The Daily Bite | Issue Ii | The Children Within The Peerage.

Discussion in 'Regalian Roleplay' started by Audianna, Apr 1, 2021.

  1. Audianna

    Audianna Barking up a tree but I'm the wrong type of bitch.

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    Thursday, April 1st, 309 AC
    -------------------------
    Broke my moxie?

    Yet I'm still writing.

    I'm starting my own journal mocking.

    I won't go down in shame,

    I'll set you dear life to flame.

    Undercity is what to blame,

    Noble men brought to slay.

    Don't really care much for what the Emperor has to say,

    For whatever, they want to maim.

    Noble men think their so smart,

    But when is that gonna start?

    Ancestors aren't killed with grace,

    So I smashed a man with a mace.

    Hard to hear for old peerage ears,

    Let's get one thing clear.

    The Peerage has been around for too many years,

    Let them taste their own tears.

    -------------------------
    The Noble Truth!

    Lets talk about a certain noble family, if I am correct, many others dont like them as well. From other noble families to those within the undercity. House Mac Conall.

    It's heard that Alastair is the sleeze of his family, though is that really such a surprise for noble heads? I didn't think so. Apparently he likes all types of women, and even said- Men. It's disgusting for a man of such.. 'high standing' to be such. Not only that but also an ungrateful brat. Honestly if you asked me to point out the difference of a highlander Duke and an Eruniun spoiled baby I couldn't tell you the difference! The Tenth Penny the family owns is barely ever manned and he flaunts and flaunts about how his drinks are the best within Regalia. Oh shut up already people are tired of hearing you speak with empty promises already can you learn to just not speak for a singular second? He boasts about everything yet it never comes to be.


    Though let's all brush up on his horrid campaign for Lord Chancellor. That was- pitiful to say the least. Empty and broken promises along with so many mistakes within his campaign. Does he not know how to take interviews? Clearly he can take private ones but I guess if it involves any press of any kind he falls flat. Let's be glad he isn't our Lord Chancellor everyone!

    Let's also remember his family members die off so easily. His family is weak, he just doesn't know how to say it. What has his family really done for the empire? Anything that truly comes to mind instead of trying to be the laughing stock of nobility? Weak, fragile, it's no wonder most people don't like him.

    Let's not be too hasty to finally jump off the man now, at the very least I should grace him with some amount of critique. Where would I even start with this ugly man? First off, ditch that ugly thing you call a circlet, its horrid. Second, I don't care if your mother or worthless dead father told you how to dress, it needs to be fixed. Less red, you look like you're wanting to stand out, there's already too much on that mop on your head that you call hair. And for fucks sake shave that damn thing. What are you, a woman? Third, maybe try not to lie so much now, it's really bad for your family's name and image. Four, ditch that Peirgarten woman if you're just going to chase, and fail to, after another woman. She must be so embarrassed..

    The only reason he dropped out of the race wasn't to secure Reinard the win but because he doesn't know when to shut his mouth. Maybe start sucking on Howlester's tit once more to refrain from making another fool of yourself once more

    Has no one thought about how sketchy it is for Keillian Mac Conall to really be a title? Isn't he some lowly Eruniun man? Adopted into the family isnt he? He was so poor but was there any real reason he became a noble? I mean other people have done way more than Keillian here and yet they aren't noble.

    Don't you all also think it's a bit weird how he is the only blond member of the family? Adopted or bastard child, you take your pick. He is also Alastair's lap dog if you can tell. Running around, campaigning, running his meetings? Clearly the man can't do anything for himself or his knees wobble and fall to the floor. I can see now why he is courting an Ithanian woman rather than one from his own culture. A real disgrace if you ask me.

    I think it's also weird for the man that he is diverting the foreign ministry funds into helping his own lands. Though, he's helping himself instead of the Empire. It's so sad to see unfit men who get the titles of nobility.

    Keillian also not only was a lowly commoner but obviously he dresses like such as well. To think some man might as well say a harlot could dress better than him! Its also said the man wears hand me downs from his Master Alastair. Really, you think such an egotistical noble man would wear his own rags. Though I guess I can't complain Keillian for such horrid rags but instead of Alastairs.

    There's a few kin from House Mac Conall that I don't recognize. A wanna be Lionpelt, a true failure to her family name. A woman who cant even fight and puts a sin stain onto her family name and a man with too much of a thick accent to even be heard by anyone. Then, there's the Mac Conall no one even knows about, Daleth. It's surprising these good for nothing people even stay in the house honestly they aren't even dragging their own weight, though is that so unusual for a noble house?

    Most of the kin here have a taint in their blood, either eruniun or highlander. They themselves shouldn't even be recognized as nobility as they are just a sin to such. Only the head of the house is a sleeze though and the other title holder sleeps with a woman who so openly cheats on him. Really, they are the stain on the bottom of the peerages shoes.

    Really, House Mac Conall needs to get their act together if they truly want to be a noble house. So far they act like circus monkeys. They don't even understand their people they seem, they didn't like the little game one if the Dukes brought in.

    House Mac Conall is just a silly little house that talks big shit for such a girly man they call a patriarch. There's much more I wish to go on about the family but I guess I will save the paper.

    Do you all remember Eddair Mac Conall, I surely don't. Proposed war hero for Regalia. Honestly the man's death might as well have saved Regalia. Though I do find it a little odd, I wonder if both Alastair and Keillian were waiting for Eddie's death. Would they have killed him if he didn't die out at war? Those men really are power hubgry but can never follow up!

    Though to finally get off those silly little redhead circus brats that dare call themselves brave- Lions pah- More like frightened kittens. It would be much better to leave them out on the streets of Regalia
    .
    -----------------------
    A reply to such a foolish letter.

    Honestly I am not even sure why I am wasting paper and even giving an ounce of acknowledgement to these people.

    Though dear the man who thinks he's powerful and big and scary. Whatever you think you are. I was asked to make a report given about the Collective. Maybe if you could read properly you would have been able to read such. I can guess you were too poor to afford proper education.

    No, I don’t speak for the undercity but for me and those who ask me to speak. Though if you wish to see me as such I surely won't complain. Though I will agree that yes, a kathar isn't even low enough for the Cadieux. Maybe look into a mirror, or are you one of those filthy sympathizers?


    I wish you luck in coming to find me, for I will not apologize for what I say.


    Signed, The Handmaiden.


    -----------------------------
    Rumor Page

    I have a few birdies, some in noble house staff, some who are out on the streets. If you think your secret is safe, you cannot keep it from me.

    Alleged reports come from one of my most helpful birdies. Victane de Piedmont has been caught sleeping around with a kathar. Quite the show to hear, poor soul sleeping with such a thing. And for that I mean the kathar for once.

    Going along with this horrid pattern of peerage sleeping around, one falls back onto Alastair Mac Conall. Apparently, the man has quite the taste for commoners. Is it because they so easily fall to their knees to kiss upon the ground and feet of the Howlesters they would like to feel such of their own? Too bad for them that they are a shoe stain on the peerage, the only people willing to do such is the common folk! Those reading at home today, do not fall for one of Alastair's tricks. At least try to have some self-preservation. That goes for all the nobles out there!

    There's a few of my birdies swarming over a singular topic, though none of them could find me evidence for such. Apparently the alleged Aleric Kein who had an affair with his chief, Frank, is also having an affair with a few of the Ladies of house Latimer. Though once again none of these cant be backed up, it makes you start to think. Maybe the Kein isn't as pure as he says he is.

    Its also rumored with House Latimer and House Kein that Latimer will be helping the man if he goes into war.

    Another rumor has sparked some interest in me to write. A certain noble woman has to stuff her shirt. Clearly seeing as she is the self proposed business woman she is, that surely must be the case right? To get more business? The self-made business woman is more of an entrepreneur in the field of swaying the male gaze towards the imaginary.

    And lastly, how could I forget a certain someone in both the sewers and in the lands of Regalia? A small fucker named Abigail Tucker. She is certainly someone, is she not? Being able to commune with both the nobles and undercity alike? Its quite impressive really. But- I refuse to dismiss anything I can get my birdies to pick up. Our lovely Tucker here ran for Lord Chancellor, though now that she hasn't gotten it I hear that she plans on getting revenge among the nobles who didn't vote for her. To the peerage, be careful of any sudden presents you get from the woman, I expect once opened it might leave a nasty glitter surprise. I also heard she's already begun playing nasty, nasty tricks on the peerage as well. Though I think what's least known to tell is that Tucker rhymes with Fucker for a good reason. Going from the kissing booth to beds this woman has slept with many. The purity from this woman is gone but just like the Cadieux she is all about partying.

    --------

    Warning for the sewers and folk of Regalia!

    There's word of a bastardly white alligator of sorts that's within the sewers and even on the land within Regalia. Snatching and eating people. Proves how good those knights and guards are. Worthless, as if we didn't already know such. Watch out folks, you wouldn't want to be grabbed next.

    On another note, let's take a moment for political and government warning for all. If anyone has half the wits of an idiotic elf. The Foreign Minister, Telerel, has been spreading Pro-Allorn propaganda. According to a few nobles who have sent me letters letting me know of such, isn't it odd that they tell me and not inform the Lord Chancellor? Silly me, maybe the Lord Chancellor can't even do his job properly! Though I would rather have him in than the rat who calls himself Alastair Mac Conall.

    Though that's getting off topic here. Now those who truly pay attention to Regalia and its problems, I'm surprised we would allow an elf of all things become the foreign minister. A real elf, not one of fake elven noble families. So close yet they won't imperialize, such a shame. We shouldn't allow an elf to be in such a position especially when the Allorn empire can show up to the shores and land at any moment. Though, how are you sure that Teleral wont join them in a heartbeat? Isn't he one of them?

    --------------------
    Adverts. Stop asking me.

    Do I really have to write this? For poorly dressed and horrid mannered werebeasts of all things? Fine, fine. I will.

    Whispers have started to spread that a new pack has been formed within the confines of Crookback, willing to take up jobs and favours from citizenry, whether it be the protection of businesses, headhunting a pesky leech and other such services for a reasonable price! Approach the man with a wolf mask and armour to form a contract!

    I refuse to rewrite your own horrid advert for the amusement of my readers. Especially for werebeasts. Take it from me readers, go find a sanguine coven to do your dirty work, at least they get it done.

    There's a few Covens of the undercity. Now I won't tell you which ones to join or contact. Though just remember my last issue. No matter what they might say I do not trust those leeches.

    To put in my own advert however, there are many shops down in the New Crookback. Ditch those ugly mainstreet shops and take a look at what you can find, you might be surprised by the quality.

    ------------------

    Thank you to all the supporters and readers of this paper. Quote a pleasure it is to know you all take the time out of your day to read such.

    Written and Organized by The Handmaiden

    Rumors and resources,
    Multiple peerage members
    Past decrees and interviews involving Alastair Mac Conall
    Various members of werebeasts and Sanguine.



     
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  2. Audianna

    Audianna Barking up a tree but I'm the wrong type of bitch.

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  3. FeatheredBlade

    FeatheredBlade Local Imperial Knight Supremium

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    The Villiers skims through the paper, scratching his bearded chin idly. He kicks his booted feet up on the table, setting the paper down.

    “I can’t tell if this is just a satire joke, or someone’s really looking to bring the entire nobility down in flames.”

    He says over the rim of his glass, pushing the paper to the woman seated across from him.

    @Tsar_Maple
     
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  4. Mayaran

    Mayaran A whole mess

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    Solaine d'Vaud scanned over the issue, only to sigh at the mention of the de Piedmont. "Sad to see he stooped to that level.."
     
  5. Magivore

    Magivore No Rest For The Wicked

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    "I warned her of a swift end, yet she instead decided to polish the crimson block and empty the basket rather than fear a squared blade." The self-proclaimed Lich Lord seemed far more collected in regards to reading this issue, waving their right hand through the air to dismiss their courier literally rather than figuratively as had happened hardly a few hours before.

    "
    I will have none of it. Hoods hide faces; gloves hide prints; dyes hide a hair's hue; there is no cosmetic within the world that will hide the eldritch horror her face shall display once I pass the threshold of her study without need of a key. Inform this 'Handmaiden' that she has gained my ire, and inform her that no secret remains so long as I wish to learn of it- consider this the beginning of a personal hunt. I will have her before the Imperials do."
     
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  6. uwuMaple

    uwuMaple arf :3

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    Triss perked a brow, lofting a finger as she lowered her cup of chai. The paper rose, floating over for her to read.

    "...I-.." she started, eyes narrowing at the section regarding Eddair and the Mac Conalls. The paper suddenly flew into the fireplace, flames engulfing the parchment into ash. The faux-Isldar sat quietly, an internal rage boiling.

    @AshenRoman
     
  7. FeatheredBlade

    FeatheredBlade Local Imperial Knight Supremium

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    The Knight sighs, sipping his tea.

    “Guess we hunt?”
     
  8. MidnightRey

    MidnightRey Ruler of the Abyss

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    There was some laughter coming from the depts of the Sewers inside the Undercity which the Collective call home.
    "Ok, least they didn't say more stuff about us. But man, these accusations are great and I look forward to watching this play out.. You know I might send a letter or two to the Handmaiden myself actually."
    They grinned a bit, clearly they had plans.
     
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  9. akusazero

    akusazero

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    A Knight skims though an impossibly childish newspaper, before stopping halfway through the poem.
    "Smashed a man with a.. oH, THIS FUCKER!"
    A groan leaves his lips, as he wads up the newspaper and tosses it out. What assholes, the Handmaiden and Co.
     
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  10. uwuMaple

    uwuMaple arf :3

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    The Fin'ullen stood, setting down her tea before holding her hand out. A yari leaning against the opposing wall flew into her grasp, crimson war ribbons tied about the top dancing in the air as it sailed. Her amber gaze fell to the Knight, a single nod being her reply.

    @AshenRoman
     
  11. FeatheredBlade

    FeatheredBlade Local Imperial Knight Supremium

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    The Villiers finishes his tea, exchanging his cup for his helmet, a nod in return is all that’s offered.

    @Tsar_Maple
     
  12. bwmwags3

    bwmwags3 Refugee

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    “Insulting a war hero, insulting a noble family whose had two deaths, insulting Kathar repeatedly, and all they did in the first two”, the Asha muttered to themselves (though likely in hearing distance of any gossip).

    They would begin to write there own note
    [to be posted seperate thread since its not directly related. Also good work Audianna :) ]
     
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  13. GoodDreamer

    GoodDreamer The Regalian Nuke

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    A dispassionate Slizzar reads the paper, wherever it may be. With a snort, they turn away.

    "Abigail 'Fucker' is about as creative as 'Fatimer'. The murder of poor Juane must have me in the worst mood, because I've never rolled my eyes so quickly.."
     
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  14. Winterless

    Winterless The MVP of Romance RP

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    A Ward of Fae Knight eyed the letter in his home, scanning the contents with a greyed gaze whilst preparing his kit. A quiet chuckle left him as he took up the rucksack, and closed the door behind him in leaving.

    "Wonder what they'd write about me." he thought aloud as he set a sign of two words above the door for any would-be visitors.

    Gone hunting.
     
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  15. Ailethi

    Ailethi neighborhood milf lover Supremium

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    [The below was attached to a notice board closest to the paper.]
    <!>


    I find it quite upsetting that one has to take to spewing lies mixed with truths upon the street. Not to mention the public slander of His Imperial Holiness. I suppose you signed your own death, Missus Handmadien. Please get your will in check for when your execution takes place.

    Might I remind you, the last being whom slandered His Imperial Holiness, had their body eaten away from venom directly administered within the eyes. That may be your fate, too.
    Camilla di Caitagna
     
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  16. Legoclub22

    Legoclub22 The Antagonist's Right-Hand

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    The Ivory Officer picked up his copy as soon as he saw it hit the boards, and couldn't wait to sit down and read it over lunch.
    "A pity she wouldn't do a real article on Duke Keen, instead of these silly sidenotes about affairs. Of all people, I know she could write something about His Grace." He continued to read through, eventually tossing the paper aside. "Maybe we should do patrols through the city. Spirit knows the Violets don't." The officer then stood, glancing around the empty room. "Why do papers always make people talk to themselves?" he pondered aloud, before marching out.
     
  17. _Sundreamer_

    _Sundreamer_

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    On his commute..
    Lithuandir Telarel had read through the article with hardly any interest, the only reaction that did deem worthy to dress itself upon his expression was simply a raised brow. The Sol simply shrugged his shoulders and handed the document to his Palest, seemingly neutral about the entire ordeal.

    "Once again a poet sings and paints upon a canvas without originality, the best they can do is spread lie about myself being an Allorn-Supremacist? Perhaps the only pity to extend to them is a history book. The lack of creativity in any of these rumours is tiresome. What next? 'Oh Telarel, a knife-eared racist'. As if my wounds and toil for OUR Empire is so largely ignored because of those same pointed ears.. I do believe the Shadow-Ones will find this one too."

    @Nesstro
     
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  18. HorizonCythulu

    HorizonCythulu The Insane

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    Victane glared at the paper, rereading it a few times before tossing the paper towards his palest. Easing back into his pillow, he gave a sigh as the convulsing came over him once more. It filled him with anger, frustration that such lies were written about him, sliding them forth. "A-Anneke.. get rid of it. I.. light it aflame, I don't give a damn." He mumbled something in Picaron inaudible before going to speak clearly in a hate fueled rant. "A kathar! Like I'd ever do something so.. deplorable." He grit his teeth as he felt his temperature drop once more, shivering into the blankets. "And the Mac C-Conalls, and even the Avalorns.. my g-greatest condolences to them.. t-they don't deserve this s-slander.."

    @nath_n
     
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  19. RainAxe

    RainAxe Refugee

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    There was a brief pause. The Tech Prince giving a sigh of smoke from a cigar as he looked through the paper in some thought. The Mechanical Monstrosity flickered its eyes with an eventual sigh. Utterly disappointed by their words.

    “It’s always the cowardly that tell the most aggressive remarks. Now I ask myself this, who will devour her first? The Undercity, or The Imperial Guard? I guess we’ll have to find out, won’t we my love?”

    The Humanoid of Machine would glance over to his wife, giving a curious look to see what was in store.

    @DogVibes
     
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  20. DogVibes

    DogVibes

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    The Von Kërle would look over the newspaper print before rolling her crimson eyes, looking back to the Monstrosity she calls her husband.
    "As I said before, it's all... Hatred. I'd wager the Undercity will devour her first... She said it best, Covens get the job done. Besides, I wouldn't put my bet into the incompetent Guard. They can't even catch us, despite the many, many occasions they have tried."
    Sivo would chuckle lightly, placing a hand on the paper.
    "I would rip it or curse their name, but... To be quite honest, they aren't worth my time, nor my words. They're simply fork tongued fools looking for attention I don't have time to give."
     
  21. MonMarty

    MonMarty Thotdodger Staff Member Server Owner

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    A publication published in Reverend Idri Amadou's editorial, a response to 'The Handmaiden'.

    "Dear Handmaiden. I have taken the liberty to review your grammar and sentence structure writing of the last two pieces. Included in my editorial is an excerpt of your Mac Conall piece, which I attempted to correct. Halfway through correcting your writing however, it felt as if the Spirit Himself whispered in my ear that if I were to read any more of it, my brain would melt, and leak from my ears.

    Never have I ever seen such a poorly written attack piece on a political figure to who many errors and misdeeds are attributed. Never before have I seen a piece so badly supported with actual information that is sourced clear as day. I recommend you keep using the monniker 'The Handmaiden', as to have such lacking literary skills, is surely something to be so profoundly embarrassed about that anonymity is the only sanctuary your mind has from judgement. Should you wish to take editorial courses and studies in how to write in Common, or how to actually do editorial work, you should be able to find me at the Vultarin mission. If you should equally like to take confession at the Vultarin chapel for your sins against journalism and publications, I will also be available to cleanse your soul of the psychic harm you do to your readers.

    I will also address a letter to the Finance Minister to release more funds to writing and language education for our youth. I believe that this sorry state of rebellious illiteracy is the direct cause of the correlation between low intelligence quota, and Jacobinism. Indeed, I long for the day in which those that seek to tear down order and structure in the world can hold their own in an intellectual discourse. I long for the day that someone from that side of the aisle, can write a proper essay to respond to.

    Perhaps consider a career change, 'The Handmaiden'. You seem more suited to serving on all fours than the delicacy of the writer's pen."


    Included is a corrected excerpt from the publication, one which eventually trails into endless question marks as the Reverend had given up one third of the way in.

    [​IMG]
     
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  22. FlossyBerryRene

    FlossyBerryRene Meow!

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    Sat within a throne laced with rime and frost, a fluffy black cat with burning orange eyes sat upon her lap. Used one of her gloved hands to stroke the black cat while receiving the two articles. Nodded to her courier and proceeded to read out both articles out loud to the courier. Once reading over both articles she dropped the papers down on the table while stroking the fat black cat upon her lap. "What a fantastic article, I am truly amused. This Handmaiden has caused quite a stir but I must admit I can't get enough I hope they continue to release these articles, I am impressed they commented on the fashion and attire of some of these nobles. People gloss over the importance of clothing these days it's not acceptable for these nobles to walk around like harlots and then have the audacity to say we're the rats? Oh- and do send the Tech Prince my regards, let him know I feel he should not be concerned, if people within his coven can not handle order and control then that is their own fault for being so pathetic and weak.

    @War_pig
     
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  23. Messtro

    Messtro Flower Goblin

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    The Solvaan that was lurking nearby would have taken the paper once offered to her before she'd tilt her head with a faint noise raising in the back of her throat. A scoff as she read over the various sections before peering back to Lithuandir.

    "Sadly, those full of ignorance for what you have done for Regalia are blinded by such. I doubt you should take offense to this at all but I can't help but be curious on who is writing this."
     
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  24. HereticTakao

    HereticTakao dark spirited demidevil

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    Kabili Drulvaar read the paper to it’s entirety, in the Rose Court Park, despite feeling almost treasonous for doing so. He’d comment after,
    “How does one even have so much rage to write.. all of this?”
     
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  25. War_pig

    War_pig Twin-Flames Reform Camp Graduate

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    After having the post read to him, the Horned Avanthar gave a deep nod toward frost-bitten figure. He let out a grumble “This Handsmaidens seems to have a death wish, no place to hide when you manage to piss off everyone.” The Courier stepped towards the door “It appears the hunt as on, and the Court shall find her first. I will go inform the Tech Prince of your wishes. Walk in Shadows, Lady Anya.”

    @RainAxe
     
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  26. Naz_Cook

    Naz_Cook My mouth is a wormhole for Toohey's Extra Dry

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    Emile went to reach through his bag for paper to start his campfire with yet again. He searched through his bag pulling out the notorious newspaper. He decided to give it a little read.

    "Look, this one mentions Victane."

    The dog, the only thing near home was not impressed nor shocked, it just munched away at it's bone. Maybe it didn't understand K'alatibiri after all.

    "A Kathar? Really... You would figure he could do a little better than that."

    Though scandalous, to Emile it wasn't important enough to escape becoming kindling.
     
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  27. Nathan1012

    Nathan1012 cinnamon

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    Darian says, "You could cut marble with this bite."
     
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