pulse occasionally with crimson ichor beneath thin epidermis.


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    Childhood: Felsin was born in a rather nondescript little town, a rambunctious little lad borne to Telania (His Mother, kindly, though sharp of wit & tongue, Aontaithe) & Julianis (Weary man, quiet, observant, actions speak louder than words incarnate, Calderliga).
    Adolescence: Felsin found interest in the Bloodcast knighthood, beginning to train his marksmanship expressly for that purpose, beginning to get rather independent.
    Early Adulthood: Felsin finally was knighted fully, properly, & went about doing as a Bloodcast does, delivering justice & so, getting into drunken barfights on his free time for the fun of it, but keeping true to each oath he swore, along with working with an associate of his he found in the order, named Ser Chelsey. Additionally, he found a child named Alton Rider, eventually adopting the wee bastard & training him in the arts of a Bloodcast.
    Advanced Years: Would find himself to several skirmishes with all manners of folk, that being from cultists trying to murder him & others, to warfronts that brought little but more corpses & saddened widows. Then, in one such skirmish, he was 'killed', then infected with Sanguinism, quintessentially bringing him back from the brink of death.
    Why he came to Regalia: To find his son, Alton Rider, after Felsin'died' & lost track of him for years.

    "I—Felsin Kretch Ol’ Neras Lokril—started off as a young boy, enamored with the thought of being a knight, fighting for the good of people and all that shite. Well, that was until I realized that some people were absolute shite, so that changed to ‘if shite, smite. If not, pass.’ Of course, this didn’t fit well with most knights, so I decided to drag myself along with the Bloodcast Order, learning to shoot the kneecaps of bad people, or those who were overall assholes to good people.

    "Eventually, I found a child, full of spunk and life who wanted to become a Bloodcast. This child’s name was Alton Rider, and he was a persistent little shit, coming to my tent every day for weeks as I dealt with business in the town nearby, asking me to teach ‘im. Years of walkin’ alone on paths by yerself can be boring, so I asked Ser Chelsey. He said, 'No, that’s a bad idea. A really bad idea. Please don’t take the child with you to train.' So I eventually relented and took the child to train. Alton was a smart lad, better with the sword than crossbow, and I taught the brat everything I knew. Eventually adopted the stubborn twat ...

    "So, you’d think things’d be nice for a bit? They were, a good twelve years' worth of good times. Of course, bad shite happened, but what's better than having yer kid almost neuter ye with the blunt of ‘is sword? Seeing the lad do that to a foe! But then we were jumped by some jackasses who wanted us to ‘become one with the earth again’ or some shit. I got stabbed. A lot. Also cut. I shot some of the neanderthalic numpties, but there were too many, so I fell unconscious.

    "Felt a pain in my neck, then woke up covered with some cold-ass dirt an' mud. Also, fuck the rain when yer waking up from dying."
    (He was bitten in the middle of the battle by a Vampire and was infected. He was put on the edge of death, but stabilized from either some dumb luck, or the Vampire stabilizing him.) "So, I stood up, froze my ass off in the thrice-cursed rain, and started walking to a town. I was hungry, so damn hungry at that time ... Found some chap in the woods, ripped his neck out. It was good. I think he was a bandit ... Eh, fuck ‘im, he died like a pansy.

    "So, anyhow, walking on the roads, got some ideas. Son o’ mine was never really happy, he thought he was, but he never had a good home, no real good foods, passable wine, virgin-lookin’ ass, so I decided, 'Know what? Fuck ‘em, I’m goin’ to change some shit' and decided to gather all my wealth. Learned some new shiny shit somehow? Felt like things needed to change, my son deserved this shit, deserved the fuckin’ world, an' then I could do this new shit. Pretty fun, thought Alton’d find it good, thought about him, got angry, punched a tree for a bit, continued on. Eventually came across civilization again.


    "Now I’m here, feelin’ like I’ve been tortured, beat, an' hit with bags of rocks, canine teeth feeling like someone applied a file to the damn things, eyes burnin’. But alive."
    a
     
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    #1 FirelightMLPOC, Jan 23, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2023
  2. Scribbe

    Scribbe Scribma Male Staff Member Lore1

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    I'll be taking this app for aspirant review! Expect another post in the next few hours.
     
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  3. Scribbe

    Scribbe Scribma Male Staff Member Lore1

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    I'm so sorry for the wait on this one, I completely forgot to put in my review.
    Here's my review:
    Overall
    >Please fix your formatting! Parts of this app are very difficult to read thanks to a lot of gaps or lack of gaps; this happens a lot with porting text over from another program to Xenforo, but it's usually helpful to go back through and fix it to make it easy to read. >Also, don't be afraid to cut out/leave out Optional sections until you've written them up to import; it makes reading app a lot more concise. Or, if you'd prefer to keep them, you can make a spoiler around them using the box in the top bar of the text editor that looks like a little '+' inside a box. ​
    Proficiency
    >Please note here if the extra 5 points invested are Proficiency or Boost; it just helps for readability. Also, note how many Proficiency points you have spare; by my count, you have about 6 points left unspent.
    >In this section, could you more concisely list out your entries? For example, rather than your current format, try:
    "Body Shape: Ripped
    Body Stat: 29, capped at 30
    Calculation: 20 Crossbow + 9 Sword = 29
    Body Fat: Low."​
    Personality & Abilities
    >Please note that you don't have to do both the Question List and the Core List; you only need to do one or the other. That said:
    >Please enter a personality type here; if you take a look through this website, you'll find a list of 16 personalities with the relevant letters. All you have to do is pick one for Felsin, enter the letters and the title of the personality, and your Core List is good to go.
    These are my points of review! Again, I'm so sorry about the wait. Please mark your edits in red (apart from the major formatting edits) and @tag me when you're done! As an ending note, please remember that you are allowed to @tag your reviewer if your app has gone to the second page of the Character Applications subforum without a submitted review, or if your app has been left a week or longer without a submitted review. Happy editing!

     
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  4. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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    Ok, should look drastically better now; not sure why Docs wanted to pick a fight with the forums. If you want me to condense the ability info down into spoilers as well, that can be arranged, I'm keeping those there for ease of memory.
     
  5. Scribbe

    Scribbe Scribma Male Staff Member Lore1

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    Sorry about the wait. This looks good to me! Approved!
     
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  6. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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    Had a question in regards to a thing for re-review as well; Not infected atm, but planning on reinfection. So, in that case, what do I do with the info already there? Also, he's missing an arm now, mark that down?
     
  7. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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  8. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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    Edit to add the Drahl Racials into the sheet & all that pizazz. Also moved a point around to compensate for the Drahl Racial Honed Skill @Scribbe .
     
  9. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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  10. Scribbe

    Scribbe Scribma Male Staff Member Lore1

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    Sorry about the long wait! Totally blanked out on forums work. Re-approved.
     
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  11. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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  12. festiveCorvid

    festiveCorvid Product of German Engineering Premium

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    claimed for review
     
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  13. festiveCorvid

    festiveCorvid Product of German Engineering Premium

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    Put these into spoilers.
    Furthermore, list the abilities granted here along with the abilities in the aforementioned spoiler post. Please tag me when amended.
     
  14. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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    Alrighty! Should be corrected now! @festiveCorvid
     
  15. festiveCorvid

    festiveCorvid Product of German Engineering Premium

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  16. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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  17. festiveCorvid

    festiveCorvid Product of German Engineering Premium

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  18. Peace_Hope

    Peace_Hope Sleepee (PeaceHope was my old username)

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    I knew Felsin knew Alton but, holy crap, he's Alton's DAD!! Than means he's Cati's gRANDPA!!!!!

    GRANDPA FELSIN WOOOOOO
     
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  19. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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    @festiveCorvid
    Removed the Altalar language from Felsin, changed a few things about personality which felt outdated, & updated with the Aontaithe update. Not sure if I should mark for re-review or not, considering how little has actually changed.
     
  20. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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    *Upon the realization of this, Felsin feels twice as if he aged a decade within the span of a few seconds. He's a Grandfather now.*
    But yeah! Old bastard pretending to be responsible in front of the grandchild is likely plausible xD
     
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  21. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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  22. festiveCorvid

    festiveCorvid Product of German Engineering Premium

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    @FirelightMLPOC the application needs to be updated to the new format before I review it.
     
  23. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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    Alrighty; should be formatted correctly now.
     
  24. festiveCorvid

    festiveCorvid Product of German Engineering Premium

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  25. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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    @festiveCorvid I am real sorry, but I made an edit right as it was being approved; felt that it requires a ping as well
     
  26. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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    @festiveCorvid Edited to correct for Ailor changes+ Cratos infection
     
  27. Caelamus

    Caelamus Sir Honeybear the chronic druid main

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    Hello I'll be picking this up for review!
     
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  28. Caelamus

    Caelamus Sir Honeybear the chronic druid main

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    Approved.
     
  29. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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    Edit to get rid of Guard & Government forgery packs due to lack of usage both in the past & future plans
     
  30. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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    @Caelamus Pinging due to prof. system changes.
     
  31. Yurs

    Yurs real life catgirl

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    APPROVED!
     
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  32. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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    Edited Communal vamp point, removed Hacking & turned it's communal point to Sabotage & bought Blunt Pack with the point freed
     
  33. FirelightMLPOC

    FirelightMLPOC

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    Reworked sheet from prior absence
     

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